Huzzah, 3.5 readers!
After all this time, my very first e-book is up on Amazon and available for purchase for the low, low price of $2.99. How exciting.
Have you ever been the first person to do something? No? Well now is your chance to be one of the first people to buy this incredible book. Go on. Be one of the first people to download this bad boy and feel like Neil Armstrong must have felt when he walked on the moon for the first time.
I’ve done some of the preliminary Amazon stuff. BQB’s Writing Prompts should be up and to the masses soon. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I’ll be able to buy a nice mozzarella stick appetizer at Applebee’s with the sales. I know, I like to dream big.
Hey 3.5 readers.
BQB here.
Keeping my fingers crossed, hoping my first book will be self-published on Amazon at some point this week.
Hope you will check it out. I need all 3.5 of you to read it. Thanks.
Don’t have an exact date, but my wonderful book of badass writing prompts is rounding the bend and nearing completion. It will probably be out sometime later this summer.
Question – does anyone out there want to review it? As with anything I write, if you like it, I encourage a good review and if you don’t…do you know there are lots of fun cat videos on the Internet to watch?
But seriously. I’m new to self-publishing and will need all the help I can get so if anyone wants to hook a nerd brotha up with a review it would be appreciated.
Hey 3.5 readers.
BQB here.
I’m in the home stretch of BQB’s 101 Writing Prompts book.
In the book, I invite readers to write stories based on the prompts and publish them on their blogs and Tweet me the links.
If anyone is interested, I’d love it if anyone wants to choose a prompt and blog their response. Maybe the first week the book is out I could put your prompt based writings right here on this fine blog.
Anyone who wants to partake of my prompts, let me know.
Well, 3.5 readers. It finally happened.
I got a draft of a book finished that I felt was worthy enough to print out:
I know. Very exciting. But this is big. I believe it will get done and sooner rather than later.
I’m on the way to becoming a self-published author, 3.5 readers.
What do you think of the cover?
I’ll give you a person, a place and a thing.
You write a story around it.
Here we go:
A teenager, a garage and his Dad’s wrecked car.
A British aristocrat, a rodeo and a jug of moonshine.
The Pope, New Orleans and a delicious Reuben sandwich with extra slaw.
Your mother-in-law, Barbados and a gallon of motion lotion.
Thomas Edison, Mars and a light bulb.
A lion tamer, a bathroom and a plunger.
The King of the Elven Warriors of Gooba Dooba, the top of a hill and a bag of pomegranates.
The Earl of Sandwich, a beach and a lobster roll.
Beethoven, Compton during the early 1990s and an invitation to tour a gangster rap recording studio.
An astronaut, Uranus and a gelatin mold in the shape of a giraffe.
Napoleon Bonaparte, a wacky frat party and a hacky sack.
Niles Batzengant, Professional Zombie Killer, Manhattan and a hickory stick.
An idiot, Thanksgiving dinner at your Grandma’s house and a bugle.
Cowboy Ron, a fast food joint drive-thru and an umbrella.
Phoebe the Wall Street investment banker, a used car dealership and a pack of playing cards.
Kenny the Depressed Vampire, a lonely hotel room and a wooden stake.
A supermarket cashier, Pismo Beach and a lucky rabbit’s foot.
Father Tom Connor, a confession booth and a box of crayons.
A train conductor, Grand Central station and a potato.
A horse riding instructor, the deck of a battle ship and a bag of stale Halloween candy.
Santa Claus, the back room of a lewd establishment and a bottle of the house’s most expensive champagne.
Stand-up comedian Stan Larue, the middle of a witch’s coven and a back scratcher.
Your high school gym teacher, a pirate ship and a loofah.
Ann Plattersburg, Renegade Garner, a tulip farm onboard the intergalactic space station and a bottle of hot sauce.
Jimmy the Stoner, the White House and a beer helmet.
Olaf the Viking Chieftain, tea time at a proper lady’s house and a tube of prescription strength anti-herpes medicinal ointment.
Robin Hood, a lending library and a whet stone.
Harrison Wellington, Novice Donkey Wrangler, the jungle and a cheese sandwich.
A robot repairman, a trash compactor and a box of cereal.
Famed actor Stu Winnebago, a psychiatrist’s leather couch and a pocket watch.
Professional hockey player Pete Sarbo, a ridiculously long ride at an amusement park and a toothbrush.
A dog walker, a haberdashery and a fedora.
Waldo the Passive Aggressive Clown, a children’s birthday party and a kazoo.
A lunatic, Chicago and a photograph of a turnip.
World famous checker player Xander Mazbett, a den of thieves and stolen cutlery.
A superhero, an ice cream parlor and an expired gift card.
A TV weatherman, the eye of a hurricane and a pair of sweet ass front row concert tickets.
A mad scientist, a cosplayer convention and an empty wallet.
An alligator wrestler, the Everglades and a dog whistle.
A pizza delivery boy, a Shaolin temple and a banana.
A samba dancer, a model train enthusiast convention and a broken pencil.
Frank the bartender, a beauty parlor and a bottle of cheap scotch.
The results of my 99Designs book cover contest are in, 3.5 readers.
I don’t want to say anything. I want you to feast your peepers on these designs cold and tell me what you, as a potential purchaser, would think when you see these designs.
Which one would should I choose and why? Tell me what you’d think of the book based on the various designs and any other comments you find helpful.
I’ll share my thoughts later but I want to hear what you have to say without hearing anything from me to bias the results first.
Warm-up #3 – Opening Lines
I will write the first line, you write the rest of the story.
“For as long as Darla could remember, her classmates never cared about the fact that she had a speech impediment due to the fact that her wretched Uncle Ignatius once scared her half to death by dressing up like a monster and jumping out of her closet on Boysenberry Day.”
“Captain Zapadoo hovered his space ship over the flaming wreckage and shouted, ’It should have been me but I’m glad it wasn’t!’”
“Kyle was the kind of guy who liked to play marbles and drink grape soda, so when he saw that someone had stolen his bag of marbles and his supply of grape soda, he became intensely angry.”
“The tension was sticky and creamy, not unlike a soft serve ice cream cone.”
“He was up, he was down, he was all over town but nobody was ever able to stop the Great Lowenberger from stealing onions from Farmer Glenn’s barn.”
“‘We’re going to steal everything that isn’t nailed down,’ Big Louie said to his gang as they entered the discount yoga mat warehouse.”
“It had become increasingly clear to Gloria that no one would ever love her as much as she loved throwing lawn darts at circus folk.”
“There comes a time in a man’s life when he has to stop petting every stray dog he sees and pick one to bring home.”
“It was a setup and it was all Barry’s fault because he was the one playing the flute.”
“The sun burned the horizon a crispy hue of crimson as Dolores hanged a man from the nearest tree for sniffing her under britches without permission.”
“Kincaid was a bad man but Jacoby was worse because he was the only man who had ever stolen a child’s candy while whistling a jaunty tune.”
“The vampire bit into his victim’s neck and was surprised to get a mouth full of rocky road ice cream instead of blood.”
“‘I’ll never take a detour through the desert ever again,’ Detective Jackson said to his partner as he pulled a cactus needle out of his backside.”
“A cool wind blew through Vanessa’s hair as she baked a stromboli and listened to a poorly produced podcast.”
“The mountain touched the sky and Sir Bradenborough had forgotten his backpack.”
“The flames danced in Jenny’s eyes as she thought about happier times, specifically, the day her father had bought her a pony named Xavier.”
“It was an act of sheer, unadulterated chemistry as Becky and Sam reached for the same tube of cold sore medication.”
“‘I’ve been thrown out of better dumps than this,’” Mrs. Broadside mumbled as she grabbed her coat and walked out of the PTA meeting.”
“The mind has its way of playing tricks, and Arlene’s mind was very busy.”
“The pair of castaways had been trapped in a life raft for seventeen days and when they ran out of rations, they couldn’t help but notice how tasty each other looked.”
“The golden treasure gleamed and glistened in the light as Maxwell stared at it longingly.”
“The zombies trudged into Benedict’s room, unaware that their target had snuck under the bed until a rogue fart gave him away.”
“‘We’ll always have Paris,’” Evan said to Stacy as they ran away from one another with their arms flailing to and fro in the breeze.”
“‘Brace for impact!’ the pilot said as he dipped his donut into his coffee and ignored every last button in the cockpit.”
“‘Rules are for suckers,’” Laramie said as he kicked a gnome down the street as if it were a pudgy little pointy hat wearing soccer ball.”
“The tide was low, the sand was wet and Mrs. Honeypepper had once again forgotten her sunscreen.”
“The angels smiled upon Dr. Craig Gadleaf as he bought a bratwurst for a homeless man.”
“Trevor knew his unkind remarks would awake a beast in Stephanie – a creature so dangerous that it could never be put back once it was unleashed.”
“It was not the best, worst, or mediocre of times.”
“The witches stirred their brew and waited for a victim to drink it.”
“The robot clinked and clanked as it walked to deck eleven.”
“Michael rowed the boat ashore but no one was there to shout “Hallelujah” once he arrived.”
“Bill couldn’t stand the scent of aardvark dung and he knew that would be a problem because Dave’s house was full of it.”
“War is hell and Derrick was about to learn that the hard way.”
“The icy shoreline was pristine and had not been trotted upon and many centuries.”
“Pastels were Emma’s favorite colors.”
“A roundhouse kick is not easily planted, but Vonda’s foot connected with her attacker’s stupid face quite easily on that fateful day.”
“‘I object!” Attorney Brestleton shouted as the witness flipped the defendant the middle finger.”
“Memories can be deceptive and as Marlene entered the monastery, she ignored all the sights and sounds around her because for the life of her, she just could not recall whether or not she had left the stove on.”
“Dead men may tell no tales, but it takes a live man to read a book, and the book Jeremy was reading was a real stinker.”
“As Roland plucked exactly fourteen feathers out of a deceased ostrich’s behind, he began to question the decisions he’d made in his life.”
“Audrey was a very unhappy lady and she always let everyone know it.”
“Ten years had passed since the vile Lord Fontlaroo Von Stinkface had conquered the world and no one had cracked a smile or eaten a jelly donut ever since.”
“Nigel ran and ran and ran until he tripped on a rock and fell flat on his face.”
“Mike was about to be arrested by a Canadian Mountie and he was depressed because he had never eaten a shrimp cocktail before.”
“Azkabobalot the Destroyer searched many worlds and when he finally found his victim, he decided to give him a pass.”
“Aunt Edna always wrapped herself up in her favorite shawl whenever there was a lunar eclipse, but no one ever knew why.”
“Alex thought he could stop a train with his mind but he was wrong.”
“The best way to make God laugh is to either tell him your plans or make a silly face in his general direction.”
“Otis hated kale chips as much as he despised Fred’s toupee.”
“It was late summer and the sea bass were jumping when Uncle Clyde jumped off a bridge.”
Bookshelf Battle 