Tag Archives: advertising

Ideas to Increase Traffic to This Fine Blog

I would like to monetize this exceptional blog and get some moolah flowing in.  Mainly, ‘d like to sign up for Word Ads or Google Adsense, but I have read that unless you have thousands of views per month, don’t bother.  I don’t know the exact figures so I don’t want to discourage any of you, but I have read that you need tens of thousands of views a month before you make any worthwhile money.

The only thing I can think of is changing the theme so that this blog is more mobile friendly.  Apparently, Google will put your site lower in the search results if your blog isn’t mobile friendly.  I have been afraid to change for many years as I fear this fine blog would lose its comic booky charm but perhaps I have no choice.  Still, I doubt that would give me the views I need to monetize.

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What has been your experience using Google AdSense?

Hey 3.5 readers.

BQB here.  Look, you guys have no idea how expensive a yeti cage is.  Plus, when that furry prick is incarcerated, I have to feed him, water him, I have to hire a guy to clip his toe nails and pick up his turds because I sure as hell am not doing that shit.

Bottomline, I need new ways to fund this ruckus.

Has anyone out there ever used Google AdSense?  Apparently, it is open to WordPress users and there is a plug-in you can use to make ads from Google pop up on your blog.  You’ll get paid for clicks, though you’ll have to rack up a certain dollar amount (100 bucks) before they send you any dough.

I’m curious how many clicks you need to reach that 100 buck mark.  Honestly, an extra hundred bucks a month could help around BQB HQ.  Even more would be welcomed.

How much traffic does your site need to even bother getting involved?  I mean, I have a little more than 3.5 readers but not much more.

Anyway, curious about your experience.

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Lessons I Learned from Fiverr

Hey 3.5 readers.

Your old pal BQB here.

Fiverr.  What a trip.

I was mildly curious about it last week so I checked it out and became instantly hooked.

The gist of the site is that it is a massive collection of people willing to do all sorts of things for $5.  (Get your mind out of the gutter).  I know hiring someone to do THAT for $5 seems like a bargain but the kind of THAT you’d get for $5 a) isn’t worth it and b) is going to leave you itchy and that’s the best case scenario.  Also, the site doesn’t allow for THAT.

There are all sorts of services you can buy for your blog and it’s all very cheap.  For the most part, “gigs” as they are called, start at five bucks.  Usually, you can get something decent for a “fiver” but there are all sorts of add-ons to enhance your service.  Adding these can get costly so it’s up to you and what you can afford.

All I know is I got four videos for a pretty cheap price.  They’re cool, they help me advertise, they provide me with a little more legitimacy etc.

Unfortunately, I’ve spent all the fivers I can afford for awhile, but I’ll dip my toe back into the Fiverr water when I can afford to.  Ultimately, using this site hasn’t led me to getting more than 3.5 readers, but it has been good for the soul.  I’ve always wanted to work in TV. Yes, I realize this is nowhere near working in TV, but it’s a lot of fun to write a script, write some directions, and then like a day later you’ve got a fun video based on your ideas.

In conclusion, here’s the cue card girl reminding you to check out my fine website:

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And Now a Word From My Spokesperson…

Hey 3.5 readers.  Your old pal BQB here.

You know, this March will mark the third year anniversary of this fine blog, and though I love you all,  I must admit that in all of this time I have been sitting back and wondering when one of you readers would get off your shiftless, lazy hides and record a video testimonial of my greatness.

Seeing no such incoming video testimonials, I turned to Fiverr and found this delightful spokesperson, who was happy to educate the masses of my astounding brilliance.

In conclusion, this was the best five dollars I have ever spent and had I known it was possible to get women to say nice things about me by paying them I would have started doing it a long time ago.

Thank you, spokesperson.  That was an awesome testimonial.  In all humility, I truly deserved all of those wonderful compliments.

Meanwhile, this was my first time using Fiverr and I recommend it.  There are all sorts of talented folks waiting there to help you do awesome things with your website, blog, business, etc. so check out Fiverr.com

And finally, my spokesperson did such a fantastic job that I’ll give her a plug.  If you have a gig you’d like to throw her way, you can check out Stayingvintage on Fiverr.com

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TV Review – Mad Men (2007-2015)

Dun dun…dun dun…dun dun….dun dun…cartoon silhouette of a man falling out of a window combined with violin music.

Hard drinking, chain smoking 1960s advertising men and Christina Hendricks’s jumbotrons = a compelling historical drama.

BQB here with a review of Mad Men.

3.5 readers, I like to consider myself an educated person. I read books and shit after all.

But few shows brought to life for me the women’s rights struggles as this show did.

Ironically, that’s not what the show is about but it is what I’ll probably always remember it for.

The set-up – Don Draper (Jon Hamm) lives the life of a free wheeling, perpetually fornicating Madison Avenue advertising executive (aka he is a “Mad Man.”)

Because its the 1960s, he’s pretty much free to boink any babe he wants and just tell his wife he had to stay late at work if she asks any questions.

In fact, his comrades at the firm pretty much do the same thing.  His boss, Roger Sterling (John Slattery) and his underling Pete Campbell (Vincent Kartheiser) rival Don in their hard drinking, smoking, and extramarital affairs.

We often look to the past as simpler, more innocent times yet this show does put on display things that were commonplace in the past that would turn a head today, the most glaring example that everyone at the firm has their own fully stocked bar in their office and walking around the office with a cocktail in one hand and a smoke in the other happened all the time.

Good luck trying that today.

The formula is pretty standard:

  • Don cheats on his wife because he was once a poor bum who never thought he’d amount to anything and now that he is on top and the world is his oyster he feels this driving need to drink, smoke and boink as much as possible before his life is over.
  • Extramarital boinking is fun for five minutes but then he realizes family is the real deal, that one night stands will never bring him the long lasting happiness that being a family man will.
  • Don decides to straighten up only to start boinking again. In his defense, women just throw themselves at him so it is hard to avoid the boinking. It is easy for me to say that I’m not an evil boinker since no one is offering to boink me.
  • Don’s colleagues at the firm all experience the “be faithful to your spouse vs. boink while you can” conundrum.
  • Along the way, we learn a lot about the history of commercial advertising, how some of the advertising campaigns that fool us into buying crap we don’t need got started and continue today.

There are times when the show seems tedious, like it is going nowhere.  I get the main premise, i.e. love the one that’s loyal to you because the side action will never be as loyal.

If I didn’t bear a striking resemblance to a gargoyle, I would take this to heart and tell the side action to take a hike. Alas, I am too hideous to attract side action.

But maybe I’m the lucky one. Maybe Don would have been better off if he weren’t so damn handsome and having so many women throwing themselves at him, demanding that he be unfaithful.

I mentioned the women’s rights movement earlier.  So, what I noticed is that Betty (January Jones) who is super hot and frankly, would be enough for me (I’d be racing home from the office to get all up in that) basically has to put up with Don’s bullshit.

She’s a housewife. No money. No career. No job prospects. If you’re a 1960s housewife and your husband cheats on you, your choices are a) put up with it and lose your dignity or b) leave and be poor because the best job you’ll be able to find is waitressing if you’re lucky and also you’ll lose the kids because your husband has the money to hire a lawyer and you don’t.

So thanks a lot, Don, you big time douche. Dudes like you who had no idea how good you had it created a world where women had to take charge and alas, I don’t have January Jones waiting for me when I come home now.

Aside from the man drama, you also have Joan (Hendricks) and her enormous sweater cannons, which are basically characters in and of themselves and Peggy Olson (Elisabeth Moss) paving the way for women in business, showing what working women had to go through.

Throughout the series, we see Peggy go from mousey secretary to female Don Draper while Joan must navigate her way through a sea of perverts who want access to her sweater cannons on her quest to be taken seriously as a businesswoman.

All seven seasons available on Netflix. Set your TV to widescreen mode so you can take in Joan’s chest rockets in their entirety.

Seriously, its like watching a movie when you the theater is packed and you have to sit in that damn row that’s right up against the screen.  You have to look to the left to see the left boob then crane your neck to the right just to see the right boob.

Very stressful.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

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Is YouTube Over? ( Or, #YouTubeIsOverParty )

Hey 3.5 readers.

Happy Saturday.

So there’s been some talk on the ole inter webs this week that “YouTube is Over.”

Specifically, YouTube has set down some rules that affect the “monetization” of YouTube videos, or in other words, cut into the dough that popular YouTubers make via their YouTubery.

Honestly, I have a face for podcasting and a voice for blogging, so YouTubing is something I don’t forsee myself ever getting into.  Ergo, I’m not sure how it all works vis a vis the money but I assume YouTubers get a cut of the money their videos make when ads are shown before their videos.)

Admittedly, I could be explaining that all wrong. If you know more, fill me in.

At any rate, YouTube has laid down some new rules that YouTubers must follow in order for their videos to be considered “advertiser friendly” and therefore be deemed worthy of monetization i.e. profit for the YouTuber.

YouTuber Phillip DeFranco posted an extensive video about the situation:

The new rules are thus:

Screen Shot 2016-09-02 at 9.57.36 PM

So, as I look above, my gut reaction is “OK, these situations could be problematic…but…what about context?”

  • Sexually Suggestive Content – Eh…I mean no, we don’t want YouTube to be turned into a porn repository but sometimes YouTubers post funny videos about sex, or talk about sexual issues or give advice about sex.  Pretty much every song – pop, rap or otherwise is about sex so their accompanying music videos will be about sex.
  • Violence – In many ways, this is a no brainer. We don’t want YouTube to become online fight club no more than we want it to be a porn depot.  So no, no one should be bonking someone in the head and then posting it.  And obviously regarding violent extremism we don’t want extremists using YouTube to peddle their evil deeds. But what if a YouTuber is reviewing a violent film?  Some YouTubers even produce and put out their own web TV shows that may include fictional violence.
  • Inappropriate language – I get it.  Bad language = bad.  Directed at another person = bad. Used in the context of a joke – could be funny.
  • Drugs – No, we don’t need the youth of the world to be able to go onto YouTube and find videos about how to roll a joint or what have you…but what if someone is mentioning drugs in a joking “Cheech and Chong” like manner?

So here’s the thing.  Sex, violence, bad language and drugs. I get it. These are issues advertisers don’t want to be associated with.

But I could see how there could be a context issue that makes people worry…i.e. YouTubers may be concerned that they might be left in limbo if their videos discuss these issues without necessarily stating that these activities are cool or good or whatever.

And a further concern raised in the Twittosphere has been will there might be selective enforcement.  (i.e. if the average schmuck YouTuber isn’t getting any money for his video that mentions sex and drugs then fairness dictates that popular music videos that mention sex and drugs also not get monetized).

But ok. Devil’s advocate.  Advertisers of toothpaste, cars, candy, whatever don’t want to be associated with your YouTube video if these rules aren’t followed.  OK.  No more sex, drugs, violence and bad language in my YouTube videos and problem solved, right?

Well, check out the last rule.  While the other ones seem to have an issue with context:

“Controversial or sensitive subjects and events including subjects related to war, political conflicts, natural disasters and tragedies, even if graphic imagery is shown.”

Um…it could just be me but this sounds a lot like, “if you post videos about the news, no ka-ching for you!”

And naturally, many political video bloggers or v-loggers are suggesting just that – that this may be a way to crack down on certain political ideas, speech, thoughts, etc.

My two cents – if networks can sell ads during the nightly news, then surely video bloggers who discuss the news, politics, etc should be able to get a few bucks.

Honestly 3.5 readers, I know nothing about any of this and am just regurgitating what I’ve read in the Twitosphere so I could be wrong.  Assume I am wrong.  Don’t think badly of YouTube or YouTubers based on this post but rather, go do your own research.

I assume this will be a situation that no one will know the impact of until it happens and YouTubers report to the public on whether or not they see a decline in cash flow but at any rate if you’re an indie content producer of any kind, whether it be blogging, social media, video posting or whatever, not putting all your eggs in one basket is key.

Branch out lest new rules come down the pike and blindside you.

If you know more about this and can set me straight or better yet if you’re a YouTuber who knows the 411, discuss in the comments.

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Happy Valentine’s Day 3.5 Readers

If you have someone, enjoy the day.

If you’re single, you can go to Dairy Queen and ask for a Free Singles Blizzard.  (Article in Fortune Magazine.)

I mean, if you’re not so prideful that you feel like going up to a teenage minimum wage slave and asking for a free ice cream treat to help dull the crippling pain of your seemingly endless loneliness isn’t beneath you and all.

I’m sure this promotion wasn’t created by a beautiful person or anything.

ATTRACTIVE AD EXEC 1 – Let’s give free ice cream to the lonely people on Valentine’s Day!

ATTRACTIVE AD EXEC 2 – Great idea! Ugly people love ice cream and they love deals that require them to admit that they’re single on the most romantic day of the year in order to stuff free food in their face holes!

If you’re in love, celebrate right.

If not, better luck next year and remember, you’re always loved as a member of BQB’s 3.5 readers club.  Why do you need a soulmate when you’ve got free ice cream and an independently published blog to read?  Seriously.  Stop being selfish.

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And Now a Word from Our Sponsor (Drying Paint Media)

BQB and the Meaning of Life is brought to you by the good folks at Drying Paint Media

BQB and the Meaning of Life is brought to you by the good folks at Drying Paint Media

Paint.  It covers your walls.

It’s a no-brainer.

Or is it?

You look through swatches, you make determinations between “Almond White,” “Snow White,” and “Arctic White.”

You look at the paint when you pop open the can and you look at it while you’re brushing it all over your walls.

But if you’re like most people, you usually just grab a pizza and watch TV while the stuff is drying.

You have no idea what you’re missing.

The time between application and dryness is the most crucial time period in the entire painting process.  Before you can come to a realization as to what color best fits your unique wall, you’d best take a gander at one of our paint drying videos.

Unconvinced?  Just ask one of our satisfied customers:

CUSTOMER #1:  Hello.  I’m Ted from Wisconsin.  I do my best to keep the missus happy.  Happy wife, happy life you know?  So after three days in the hardware store trying to figure out the difference between “Forest Green” and “Emerald Green” my wife finally decided to force me to watch twenty-five hours of footage of various shades of green drying on walls.  After all that, she just decided to go with wallpaper.  Thanks Paint Drying Media.  Thanks a lot. Our divorce attorneys thank you too, you friggin’ a-holes.

Wasn’t that last bit supposed to be edited out?  Oh well, moving on.

Here, at Drying Paint Media, our technicians are hard at work producing and maintaining over 1 million hours of paint drying footage.  We slap it on the wall, we video it while it dries, and we offer the footage as streamable media through our site.

Still not convinced?  What say you, Customer #2?

Customer #2:  Oh thanks, Drying Paint Media.  Thanks a lot.  I used to look forward to crashing on the couch with my wife at the end of the day to watch a movie or one of my favorite shows.  I haven’t watched Game of Thrones all season because my wife just sits me down and makes me stare at your damn paint drying videos.  Everyone at the office talks about what the Khaleesi just did while all I can talk about is what’s the difference between “Charcoal Grey” and “Pencil Grey.”  May you all rot in the bowels of hell, you sons of $%$#”

Woops!  Looks like someone’s asleep at the switch in our editing department.  That happens from time to time.  You can only watch so many drying paint videos without dozing off.

Our dedicated technicians give it their all to produce quality drying paint videos for your viewing pleasure.

Our dedicated technicians give it their all to produce quality drying paint videos for your viewing pleasure.

So, shut off Netflix, folks.  Eighty-six movies on demand, say so long to Showtime, and give HBO the heave-ho.  Pop the pocorn and gather the family around the television tonight to take in all of the fabulous drying paint footage that Drying Paint Media has to offer!

SPOILER ALERT: the paint dries at the end.

Images courtesy of a shutterstock.com license.

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And Now a Word from Our Sponsor…Beige Corp!

Beige

HOUSEWIFE HARRIET:  I want to wear a dress with a color that’s not too showy.

DR. PETE FOGELTREE, DENTIST: I want to paint my office a color that will soothe my patients and help them relax.

MURRAY SCHMETZ:  I need a pair of pants in a color that says, “Hey, I’m trying!” but “Whoa, not too hard!'”

ANNOUNCER:  Beige.

HARRIET, PETE, MURRAY:  Say what?!

ANNOUNCER: BEIGE!

(HARRIET, PETE AND MURRAY look dumbfounded)

ANNOUNCER:  Beige Corp!  The world’s foremost supplier of beige products and accessories!

MURRAY:  Tell us more!

ANNOUNCER:  Wear white after Labor Day and you’ll get a visit from the fashion police!  Black and you’ll

Operators are standing by at the Beige Corp Call Center.  Order your beige products and accessories today!

Operators are standing by at the Beige Corp Call Center. Order your beige products and accessories today!

be considered a gothic weirdo!  But beige?  Why, it’s the most non-threatening of all the drab colors!

Murray:  Golly!  People won’t think I’m trying to make some kind of statement if I wear beige will I?

ANNOUNCER:  Absolutely not!  Beige says nothing about you as a person at all!

MURRAY:  Thank God.  I’m tired of trying to act like I have a personality.

ANNOUNCER:  Beige clothing!  Beige accessories!  Beige appliances!  Beige cars, houses, pencils, pens, refrigerators, couches, computers, airplanes, hockey pucks and hats!  We won’t stop until the entire world is beige!

HARRIET:  Thanks Beige Corp.  Now I can cover myself up in public and not get accused of being a show off.

ANNOUNCER:  As if you have anything to show off anyway!  Call us with your orders now.  Our diligent and highly productive employees are standing by.

Beige Corp…a proud sponsor of Bookshelf Q. Battler and the Meaning of Life!

Beige and sleepy call center lady images courtesy of a shutterstock.com license.

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