TO: Oh Great One, the Awe Inspiring Mighty Potentate, Who Causes All Beings to Quake in Their Boots
FROM: Your Humble Servant, Alien Jones
RE: Bookshelf Q. Battlestats
All Hail the Mighty Potentate! May your ganderflazer’s secretions be copious and frothy until time folds over on itself and the totality of universal existence starts all over again!
As requested, an update on your plan to assist Bookshelf Q. Battler become a successful writer, thus stemming the flow of reality programming that threatens your beloved scripted television.
This Friday, May 15, the Summer of Bookshelf begins. Through a carefully plan series of hypnotic mind control experiments, I have convinced our noble blog host to provide a summer’s worth of serialized stories, in the hopes that he can find more than 3.5 readers.
“The State of the Bookshelf” as of May 13, 2014:
WORDPRESS FOLLOWERS: 969 (Ha! 69! I’m sorry, Mighty Potentate. I must be spending too much time amongst the humans).
TWITTER FOLLOWERS: 4,326
GOOGLE + FOLLOWERS: 377
It is my hope that this summer will help propel Bookshelf Q. Battler’s stats exponentially. Thus, I have asked the humans to do what they can to help as once BQB manages to figure out how to make folding paper money off his drivel, I shall be able to abandon this bogus assignment.
Err…I mean this wonderful opportunity. Yes, all ideas that originate in the mind of the Mighty Potentate are joyous and splendid.
Fear not, Mighty Potentate, for I shall report post-summer stats in the Fall.
Your Humble Servant,
Alien image courtesy a shutterstock.com license.