Toilet Gator – Chapter 89


Night fell over Sitwell as Moses led Cole into the hanger bay of a small, regional airport on the outskirts of town.

Cole looked around. He was surrounded by boxes filled with guns, ammo, and various vehicles covered with tarps. The walls were lined with shelves filled with bottles of protein powder, boxes of energy bars and meals ready to eat.

“How could you possibly afford to rent a place like this?” Cole asked.

“Cole,” Moses said. “I’ve never poked my nose into your personal business before and I’d appreciate it if you’d extend me the same courtesy.”

“I’m just surprised is all,” Cole said.

“Let’s just say I did a lot of shit in my day,” Moses said. “While Uncle Sam had me globe trotting all over the world doing his grunt work, I came up with all sorts of creative ways to cut me off a slice of the pie while no one was looking. People may think I’m crazy for being a doomsday prepper but I only keep this stuff in the event of a rainy day and brother, that toilet gator is making it pour.”

“Well,” Cole said. “What have you got?”

“I haven’t got a handgun that can match the awesome power of your Angry Barracuda, but…”

Moses fished around inside a crate and pulled out a rather menacing looking grenade launcher. “They call it the six-pack. It can launch up to a half-dozen grenades at the pull of a trigger.”

Cole took the weapon and examined it. “Nice.”

“You feed one of those to our scaly friend and he’ll end up with a bad case of heartburn, let me tell you,” Moses said. “I once saw one of those vaporize a man. Like, the dude was a man one second and the next, he was like a mist of soupy blood and guts falling to the ground.”

“Sounds like he was liquified then,” Cole said.

“Don’t play word games with me Cole,” Moses said. “Your fancy two-year associate’s degree from SCC means nothing to me.”

“Sorry,” Cole said. “Where’d you get it?”

Moses smirked. “Let’s just say it fell off the back of a truck.”

“Gotcha,” Cole said.

Moses pulled out a large machine gun. “The M249 Squad Automatic Weapon, better known as the ‘SAW.’ They call it that because it cuts through the enemy like a chainsaw through a piece of rotten wood. You point this at that alligator and it will spit hot lead at that big green prick like hellfire screaming out of the belly of the devil himself.”

“Did that fall off the back of a truck too?” Cole asked.

“You know it,” Moses said.

The doomsday prepper opened up a large metal box. Cole marveled at the site of what appeared to be a large bazooka.

“The Javelin,” Moses said. “The most powerful anti-tank missile capable of being fired from the shoulder of a human. Whoever’s doing the firing needs to line the target up but once it has locked on, God help whatever poor son of a bitch gets in its way.”

“Truck?” Cole asked.

“Truck,” Moses answered.

“Military truck drivers sure are sloppy,” Cole said.

“That they are,” Moses said.

Moses opened up a box to reveal a brick of a white, clay-like substance wrapped in clear cellophane.

“C4,” Moses said. “Plastic explosive. Insert the detonator, blow it up on your terms at a time of your choosing. Fell off the back of a…”

“…truck,” Cole said. “I got it. Everything in here just fell of the back of a truck.”

“I did not steal any of this,” Moses said. “I’m just keeping it all safe until the military realizes they lost it and asks for it back. Not my fault if they’re taking forever to realize its gone.”

In the center of the room, a large object was covered by a tarp. Cole lifted it up a tad to reveal a piece of camouflaged color metal with the word, “APACHE” stamped on it.

“You’re kidding me,” Cole said.

“Nope,” Moses said.

“Don’t tell me that fell off the back of a truck,” Cole said.

“I can’t tell you that it did not, not fall of the back of a truck,” Moses replied.

Cole let the tarp fall back over the metal object and pondered what he had just seen. “Hmm.”

“What?” Moses asked.

“Nothing,” Cole said. “It’s just, that’d be too much, right?”

“Definitely,” Moses said. “Hell, if I take it out of this hanger I’d be breaking about a thousand different laws.”

“Exactly,” Cole said.

“Hell,” Moses said. “I’m in hot water just for having it here.”

“Yeah,” Cole said as he stared at the tarp covered object.

“Yup,” Moses added.

“Let’s forget we ever considered it,” Cole said.

“Entirely forgotten,” Moses said.


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