Category Archives: shop buddy

I’m the Funniest (Free) Writer on Amazon!

Greetings, 3.5 readers.

Yup. Yup. Yup. It’s official. I have achieved my dream of becoming a great humor writer. With the assistance of a Freebooksy promotion, I gave away 2500 free copies of my new novel, Shop Buddy, and the results are as follows:

Hmm. Alas, someone needed to poop on it with a one-star rating, but that’s ok. You can’t please everyone.

The point is, look at those rankings!

#1 in General Humor (FREE) – I have been a humor blogger since 2014 and finally, I have some recognition for my humor chops.

#2 in Teen/Young Adult e-books (FREE) – I didn’t really set out to write a young adult book. The protagonists are 23, a year out of college, unable to find work in their chosen majors so they sling grocery bags for a shopping app. Meh, I guess it counts. It was up to #1 in this category yesterday.

#10 in Mysteries (FREE) – Agatha Christie, eat your heart out!

And #38 out of all the FREE books offered at the moment on Amazon. I made the top 100 here.

Growing up, I was one of those kids who snuck downstairs to watch Saturday Night Live. I quoted lines from In Living Color, The Simpsons and Married with Children on the playground every Monday. And my Mad Magazine collection? Forget about it.

I have had other books get some decent rankings during free book promos, but humor will always hold a special place near and dear to my heart, so this is great.

BTW, it’s not too late to get your FREE copy.

Now I just need to put more work into becoming one of those writers who make it high onto the PAID charts because if I’m being honest, I like money.

SIDENOTE: What’s it about, you ask? Picture it. You work for an online shopping service. One of your customers orders all kinds of weird, dangerous stuff. Rope. Axes. Knives. Chainsaws. Power tools. Do you assume he’s just remodeling his house or do you fear something more sinister is afoot? Grab your free copy today, then use the money you saved to get some extra cheese on your taco.

Oh, and whatever you do, please don’t buy any of the other books I have on Amazon. Writers should never make money at any time. It dilutes the artistic chemistry.

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FREE BOOK!

Hey 3.5 readers.

BQB here.

You know what’s expensive? Gas.

You know what’s free? My book.

Buy my book. Entertain yourself. Use that money you saved to buy 2.99 worth of gas and take a nice drive to, I don’t know, the end of the street?

Anyway, here it is, my first novel, totally FREE:

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Shop Buddy is Live!

Hey 3.5 readers.

Your old pal, BQB, here.

Well, I finally did it. I finally self-published a full-length novel. Previously, I have put up short stories and a book of writing prompts, but now I can officially call myself a novelist.

What is it about?

During the height of the pandemic, like many of you, I survived on food deliveries. You download the app. You put down what you want but um…well let’s just say pre-pandemic, it worked out better. The shopper would actually bring the bags into the house, lug them into the kitchen, go over with you any errors and settle up.

Post pandemic? They just whip at your door going 90 mph down the road and if you got 10 percent of anything right, you’re lucky.

I was amazed at how orders that seemed very clear turned out so wrong. Order an apple? You might get an apple or you might get an apple pie, an apple turnover, an Apple computer, a CD of Fiona Apple’s greatest hits, a bottle of Snapple, or maybe even something that has no tangential connection to apples at all and you just sit there wondering how the shopper saw “apple” and how they made the series of mental backflips that led to them delivering a pair of hiking boots to your door.

Anyway, fun thing about being an aspiring writer. You see a potential for a story in everything. The idea formed. What if you were an employee for an online shopping service? What if you had a customer who was ordering weird, suspicious stuff?

A year post college graduation, Steve Anderson can’t find a job even with a BS in Philosophy from a college of ill repute. Desperate for dough, he slings grocery bags for the online shopping service Shop Buddy. When a strange old man begins ordering the bizarre – knives, power tools, axes, chains, rope, etc. Steve’s ex-girlfriend turned current boss is very suspicious while Steve remains blissfully oblivious.

Anyway, it was fun to write and all in all, it took about a year. I hope you fine 3.5 readers will lend all 7 of your eyes to it.

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