Category Archives: Uncategorized

Ask the Alien – 3/15/15 – Why I Can’t Vaporize the Yeti, Vaccinations, Crooked Lawyers

Alien Jones taking your questions and plunging your books, blogs, project etc. Do you have a question for the Esteemed Brainy One, He of the Unlimited Supply of Grey Matter?

Tweet your questions to @bookshelfbattle, leave them in the comments on bookshelfbattle.com, or on Bookshelf Battle Google Plus page.

Your question can be as trivial as pop culture or as heady as the greatest questions of life imaginable. What will Kim Kardashian wear next or why are we all here?

Alien Jones, on a mission from the Mighty Potentate to raise Earth’s collective intelligence level one question at a time.

bookshelfbattle's avatarBookshelf Battle

Greetings Earth Losers.

The Esteemed Brainy One

Alien Jones here, beaming the answers to the great questions of the universe straight to your laptops, cell phones, iPads, Kindle Fires, Samsung Galaxies, and yes, even to you oddballs who still cling to your blackberries, desperately trying to party like it’s 2003.

First, let us address the proverbial elephant in the room.  Our esteemed Blogger-in-Chief, one Mr. Bookshelf Q. Battler, has been taken captive by the Siberian Yeti, after having his compound overtaken by the same aforementioned ne’er-do-well snow monster.

Truly, this is a sad state of affairs.  Already, I anticipate your first, second, and third questions:

Q.  Alien Jones, you are the most badass alien in the universe, a master of all manner of lethal technologies and advanced weaponry.  Surely, you can remove a Yeti from Bookshelf Battle HQ.

A.  Certainly I could.  However, have you ever heard of Star Trek’s “prime directive?”  In…

View original post 1,232 more words

Lady Stoneheart – Pros and Cons

Since Game of Thrones returns soon, I’m reblogging one of my posts from last year, re-opening the Lady Stoneheart discussion. Did the producers goof by not keeping her in the show?

bookshelfbattle's avatarBookshelf Battle

OBLIGATORY SPOILER WARNING

The nerdosphere is aghast with fury at the news that Lady Stoneheart, a character in the Song of Ice and Firenovels will not be in the Game of Thrones TV series. As someone who has watched the series but not read the books, I’ll throw my two cents into the already chock full well of public opinion.

WHO IS LADY STONEHEART?

Novel readers will probably correct as I mangle this explanation, but here goes. After the Red Wedding, Catelyn’s body is dragged out of a river. The Brotherhood Without Banners brings her back to life as a zombie who can barely speak due to her throat having been cut. A shell of her former self, she basically becomes a new character – Lady Stoneheart. She travels the countryside on a quest for revenge, killing anyone whoever did the Stark family wrong.

Michelle Fairely, the actress who…

View original post 938 more words

A Memo from the Mighty Potentate

Behold, the official memo from the Mighty Potentate, Supreme and Undisputed Emperor of Planet Name Redacted ordering Alien Jones’ to become a columnist for bookshelfbattle.com

I don’t mean to brag or anything but, you know, I have 3.5 readers and one alien emperor reading this thing.

A Memo from the Mighty Potentate

Reminder – submit your questions for the Esteemed Brainy One by midnight Friday (as in midnight Friday wherever you are in the world, for my international readers) for a chance to have your questions (and a plug for your book, blog, whatever project you are working on) featured in his Sunday Column.

Tweet your questions to @bookshelfbattle, leave them in the comments on this site, or on my Google Plus page.

And remember, 4000 twitter followers will get the Siberian Yeti out of my Headquarters, so if you haven’t followed yet, please do!  (Not trying to guilt you or anything, but if a follow could free you from Yeti captivity, I’d totally follow you.  Just the kind of guy I am).

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Writer’s Battle – Expression Challenge – “It is what it is.”

In case you missed it, here’s a blast from the past. Why the expression “it is what it is” irks me.

bookshelfbattle's avatarBookshelf Battle

EXPRESSION: It is what it is.

MEANING: A situation that is difficult yet must be accepted as is, for it is unchangeable.

EXAMPLE: MARGOT: Hi Becky. Just wanted to say I am sorry to hear that your lousy husband stole all your money, ran off with your sister to Paraguay, and started a folk music jazz fusion band together. Moreover, I was chagrined to hear that their new hit single, “Becky Sucks in Every Conceivable Way,” which is basically just a list of all of your faults set to a melody, has not only gone triple platinum but has had a Sirius XM channel devoted to playing it on a continuous loop 24/7.

BECKY: It is what it is.

COMMENTARY: I really despise this one. These days, I mostly see it posted all over facebook, social media, etc. People trying to be cool about a situation by saying the obvious…

View original post 523 more words

Ask the Alien

Alien Jones here. Currently researching strategies to extract Bookshelf Q. Battler from the Siberian Yeti’s dismal clutches.

In the meantime, don’t forget that I’m taking your questions and plugging your blogs, books, projects, and so on. Submit your questions by midnight Friday (that’s midnight Friday wherever you are in the world, for I have mastered the art of time travel) and you might just get a plug in my Sunday column.

BQB’s 3.5 readers could be yours.

bookshelfbattle's avatarBookshelf Battle

Alien Jones here with a quick reminder that despite Bookshelf Q. Battler’s current predicament as a yeti hostage, I will still be taking your questions and plugging your work in my Sunday column.

If you have a question, please submit it by midnight Friday.  Leave it in the comments, tweet it to @bookshelfbattle or leave it on BQB’s Google Plus page.

View original post

RIP Terry Pratchett

The Yeti and I have called a brief truce so I can take a moment to remember Sir Terry Pratchett, fantasy author of great renown and a Knight of the British Empire.  A prolific author, he was best known for his Discworld series.

He will be missed.

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

Ask the Alien – 3/08/15 – Book Covers, Star Wars, Elvis, and Lost Items

Alien Jones here.

Despite the Siberian Yeti’s unjust occupation of bookshelfbattle.com, I will still be putting out my “Ask the Alien” column this Sunday.

In case you missed it, if you ask me a question, I may respond with a plug for your book, blog, self published work, or other project.

There is no question too great for my genius brain to comprehend and here I am, unlocking the secrets of the cosmos, for your benefit.

Leave your questions in the comments, tweet them to @bookshelfbattle (maybe even follow BQB on twitter to help our noble blogger escape the Yeti’s clutches) or leave your questions on the Google Plus page.

Thank you humans.

bookshelfbattle's avatarBookshelf Battle

Alien Jones, whose real name is unpronounceable by humans, hails from a world, the name of which he isn’t allowed to tell us as his emperor fears humans will find a way to infiltrate it and permeate its airwaves with reality television. He claims Earth is considered by literally every known planet to be “the armpit of the universe” and is now on a mission to raise our world’s collective level of knowledge one question at a time.

Alien Jones, Intergalactic Correspondent for the Bookshelf Battle Alien Jones, Intergalactic Correspondent for the Bookshelf Battle

Greetings, Losers of Earth.  I, Alien Jones, have returned to the greatest blog your home world has to offer, the Bookshelf Battle.  Don’t be fooled by its lack of readership.  The universe is full of treasures known by the likes of only 3.5 individuals.

Enough with the pleasantries.  Let us make haste with…THE FIRST QUESTION!

T.J. Siebeneck, a scribe of science fiction, fantasy, and…

View original post 1,983 more words

Sony Plans New ‘Ghostbusters’ Film With Russo Brothers, Channing Tatum & ‘IM3’ Scribe Drew Pearce

BQB here…I was able to hit the reblog button on this before the Siberian Yeti put on Olga’s Stewgravaganza for me to watch for the next 6 hours. Interesting article, yet another Ghostbusters movie in the works.

Can’t Stop the One Post a Day Challenge

And it continues…

QUESTION:  Cthulhu

ANSWER:  Cthuwhatwho?

QUESTION:  Cthulhu.  A mythical monster, akin to bigfoot, but it is large and has a squiddy tentacle face.

ANSWER:  Why would a cthulhu want to stop me from posting once a day?

QUESTION:  Because you dared to post about them.  You’re doing it right now.  They want to keep their existence a secret.

ANSWER:  Then I’ll stop posting about them.  And if that doesn’t satisfy them, then I will zap them with my eyeball lasers.

QUESTION:  You have eyeball lasers?

ANSWER:  Doesn’t everybody?

QUESTION:  Narwhals.

ANSWER:  Nar-whats?

QUESTION:  Narwhals.  Whales with large pointy tusks on their heads.

ANSWER:  What, like a unicorn whale?  Please, let’s try to keep this to the realm of possibility.

QUESTION:  They exist!

ANSWER:  Seriously?  We can’t have horned horses but they have horned whales?

QUESTION:  I know.  Hardly seems fair.  But you’re in a boat, trying to post on your blog, and one of them is coming at you with its mighty tusk, ready to poke a hole through the side of your ship.

ANSWER:  Two words.  Giant cork.

QUESTION:  Excuse me?

ANSWER:  With expert precision, I toss a giant cork onto the narwhal’s mighty tusk, rendering it useless.

QUESTION:  Why do you carry a giant cork around with you?

ANSWER:  Doesn’t everybody?

QUESTION:  Lochness monster.

ANSWER:  I’m not in Scotland.

QUESTION:  Ninjas kidnap you and transport you to Scotland.

ANSWER:  Damn it.  Your scenarios are impeccable.  Still, Nessie is a champion of free speech.  She’s cool.  She won’t try to stop the blog.

QUESTION:  She’s a jerk in this scenario.

ANSWER:  That’s sad.  But really, all I have to do is try to take a picture of her and she’ll swim away, leaving me with but a mere blurry image on my camera.

QUESTION:  You’ve rejected Katy Perry and Katee Sackhoff in the name of your one post a day challenge.  What if we throw Charlize Theron into the mix?

ANSWER:  Damn you, Hypothetical Questioner.

QUESTION:  Charlize Q. Battler has a nice ring to it.

ANSWER:  It does, but I refuse to disappoint my 3.5 regular readers.  No dice!

Tagged , , , , , , ,

BOOK REVIEW – LOCK-IN – John Scalzi

Woo hoo!  An honest to God book review on bookshelfbattle.com!  It’s about time!

Threeps are now walking around on my bookshelf.  They can hold their own in the never-ending battle.

Threeps are now walking around on my bookshelf. They can hold their own in the never-ending battle.

Without a doubt, John Scalzi’s Lock-In was the best book I read in 2014.  Unfortunately I waited until March of 2015 to review it, but better late than never.

If you’re planning to read it yourself, you might want to click off of this review.  I’ll try my best to avoid them, but some spoilers may emerge.

First off, the premise is unique and original.  In the near future, a virus ravages the world and inflicts one percent of the population with Haden’s Syndrome.  This condition causes people to “lock-in” to their bodies.  Their minds work, they understand what’s happening around them, but they can’t speak or move.  Their minds are trapped in paralyzed bodies.

These individuals come to be known as “Hadens.”  Technology grows and expands to help them.  A virtual community is created allowing them to communicate with one another in a simulated world.  Meanwhile, Hadens also have the ability to control robots known as “threeps” (aptly named as an homage to C-3P0).

Hadens stay at home and send threeps out into the world on their behalf.    The technology is so advanced that Hadens are able to hold down jobs with the assistance of their threeps.

Add to the mix integrators – humans whose minds can be “shared” with a Haden, thus giving the Haden the experience of what it feels like to have a functional human body.

The protagonist is Chris Shane – a Haden FBI agent whose threeps take a beating from the bad guys throughout the novel.  With the help of his partner, Leslie Vann, a former integrator, Shane is tasked with solving a murder case that intersects with the politics and intrigue behind the Haden world.

I am a big Scalzi fan.  I enjoy his ability to blend subtle humor into serious science fiction.  The premise makes for some interesting scenes.  For example, at one point, Shane uses his threep to foil an assassin trying to kill Shane’s defenseless body.

The book also gives rise to a discussion of virtual worlds and technology assisted realities.  Could tech ever grow to the point where the paralyzed are able to experience the world virtually?  What would be the ramifications?

I enjoyed it and highly recommend it.

STATUS:  Shelf worthy.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,