World Renowned Motivational Speaker, Anti-Suck Book Author and Bookshelf Battle Blog Columnist, Vinny Baggadouchio
I’m Vinny Baggadouchio and I’m going to stick a straw into the world and suck all the suck right out of it until it sucks no more.
Perhaps you have read one of my many fine anti-suck books:
The History of Not Sucking
1001 People Who Do Not Suck
Would You Suck for a Buck? (Not about prostitution).
Unsucking Humanity (Is about prostitution).
Suck Out the Suck
How Many Sucks Must a Man Desuck Before He Can Be Called a Non-Sucker?
Help! My Life Sucks!
The Suck on the Train
Once, Twice, Three Times a Sucker
A Sucky Day in Brooklyn
Pulp Suction
Sucking in Outer Space
The Wheel of Suck
Around, Around the Suck Goes. Where Does It Stop? Nobody Who Doesn’t Suck Knows
I Can’t Stop This Sucky Feeling
3.5 readers, did you suck last year?
Be honest. You know you did.
You sucked at life. You sucked in your relationships. You sucked at home. You sucked at work.
You would not, could not un-suck in a truck, you would not, could not, un-suck with a duck.
Face it. The bad news is that you suck.
The good news is that sucking is not a permanent condition. If you’ve come down with a bad case of the sucks, you are in luck, because this malady is curable.
What did you suck at? Your health? Stop sucking at exercise. Stop sucking at abstaining from fatty foods. Stop sucking at willpower.
Did you suck at your job? Stop sucking at showing up on time. Stop sucking at putting in the extra effort. Stop sucking at communicating with your co-workers.
Did you suck in your relationship? Stop sucking at being faithful to your significant other. Stop sucking at honesty. Stop sucking at kindness. Stop sucking at love.
2016 is in the suck can of history. You can’t change it. You can’t fix it. If you sucked last year, your memories of last year will always suck.
But don’t make your past suckiness ruin your life. You do not have to suck forever. You can grab the suck bull by its sucky horns and ride it all day long until it tires out and it doesn’t feel like sucking up your life anymore.
Here’s my three step plan to suck the suck right out of 2017:
Step #1 – Admit That You Suck
You have to suck at denying that you suck. Don’t hide your suck. Pull your suck right out of yourself and hold it out for all the world to see, then yell, “I suck with the gale force wind of a thousand Hoover vacuums and I will not suck for one day longer!”
As long as you hide your suck, you can ignore your suck. And ignored suck never goes away. Confront that suck.
Step #2 – Develop a Plan to Not Suck
Do you suck at being thin? Make a plan to stop sucking at stopping by the gym every day after work.
Do you suck at meeting new friends? Make a plan to introduce yourself to one new person once a week and strike up a conversation that does not suck.
Do you suck at cleanliness? Stop sucking at doing the dishes, the laundry, and all those daily chores that suck but keep your home from not sucking.
Is there something you’ve always wanted to do? Stop sucking at learning it.
Step #3 – Follow Through with Your Anti-Suck Plans
Whatever you need to do to not suck, do it. Make your anti-suck plan work, then work your anti-suck plan.
Ridding your life of its suck won’t happen overnight, but if you make a commitment to never suck again starting today, then by the end of 2017, you will surely see a tremendous reduction in your life’s suck levels.
This suck won’t un-suck itself, people. You’ve got to stop sucking at making your suck-free life happen. There’s no time like the present to not suck.
Thank you for reading, 3.5 readers, and don’t forget to pick up one of my anti-suck books, available now at a book store near you that does not suck.
OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER: Vinny Baggadouchio holds no credentials of any kind and nothing he says should be construed as advice that you should rely upon. If you suck, you should seek the help of trained professionals who can assist you in unsucking up your sucky life.
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