Happy New Year 3.5 readers.
2017. Holy shit. The future is here.
Where are the flying cars? Where are the robot sex slaves? Where are the space ships? Where are the healing pods that you can jump into and get anything wrong with you fixed immediately?
All we have are social media sites where you can show people what you ate for lunch. #WhatARipOff
What are you resolutions for 2017?
Mine are to publish two books. Other than that, I hope to keep growing this fine blog so that I might one day be rich enough to throw my NWA style house party.
If you have a resolution, I hope you stick with it. Sometimes it helps to not forget whatever you felt bad about over Christmas/New Year’s Eve.
If you felt bad about being fat, think about how happy you’ll be next New Year’s when you are skinny.
If you felt bad for being broke, think about how happy you’ll be next year if you cut out unnecessary expenses and manage to save some money.
If you are single, make a commitment to mingle and you might just find someone to kiss when the ball drops next year.
If you are stupid, make a resolution to read more and you’ll be happy when you have something interesting to say at next year’s party.
If you are ugly, resolve to wear a bag over your head. Decorate it throughout the year and you will have the fanciest bag around next year. Or be like Sia and get an outlandish wig that covers your face.
If you smell bad, resolve to wear deodorant. Everyone at the party next year will want to sniff you.
If you are a smoker, resolve to stop smoking. Your lungs will thank you.
If you are an alcoholic, resolve to stop drinking. Your liver will thank you.
If you aren’t reading this fine blog enough, resolve to read it more. My NWA style party is on the line.
In conclusion, remember what a fat, broke, drunk, smokey, ugly, smelly loser you were over the course of the 2016 holidays and work on it so you will be skinny, financially stable, sober, smoke-free, bag covered and nice smelling come the 2017 holiday season.
Believe me – you’ll blink and then it will be Christmas 2017 before you know it, so start now.
Oh right. This is a discussion. What say you, 3.5 readers?