Tag Archives: books

Bookshelf Battle Quote of the Week – “Life is a Tale Told By an Idiot”

She would have died hereafter.
There would have been a time for such a word.
Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

– William Shakespeare, Macbeth

Is life really a tale told by an idiot? That’s quite an indictment of the concept of life. Think about it. The Bard isn’t just saying that life is pointless. He’s saying that it is a tale told by an idiot. Imagine the most gaseous windbag at the end of the bar, three sheets to the wind, spewing out nonsense all night. His stories are about as coherent as life if you follow this point of view.

Sometimes it can feel that way. Days come, days go. There are good days and bad days. As Ferris Bueller would say, “Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you might miss it.” Today you’re having a blast. Tomorrow, you’re an old man in a wheelchair with an oxygen tank. Sometimes it feels like moves faster than a finger snap.

Obviously, the character of Macbeth engaged in some nasty business, so it is not surprising he felt low enough to become dissatisfied by life. But is it really full of sound and fury? Does it signify nothing?

Life can have its great moments, and those moments can vary from person to person. For some, it’s marriage or birth of a child. For others it may be the accomplishment of a long held dream. It’s better to concentrate on the good times, and forget the fact that, like a “brief candle,” life can be snuffed out at any time. That’s the sad irony of life – an alive person spends his life collecting one achievement after another and in the end, everyone, from the lowliest bus station bathroom janitor to the highest CEO ends up worm food.

Like a “player” with his “hour on the stage,” we all have those great moments. Life is meant to be lived. Enjoy your time on the stage, because a life spent worrying about the final curtain is a life wasted.

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Book Review – Fletch by Gregory McDonald

BASIC BOOKTOMETRICS

TITLE: Fletch

Author: Gregory McDonald

Publisher: Vintage Crime/Black Lizard

Publication Dates: First Published 1974; Published 2002 by Vintage Crime/Black Lizard

GENRE: Crime/Mystery/Humor

FORMAT REVIEWED: Paperback

NUMBER OF PAGES: 197

I have a new hero. His name is the late, great Gregory McDonald.

There are some books that are giant, unrelenting tomes. You break your back carrying such books around and yet despite the voluminous number of pages, the story goes nowhere.

Then there’s Fletch. In a little under 200 pages, McDonald, in his streamlined, use one word instead of ten, writing style manages to successfully provide the reader with a story about an anti-hero who solves not one but two complex mysteries.

If you’re old enough to remember the Reagan administration, then you may have seen the Fletch movies by Chevy Chase – Fletch and the sequel, Fletch Lives. Both were funny and gave Chase his moment in the sun. Sadly, after reading the novel, I’ve realized that the movies were really only loosely based on McDonald’s work. The films served as a vehicle for Chase to show off his multiple character talents. For some reason, the epitome of the gold star for a comic is to star in a movie where he gets the chance to do various accents and pretend to be all different varieties of people. As movie Fletch, Chevy puts on all kinds of goofy costumes and buffoons his way through solving crimes while tricking people into giving information to the various personas he takes on.

If you lived during the 80's, you'll remember Fletch.  Also, Destro.

If you lived during the 80’s, you’ll remember Fletch. Also, Destro.

The novel is a bit different. Make no mistake, on top of everything else, it is funny. But while the movies were zany funny, the novel could probably be described best as a dark comedy. The reader finds himself laughing at things that he probably should not laugh at in polite society.

The plot? Fletch’s real name is Irwin Maurice, or I.M. (I am) Fletcher. He’s an LA based reporter posing undercover as a bum, trying to trick various beach dwelling hoodlums into helping him find the supplier of a constant flow of drugs to the beach scene for a story he’s writing.

His cover is so good that he fools wealthy business executive Alan Stanwyck into thinking that he’s merely a degenerate drifter. Stanwyck picks up Fletch and makes him the following proposition, which I’ll post below so you can get an idea of the quick-draw, rapid fire pace at which McDonald writes:

What’s your name?”
“Fletch”
“What’s your full name?”
“Irwin. Irwin Fletcher. People call me Fletch.”
“Irwin Fletcher, I have a proposition to make to you. I will give you a thousand dollars for just listening to it. If you decide to reject the proposition, you take the thousand dollars, go away, and never tell anyone we talked.”
“Is it criminal?”
“Of course.”
“Fair enough. For a thousand bucks I can listen. What do you want me to do?”
“I want you to murder me.”
Fletch said, “Sure.”

Stanwyck claims to have terminal cancer and offers Fletch $50,000 to return to a week and shoot him in his study. He tells Fletch this will allow him to avoid suffering through a prolonged, agonizing death and as it will appear like a burglary gone bad, his wife will obtain a hefty insurance payment. Fletch may be a degenerate (he is haunted by his two ex-wives’ divorce lawyers throughout the novel) but he’s no dummy. Refusing to take Stanwyck at his word, he sets out on an investigation to find out whether or not Stanwyck is telling the truth. By posing as various people (insurance investigators, lawyers, “old long lost friends,” etc.) he manages to trick the people in Stanwyck’s life to give up the dirt. In the process, he even discovers the source of drugs on the beach along the way.

I really enjoyed this book. If you’ve seen the movie, you haven’t experienced the full story. It amazes me that in such a short novel, McDonald manages to provide the reader with a rich, in-depth experience. Rarely do I read a novel and want to read the series, but I think I might actually do it with this one. In case you are interested in the reading order for the Fletch novel series, I’ll post it below.

Note that while Fletch was McDonald’s first novel published introducing the Fletch character, he also published prequels, so Fletch is not the first novel in chronological order.

Reading Order for the Fletch Series of Novels by Gregory McDonald

Fletch Won

Fletch, Too

Fletch and the Widow Bradley

Fletch

Carioca Fletch

Confess, Fletch

Fletch’s Fortune

Fletch’s Moxie

Fletch and the Man Who

Son of Fletch

Fletch Reflected

McDonald was a newspaper reporter himself, so I imagine that he had an idea of the difficult life of a reporter that Fletch faced. It’s always interesting when authors write about environments they have personally experienced. I’m putting him next to Joseph Heller of Catch-22 fame as an author who can be funny and serious at the same time.

As always, Bookshelf Battlers, thank you for stopping by. Shameless plug – please follow this blog, and if you’re on Twitter, follow @bookshelfbattle I’ll keep writing reviews as long as somebody keeps reading them. May your days be filled with booktastic goodness.

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Poetry Shelf Battle – Invictus

The Bookshelf Battle Shelf is not a place for the feint of heart. Just the other day I saw The Grapes of Wrath give an uppercut to War and Peace over a prime piece of real estate on the bookshelf. All the other books looked on in horror.

Yet, despite all the chaos, once in awhile I find some time to put some poetry on the shelf. Whenever I feel down, this is a poem that helps me feel better:

Invictus

By: William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance,
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears,
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.

In other words, blogarinos, life is full of a constant, neverending slew of roadblocks and obstacles getting between you and what you want. You wake up one day. You say, “I wanna do X!” And you go along, you start doing X and then before you know it the world tosses a monkey wrench into the gears of your plans and shouts, “Ha ha ha, no you will do Y instead!” When you’re young, you think anything is possible – that you can be an astronaut, a champion football player, a famous actor, lead guitarist in a rock band, professional stunt car driver, whatever. Then you grow up and the realities of life get in your way. Work, responsibilities, family – so many things need your attention that you run out of time to practice that guitar or whatever it is you really wanted to do before you discovered how tough the world really is.

What Henley is saying is that no matter how difficult life can be, YOU are in charge of your reaction to it. Will you let it get you down, or will you try to find a way to achieve your dreams in the face of adversity? After all, as he says, you are the master of your fate, you are the captain of your soul.

Random tidbit of info – this poem was a source of inspiration for Nelson Mandela and he claimed it helped him get through the difficulties of his life. It was featured prominently in the Clint Eastwood directed film about Mandela and the South African rugby team, starring Morgan Freeman and Matt Damon, also called Invictus.

SHAMELESS PLUG – Thanks to all the Bookshelf Battle readers out there. Feel free to follow me on Twitter @bookshelfbattle for the latest updates in the world of awesome booktastic bookery.

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Barely Political – Key of Awesome – The Anti List – Must Read Books for the Summer

I love the Key of Awesome. If you’ve yet to see it, it’s a hilarious youtube channel where the people over at barely political (which also has a youtube channel) produce some funny song parodies. They also do something called “The Anti List” where, well, they basically make funny lists. They just made one lampooning a bunch of bestselling books turned movies/tv. Check it out. While you’re at it, look for their video”Booty Jam” on youtube as that is, in my opinion, their funniest music parody video. Please support these guys, check them out on youtube, follow their channels, etc. They’re always hilarious and it’s great to see such funny independent comedy.

Here’s the Anti List on Books:

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Fourth of July Reads

Happy 4th of July from bookshelfbattle.com!

While you’re waiting for those hamburgers to cook, here are some patriotic book suggestions:

1. 1776, John Adams or pretty much anything by author David McCullough. In fact, if you’re too tipsy from knocking back cold ones at the barbecue, you could always watch John Adams on demand on HBO.

2. Band of Brothers by Stephen Ambrose – also available as a series on HBO.

3. Lone Survivor by Marcus Luttrell – Check out my review here.

4. No Easy Day: The Firsthand Account of the Mission That Killed Osama Bin Laden by Mark Owen. Again, if you’re still groggy from multiple cold one consumption, you can just watch Zero Dark Thirty Both provide interesting portrayals of the hunt for America’s most wanted and despised terrorist.

5. The Red Badge of Courage – Stephen Crane

6. The Green Berets by Robin Moore. Beer? Yeah, that’s ok. They made an awesome classic movie based on the book starring John Wayne.

7. Anything by the late Tom Clancy, though if I had to choose one, it would be The Hunt for Red October Yes, there is a movie starring Sean Connery and Alec Baldwin, but ok, you might have a drinking problem.

8. The Fort by Bernard Cornwell – set during the American Revolution

9. 1775 by Kevin Phillips – about the year leading up to the American Revolution.

10. Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln by Doris Kearns Goodwin, which provided the basis for the Lincoln movie starring Daniel Day Lewis.

These are just some of my recommendations, but is not an exhaustive list by any means. Did I miss one of your favorites? Feel free to share it in the comments below. Happy 4th!

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Previously on Bookshelf Battle… (June 2014 Wrap-Up)

In case you missed any of the booktastic goodness, here’s a rundown of what was produced from the Bookshelf Battle Command Center in June:

GAME OF THRONES

Obligatory Spoiler Warning

As the Red Woman might say, Sunday nights in June were dark and full of terrors. Literally. It was quite terrifying to see some of my favorite GoT characters kick the bucket. It’s a good thing that I didn’t bet on the fight between The Red Viper and The Mountain because I chose Oberyn and would have lost a lot of money, in addition to the lunch I lost when the Mountain took advantage of the Viper’s showboating. Don’t gloat, people. No one likes a sore winner…loser? Whatever.

My predictions for Tyrion’s future weren’t all that on point either, meaning when it comes to plotting strategy, I’m about as good as Cersei. (That’s not very good!)

While some lamented that the episode did nothing to move the story along, I for one enjoyed the Attack on Castle Black as it was amazing to me to see Summer Blockbuster special effects on a television show.

On the Season 4 Finale of Game of Thrones Brienne and the Hound went head to head on Westeros’ Ultimate Fighting Championships, Arya cashed in her coin for a trip to Bravos, no one expected the Stannis Inquisition, and Tywin had the Worst Father’s Day ever, although he did achieve his wish of ending up on…a throne. That joke never gets old.

BOOK REVIEWS

A Light Between Oceans - being guarded by Robocop

A Light Between Oceans – being guarded by Robocop

Oh right – this is a book review blog. Australian Author M.L. Stedman managed to crack my manly exterior and allow a tear or two to shake loose with her riveting yet heartbreaking page turner The Light Between Oceans. After a boat containing a dead man and a live baby washes up on their tiny island, a lighthouse keeping couple decides to toss the dead man in a ditch and raise the baby as their own. I applauded the author for her ability to display the mental gymnastics that people put themselves through in order to convince themselves what they are doing is right when in fact, it is very wrong. I feel like we can all agree that the moral of the story is – don’t trust your kids around lighthouse keepers. Or Australians.

Master Chief - standing guard over Redshirts

Master Chief – standing guard over Redshirts

After Stedman made me cry (it’s ok, it happens to the best of us now and then), I was ready to laugh so I cracked open Redshirts by Sci-Fi author John Scalzi. This Star Trek parody delivered laughs at warp speed. A group of new Redshirts – aka the intergalactic lackies who do the grunt work for a space ship’s main officers, quickly learn that their reason for existence is to take the beatings, lazer blasts, monster attacks, and other abuse so that the officers can remain unscathed.

VARIOUS AND SUNDRY RAMBLINGS

To round out the month,I asked why the heck are those vampires so popular? Seemed like a good discussion topic since this is the final season of the HBO series True Blood. The series is based on the Southern Vampire Mysteries Series by Charlaine Harris, and my post provides a reading list of her novels in order, in case anyone is interested in reading the books that formed the basis for the Sookie-Bill-Eric love triangle. Actually, if you add Alcide, it would be a quadrangle. Wait a minute! A quadrangle? Isn’t that just a square? OK so they form a love square.

I urged readers to donate to Levar Burton/Geordi LaForge’s Kickstarter campaign to bring back Reading Rainbow. Please donate. He needs your support. Much has been said about his success as Reading Rainbow host, but people always forget that he was one of the finest engineers to ever serve Star Fleet. He rarely gave Capt. Picard any guff about fixing the star ship engines. He ran circles around Scotty. Capt. Kirk would always be like, “Scotty, we need warp speed in thirty seconds or the Klingons will kill us” and Scotty would be all like, “Damn’ it Cap’n the best I can do is get the wharp drive half-fixed by next Thursday!” Geordi, on the other hand, now there was a dude that got stuff done – even though he was blind! Well, he did have that special visor.

By the way, if you haven’t heard yet, Seth MacFarlane of Family Guy fame has pledged to match donations up to a million, so please get crack-a-lackin’ with the donations to this good cause. And as one of the three people who both saw AND enjoyed MacFarlane’s A Million Ways to Die in the Old West, I’d like to thank him.

Transformers 4 arrived at the box office Friday and I speculated as to whether Mark Wahlberg will reprise some of his past roles in this new blockbuster in a parody trailer script.

Last but not least, after hearing the song, “Wiggle Wiggle” for the millionth time on the radio, and being left unsure whether to be disturbed because they keep playing it, or relieved because they’re finally switching it up a little bit and playing a song other than “Let it Go” or “Because I’m Happy,” I asked the question as to why I bother slaving over my writing when America is easily pleased by lyrics about butts. You know what to do with those big fat words!

STUFF I NEVER GOT AROUND TO

With so many books engaged in fisticuffs over a coveted spot on my bookshelf, there where two things I forgot to mention:

  • 24-Live Another Day – I’m glad this show is back on the air. It’s nice to see William Devane has found something better to do than those damn daytime “Buy Gold” commercials. He’s really been stealing the show this season. Great to see Michelle Fairley back on TV as well.
  • No Lady Stoneheart – (Obligatory Spoiler Warning) – Actually, do I need to give a spoiler warning? Lady Stoneheart, a character from the Game of Thrones books, will not be in the Game of Thrones series. So, I guess if you never read the books and only watched the series, then this is not a spoiler for you since you were never going to see her on the show anyway. You can’t spoil something that won’t happen. Because if a tree was going to fall in the forest, but then it doesn’t, it doesn’t spoil. Alright, I’m going cross-eyed thinking about this. Anyway, there’s been a lot of chatter about this controversy. I do understand that TV shows can’t remain true to every little last detail in the book. Sometimes I’ll hear someone say something like, “This show stinks because on page 302 of chapter 40 book three Tyrion had on a pair of green shoes but on the show he wears blue shoes!” and I just want to yell, “Shut up, Nerd!” But I get why this makes people upset. I never read the books, but this seems like a big plot point to gloss over. A Zombie Catelyn running around Westeros exacting copious amounts of revenge? How does that not make for great television?

That does it for this month on http://www.bookshelfbattle.com – where the book reviews are always awesome, and yet, the book reviewer somehow manages to stay humble about it.

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On Writing – or “You Know What to do With Those Big Fat Words!”

Happy Friday, Bookshelf Battlers.

Bookshelf Battle Guy here, coming to you from you from the Bookshelf Battle Forward Operating Base.

No book review tonight. Rather, I have a tirade to go on.

As writers, and let’s face it, we’re all bloggers because we are aspiring writers, we all have a downfall – that one issue, that little personal hiccup that stands between us and putting pen to paper. For me, it’s self-criticism. I write, and write, and write some more. Then I read it and become my own personal critic, not just any critic, but Roger Ebert on Steroids (RIP).

“So unoriginal! So unbelievable! So unrealistic! Surely, you can do better! Crumple that up! Throw it away! Try it again!”

Defeated, I take a break, turn on the radio, and hear:

“YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THAT BIG FAT BUTT! WIGGLE WIGGLE!

In case you’ve been living under a rock, one of the top hit songs out nowadays is “Wiggle, Wiggle” by Jason Derulo. It’s an ode to derrieres, a modern day Baby Got Back if you will, though I hate to insult Sir Mix-a-Lot, because at least he brought some energy and enthusiasm to his infamous soliloquy.

Seriously, that’s pretty much how the song goes. “You know what to do with that big fat butt! Wiggle, wiggle!” Then he goes on to compare said posterior to two planets, a ham sandwich, a trunk, a basketball slam dunk, and so on. Then Snoop Dogg lays down some beats. Just as The Rock is the savior of failed action movie franchises (Fast and Furious, GI Joe, Journey to the Center of the Earth, Snoop Dogg is the rejuvenator of rap songs. Just ask Gangnam Style Psy.

I’m sorry, but it just bugs me. Here I am, as many of you are, slaving over a computer screen, trying to pour my heart and soul out into a coherent volume, to weave the ideas lurking in my mind into a readable text format, and the greatest song of our day is:

“YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THAT BIG FAT BUTT! WIGGLE WIGGLE!

Honestly, this is how the Roman Empire ended. It was once the world’s cultural center, till some minstrel started singing, “Thou knowest what to do with thine enormous posterior!”

And come on, you all know how the sales pitch meeting for this song went down:

RECORD EXECUTIVE: Jason, so good to see you. So what’s your new song about?

JASON: It’s about butts.

RECORD EXECUTIVE: Really? I’m intrigued! What about them?

JASON: How they’re big and how I like it when they wiggle.

RECORD EXECUTIVE: Someone brought their A game today! Tell me more.

JASON: See, there’s this chick. And she has a big butt. And I figure, instinctively, she knows what to do with her big butt.

RECORD EXECUTIVE: What does she do? Oh my God, I’m on the edge of my seat here.

JASON: Alright, check this out. She wiggles it.

RECORD EXECUTIVE: She wiggles it!

JASON: Wiggle, wiggle.

RECORD EXECUTIVE: Sold! Son, I want to be in the wiggly butt business!

Oh well, that’s all I had to complain about. I shall now retire to my nerd cave, to produce more crumpled pieces of writing that will apparently never live up to society’s very high “Wiggle your fat butt” standard.

The sad part is – it’s actually a catchy tune. “You know what to do with that…” Damn it. Great, now it’s stuck in my head.

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Book Review – Redshirts

BASIC BOOKTOMETRICS

TITLE: Redshirts

AUTHOR: John Scalzi

PUBLISHER: Tom Doherty Associates

YEAR PUBLISHED: 2012

FORMAT REVIEWED: Hardcover

GENRE: Sci-Fi; Comedy

NUMBER OF PAGES: 317

Beam me up, Bookshelf Battlers.

On the old Star Trek TV show, there was no worse fate than being – a redshirt. You see, back in the 1960’s, the writers wanted to add a dose of realism, or at least as much realism as possible to a show about a massive Star Ship exploring the universe and getting into altercations with a different alien species every week. When engaged in constant battle with alien marauders, it is a very real possibility that some crew members aboard a “real” Starship would kick the bucket. Sorry, but you can’t go up against that many alien bad guys without someone buying the intergalactic farm.

The problem? Certainly the main characters – Capt. Kirk, Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy, Scotty, Lt. Uhura etc. could not be the ones to cosmically croak because then there would not be a show anymore. Obviously, George RR Martin wasn’t a consultant for this show.

Sorry, I didn't have any Star Trek toys.  Yes, as a grown man I think that's a perfectly normal thing to say.  Here's the Master Chief instead.  Yes nerds, I understand that one space character is not the same as another.  Take a chill pill.

Sorry, I didn’t have any Star Trek toys. Yes, as a grown man I think that’s a perfectly normal thing to say. Here’s the Master Chief instead. Yes nerds, I understand that one space character is not the same as another. Take a chill pill.

The solution to this conundrum? Enter the redshirts – the extras, the grunts aboard the Starship Enterprise who did the busy work – fetch the Captain’s coffee, stand at a cheesy 1960’s hunk of cardboard with Christmas lights on it attempting to pass as a computer and punch buttons in the background, etc. The writers used these space traveling lackeys as fodder to take the beatings, leaving the fan favorite heroes unscathed.

Watch an old episode of Star Trek. If there’s an away team being beamed down to a planet consisting of Capt. Kirk, Mr. Spock, Bones, and Fred the Extraneous Redshirt from the Enterprise Payroll Department being introduced to the audience for the first time, chances are that Fred would be the one chomped on by a monster, tossed into a volcano, blasted by a lazer, and so on.

In Redshirts, author John Scalzi hilariously lampoons the undesirable plight of the redshirt. Set in a Star Trek-esque universe of Scalzi’s creation, the book follows a group of freshly minted redshirts as they begin service aboard the Universal Union’s flagship, The Intrepid. The newbies quickly discover that strange shenanigans are afoot – namely, that there is a statistically and ridiculously high chance of a low ranking crew member being killed on an away mission, whereas senior officers appear to have almost absurd levels of luck as they avoid death even after being thrust into one dangerous situation after another.

I don’t want to spoil the ending or the various twists and turns but needlessly to say, this is the first book I’ve read in awhile that had me laughing and reading at the same time.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy

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