Previously on Game of Yetis:
PART 1 – House Bookshelf – Lord BQB hides out from the War for the Iron Throne, coming up with various excuses as to why he’s been unable to assist various claimants to the throne all the while positioning himself to declare allegiance to whoever emerges as the victor. Alas, a complication in his plan arises when a band of Yetis under the control of Lord Yeti abscond with his supplies of snacks and Dew of the Mountain.
PART 2 – House Yeti – Lord Yeti of House Yeti, the ruler of Yetifell, a territory North of the Wall, where abominable snowmen love to frolic because it is ridiculous cold, mocks his son Yetyrion, calling him a dwarf because he is 6’5″ (which is really short for a Yeti).
PART 3 – House Bookshelf – The usually not so easily rattled Lord BQB is enraged when he discovers that his supply of Special Edition Code Red Dew of the Mountain has been stolen by dirty yetis in the employ of Lord Yeti of House Yeti. Unable to purchase an army of eunuchs because Daenerys Stormborn bogarted them all, he turns to his trusty banner men. Alas, they were only in it for the Dew of the Mountain and now Lord BQB must fight this battle alone.
PART 4 – House Yeti – Lord Yeti is aghast when he spies white walkers on their way to Yetifell.
And now Game of Yetis continues…
“This journey has been agonizing, Maester Monty. I’m not sure if I can put up with this any longer.”
Maester Monty wiped beads of sweat off his brow and stopped to rest. The old man was out of breath and felt feint.
“I didn’t say stop, Monty,” Lord BQB said as the Maester set down the rickshaw he’d used to carry his Lord from the shores of Casterly Rock all the way to Riverrun. “I’m just saying, you know, all of these bumps along the road. They’re very unsettling and causing me to spill my…what did you say this clear, tasteless liquid was called again?”
“Water, sir,” Monty replied as he heaved the handles of the rickshaw onto his decrepit shoulders and marched forward.
“Blech,” Lord BQB as he took a swig from a jug. “Disgusting. We must recover my Special Edition Code Red Dew of the Mountain without delay. Mush, Monty, Mush!”
“Mushing sir,” Monty replied.
They continued along the King’s road for hours until a question popped into Maester Monty’s mind.
“My Lord, if I may be so bold, why have you never married?”
Lord BQB bit into an apple and winced.
“Yuck,” Lord BQB said, ignoring the question. “People really eat these things, Monty?”
“Indeed sir. They’re considered most healthy.”
“The shame of it, Monty,” Lord BQB said. “The dirty yeti eating my slim jims while I’m forced to waste away on water and apples like a flea bottom beggar.”
“Yes, but the question sir?”
“Oh yes,” Lord BQB said as he stared at the setting sun. “If you must know, Monty. I am partial only to a particular type of woman…one that is difficult to locate.”
“Elaborate, sir?” Monty asked, as he struggled to not collapse under the rickshaw.
“I like big women.”
“Oh my lord,” Monty said. “Surely there are many fine corpulent ladies throughout the Kingdom that you might choose from.”
“No no no,” Lord BQB said as he tossed the apple core at Monty’s head. “I don’t mean big in that way, though this Lord has nothing against a bit of junk in the trunk as it were. No, Monty, I prefer women tall in stature. My whole life I’ve waited for a beautiful extra tall amazon to sweep me off my feat, provide me with all of the love and care that I deserve, and most importantly, be willing to hack my enemies to pieces.”
“That will be a tough woman to locate indeed, my Lord.”
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