Tag Archives: Wattpad

The Last Driver – #455 on Wattpad SciFi

I’ve ventured into science fiction, 3.5 readers.  “The Last Driver,” my testosterone fueled tribute to 1984 and Fast and Furious, is set in a world where self-driving cars are the norm.  That seems like a boon to the intrusive dictatorship, the One World Order.  What better way to keep tabs on the citizenry than to have their cars report where everyone is going?

In a world where everyone has forgotten how to drive, the last man who remembers how is ready to start trouble.

If you’re on Wattpad, I’d appreciate a vote, a comment, whatever you can spare.  Thanks!


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Toilet Gator Feedback


Hey 3.5 readers.

Stats indicate a lot of you have been checking out the most recent Toilet Gator chapters lately.  Cool.  If you have five minutes, I hope you’ll drop me a comment and tell me what you like and don’t like about it.  I’d love to hear the criticism, positive or negative.

Also, if you’d like to read it from the beginning, you can check it out over on Wattpad.  

If you’re not a Wattpadder, no worries.  You can still read it on this fine site.  You’ll just have to click where it says “Toilet Gator” in the left hand corner of this post (by the title) and then do a lot of scrolling to the beginning.

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Zom Fu = #677 in Wattpad Horror

Hey 3.5 readers.

Your old pal BQB here.

Check it out.  Zom Fu is #677 in Wattpad Horror:

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If you’re a Wattpadder, maybe consider giving it a vote, or a comment, or some feedback on how I can make it better.  I mean, it’s a tale that involves kung fu AND zombies, so it is already pretty awesome, but if you have suggestions I am all ears.

Thank you 3.5.

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Ask the Alien – Help Bookshelf Q. Battler Save the World – 11/12/16

By: Alien Jones, Intergalactic Correspondent


Greetings Earth Losers.

Before I begin, I’d like to say congratulations to America for concluding its presidential election.

You may have thought this election was tough. In fact, it reminded me of the Flaknarkian election of 29292929 for the position of Illustrious Poobah.

The Flaknarkians are a walrus shaped people.  The male candidate was an elderly walrus with outlandish hair and the female was also an elderly walrus but she had a penchant for falling down all the time.

Hmm…come to think of it, there wasn’t a lot of difference between that election and yours.

Anyway, if your candidate prevailed, congratulations. If your candidate lost, my condolences.

But whether you are happy are sad by the results of this election, fear not, for it is meaningless, as the Mighty Potentate will most certainly take control of your wretched planet at some point anyway.

You may recall that some time ago my supreme overlord, the Mighty Potentate, declared that Bookshelf Q. Battler is the chosen one, the only writer capable of putting out a book so finely crafted that it would inspire the masses to give up on reality television altogether.

It’s been over a year and alas, BQB has yet to publish a novel.

Ergo, to prevent the spread of reality television across the cosmos, His Potentosity is planning a hostile takeover of your planet should BQB fail in his writing efforts.

In other words, start getting used to the idea of being ruled by the Mighty Potentate because it doesn’t look like BQB will ever get his ass into gear.

But you can help BQB and in so doing, save your planet from the Mighty Potentate’s potent potential.

All you need to do is follow BQB on one of the following time wasting social media sites that aliens invented to cause all of you dumb humans to grow dumber, fatter, lazier and more obnoxious and angry about literally everything.

Oh wait. I’ve said too much.

BQB on Twitter

BQB on Facebook

BQB on Wattpad

BQB on Google Plus

BQB is an especially Twitterer.  In fact, he Tweets as much as your incoming president but he is not as orange.

BQB checks in on Facebok and Wattpad regularly but has been letting Google + slide, though he needs to get back to it soon.

So follow him and then once he writes his book you can help him promote it and in effect, save the world from the Mighty Potentate.

In the meantime, if you see BQB screwing around on this pitiful blog, tell him to get his back ass to work on his novel, for the fate of the world is at stake.

Alien Jones is the Bookshelf Battle Blog’s intergalactic correspondent, graciously lending the power of his brain to answer your questions.

Ask the Alien a question and he may very well plug your book or blog in his answer. Ask questions in the comments or tweet them to @bookshelfbattle

Together, we can promote self-published material and ween the masses off reality television, a form of entertainment that Alien Jones’ boss, the maniacal alien despot known as “The Mighty Potentate” despises so much that he’s plotting an invasion of Earth just to stop it.

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#31ZombieAuthors Rewind – Day 30- J.M.Wilde – Australia Zombified

With Your Host: Schecky Blargfeld, Zombie Comedian


“And now, the end is near, we’ve reached, the final curtain…”

I’m telling you, 3.5 readers, Frank Sinatra was awesome and he’s even a better singer as a zombie.  Took in his act at Zombie Vegas the other day.

But I digress. Yes, there is only one more day after today left in #31ZombieAuthors Rewind.

If there are any zombie authors out there that you’d love for BQB to interview at a future date, discuss them in the comments and perhaps our resident nerd will conduct a Q and A via Alien Jones’ space phone.

In the meantime, last year BQB had the distinct pleasure of interviewing one of Australia’s greatest nerds, zombie writer J.M. Wilde of the Eva series.

J.M. talked to BQB about zombies down under and how to develop your following on Wattpad as J.M. is indeed a Wattpad star.

Check out that interview here.

And don’t forget to check out the Eva series on Amazon.

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How the West Was Zombed = #135 in Wattpad Horror

Happy Friday, 3.5 readers.

Check this out:

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Isn’t that something? My fine tale of Wild West Zombie Mayhem is #135 in Wattpad horror.

You can check it out here.

And if you want to help a nerd out, leave a comment, or vote for it, or what have you.  If we could drive it up into the top 100, that would be awesome.

Thank you 3.5 readers and have a good weekend.

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How the West Was Zombed = #220 in Wattpad Horror Fiction

Hey geeks, nerds and assorted poindexters.

BQB here.

How the West Was Zombed is climbing back up the Wattpad Horror charts!

Currently #220!

Read. Follow me. Vote. Comment. Help me make the zombification of Wild West that much better.

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Alien Jones Checks In

Greetings Earth Losers.


The Esteemed Brainy One plays Candy Crush on his Space Phone

The Esteemed Brainy One here, blogging from Kemphos 91, where an uprising has occurred due to a lack of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Yes, that’s right. You’d be surprised in the vastness of space, that such seemingly trivial things are capable of generating interplanetary conflicts but here we are.

Keep in mind that the Kemphans require a constant supply of peanuts or else they break out into spontaneous song and dance numbers, which sounds like fun, but then they do it for days until finally their heads explode.

I’ve seen it happen. It isn’t pretty. It’s like being front row at a Gallagher performance.

Kemphos 1-90 really needs to fork over some of their peanut reserves to 91 but until then, I have to do my best to keep the peace.

Apologies for not writing more this year, Earth losers, but I just haven’t had the time. Disorder has been breaking out all over the cosmos this year. It’s very unsavory.

In the meantime, please assist me with my mission to launch BQB’s writing career. The sooner BQB is an established writer, the sooner the Mighty Potentate will get off my back.

Did I say get off my back? I meant to say until the Mighty Potenate can be pleased by another one of his genius plans coming to fruition.

All hail the Mighty Potentate.

Here’s where you can find Bookshelf Q. Battler on the inter webs.





Humans, I don’t want to put any pressure on you, but your likes and follows will help keep the Mighty Potentate’s plans to conquer the Earth at bay.

Technically, I’m not allowed to criticize the Mighty Potentate, but let’s just say that he literally solves all political problems by vaporizing his opponents.

Not exactly a boon for democracy, but it does make for fun prime time debate viewing.

Thank you 3.5 Earth losers.  I’ll be back sometime this summer to answer your questions, so keep them coming.

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How the West Was Zombed = #165 on Wattpad Horror Fiction

Hey 3.5 Readers,

Sooo….I don’t want to count my chickens before they’re hatched or anything but I was pleased to see that How the West Was Zombed was ranked #165 in Wattpad Horror as of Saturday morning.

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I’m not saying that I’m putting a down payment on my house in Malibu but…I probably should right?

Here it is listed in the “Hot” section of Wattpad Horror.  I’m just going to say it.  I always thought I’d have to set myself on fire in order to get someone to refer to me as “Hot.”

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Seriously.  I’ve been referred to as “lukewarm” and “mildly tepid” but “hot” is a new one for me.

Oh and for no reason, here is a picture of Bookshelf Q. Battledog:


This noble hound has defended BQB HQ from many zombies.  Also, he has eaten 5,731 intruders alive.

People…so many Hollywood super models are missing out on partying with me.  They don’t even know what they are missing out on.

Help them out and check out my story on Wattpad.

Look, I’m not some kind of Wattpad math scientist.  But I assume your reads, clicks, votes, comments, etc. all factor in to pushing this fine, fine story up the charts, and moving me closer to my Malibu beach house where I will no doubt party with many, many super models.

3.5 READERS: But BQB what about Video Game Rack Fighter?

She is down with it provided she gets to party with male super models.  Honestly, I’m probably just going to tell her I will invite male models to the party but then not actually do it.

Don’t tell her I said that.  Only 3.5 people read this blog so the secret should be safe.

3.5 READERS: But BQB, you’re still a hideous nerd.  No super model will want you.

Maybe, but you’d be surprised how far “Hey baby, I can put in a good word for you if you want to play an 1800’s zombie hooker in the movie based on my book that all began on WordPress and Wattpad” will go.

So please, 3.5 readers.  Help a nerd out and I promise to party with so many super models in your honor.

That’s how much I care about my 3.5 readers.

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How the West Was Zombed – #218 in Horror Fiction on Wattpad

Hey 3.5 readers.

BQB here.

How the West Was Zombed is currently ranked #218 in Horror Fiction on Wattpad.

Check it:

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That’s the highest one of my stories has ever ranked before.

If you’re a Wattpadder, I’d appreciate it if you’d give it a read, a vote, a comment…any little bit you can do can help it climb the charts.

The more eyes, the more feedback, the more feedback motivates me to keep going.

I hate to admit it, but I have a hard time sometimes.

I want to start my own self-publishing business so badly, but I feel life has it out for me.  Things constantly go wrong.  Ridiculous nonsense constantly gets in my way.  There’s always something that’s immediately pressing.

I get to write when I “steal my time back.”  I get up a little earlier.  I stay up a little later.  I stop watching TV.  I stop doing fun things.

That’s all admirable but it does take a toll.  Sometimes you do need to unwind.  Sometimes you do need to be unproductive, even if it is for twenty minutes.

Like this site’s name, it just seems like it is a constant battle.  Sometimes I get frustrated.  Whenever I think I have a nice free night of writing ahead of me and some nonsense gets in the way, I feel like banging my head against the wall.

Sometimes I think about giving up.  If the gods, or karma, or the powers that be or whatever wanted me to write, they would stop allowing so many time sucking curveballs to be sent my way.

Your comments help.  Even if your comment is “this sucks” it helps me because, hey, last year I didn’t even have half of a rough draft written for someone to tell me it sucks so…improvement!

You keep reading and commenting, I’ll keep finding ways to squeeze writing in.

Thank you, 3.5 readers.  You are by far the best 3.5 readers a magical bookshelf caretaker/alien friend/zombie fighter/town mayor could ask for

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