Grab a vine and swing your ass on over to my review of The Legend of Tarzan.
Ah-ee-ahh-ee-ahh!
SPOILERS.
I’ve had a hankering to catch this flick ever since the trailers came out. It looks beautiful and it is. The African landscapes, CGI animals, high stakes man vs. gorilla battles – it’s worth putting your butt in a theater seat for two hours.
The film itself suffers from schizophrenia. The Hollywood suits apparently decided that a straight up origin story would be a no go and God bless them, because just as I don’t need to see Bruce Wayne’s parents shot for the 1000th time, I don’t need an in-depth film about Tarzan’s backstory either.
Though it isn’t as well known, we get the gist. British family is shipwrecked off the coast of Africa. Young boy is raised by gorillas and becomes Tarzan, King of the Jungle.
(Millennials, I know you’re all rushing to your social media to declare that this movie is evidence that Harambe didn’t need to be shot and that if left to his own devices, he would have raised that kid that fell into his enclosure to become a mighty warrior. Stop. Just stop. Stop embarrassing yourselves.)
Anyway, the story begins with Lord Clayton (formerly known as Tarzan) at a time where he has returned to England and accepted his noble title and all the wealth and honors that come with it. He’s played by Alexander Skarsgard so all you ladies who enjoyed watching him take his shirt off in True Blood, here’s your chance to get a taste of what you’ve been missing.
He’s married to Jane, played by Margot Robbie. Robbie actually does some bonafide, legitimate acting in this movie which depresses me because the more her career takes off, the less likely I’ll see her jumblies on screen ala Wolf of Wall Street ever again.
Bah, it’s the same old song and dance. At first, all the actresses are tripping over themselves to show the world their good and plenties and then once they get a little fame the goodies go on lockdown forever.
The short version – Clayton and Jane are lured to the Congo under the pretenses of a diplomatic mission. American diplomat George Washington Williams (Samuel L. Jackson) joins them and mostly serves to be that guy the audience can relate to. He can’t believe that Tarzan can do half the shit he does and neither can we.
Alas, the villain, Leon Rom (Christoph Waltz branching out from playing evil Germans to play an evil Belgian this go around) has other plans.
The aforementioned schizophrenia comes in because while the film is about Tarzan’s return to the jungle, it’s a big ass flashback fest, where we’re treated to recurring glimpses of the past that led Tarzan to the path he’s on now.
Lots of action. Visually pleasing. Really, you have nothing better to do this weekend. If you’re reading this blog you need to get out more so start by going to see this.
Or stay in and rent Wolf of Wall Street because to the world’s collective chagrin, Margot’s days of going buff on film are over.
It really is a shame the effect that fame has on photogenic jumblies.
From the far reaches of space, aliens travel to Earth…
…to remind me that I am now old as f%&kT and have accomplished very little in 20 years.
Although in my defense, neither has the world! So there’s that.
SPOILERS abound.
BQB here with a review of Independence Day: Resurgence.
The year was 1996.
Bill Clinton was in the White House, chasing interns around the Oval Office with his pants around his ankles and turning Monica Lewinsky into a human humidor (Google it, millennials. It’s too disgusting to go into further detail.)
The Beastie Boys were laying down some of their ill-est shit.
The sentence “Bill Cosby gave that lady his pudding pop” could only have been construed as “that nice comedic father figure was kind enough to give a woman the delicious frozen snack treat that he endorses.”
The Internet was in its infancy. It was a cute toy but other than that no one saw a glaring need to pay a fee to tie up your phone line while your computer screeched at you.
People who took pictures of their lunch and then demanded that you a) look at the pictures of their lunch and b) make comments about their lunch were considered assholes.
Technically, those people didn’t even exist, or if they did, not in high numbers. Again, the Internet was in its infancy. If you wanted your own website you needed coding knowledge and technical know-how. It was just too much work to post pictures of your lunch.
And at the box office was a movie called Independence Day.
Yes, in a pure marketing move, it was released on July 4th. Independence Day.
Those aliens know how to screw up a barbecue.
In the original, aliens invade Earth. In a far flung story line, various groups and people react to the alien attack.
To the best of my recollection, you had Bill Pullman as the president, who was also a fighter pilot, for no other reason really than he got to make inspiring speeches and then fly around in a fighter jet and shoot at alien spaceships.
Oh and there was Randy Quaid as a guy who appeared to be a drunk jackass who was crazy for believing he’d been abducted by aliens as a kid only to be vindicated. Humorous. Also, he was, coincidentally, a pilot as well so he too enjoyed the alien shooting fun.
Of course, the big star was Will Smith as Capt. Hiller, the pilot/hero who saves the day.
(SPOILER ALERT – he and Jeff Goldblum fly a stolen alien fighter craft into the mothership, fooling the aliens just long enough for them to upload a virus with the help of a 90’s era Mac and a floppy disk.)
Seemed ingenious at the time.
Twenty years have now passed.
Holy f%&king butt nuggets. Twenty years.
3.5 readers, here’s my first criticism of this highly unnecessary sequel.
It made me think too much about my life – how quickly the past two decades went by. Mistakes made. Things I could have done differently.
How is it possible that I went from a wide-eyed young lad thinking this new fangled CGI movie was pretty cool (CGI effects were fairly new to the movie scene in those days so as a movie goer, they were a treat. I feel bad for you millennials as you have nothing to look forward to now, unless virtual reality actually ends up being as big as they claim it will be).
Where was I? Ah yes. How did I go from that young kid wowed by CGI to a jaded adult who has now seen so much CGI that it just doesn’t have them same wow factor that it did when it was new?
Shit. Then there’s me in general. Twenty years ago I thought by now I’d be a really amazing, fabulous person.
Had you told me back then that in 20 years my greatest achievement would be starting a blog with 3.5 readers my response would be a) “What’s a blog?” and then b) “Oh, it’s a website that any asshole with $10 and rudimentary typing skills can start? Excuse me while I GO STICK MY HEAD IN THE MOVIE THEATER RESTROOM TOILET AND FLUSH IT UNTIL I DROWN TO SPARE MYSELF THIS INCREDIBLY DISAPPOINTING FUTURE!!!”
Nah. I wouldn’t have done that. I’d have just vowed that I’d work harder and make a difference. You millennials weren’t the first generation to view yourselves as special snowflakes.
At any rate, I spent most of this movie paying little attention to the action on screen. Instead, I went over the multitude of mistakes I made, opportunities missed, warning signs avoided, paths not taken and so on that led me to a point where the highlight of my day is writing a review of a highly unnecessary sequel to a movie that was dumb twenty years ago.
Even worse, so little has changed in the world since then when you think about it:
A Bush had recently been president before Clinton became president.
Since then, another Bush became president. Then a third Bush recently tried to become president. Also, another Clinton wants to be president. At least if the Clintons end up back in the White House, the interns will have a head start this time. Bill isn’t looking as spry as he used to be.
Trump’s hair defied gravity and laws of physics, back in the 1990s and today.
Cars don’t fly yet. We have yet to meet real space aliens. Oh, and the Simpsons are still on the air.
And yet, despite all of these similarities, there were some differences between then and now that made the original film more enjoyable…then.
Specifically:
I was young and more willing to suspend disbelief. (Bill Pullman as a President/Alien Fighter seemed perfectly plausible.)
Seeing landmarks getting blown up by aliens seemed like harmless fantasy drivel back in the day. As I recall, the aliens in the original film blow up the White House so as to illustrate to you, the viewer that they were evil ass aliens who meant business and were not to be f%&ked with. Since 9/11, such scenes just seems to hit too close to home.
And like I said before, CGI was in its early stages, so it was awesome to see. Then George Lucas came along and made those cartoonish Star Wars prequels.
OK. Shit. 1,000 words in, let’s talk about the sequel itself.
It’s twenty years later and the world has become a Utopia. A casino magnate with gravity defying hair and the lady who ran the country in the 90’s by shoving her hand up her husband’s ass and working his mouth like a puppet (oh come on, you know she did) aren’t vying for control of the Free World.
Rather, the entire world is free and humanity works together as humans have set aside their differences in order to keep a watchful eye out for future alien invasions.
Alien tech has been used to create all sorts of wonderful inventions that improve life and make people happy.
And then, you know, aliens invade again. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, some people do some shit over here, some other people do some shit over there, cut in some scenes of shit getting blown up around the world, and so on.
There are new cast members like Liam Hemsworth, but mostly the film consists of the actors from the original who never did anything better than this bullshit.
Thus, Jeff Goldblum is back, as is Judd Hirsch as his father. Bill Pullman is back though I wish he wasn’t because I feel like it was just yesterday that I saw him in Spaceballs as Lone Star and now he’s old as f%&k.
And in general, that’s my main complaint. Will Smith didn’t return, I assume, because the studio didn’t want to shell out the cash now that he’s a big box office draw (you might remember the original Independence Day plus Men in Black made Will a celebrity icon.)
So Will is nowhere to be found. But everyone without anything better to do is back, and they are all old as shit, which makes me feel old as shit.
I literally think this movie was made for the sole purpose of making me feel old as shit.
HOLLYWOOD SUIT 1 – Should we make a sequel to Independence Day?
HOLLYWOOD SUIT 2 – Yes! It will make BQB feel old as shit!
There are many references to the original, shit that you probably wouldn’t get unless you saw the first one (and also if you’re a nerd like me who has seen it a few more times over the years so you remember what happened.)
The aliens are still slapping Bill Pullman’s face up against the glass and speaking through him as if he’s their puppet (I assume they got the idea by watching Hillary work Bill).
Jeff and Judd are still the unlikely father/son hero duo, except Judd’s still alive which is surprising as I thought he was old as shit twenty years ago.
Eat your Wheaties kids and you too can aspire to Judd Hirsch’s longevity!
Robert Loggia has a quick cameo though I think it might have been a CGI Loggia. Someone tell me if you have the details on that one.
Oh and Brent Spiner (aka Data from Star Trek: The Next Generation) is back as the eccentric Dr. Brakish Okun.
The plot is basically the same bullshit about aliens invading and their invasion happens to be coincidentally timed on Independence Day so Americans can feel very patriotic while watching a movie about Americans defeating aliens on the same day that the British were told to go pound sand.
Although, I have to point out, some Hollywood suit must have decided this sequel didn’t have the gusto to put butts in seats on the Fourth of July, seeing as how it was released in June.
You’ll know this franchise has hit the wall when they release an Independence Day sequel that hits theaters in January.
Oh and FYI – there will be another sequel. It will also be unnecessary and serve as little more than a reminder that 20 years have passed, your life sucks more than you thought it would and the world doesn’t even have flying cars.
Shit. Stop remaking 90s shit, Hollywood.
Next you’ll tell me there’s a Mallrats TV show in the works.
Wait? What?
STATUS: Semi-shelf worthy. The effects are worth a trip to the theater. Otherwise, if you miss it, you didn’t miss much.
Hollywood just made two hours of my life disappear.
If you don’t want SPOILERS to appear, look away.
BQB here with a review of Now You See Me 2.
Some critics made fun of it but I actually liked the first Now You See Me.
Sure, the plot, the “magic” and everything that happened in the movie was highly unlikely…but in a time of rebooted reboots of sequels to reboots, IT WAS *GASP* AN ORIGINAL IDEA!
If you missed the first one, check it out. Basically, a group of magicians (the Vegas performer kind of magicians, not to be confused with pointy hat wearing wizards) called “the Four Horsemen” use their magic skills in Robin Hood style, robbing from a corrupt/rich insurance company tycoon played by Michael Caine and giving to the poor.
So I was up for a second one and…meh.
Yeah. I’m sorry but “meh.”
Razzle dazzle was the original’s hook. The magic shows/tricks were fun to watch and in your mind you try to figure out how the performers did it. Plus, they convinced me that Michael Caine’s character was douche-tastic enough to deserve to be robbed.
But in the sequel, they kind of just went back to the same well. Michael Caine is still the villain, but this time his son, played by Daniel Radcliffe of Harry Potter fame, does most of his dirty work.
I don’t want to be part of the “let’s all typecast Daniel Radcliffe as Harry Potter so he never gets another acting job again” movement. I realize he’s been in other movies since Harry Potter.
This is the only one I have seen and in my opinion, he did well in the role. Of course, the role was of a British nerd, so yeah, Daniel did just fine.
That’s not a dig on British nerds. We love you, nerds across the pond.
I have a complaint about an issue that I wish I knew more about.
Isla Fisher played the female horseman or “horse woman” in the original and she didn’t return for the sequel.
I don’t know why and wasn’t able to find any info on it. I don’t know if it was a case where she didn’t want to return, the studio decided to not have her return or what have you.
Lizzy Caplan joins the group as the new female horsewoman.
She’s very funny and in many ways, the star of the show, but it does send a message that females are interchangeable in movies.
It happens a lot in big ensemble movies like this one. All the dudes return but for whatever reason, they just swap out one hot chick for another hot chick.
The movie suffers from crammage – too much going on packed in to two hours and not enough time to address it all.
Mark Ruffalo returns as an FBI agent/magician (which continues to be an unlikely pairing of abilities). Magic debunker Thaddeus Bradley (Morgan Freeman) continues to be a pebble in the Horsemen’s shoe (magic debunker continues to be a unlikely career occupation, IMO).
Really. Who wants to be a magic debunker? Talk about pooping in the punch bowl.
Still, there are some great scenes. In particular, there’s a card throwing scene in which…well, I’ll just let you watch it. I enjoyed that part enough to be left with the feeling that the movie wasn’t a complete waste of time.
Maybe just 97% of a waste of my time.
Woody Harrelson was also pretty funny playing his character from the first film as well as that character’s obnoxiously evil twin brother. It’s the first time I have ever seen a movie in which Woody Harrelson made a conscious effort to become someone other than Woody Harrelson.
I also liked the exotic locations. Macau, China (the Vegas of China), London – lots of globe trotting. Made me want to do some traveling myself.
Among my many complaints, the top one has to be that they really should have come up with another villain/plot other than, “Damn it! Michael Caine’s up to no good again!”
If they do go with another sequel to make a trilogy, they have got to come up with another villain.
Do you need to rush out to the theater to see it?
No.
Is it worth a rental?
Yes.
But if there’s going to be a Now You See Me 3, they really need to up their game.
STATUS: Meh. Not shelf-worthy but not quite toilet worthy.
By: Special Guest Video Game Movie Reviewer Video Game Rack Fighter.
Ms. Fighter – Currently in Training to Defend Her Title in the Upcoming 2016 Car Thief Mayhem World Championship Competition
It’s here! It’s finally here!
The long awaited film based on an online multi-player game is here.
Did it suffer the “video game movies suck curse?”
Read on to find out but beware SPOILERS.
VGRF here with a review of Warcraft.
Movieclips Trailers – Warcraft
Warcraft. The online game in which humans can choose to be a variety of fantasy characters and fight for virtual power and gold has been around forever, or at least 1996.
That’s right millennials. Some of us were nerding it up before you were born and even before it became chic to declare yourself a nerd.
And now there’s a movie. It broke the box office in China, bringing in over $145 million this weekend just in that country. The Chinese love their Warcraft.
Kind of makes me wish I could go back in time and start my own video game company that allows people to pretend to be wizards, warriors, elves, orcs or what have you.
Speaking of orcs, let’s talk about the movie.
Orcs. Long considered the perpetually raging, possibly misunderstood buttholes of the fantasy realm, they’ve destroyed their world and rather than seek to mend their evil orcish ways, they cross through a porthole into the human realm of Azeroth and start conquering and pillaging and generally orcing shit up in true orc fashion.
Hmm. Maybe the Azerothians need to build a wall and make the Orcs pay for it?
Huh? Huh? Crickets. Hmm. Blame BQB. That joke was his idea.
Moving on. Naturally, the humans aren’t going to stand for all this orcish tomfoolery. From thereon, it’s difficult to figure out who’s who and what’s what because all the human dudes are basically a bunch of long haired hipster beardos who all look alike.
But, if you make an effort to get past that, you’ll see Dominic Cooper as the King Wrynn, Travis Fimmel as Commander Lothar, and Ben Foster as Medivh the Guardian.
I don’t want to give too much away, but suffice to say hi jinx ensue when one orc clan leader has second thoughts about all the evil orcishness and seeks to ally himself with the humans.
Paula Patton plays Garona, the half-human/half-orc and the only one who could possibly bring peace between humans and orcs.
Yeesh. So I assume her father was an orc and her mother was a human. Her poor, poor mother. She probably didn’t walk right for a year after that.
Crickets? Another joke suggestion from BQB. Unless you laughed. Then it was all mine.
Ultimately, I don’t think this movie suffers from the “all video game movies suck” curse.
An actual effort was made to develop characters, a plot, a storyline. I won’t spoil the ending but it is obvious that further sequels are in the works.
If you aren’t a nerd or you dislike the fantasy genre, you probably won’t enjoy it.
It is more in line with the traditional fantasy genre style. Nerds in robes – wizards, elves, dwarves, everyone geeking it up and expecting a nerd audience who knows what all this nerd shit means.
As I watched it, it dawned on me that George RR Martin was able to get a wide, diverse audience into his Song of Ice and Fire (aka Game of Thrones) series because he was able to take so many relatable human problems and insert them into a fantasy world.
But for Warcraft, you’re going to have to be a nerd to enjoy it.
Luckily for you, if you are reading this blog, you already are one.
Visually stunning. Worth to see it on the big screen.
If I’m being honest here, I watched this movie for two reason:
Lauren Cohan (Maggie from The Walking Dead) and since she’s sans-Glenn in this one, I can fantasize about wooing her with my manly machismo.
Killer doll movies are the scariest of all movies. No one has a gremlin, ghost, zombie or monsters in their house, but everyone has at least one doll.
In her breakout movie role, Lauren plays Greta, a nanny hired by an elderly couple to take care of their son, Brahms.
The catch? When she arrives, she learns that Brahms is actually a doll, though his parents don’t let on that this is anything but normal.
I don’t want to give too much away, but as you can imagine, clues are dropped throughout in an effort to lead you in different directions. Is there a boy’s soul trapped in the doll? Are the parents nuts? Is Glenda nuts? Is everyone nuts?
It’s worth it to watch until the end to find out. I won’t spoil it because to the film’s credit, you won’t get what’s going on until it is all finally revealed.
I know I didn’t and as my 3.5 readers are aware, I’m a genius so that’s saying something.
Is it possible to make a good Fantastic Four movie?
At first, I’d argue no. The source material is dumb. A rock monster and a rubber man, an invisible woman and a guy who can set himself on fire at will?
Well, then again every other comic book movie, in essence, is equally dumb.
The movies that came out in the 2000’s stunk. Then the most recent reboot last year was panned by critics. I didn’t think it was horrible but it didn’t blow me away either.
In all the movies, I feel there was a failure to capitalize on Dr. Doom. A scary character/dictator…really had potential to be super naughty.
What say you, 3.5 readers? Is is possible to make a good Fab Four movie?
So if you’re not a nerd, there’s a new X-Men movie out, X-Men: Apocalypse.
The plot is that the meanest mutant of all time has been lying dormant for thousands of years, but is back and ready to conquer the world.
To promote the film, Fox put out posters featuring Apocalypse strangling Mystique (the blue bodied, orange haired shapeshifter that dudes dig because she sort of walks around naked all the time except she doesn’t have nipples or a butt crack so it’s like Marvel found a loophole to have a naked chick walk around in their movies.)
Rose McGowan, who used to be on Charmed but I can’t think of anything she’s done lately, took offense, complaining on the Interwebs that this promoted violence against women.
Eh…here’s my two cents.
Could the studio have chosen a different image to promote the movie?
Yes.
Did I notice a problem until Rose McGowan said something about it?
No.
And you could say that maybe that means I’m oblivious to the plight of violence against women but rather, I’d say you women folk have done a fine job of training me like a dog to recognize women as equals.
I saw these ads around and it didn’t pop into my mind “Oh geez. Violence against a woman.”
Nope. All I really thought was “Cool. New X-Men movie.” And if anything, I thought, “Wow. Looks like Mystique’s in a bit of a pickle with this new bad guy.”
In other words, I didn’t see the ad so much as portraying violence against a woman but rather, a superhero taking on a super villain, combined with the thought that this villain is the worst the X-Men have ever faced as even the powerful ninja shapeshifter Mystique is getting bested.
That’s what we want, right? We want Mystique to be considered just as big a bad ass as Cyclops or Wolverine, don’t we?
When I saw this ad I didn’t think “Damn it. A woman is getting abused.”
I thought, “Holy shit! Apocalypse is the scariest villain ever! If even the great and powerful Mystique can’t handle him then surely we are all fucked royally! Everyone run for your lives! Apocalypse is coming! Get me to this movie so I can see just how evil Apocalypse is and how fucked all the X-Men are, whether or not they have penises or vaginas, all X-Men are truly fucked when this monstrous villain comes along!”
I don’t mean to complain but in my opinion, there’s just never been a time like the present where men have no idea what to do to keep women happy.
Consider:
It is sexist to show Mystique getting roughed up by a male villain.
It would also be sexist to tell Mystique she needs to sit out the fight because she’s a fragile delicate woman who couldn’t possibly defeat a man.
So…what the heck do we do then?
Equality is great and all but I have to admit there have been some times when I fear that women, in their quest for equality, may have abandoned some things that actually made them better than men.
Case in point. Ronda Rousey. Most popular female UFC fighter ever. Trained in martial arts. Can beat up the strongest dudes with her pinky finger.
Good for her and all but sometimes I’ll see female UFC fighters knocking the crap out of each other and wonder if maybe, just maybe, “knocking the crap out of each other” might have been one of those male concepts that women would have been better off had they not aspired to.
Yes, you women have the right to beat each other up in a UFC fight, but why do you want to?
I’m a man and I don’t even want to fight anyone.
But I also understand that not every man and/or woman is the same. Not every man and/or woman wants to be a fighter.
It just becomes hard for me to know what to say. If women are clamoring for more female superheroes (“Rah rah, we can fight evil just like the men!”) then you can’t have it both ways.
You can’t demand more female superheroes, put those superheroes in a position where they have to fight evil, then cry foul or “Hey! You’re being mean to a woman!” if the big bad villain knocks the female superhero around.
Because honestly, it would be easy to start getting a little old school on this. I’d rather not see women get beaten up on screen, so if women don’t want that to happen, then we can just start a movement for women to no longer be superheroes. (I’m just trying to prove a point. I don’t want women to stop being superheroes.)
Then again, I also realize this is all fantasy. Men don’t have superpowers either. But these films are make believe. We’re expected to suspend disbelief and assume these men and women have superpowers. We shouldn’t look at the men or the women as being mere fragile humans but rather superheroes with great abilities.
It’s playing pretend. These films let us fantasize about how great life would be for us if we had special powers and since these movies are open to everyone, the fantasy is easier to indulge in when each movie goer sees someone who they can relate to. Men can fantasize about being male heroes. Women can fantasize about female superheroes and so on.
Eh. I can see all the points on this. Perhaps that didn’t need to be the image they put out everywhere.
Otherwise, I don’t know women. Yes, they are many douchey men out there who get off on violence against women.
On the other hand, the majority of average, trying to do the right thing men will probably do whatever you want, because let’s face it, that’s what we do anyway.
You want us to treat you as fragile and keep you out of the superhero fights? We will. (I say we like I’m some kind of studio exec that can make this happen.)
But if you want to be superheroes and fight evil villains alongside male superheroes then that’s great too.
Just keep in mind villains like Apocalypse don’t believe in chivalry. Apocalypse isn’t going to think, “Huh. Mystique’s a woman so maybe I ought to go easier on her.”
No. Apocalypse is going to think, “This is a do-gooder superhero who is trying to get between me and my plans for world domination so I better stop her.”
Look, I don’t want to get carried away, it’s just that at the end of the day, Mystique getting strangled by Apocalypse means she’s been accepted in the world of superheroes.
Wolverine, Cyclops, Gambit, Professor X, Nightcrawler – shit. Ask any of them and they’ll tell you that getting strangled by a villain is just a hazard of the job.
You could argue it would have been sexist for Mystique to not have been strangled by Apocalypse.
Apocalypse beats up all the male heroes and then pats Mystique on the head and says, “Take a break honey?”
Please. Had that happened I would have contacted a civil rights lawyer immediately to help me voice my anti-sexism concerns.
There’s been a twitter campaign as of late to turn Captain America gay. Have him fall in love with his good friend Bucky Barnes and have those two start going at it and everything.
Eh. You know, I’m sympathetic to the idea that gay people would like to see themselves represented in a super hero movie but I’m not sure rewriting a character who has been obviously straight (hello, he’s carried a torch for Agent Peggy Carter forever) and turn him gay out of left field.
Plus it seems stereotypical to assume that because someone has a longtime friendship with someone of the same sex (like Cap and Bucky) that they just can’t be friends and instead that friendship must somehow mean they’re gay.
It’s probably not all that politically correct to argue against it but the idea just seems to out of left field to work. Plus, I’m not sure movie studios want to start making changes to movies based on twitter campaigns. Before you know it, the masses will just start running the movie business.
A gay superhero could work but I think the solution would be to find or create a gay super hero and not necessarily rewrite a currently straight hero to become gay.
I’d like to start out by being close-minded and say…NO!!!
This happens every once in awhile. Whenever they are in the market for a new James Bond, every British person who wants the role starts doing interviews to float the idea that they wouldn’t mind being James Bond.
A whole bunch of male Brits have put themselves out there…but Emilia Clarke from Game of Thrones did an interview saying she wouldn’t mind being “Jane Bond.” Gillian Anderson (Is she even British? I’ll have to look it up) said the same.
Ladies, look. More power to you but these films are an outlet for me and many dudes to fantasize that a world exists where men are allowed to be men, that in our minds we are James Bond and that we could drive around in fast, expensive cars, live rich, extravagant lifestyles, and be so studly that we seduce women into giving up international secrets.
We know women can seduce men into giving up any info. There’s no challenge there. That Bond gets all these women to do his bidding is like the ultimate fantasy. Never happens in real life so let us dream.
And besides…Bond’s women have names like “Pussy Galore.” What would Jane Bond’s boyfriend be? “Gotta Bigdonger?”
Women…stop. Just stop. We have to draw the line somewhere. I forbid this.
Bookshelf Battle 