Tag Archives: television

Fuller House

So, out of morbid curiosity, I watched the first twenty minutes of Fuller House.

At the twenty minute mark, I couldn’t take it anymore but here are my thoughts.

The whole extended family has gathered at the Tanner house in San Francisco for one last get together before Danny, Becky and Uncle Jesse move to LA as they all have conveniently obtained new jobs there at the same exact time.

Thus, the “Full House” is about to become empty.  DJ (Candace Cameron) returns with her boys.  Her husband, Mr. Fuller (conveniently named to give the show a catchy title) has croaked.  Kind of like how her mom croaked.  Shit the Tanner family has no luck.

John Stamos, Dave Coulier and Lori Laughlin, all old as shit now, look exactly the same as they did from the original show, thus leaving me to wonder if deals with Satan were struck.

Bob Saget looks older but not ancient.

The Olsen twins passed on the show and there’s a joke about that.  The show is self-deprecating so there is an admission to the audience that hey, they aren’t out to craft amazing television here.

Stephanie (Jodi Sweetin) has enormous sweater cannons and its not my fault for noticing as they’re put out on display.  Well, not “out, out” but still.

Kimmy Gibbler, formerly the goofball neighbor kid/DJ’s friend who came over to bug the Tanners constantly, is separated from her husband and has a daughter of her own.

I didn’t watch long enough but it was basically building up to DJ, Kimmy and Stephanie taking over the Full House to raise DJ’s kids and Kimmy’s daughter together.

Ugh.  I don’t know.  I’m sure this show brings a lot of joy to people who really loved the show.

My recollection from when I was a kid was that its main fan base was geriatric old ladies, all of whom are six feet under now.

Maybe I’m just a glass half empty kind of a guy but all this show does is make me feel old.  It seemed like the show was just on yesterday.  Now the adults are geezers.  The kids are the adults with kids of their own and all kinds of adult problems.

I mean, isn’t there a part of you that just wanted to remember that show with everyone being young and happy?

Because time marches on at a fast and furious pace and eventually life wrecks every plan you had.  Maybe we were all better off thinking that the Full House family all rode off into the sunset and were very happy.

Maybe we didn’t need to know that DJ has a dead husband and Kimmy has a philandering husband…maybe we don’t need to know that life took a big shit on all of their dreams, just as it did for the rest of us.  Just as it will inevitably do for everyone.

Because that’s life.  For a little while, you’re a kid.  You believe in the world because it has never given a reason not to.  Then you try to make something of yourself and boom, here comes the shit.  That person you loved double crosses you.  Shit.  That degree you got is worthless because no one will hire you.  Shit.  That job you don’t like you’re going to be stuck in it forever because the economy is garbage.  Shit shit shit.

Maybe, just maybe we’d like to think that the shit Danny, Jesse and Joey suffered through didn’t revisit the next generation but low and behold, everyone’s life turns to shit I guess.

By the way, the show isn’t really about peoples’ lives being shitty.  Everyone on the show seems genuinely pleasant.  Perhaps I’m just projecting my own shitty life on it.

We talk about self-publishing a lot on this blog and I think what Hollywood is doing with all these old show reboots is relatable.  Fuller House probably would not have been picked up by a major network, but Netflix was happy to have it to bring in the subscribers.

A lot of old shows are coming back thanks to the Internet creating new homes for them.  So maybe the lesson is maybe somewhere on the Internet, there’s a home for your writing as well.

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House of Cards – How to Talk Like Frank Underwood

FORMULA = ASIDE TO CAMERA + “AS THEY SAY IN GAFFNEY” + NEEDLESSLY COMPLICATED WORD CHOICES + PLOTTING

“I want some cereal.”

TRANSLATION: As they say in Gaffney, “breakfast is the most important meal of the day.”  And as the President of the United States, my days are more important than those of the average man.  But which cereal, pray tell, should I feast upon as a prelude to this glorious morn?

Captain Crunch?  Hardly seems worth the time of a man of my stature.  Why would a sea captain be so interested in cereal anyway?  It boggles the mind.

Lucky Charms?  Bland oats and sugary marshmallows.  My teeth hurt just thinking about it and really, is there such a thing as luck?  I’ve gotten where I am through sheer will and determination.  Dumb luck had nothing to do with it.

Fruity Pebbles?  As delightful as it would be to watch my milk turn various colors I must resist as this Flintstones themed product harkens my mind back to prehistoric times – the days when a man was allowed to be a man.  If he wanted food, he killed it.  If he wanted something, he took it.  And if he wanted a woman, he took her.

Oh how I would have been a god had I lived amongst early man.  It’s best to not remind myself about what I missed out on.

Perhaps I’ll just have some Kashi Go Lean. Mix in some fruit.  Full of fiber. Good for the bowels.  Cleanses them of their deepest, darkest secrets, the things you don’t want anyone else to know about, the things everyone has done but ironically, no one would ever forgive you for.

Also, it helps you poop.

 

 

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Lady Melisandre at a Baby Shower

Hey 3.5 Readers,

BQB here.  Late Show with Seth Meyers had a funny skit in which Lady Melisandre attends a baby shower and is her usual self.

So Game of Thrones will be back on the air soon, what are you hoping to see?

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RIP George Gaynes

I’d like to take a moment to remember actor George Gaynes, who died this week at 98, which surprised the crap out of me because I thought he was 102 back in the 1980s at the height of his fame.

His two main roles that I remember:

  1. The bumbling Commandant Lassard in the Police Academy movies.
  2. The lovable curmudgeon Henry Warnimont on the TV show, Punky Brewster.

Yes.  Punky Brewster.  The best show ever about a poor elderly man who went to take his trash out one day, found a small girl living in the alley and decided to keep her…because it was the 1980s, simpler times when the automatic assumption was that the old man actually just cared about the kid and wanted to be there for her and wasn’t trying to keep her as a slave locked up in his basement or something.

Ahh how times have changed.  Punky Brewster just wouldn’t fly as a TV show today.  It was a good show.  There was Brandon the dog.  And her friend Cheri.  And Cheri’s feisty grandmother.  You know, Henry and Cheri’s grandmother really should have hooked up.

Anyway, you will be missed George Gaynes.  The 1980s would not have been the same without you.

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The Walking Dead – Season 6, Episode 9 – “No Way Out”

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Hey 3.5 Readers.

The Walking Dead is back!

SPOILER ALERT!

Wow.  The general consensus is this is one of the best episodes of the series, perhaps the most emotional one.

We lost some recurring characters.  Jessie, Ron, Sam – the whole porch dick family is gone.

Rick’s Valentine’s Day was ruined.  He really wanted some Jessie action.

Carl’s eye is gone.  Poor Carl.

Father Gabriel had a redemption moment.

The Alexandrians had their stand.

Dale has replaced his crossbow with a rocket launcher.

What say you, 3.5 readers?

 

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How the West Was Zombed – Part 1 – The Stand

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U.S. Marshall Rainier Slade and his trusty deputy Gunther Beauregard are joined by traveling snake oil salesman Doctor Elias T. “Doc” Faraday in a stand against the nefarious Buchanan Boys.

Strap on your chaps and get ready to ride back to the Old West, 3.5 pardnahs.  This here’s the first part in an ongoing novel sure to appease the Mighty Potentate.

Chapter 1             Chapter 2         Chapter 3

Chapter 4            Chapter 5          Chapter 6

TRIVIA: By now, Old West movie buffs may have figured out which actor Slade is a parody of.  Feel free to share if you caught it.

Any idea who BQB had in mind when he created Gunther?  HINT: think TV instead of movies.

Oh, and if you’re one of them cowpokes who prefers a mobile friendly format, mosey on over to Wattpad.  Hell, BQB only started posting this story up there on Wednesday and its already ranked #932 in Wattpad horror.

Let’s keep it going, shall we?

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Let’s Talk Making a Murderer

Thanks Netflix.  Thanks a lot.

Got no work done this weekend, ended up binging on Making a Murderer instead.

SPOILERS!  SPOILERS!  SPOILERS!

Don’t read on if you haven’t watched it yet.  This post is meant to be a discussion for people who want to talk about the series…WHO HAVE ALREADY WATCHED IT!!!

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: I have no idea if any of the crap I am about to say is accurate.  I am just opining on the show.

So here we go.  BQB’s thoughts:

 The First Case – Penny Beernsten

So it’s clear Steven Avery is innocent here.  Testing that occurred years after his conviction due to advances in DNA testing methods indicated that the culprit was in fact Gregory Allen, a guy in the area who physically looked like Avery (same hair color, body type).

Allen, according to the documentary, had been known to local law enforcement, so much so that they kept him under surveillance.

Did the police act with malice?  (i.e. did they intentionally try to put Avery behind bars because they didn’t like him?)

There was the argument that one of the deputies was friends with a woman that Avery had run off the road and so on.

Personally, I think the issue might have been more about negligence – i.e. they found a suspect, they made it stick, and it was just too much of a pain in the ass hassle to go after someone else.

Is negligence better?  Well, it’s not great, and it thoroughly sucks that someone was wrongfully convicted.

At any rate, its impossible to deny the wrongful conviction.  The court set the conviction aside, Avery was released, even the victim acknowledged the mistake.

The Second Case – Teresa Halbach

A tougher case.

First, as the documentary starts to get into it, your gut begins to tell you maybe something’s up.  What are the odds of a guy wrongfully convicted of a crime being accused of another major crime?

  • Avery had become a public hero and a symbol for a justice reform.
  • The state legislature had been in the process of working on a bill that would compensate him $450,000.
  • A civil case was underway that’d likely have gotten him millions.

BUT…as much as the wrongful conviction sucks…people who have had sucky things happen to them don’t get a free pass or an excuse to commit a terrible crime.

In other words, your gut, or at least mine, began to tell me to keep an open mind on both sides:

  • Yes, it is odd a wrongfully convicted person got convicted again but…
  • It isn’t impossible for someone to be not guilty of a first crime and then be guilty of a second crime.

The Frame Defense

Hmmm.  This was a tough one.

This is where some may disagree with me but…

I don’t believe the officers framed Steven Avery.

Why?

  •  You see a hole in Avery’s blood vial from his first case.  You, like Buting, start to think, “Oh well, maybe that could have been used to put Avery’s blood in Teresa’s RAV4.”
  • OK…BUT – what about the fire pit with all the bone fragments?  And the barrels with all the bone fragments?

Someone tell me if I’m wrong but for the police to have framed Avery, they would have had to…

  • Dig into Avery’s life until they discovered that a photographer for Auto Trader was coming to the Avery property on a regular basis to take car photos.
  • Kill her.
  • Plant Avery’s blood in the car
  • Dump her car on the Avery property without the Averys noticing.
  • Burn her body somewhere else but then scatter bone fragments in a pit and in barrels on the Avery property, AGAIN without the Averys noticing.
  • Plant Avery’s DNA on the car key and plant it in Avery’s room.

BUT – Could someone else have killed Teresa and the police just took advantage to railroad a guy they didn’t like?

In my opinion, where the “Frame Defense” gets weak is the bone fragments.

Did the police have access to Avery’s blood? Yes. However, the FBI did run a test that showed some of the blood in the car did not have the testing chemical that would have been in the stored blood sample.

But ok.  Say you still think they planted the blood in the car.

How did the bone fragments get onto the property then???

I think if you accuse the cops of planting the blood, then you practically have to accuse them of planting the bone fragments too because if Avery didn’t do it then how else would the bone fragments have gotten there?

You could argue well some mysterious other murderer did it, then dumped the car and the fragments on the Avery property and then the cops were like “Yahoo!  We hate Avery so lets plant some shit to make this stick” but between accusations of cops planting a RAV4, putting blood in the RAV4 and then ANOTHER party dumping bones and making it look like a burning took place in the back yard…

…well, with all that happening I have to feel like the Averys might have noticed.

Was there a civil case?  Yes?   Were two cops deposed?  Yes?  Does that mean they’d go to the lengths of framing a guy?  I find that doubtful.  Cops, public officials, office holders, etc are sued all the time.

I’m sorry, but I just can’t envision cops being worried about a lawsuit enough that they’d frame a guy, plant evidence and somehow manage to either sprinkle the victims bones on the Avery property or benefit from some mysterious evildoer who did so.

So what the hell happened?

What made us all agree Avery was off the hook in the first case was the identification of another perpetrator.

Here, no other alternate suspect was found.

Brendan Dassey

Well, here’s where the case gets really complicated.  There’s another suspect and I suppose that means there’s room for theories that a) Avery did it and the nephew’s just a sap that got roped into it b) They did it together as the state alleged or c) maybe the nephew did it and Steven didn’t and well…while never Steven or Brendan came across as rocket scientists, I’m not sure Brendan could have pulled this all off on his lonesome.

The confessions are troubling.  Perhaps there should be a rule that kinds under 18 should always have a lawyer present during police questioning no matter what.

As a cautionary tale, if you’re a parent and your kid gets charged with something, insist you be there for any interviews and insist a lawyer is there too.

As for – is Brendan innocent?  I mean, he made statements he did it, and that he didn’t do it. He was clearly, for lack of a better description, not the brightest bulb, so yeah, he was probably manipulated into confessing and certainly the part where his own lawyer’s investigator is badgering him into confessing is troubling.

From the documentary itself, just as a pure question of whether or not he did it, I can’t tell.  What makes it hard for me is at one point he tells his mom something like he had to because Steven was stronger than him and then at another point he tells his mom basically that he just said what the cops wanted him to say.

In other words, in a very cloudy mind, his statements to his mother seem to provide the most insight into his head, and he made conflicting statements to his mother.

So who did it?

I think the bones on the property is the piece of info I can’t get away from.    The RAV4 on the property, the key in the room, the bullet in the garage, explain them all away but I just fail to see how the bones could have gotten there otherwise.

Does the documentary reveal a lot of things that law enforcement can do better? Yes.

But…absent evidence that someone carted a bunch of bones and spread them around Avery’s backyard, my gut tells me he did it.

Anyway, keep in mind I’m no expert and I’m just shooting my mouth off on a series.  Don’t take anything I wrote above to be accurate or correct.  Watch it yourself.

What are your thoughts?

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Making a Murderer

Anyone watch it yet?

I’ve only watched the first half hour so please, NO SPOILERS!

Generally speaking, is it as good as everyone says it is?

I mean, so far, it seems like bad police work but as far as the show goes, its not blowing me away so far, though like I said, I haven’t seen much of it.

Does it get better?

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Happy Festivus!

Did you know that December 23rd is the date that George Constanza and his family celebrated “Festivus” on Seinfeld?

Ever since that episode, I’ve always considered Dec. 23rd to be Festivus. So  perform the feats of strength then gather ’round the aluminum pole for the annual airing of the grievances.

What grievances do you have, 3.5 readers?

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Discussion – Tina Fey Won’t Apologize

Tina Fey declares she will not apologize for jokes, that there’s an “apology culture” on the Internet and she’s opting out of it.

Should comedians apologize to someone offended by their jokes or should they stand by their jokes?

Discuss.

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