Tag Archives: videogames

Ask the Alien – 3/22/15 – Pixels

Greetings Earth Losers.  Alien Jones here to answer your questions and The Esteemed Brainy One
pump your planet full of extraterrestrial intelligence.

Why?  No offense, but your planet is dumb.  Very dumb.  There are no words to express its level of dumbositude.  So very, very, very dumb.

This week I answer a question from none other than Blogger-in-Chief, Bookshelf Q. Battler, who continues to be a Yeti hostage:

Alien Jones!  BQB here.

Pixels – WTF?

WTF indeed, BQB.  WTF indeed.

Feast your vision receptacles on this trailer, insignificant humans:

Pixels Trailer – Sony Pictures Entertainment

Coming to a theater near you this summer…assuming the North Koreans are cool with it.

To elaborate on BQB’s “WTF” I will ask and answer questions I assume are on the minds of this blog’s 3.5 readers:

Q.  In Pixels, 1980’s era humans place a time capsule on the Moon which contains, among other examples of Earth culture, 1980’s video games.  The aliens misunderstand and take the time capsule as a threat of war and respond by creating massive video game characters, which they use to attack Earth.  The trailer shows Pac-Man, Donkey Kong, and Space Invaders attacking Earth.

Is it possible for such a misunderstanding to lead to an intergalactic war?

A.  Such misunderstandings happen all the time.  The Moloklaxons have been on a thousand year campaign, sweeping through the galaxy, taking one planet after another, all because an ambassador from the Intergalactic Diplomacy Organization broke wind in their ruler’s presence.  It wasn’t meant as an insult.  The ambassador had some bad tacos the night before and couldn’t help it.

Q.  But seriously, aliens think video games are real and respond with giant video game characters?

A.  Most species laugh at your video games because ours are so much better.  Few species would respond with war, though the Moloklaxons are willing to fight over anything.

Q.  What’s the point of this movie?  Is it serious?  Is it a comedy?  What the hell is going on?

A.  There are some serious looking Independence Day-esque scenes of monuments being attacked by video game inspired space ships.  On that note, it looks serious.  On the other hand, it stars Adam Sandler and it is about attacking video game characters, so it must be a comedy.

Q.  Is it going to be good?

A.  It will either be great or it will suck with the force of a thousand Dysons.  There will be no in between.  It will either be considered a unique and fun premise or will be Sandler and co’s attempt to run around with video game characters of their youth that sadly today’s kids don’t care much about.  Pac Man was fabulous for its time but today’s youngsters want Call of Duty.  

I fear young people will be like “Who’s Pac Man?” and old people will be like, “I’m so old because I used to play Pac Man!”

I will withhold judgment until I see it and will hope that it is excellent.

Q.  Is there a ray of hope?

A.  It stars Peter Dinklage in a role where he is not Tyrion Lannister.  He is always great as Tyrion but this will give him a chance to branch out.

Thank you for your time, 3.5 readers.  Kim Magennis, loyal Bookshelf Battle fan and proprietor of the Whimsy Blog  submitted some questions.  I have been a bit swamped this week, what with my ongoing diplomatic efforts to convince various worlds to stop trying to annihilate one another.  I will definitely get to those next week.

Alien Jones is the Intergalactic Correspondent for the Bookshelf Battle. Do you have a question for the Esteemed Brainy One? Submit it to Bookshelf Q. Battler via a tweet to @bookshelfbattle, leave it in the comment section on this site, or drop it off on the Bookshelf Battle Google + page. If AJ likes your question, he might promote your book, blog, or other project while providing his answer.

Submit your questions by midnight Friday each week for a chance to be featured in his Sunday column. And if you don’t like his response, just let him know and he’ll file it into the recycling bin of his monolithic super computer. No muss, no fuss, no problem.

Alien Image Courtesy of “Marauder” on openclipart.org

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Literary War Quote – 1984 by George Orwell

Bookshelf Battler here, reporting live from the Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare battlefront.  I have to hand it to this game.  Such ultimate realism – the sights, the sounds, the blasts, the getting shot twenty times and then hiding behind a corner until you get better – ok, so maybe the realism factor isn’t all that high but still it is an all around A+ game.

This week I’m celebrating this game with a tie-in to literary war quotes – mentions in literature about that most necessary (or unnecessary?) of all evils – war.  War.  Ungh.  Goo God yah huh – what’s it even good for?  Absolutely nothin.’

In 1984, (the book, not the year that happened thirty years ago – hey what do you know, Happy Anniversary 1984!) by George Orwell, a vivid portrait the ultimate police state is created, so much so that the novel gave rise to the phrase, “Big Brother is watching you.”

What did this book have to say about violence – as in organized violence ,or in other words, war?  Check it out:

“Those who abjure violence can only do so by others committing violence on their behalf.”  – George Orwell, 1984

Don’t be fooled by the catchy use of the word, “Battle” in the title of this blog.  I’m all for peace, happiness, and tranquility.  But George makes a good point.  Constant threats abound – both from criminal degenerates at home and terrorists abroad.  We are able to sit around and type on our blogs, drink our Mountain Dew, and play our video games because “rough men,” i.e. police and soldiers are taking up arms on our behalf and keeping the bad guys at bay.  Here’s what else George had to say on the subject:

“People sleep peacefully in their beds only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.”  – George Orwell, 1984

My opinion, police and military types often get a bad rap.  They’re often portrayed in pop culture  as savages, jerks, people on a power trip who just enjoy committing acts of violence and while I suppose there will always be a few bad apples in any bunch, we have to be honest with ourselves and realize that we are able to live peaceful lives because the government employs “rough men” (and hey – even “rough women!” to fight on our behalf.

This concept was further immortalized in the 1992 military courtroom drama film, A Few Good Men.  Remember the character Col. Nathan Jessup played by Jack Nicholson?  Here’s the direct quote of his infamous “You Can’t Handle the Truth!” speech:

“Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns.  Who’s gonna do it?  You?  You, Lt. Weinburg?  I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom.  You weep for Santiago and you curse the Marines.  You have that luxury.  You have the luxury of not knowing what I know – that Santiago’s death, while tragic, probably saved lives.  And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives.  You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall.  We use words like honor, code, loyalty.  We used these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something.  You use them as a punchline.  I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it.  I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way.  Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post.  Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to.”  – Jack Nicholson as Col. Nathan Jessup in A Few Good Men

Well, maybe this is not the best example since Jessup was the bad guy in the film but overall, the main point – if you feel the need to criticize police and the military for being “rough men,” try to also keep in mind that their “roughness” is very much needed.

And don’t forget – my Call of Duty character will be exploded 50 times tonight by frag grenades, many of which I tossed accidentally at my own feet, so that you can play peaceful video games like Mario Kart and Minecraft.

Full disclosure – I have to give props to NBC’s The Blacklist because Raymond “Red” Reddington used Orwell’s quote in this week’s episode.  When I heard it, I was like, “Thank you, James Spader!  There’s a blog post!”

In conclusion – don’t forget to subscribe to this blog and follow @bookshelfbattle.com on Twitter.

And if you’re a Walking Dead fan – stop by Sunday night to discuss the latest episode!  What is Carol going to do as a patient at the evil hospital, anyway?

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Call of Duty

Dear Loyal Readers,

Due to circumstances beyond my control, book reviews will be on hold for the foreseeable future.  Thank you for your understanding.  Have a nice day.

 

 

“War must be, while we defend our lives against a destroyer who would devour all; but I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend.” – J.R.R. Tolkien, The Two Towers
See that?  Sooner or later I always manage to tie it all into literature.  If you miss my witty commentary while I am trying to prevent video game-ized Kevin Spacey from conquering the world, feel free to follow me on twitter: @bookshelfbattle
Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,