Dudes, you have no idea how lucky you are all to have me. I’m here. I’m taking time out of my busy schedule to inform you, the reading masses, how to use the writings of the most influential author of the English language, to score points with the ladies.
OK. Look at me. LOOK AT ME. Take one night out of your life and woo your woman. All to often men underestimate the power of woo.
What is woo? It’s not easy to explain. It’s the effort you put in to make your woman feel special and loved. Frankly, if you have to ask, some other dude has probably wooed your woman away by now anyway.
Don’t half-ass it like you do everything else. Your woman is not some rug that you can just sweep dirt under and then pretend like you actually cleaned the floor. Look at your woman and pitch ridiculous amounts of woo. Take all of your wooing skills and just send them straight into your woman’s general direction.
Shakespeare’s Henry VI dealt with all of the political power power plays and general nastiness that led to the War of the Roses. What was that war about? I don’t know. One side had some roses. The other side wanted roses. So they fought over the roses. What do I look like? A history scholar? We’re not here to talk about roses (although you should order your lady some in advance because they’ll be sold out by Valentine’s Day by dudes who thought of this stuff before you did).
We’re here to talk about this quote:
“She’s beautiful, and therefore to be wooed; She is woman, and therefore to be won”
– William Shakespeare, Henry VI
Take a knee, dudes. Listen – want a translation of what Bill just said? Here you go – you can’t phone this shit in. Your woman is beautiful and so you have to earn that right to be around all that beauty. Get her flowers. Sing to her. Read her poems and shit. Or if she’s not into all that, then do chores and crap without her complaining about it or acting like a martyr because you had to wash a dish. Make your woman happy!
Happy Wife = Happy Life. Woo. Learn how to Woo.