Bookshelf Q. Battler.
BQB aka Read N. Plenty, one half of the highly sanitized rap duo, “The Funky Hunks.”
Today you know him as the host of a blog with 3.5 readers.
Surely more of you remember him from his days as one half of the late 90’s/early 2000’s rap duo, “The Funky Hunks.”
(Back then he rapped under the name Read N. Plenty).
Yes, BQB and his childhood friend Bernie Plotznick aka MC Plotz once briefly tasted fame and fortune with their album, “Non-Threatening White Boys.”
Universally ignored/panned by the youth of the day, they were beloved by stretch pants clad soccer moms the world over, who couldn’t get enough of their overly tame lyrics. They devoured songs like:
BE NICE AND STUFF
By: The Funky Hunks
Yo. 1999. It’s singin’ time!
Let’s kick it!Funky Hunks are on the scene,
Always polite and never mean!
Brush your teeth and say your prayers,
Ladies at dinner? Pull out their chairs!Funky Hunks, don’t disrespect!
Or a stern rebuke is what you can expect!
Carry an umbrella in case there’s sleet!
Look both ways before crossin’ the street!Funky hunks! We’re on a mission.
Tellin’ you to turn off the television.
Go outside.
Read a book.
Grab a friend, a casserole you will cook!Give that food to a homeless man!
Then sing a funky hunk jam!
‘Cuz you know deep down in your heart
Doin’ good is where to start!Ugh…ugh…yeah….break it down…
The International War Criminal, Mythical Furry Monster and BQB arch nemesis known simply as “The Yeti” was actually in charge of writing this story (in an effort to embarrass BQB), but he dropped the ball during the whole war over control of BQB HQ earlier this year. Hopefully he’ll get his furry hide in gear and finish it for your reading pleasure.
In the meantime, enjoy Bookshelf Q. Battler and the Meaning of Life and the yet to be titled Project X coming in June.
Rapper and Yeti images courtesy of a shutterstock.com license.
Bookshelf Battle 
Despite my lack of stretch pants (or children of any type) I actually like this song quite a lot. There is so much bad behavior out there. It might be worth a reissue.
Last I heard MC Plotz is selling oranges by the highway and BQB is running a blog with 3.5 readers so I don’t know if they’ll ever get the band back together.
Well, then I’ll buy an orange.
funny stuff.
Thank you. That’s the best review I’ve ever received.
That picture is quite terrifying. And I don’t mean the Yeti.
You should see MC Plotz.