Movie Review – Gold (2016)

I always hate it when Hollywood puts a handsome actor in ugly face.

BQB here with a review of the snoozefest that is “Gold.”

There’s gold in them there hills 3.5 readers…or is there?

Matthew McConaughey plays Kenny Wells, the heir of the respectable Washoe Mining Company, started by his grandfather and built into something by his father.  Alas, Kenny proves to not be as great as these men.  He’s a bit of a screw up, a total drunk, a loser, not that bright, balding, has a paunch belly and is kind of ugly.

But he tries.  He really tries.  Alas, failure follows him everywhere.  Just as the family business is about to collapse, he risks what little he has left on the highly speculative work of Mike Acosta (Edgar Ramirez), a prospector who is certain he has found a massive gold deposit in Indonesia.

In order to cash on in this find, Kenny will have to rustle up cash quick.  In order to keep it, he will have to fend off any number of 1980s Gordon Gecko style Wall Street robber barons.

Oh and he loves his wife, Kay (Bryce Dallas Howard).  As an ugly man with a hot wife, Kenny feels a constant need to impress his lady with his business and money making skills, yet sadly, too often turns a deaf ear to Kay’s entreaties that she doesn’t really want any of that, she just happy with his ugly, broke ass just the way it is.

Overall, the film moves slow and will likely put you to sleep.  I mean, there’s some lovely Indonesian landscapes, some interesting backroom deals, but ultimately, the film has the unenviable task of trying to explain how the mining business works and not only that, but to make it interesting.

I will say I took some knowledge from the film.  Mining is apparently a very tough and speculative business.  Mining companies can take samples, do studies, get a general hunch that a certain valuable substance might be in the ground somewhere, yet ultimately, they never know for sure until they start drilling and that requires raising obscene amounts of money without any sort of guarantee that the drilling will lead to anything.  Often, these digging expeditions go nowhere, leaving the investors without a pot to pee in.

I just wish that Hollywood would stop hiring good looking people to play uggos.  Somewhere out there, there was an actual ugly actor with real balding hair and a real ugly face and a real paunch belly who would have loved playing a down on his luck gold prospector.

STATUS:  Shelf-worthy, but you know, if you miss it, you won’t miss much.  This is one of those Oscar light films where actors get together to show off their chops in the hopes that critical praise will be forthcoming.

 

 

 

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