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Book Review – Redshirts

BASIC BOOKTOMETRICS

TITLE: Redshirts

AUTHOR: John Scalzi

PUBLISHER: Tom Doherty Associates

YEAR PUBLISHED: 2012

FORMAT REVIEWED: Hardcover

GENRE: Sci-Fi; Comedy

NUMBER OF PAGES: 317

Beam me up, Bookshelf Battlers.

On the old Star Trek TV show, there was no worse fate than being – a redshirt. You see, back in the 1960’s, the writers wanted to add a dose of realism, or at least as much realism as possible to a show about a massive Star Ship exploring the universe and getting into altercations with a different alien species every week. When engaged in constant battle with alien marauders, it is a very real possibility that some crew members aboard a “real” Starship would kick the bucket. Sorry, but you can’t go up against that many alien bad guys without someone buying the intergalactic farm.

The problem? Certainly the main characters – Capt. Kirk, Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy, Scotty, Lt. Uhura etc. could not be the ones to cosmically croak because then there would not be a show anymore. Obviously, George RR Martin wasn’t a consultant for this show.

Sorry, I didn't have any Star Trek toys.  Yes, as a grown man I think that's a perfectly normal thing to say.  Here's the Master Chief instead.  Yes nerds, I understand that one space character is not the same as another.  Take a chill pill.

Sorry, I didn’t have any Star Trek toys. Yes, as a grown man I think that’s a perfectly normal thing to say. Here’s the Master Chief instead. Yes nerds, I understand that one space character is not the same as another. Take a chill pill.

The solution to this conundrum? Enter the redshirts – the extras, the grunts aboard the Starship Enterprise who did the busy work – fetch the Captain’s coffee, stand at a cheesy 1960’s hunk of cardboard with Christmas lights on it attempting to pass as a computer and punch buttons in the background, etc. The writers used these space traveling lackeys as fodder to take the beatings, leaving the fan favorite heroes unscathed.

Watch an old episode of Star Trek. If there’s an away team being beamed down to a planet consisting of Capt. Kirk, Mr. Spock, Bones, and Fred the Extraneous Redshirt from the Enterprise Payroll Department being introduced to the audience for the first time, chances are that Fred would be the one chomped on by a monster, tossed into a volcano, blasted by a lazer, and so on.

In Redshirts, author John Scalzi hilariously lampoons the undesirable plight of the redshirt. Set in a Star Trek-esque universe of Scalzi’s creation, the book follows a group of freshly minted redshirts as they begin service aboard the Universal Union’s flagship, The Intrepid. The newbies quickly discover that strange shenanigans are afoot – namely, that there is a statistically and ridiculously high chance of a low ranking crew member being killed on an away mission, whereas senior officers appear to have almost absurd levels of luck as they avoid death even after being thrust into one dangerous situation after another.

I don’t want to spoil the ending or the various twists and turns but needlessly to say, this is the first book I’ve read in awhile that had me laughing and reading at the same time.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy

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Transformers Starring Mark Wahlberg – A Parody Trailer

NARRATOR: This Summer…coming to a theater near you…Transformers 4. We promise it will be better because we gave the kid that ruined Indiana Jones the boot and replaced him with Boston based actor Mark Wahlberg

WAHLBERG: Oh my friggin’ Gawd, dude! Did you see that? That friggin’ robot just turned into a friggin’ CAH! Johnny, Davey, Pete, Ed, all you guys get off yah bah stools, they got friggin robots turnin’ into cahs ova hea!

NARRATOR: See Mark Wahlberg in this special effects extravaganza.

WAHLBERG: Oh, hi there Optimus Prime. It’s nice to see you. Say hello to your mother for me.

NARRATOR: Transformers 4, starring Mark Wahlberg of the movie, Fear

WAHLBERG: I’ll tell the cops you hit me.

STARSCREAM: But I didn’t even touch you!

(WAHLBERG makes a crazy face and starts pounding himself over and over again in the chest.)

STARSCREAM: You’re crazy!

NARRATOR: Transformers 4, in theaters this Friday, starring Mark Wahlberg of the Oscar winning film, The Departed.

(MEGATRON opens the door to his apartment, a startled look on his face as he sees WAHLBERG waiting for him in a track suit with paper painters’ covers on his shoes, pointing a silenced pistol at him.)

MEGATRON: Can we talk about this?

(WAHLBERG shoots MEGATRON, who collapses and dies. WAHLBERG walks out. A robotic rat is seen scurrying along the window sill.)

NARRATOR: That’s Transformers 4 – starring Mark Wahlberg of Boogie Nights

WAHLBERG: I’m gonna be a star. A great big bright shining star.

OPTIMUS PRIME: Put that away!

NARRATOR: Transformers 4 – starring Mark Wahlberg. Because we need to break up the super intense special effects scenes with occasional scenes of uninteresting human dialogue to prevent you all from getting epilepsy. Coming soon!

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True Blood and Why Vampires Are So Popular in Media?

Vampires – undead bloodsucking fiends who look at humans like walking Happy Meals. Occasionally, some of them have even been known to shout, “Bleah!”

For years now, even decades, it seems like every week there’s a new vampire book, movie or TV show. I’m not really sure where it all began, but personally, I feel as though I have not seen an end to the vampire craze since the early 1990’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer film, not to be confused with the much better Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV show.

Anne Rice made vampires emotional with such books as Interview with the Vampire (or other works featuring her perennial returning vampire, L’estat de Lioncourt. Buffy made vampires funny. Stephanie Meyer made vampires wusses with her Twilight series of novels, though hey, it’s hard to knock her. With the level of success she has had, she must of done something right.

And now, True Blood has made vampires – well, dirty. So depraved actually that the only place you can see these vampires is pay cable.

Game of Thrones has ended, much like the Night’s Watch come sunrise. In my opinion, True Blood lags behind GoT but I suppose that argument is like comparing apples and oranges – or, maybe, dwarves and werewolves?

Bookshelf Battle HBO Viewing Schedule

If it’s Winter, I’m watching…True Detective

If it’s Spring, I’m watching…Game of Thrones

If it’s Summer, I’m watching…True Blood though
apparently not for much longer.

If it’s Fall, I’m watching…Boardwalk Empire

Bless you, HBO, for removing the crappyness for televison

For those new to the True Blood universe, “Truebie Newbies” if you will, The show is based on the The Southern Vampire Mysteries aka the Sookie Stackhouse Series of novels by author Charlaine Harris. Honestly, I’ve never read them, which probably is not a good admission for a book blogger, but oh well, if YOU are interested in reading them and want to let me know how they were, here is the reading order:

Reading Order for The Southern Vampire Mysteries Series by Charlaine Harris

Dead Until Dark 2001

Living Dead in Dallas 2002

Club Dead 2003

Dead to the World 2004

Dead as a Doornail 2005

Definitely Dead 2006

All Together Dead 2007

From Dead to Worse 2008

Dead and Gone 2009

Dead in the Family 2010

Dead Reckoning 2011

Deadlocked 2012

Dead Ever After 2013

You have to hand it to Charlaine. She has been steadily churning out one of these vampire novels every year since the early 2000’s. I’ll probably never read them because, well, I’m a dude and I get the impression that with all of the vampire/human/werewolf/other assorted beasts lovers’ quarrels going on, I’ll get bored and fall asleep, leaving my neck prime real estate for some evil fanged creature to nosh on like I’m some kind of discount nacho plate sold at 7-11.

But like Stephanie, Charlaine must be doing something right, so by all means, read them and tell me what you think. Oddly enough, while the novels have not interested, I have been hooked on the show for quite some time now. Is it the exceptionally (and often ridiculously) gratuitous scenes of in flagrante delicto? Is it the exceptionally (and again, often ridiculously) gratuitous scenes of gore?

Nah. I like to think of myself as more evolved than that. For me, it’s the storyline. A good TV show grabs the viewer, makes him care about the characters and want to know what happens next for them so much that he has no choice but to tune in next week. That’s why I watch Game of Thrones and that’s why I watch True Blood.

If you’re coming into the show late, what are some things you’ll want to know? Well, for starters, the show takes place in a world where vampires have essentially come out of the closet. Since the beginning of time, they lived in the shadows, feeding off humans but not revealing their existence for fear of human retaliation. The vampires answer to a behind the scenes vampire government that punishes vampires for disobeying various rules deemed necessary for their safety. When a synthetic blood substitute called “True Blood” is invented that satisfies all of a growing vampire’s nutritional needs, the vampire government ends the years of secrecy and makes the presence of vampires known to the world.

The hope is that vampires and humans will get along and prosper together but the results are disastrous. Many vampires disagree with the decision to end their secret. They think True Blood tastes gross and prefer to eat humans for breakfast.

If I have one complaint about the show, it’s that the concept starts out similar to Alien Nation i.e. the human world suddenly learns that mythical creatures actually do exist and now everyone has to find a way to live together in harmony. However, what happens instead is that practically every episodes, the vampires kill, dismember, torture, eat or otherwise attack humans and then complain about why humans hold them in such contempt.

People hold a genuine displeasure towards beings that try to turn them into lunch. Go figure.

Overall, it’s a show worth watching though I think I’ll skip the novels. It has “jumped the shark” in recent years with plotlines and scenes that have become exceptionally silly as well as some scenes that, well, let’s just say push the limits of even pay cable.

Back to our original question – why have vampires become such a big part of pop culture? My two cents – it has something to do with the changes over the years in how vampires have changed. It started out with Dracula and Nosferatu – evil, hideous, damned creatures. Then you have Buffy, Twilight, and True Blood who live forever, go on various adventures, amass great wealth from having lived so long – heck, some of them even swear off eating humans and learn to live on fake blood and become not half-bad undead beings to hang around with.

Though the market is vampire saturated, I would say the interest must come from the fact that vampires are basically immortal and impervious, with a few exceptions (stake through the heart, fire, garlic, holy water, etc.) As humans, we have to watch what we eat, get lots of sleep, workout at the gym, take vitamins and the fear that we’ll all eventually sooner or later (hopefully a lot later for all of us) meet our maker makes the idea of getting lost in fantasy worlds where characters get to live forever appealing.

In conclusion, when you walked in the air went out.

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Butterfly in the Sky…I Can Fly Twice as High…

…it’s in a book…take a look…a reading rainbow.

I loved this show when I was a kid, and now Geordi LaForge has used his special Star Trek powers to travel back in time and bring back the show through a kickstarter campaign. Please support his efforts by clicking below:

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Game of Thrones Season 4 Finale

Let’s face it, folks.

More often than not, many TV shows become stale after a few seasons – the same old plot lines are recycled, the characters get boring and stale, you just eventually give up and eventually the network does too.

Not the case with Game of Thrones, which just keeps getting better and better. In a show where main characters die early and often, usually in tragically unexpected ways, last night’s season finale was satisfying and showed us that just once in awhile, George RR Martin allows bad guys to get their comeuppance and good guys to get their victories.

WARNING – THERE BE DRAGONS, AND SPOILERS, AHEAD. MOSTLY SPOILERS. NOT MANY DRAGONS.

Among last night’s highlights:

Last Minute Save of Castle Black – For once, Stannis finally does something that makes him worthy of the title of King.

Bran Completes His Vision Quest – I’ve never really understood what this whole side plot with Bran, Hodor and the brother and sister wandering around in the frozen wilderness was all about but oh well, at least it’s over.

Brienne vs. The Hound – Heroes of Westeros, for the love of “all the old gods and the new” please finish the job before you start making speeches.

Worst Father’s Day Ever – Tyrion gets his revenge. Tywin finally ends up on…the throne.

These seasons go by so quickly. I wish there were more episodes, but I imagine HBO can’t make too many as the production of each episode is the equivalent of developing a summer blockbuster film. Now all I have to look forward to is True Blood, which pretty much jumped the shark awhile ago.

Attack on Castle Black

Sunday night’s episode of Game of Thrones was, in a word – AWESOME.

Aside from a little bit of dialogue, almost the entirety of the episode was devoted to the wildlings’ attack on Castle Black.  I’ve heard some criticize this, claiming all the action did nothing to move the plot along, but really, what’s wrong with that once in awhile?  I was impressed with this episode as it had special effects normally only seen in a summer movie blockbuster.  Too bad there’s nowhere that shows this show on the big screen.  Movie theaters could clean up by having Sunday night GOT night.

SPOILER ALERT

At the end of the episode, Castle Black was still standing and still in control of the Night’s Watch.  However, the battle for the Wall continues and pits about 100 members of the Night’s Watch (probably less after the battle) vs. thousands of Wildlings, aided by Giants and mammoths (ok, this post might be getting too nerdy).

There were many points in this episode where I thought that George RR Martin was going to be his usual character devouring self – he builds you into thinking a hero will win, then dashes your hopes unexpectedly.  In fact, given the outcome of the battle between the Viper and the Mountain, it would not have surprised me to have seen the entire Night’s Watch obliterated.  (And who knows, that could still happen).

 

Castle Black Still Stands

I love this show. Tonight’s episode was pretty much entirely devoted to the Wildlings’ attack on Castle Black. I’ve never seen a TV show before where each week’s episode is the equivalent of a summer blockbuster movie.

Top Ten Predictions for Tyrion Lannister’s Future

He’s our favorite imp – funny, prone to debauchery, and has an uncanny ability to overcome obstacles tossed at him with his wit and cunning.

So what’s next for Tyrion, played by the incomparable Peter Dinklage on HBO’s Game of Thrones.

As you might recall, my prediction for Tyrion’s champion’s success was less than accurate:

The Red Viper vs. The Mountain = The Thrilla in Manila for Nerds #nerdthrillainmanila

Here’s hoping that one of my more positive predictions will be in store for Tyrion:

10.) Tyrion lives. He’s a main character, and after all, main characters always survive, right?

9.) WRONG! This is the George RR Martinverse! This man eats main characters for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Even fan favorite Tyrion is not safe.

8.) Martin does a bait and switch – i.e. something like, Tywin has a change of heart, offers Tyrion a full pardon, and then on the way to pick up his pardon, Tyrion is unexpectedly trampled to death by a pack of runaway horses.

By the way, at this point, knowing what we know of Martin’s predilection towards unexpected main charactericide, should we stop rooting for our favorites altogether? At this point, isn’t it almost inevitable that Dany will be on the verge of conquering Westeros only to eat a piece of bad cheese and die from food poisoning out of left field?)

7.) A tie in a trial by combat means Tyrion is off the hook. No wait, the Mountain did breathe for a second or two before he, well you saw it, before he did what he did to Oberyn, so I suppose that does make him the victor.

6.) Tyrion bribes some corrupt Westerosian to free him.

5.) Jamie frees Tyrion but casts himself out of the family by going against Tywin’s wishes.

4.) Tyrion demands a second trial by combat. Advises second champion – “Stab first, ask questions later.”

3.) Tyrion pleads with the court, “Eh, come on, it was only Joffrey, right?” Jury thinks about it, then starts nodding in agreement and orders the imp to be released.

2.) The Lannisters go to family counseling.

1.) Tyrion racks up a ton of debt. Points out to Tywin he can’t be killed because Lannisters always pay their debts.

Book Review – The Light Between Oceans

BASIC BOOKTOMETRICS:

TITLE: The Light Between Oceans

AUTHOR: M.L. Stedman

YEAR PUBLISHED: 2012

PUBLISHER: Scribner

FORMAT REVIEWED: Hardcover

NUMBER OF PAGES: 343

Move over, dingoes. There’s a new danger Australian babies – lighthouse keeping couples.

The premise – in the 1920’s, Tom, depressed and bitter over the WWI baggage he is carrying finds a new lease on life when he meets happy-go-lucky Isabel. Tom is a lighthouse keeper and moves his new wife to the small, secluded island where he tends to a giant beacon of light that prevents ships from going astray. It’s a lonely life, far removed from the comforts of civilization. Isabel wants to be a mother but begins to believe her dream will never come true after she suffers one miscarriage after another. Tom only wants to make her happy.

One day, a rowboat carrying a dead man and a live baby mysteriously washes up on shore.

Pop quiz, what do you think the couple does?

A) Contact the authorities. Surely the baby has living relatives somewhere that miss her.
B) Signal a boat to come to the dock to carry the baby back to civilization and to the nearest police station so the whole mess can be sorted out.
C) Locate the dead man’s family so he may have a proper Christian burial.
D) Toss the dead man’s carcass in a ditch. Take advantage of the fact that you’re the only two people on the island to raise the child as your own. Return to shore later and tell the world Isabel gave birth to the baby while on the island.

Stay out of trouble...report babies immediately when they wash up on shore

Stay out of trouble…report babies immediately when they wash up on shore


If you selected A-C, you’re good people. If you selected D, you’re probably Tom or Isabel.

All joking aside, author M.L. Stedman does a fantastic job at displaying the mental gymnastics that people put themselves through in order to convince themselves that they are doing something right when in fact, what they are doing is so clearly wrong. Isabel grasps onto an assumption that the baby’s mother must have died in some kind of high seas tragedy and the only right thing to do is to take the child in. Tom wants to report the baby to the authorities but wants so badly for his wife to be happy that he can’t bring himself to do it.

Of course, when they return to shore, they discover who the mother is, how the baby came to be washed up on shore, and all manner of gut wrenching sadness goes on display as they debate whether or not to tell the baby’s true mother what they’ve done. With more mental gymnastics to convince herself that what she wants and what is morally right are the same thing – she argues that the baby, now a young child, has grown attached to her and Tom, recognizes them as her parents, and it would upend her world to turn that around. Tom, on the other hand, can get over the fact that the baby’s mother, Hannah, has become a sad, depressed, shell of a woman, in a constant state of sadness over her lost husband and child, clinging to hope that one day her baby will somehow magically return.

Well, it would be too spoilery to reveal all of the twists and turns, but overall, the book is a real tearjerker and the author has a knack for leaving the reader wanting to know how this truly messed up situation will work its way out.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy

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Viper vs. Mountain Post Game Wrap Up

Well, it’s hard to talk about without sharing any spoilers, but I think we can all agree there was a lesson to be learned here:

DON’T BE A GLOATER!

Darn you, George R.R. Martin you old baitandswitcher, you.