Category Archives: Best Pickup Lines

Best Pickup Lines – #175-200

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#175 – Picture it.  You and me on a deserted island.  Also, there’s a monkey playing a banjo.  The monkey serenades, then starts touching himself.  We want to look away but oddly enough, we cannot.  We then make hot passionate live while the monkey periscopes the entire affair.

#176 – I’m the other white meat.

#177 – Can I check you for stretch marks?

#178 – Can I check you for track marks?

#179 – Can I check the marks on your college transcript?  I don’t want to date a dummy.

#180 – Can I check the marks on your college transcript to make sure you did poorly?  I find that dummies make the best dates.

#181 – You’re so brave to go out in public, looking the way you do.

#182 – Nice dress.  Do you always shop at the curtain store?

#183 – I want to kiss you all over…but first…liquid courage!

#184 – Would you like to travel the world?  Would you also like to pay for all my tickets and travel expenses?

#185 – I’m a masseuse.  My foldable table is in my trunk.

#186 – Did you know that one night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble?  God, I wish Chess would get the band back together again.

#187 – I can take off my underwear without removing my pants.  Care to see?

#188 – This hair is mine.  Seriously.  I have the receipt.

#189 – My back hair is thick and lush.  You’ll feel like you’re running your fingers through a luxurious shag carpet.

#190 – Are you a religious woman?  No?  Don’t worry, I’ll have you screaming “Oh God!” by the end of the night.

#191 – Can we divvy up this bar tab?  I had like one beer and you had a million rum and cokes.

#192 – All my past girlfriends are famous.  They always end up with their faces plastered all over milk cartons.

#193 – I’d say it’s love at first sight, but I’ve been staring at you through your bedroom window for years now.  Whoops!  I let the cat out of the bag.  Silly me.

#194 – I’m a male prostitute and I charge by the hour.  How many hours can I put you down for?

#195 – Let’s do this!  I just popped a viagra and I don’t want to waste it.  Do you have any idea how much those pills cost?

#196 – Girl, you so fine you blow my mind.

#197 – May I have this dance?  No?  Fine, who needs you anyway?

#198 – I floss.  My dentist tells me I have the gums of a thoroughbred race horse.

#199 – What would you do for a Klondike bar?  I’m just curious because I have a whole box of them at home.

#200 – I’m so lonely.

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Best Pickup Lines #151- 175

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#151 – Girl, you look all kinds of tasty.

#152 – Come on.  This thing isn’t going to touch itself.

#153 – Pardon me.  Do you have any Gray Vag-pon?

#154 – Am I famous?  Well, as it so happens I’m a repeat guest on Cops.

#155 – Yes, I farted.  Yes, I’m a big enough man to claim my own farts.  What about it?

#156 – Wanna wrassle?

#157 – I’ve got a can of whipped cream at home.  Let’s use it before it goes bad.

#158 – You are way hotter than my wife.

#159 – I want to ride off into the sunset with you…and then lock you in my basement.

#160 – Has anyone ever told you that you were beautiful?  They have?  What the hell?  Do you hang out with a lot of blind people or something?

#161 – Hold on.  I need to grease myself up first.

#162 – I love it when you laugh.  Your laughter, unlike my syphilis, is contagious.

#163 – I’m open to butt stuff.

#164 – I’m undressing you with my mind.  Nice girdle.

#165 – I can’t promise you that I won’t get you drunk and sell you to a group of unscrupulous international sex slave traffickers…but I’ll try my best not to.

#166 – I can’t promise that I won’t get you drunk and sell one of your kidneys to a black market organ dealer…but I’ll try my best not to.

#167 – I can’t promise that I’ll take a shower every day…but I’ll try my best not to.

#168 – Not interested?  I knew you were a lesbian.  I can spot a daughter of Sappho from fifty paces.

#169 – Wanna come back to my place?  I have a hot tub that’s virtually bacteria free.  There’s maybe one, two amoebas tops.

#170 – You’re looking good baby but you’re not quite there yet.  Drop twenty pounds and you’ll be on the train to pound town.

#171 – I’ll look better after my spray tan appointment.

#172 – What will fifty bucks get me?

#173 – Would you care to have a brief conversation in order to gauge whether or not we share any mutual interests and continue thereafter if we do?  Or should I just ruin everything by talking about my penis right away?

#174 – I’m a lawyer.

#175 – I’d like to buy you a drink, but I’ve been out of work for six years.  Can I offer you the juice box that’s been warming in my back pocket all evening instead?

 

 

 

 

 

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Best Pickup Lines #101-150

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#101 – Oh, I guess you’ll do.

#102 – Pardon me ma’am, but do you have a taser?  If so, is it charged?  Also, what’s your pepper spray situation?  I ask because the ER says my health insurance won’t cover any more zap or eye treatments this fiscal year.

#103 – If you were peanut butter, I’d spread you on my bread.

#104 – The ladies say I’m a dog.  Wanna pet me?

#105 – Let’s go back to your place.  My place is filled with silverfish.

#106 – I’ve been told I have a silver tongue.  Got any varnish?

#107 – Want to play Monopoly?  I’ll put my finger in your thimble.

#108 – Would you like to split an ice cream soda at the malt shoppe?

#109 – Why yes, these are Hammer pants.  Thank you for noticing.

#110 – Look into my eyes.  You are getting sleepy…very sleepy…

#111 – Does anyone else know you are here?  Would anyone miss you?  Just curious is all.  No biggie.

#112 – Do you come here often?  Would you like to?

#113 – Would you be willing to take a compatibility test?  You only have to fill in the bubbles on a scantron sheet for seven hours.

#114 – Want to see me crush a beer can on my head?

#115 – I sure would love to bounce a quarter off that tucas.

#116 – I feel like I could get lost in your eyes.  Would you like to get lost in my chest hair?

#117 – I’d like to sketch you sometime, but I’m not a very good artist.  It would probably just look like a stick figure with two giant chest circles.

#118 – We’re not getting any younger.

#119 – I just sold my three years sober chip for a keg.  I’m officially off the wagon, baby! Woo!

#120 – I’ll mow your lawn and trim your hedge.  Also, I will do your lawn work.

#121 – You shaved down there or do you look like you’ve got bigfoot in a leg lock?

#122 – I’d love to take you to Europe, but the International Showcase at Epcot is the best I can do.

#123 – Who’s up for a little bit of the slap and tickle?

#124 – You are an amazing woman and I value your mind and spirit over your body.  Was that sufficiently deep to get me into your pants or do I have to spout off more nonsense?

#125 – It totally works.  I just got it checked.

#126 – Wanna come back to my place?  We can take turns lying down in the chalk silhouette on the floor.

#127 – Allow me to serenade you with my accordion.

#128 – Wanna do your good deed for the year?

#129 – Hey lady.  Stop staring at my crotch.  My eyes are up here.

#130 – You look exactly like a movie star.  Has anyone else ever mistaken you for Rosie O’Donnell?

#131 – We’re like two ships passing in the night, except now it’s time to dock in your harbor…

#132 – Let us crash our bodies against each other like two portly wildebeests rampaging their way across the Savannah.

#133 – Eh, like you could do better.

#134 – What wedding ring?  Oh, THAT wedding ring!  I’m just holding it for a friend…

#135 – You’re pretty hot.  Seriously, you could be a prostitute in the greater Manhattan area if you wanted to.

#136 – If looks could kill you’d be an Apache attack helicopter outfitted with heat seeking nuclear missiles and twin gatling guns.

#137 – Can I touch it?

#138 – Can I text you sometime…and also, many times after that?

#139 – I know we just met but I can already imagine a life where I pass out in front of the TV with a beer in my hand and a cigar in my mouth while you wash the skid marks out of my undies.

#140 – I’ve been told I look like a young Abe Vigoda.

#141 – Would you mind terribly if I were to take a life insurance policy and then hang out with you for awhile at the top of a very high flight of stares for absolutely no reason in particular?

#142 -Yeah, I’m a health nut. My diet consists mostly of Slim Jims and Red Bull.

#143 – I have a map to the G-spot.  A legendary explorer gave it to me in exchange for three gold doubloons and a goat.

#144 – Can I sniff the air in your general vicinity?

#145 – Are you one of those lame-os who freaks out when a man takes between thirty and forty thousand photos her while she’s sleeping?

#146 – I’m into feet.  Can you take off those shoes so I can meet yours?

#147 – I wipe regularly.

#148 – I’m cash poor but love rich.

#149 – Check out the size of my hands.  Extra big gloves for me if you catch my drift.

#150 – Let’s boogie.

Best Pickup Lines #76-100

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#76 – Hey baby.  I have some lotion and I would love it if you would put it in my basket.  Remember, if you don’t put it in the basket, you’ll get the hose again.

#77 – Pardon me, I know this sounds rude and offensive, but I just have to say you have an amazing body.  It would look fabulous in my crawlspace.

#78 – Does this rag I just pulled out of my pocket smell like chloroform to you?

#79 – You look so beautiful I just want to kiss you.  But first, can you sign these forms in triplicate stating your assent to me kissing you?  Also, we’ll need to find a late night drive-through notary office before we can get down to business.

#80 – You’ll probably never do any better than me.  I’ll probably never do any better than you.  Let’s just give up and be together already.  It’s not like anyone else is kicking down the door for us.

#81 – Oh, you like my outfit?  Good because the 1970s called and they said they will never take it back.

#82 – Let’s make some bad decisions.  Put me at the top of the list.

#83 – I look way better in the dark.  In fact, there are no lightbulbs in my place.

#84 – Can I just take a quick selfie with you so all my social media followers will assume I have something going on even though I clearly don’t?

#85 – Maybe’s there’s a python in my pants.  Maybe it’s just a lowly worm.  Pants roulette, baby.  Pants roulette.

#86 – I’m the best man I know but I admit I don’t know many people.

#87 – Let’s make this quick.  I have to get back to Gotham City and fight the Joker.  Shh, don’t tell anyone I told you that.

#88 – Am I ugly or are you just very judgmental?

#89 – I love to workout.  Every day I curl two pints of Ben and Jerry’s right into my pie hole.

#90 – Our children would no doubt look like hideous mutants.

#91 – Get out of my dreams…and into my pants.  No, wait!  My car!  Sorry, I always screw up that song.

#92 – Do you have a photo of your mother?  I’d like to know up front whether or not you’ll still be bone-able in twenty years.

#93 – Are you a member of PETA?  Good, because I’m one dirty animal that needs to be saved.

#94 – I look much better in my gimp mask.  Trust me.

#95 – Baby, you should stop smoking.  You’re hot enough already.

#96 – Where are your friends?  Before I date you I need to know you are the hottest one in the batch.

#97 – I can haz vagina?

#98 – McDonald’s on me baby.  Your choice of one item on the value menu, or you can have a Happy Meal but I get to keep the toy.

#99 – Maybe I’m a frog.  Maybe I’m a prince.  You’ll never know until you kiss me, girl.

#100 – I’m the lead singer in my boy band.

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