Hmm…dating a celebrity seems like it would be fun…until the cameras start rolling.
Is your girlfriend’s life being documented for the drama factor?
Hmm…dating a celebrity seems like it would be fun…until the cameras start rolling.
Is your girlfriend’s life being documented for the drama factor?
Yo, yo, yo, what up ladies?
BQB in the hizzy fo shizzy.
Are you dating a wannabe rapper?
Only this BQB top ten list can help you know for sure. Or rather, fo sho.
By: Douche Shark, the World’s Douchiest Shark
Yo…yo, hey bro. Bro…hey! Hey yo, bro! Don’t swim away from me, bro. I’m talkin’ to you, bro. Don’t be rude bro. Don’t be rude. Come on, swim on back. No, I’m not talkin’ to you 3.5 readers. I’m talkin’ to my douche shark buddy behind you. Don’t worry, he aint gonna eat you 3.5 bros. He don’t snack on stank meat. What? What’d I say? Aw come back 3.5 human bros. Fine, I’ll talk to you too.
Bros…check it out, bros. The ocean is filled with fine ass lady sharks ripe to be caught, and here are some things that a sexy douche shark like me will say to bag those sweet lady fins because as much as they say they don’t, lady sharks totally like douche sharks bro. They do.
Nice sharks finish last bro. You ever see a nerd shark bang a lady shark bro? Cool, I rest my case, bro.
OK bro, study up because here’s what you got to say to a lady shark to make her wet…I mean beyond the ocean she’s already living in:
#1 – Yo baby, come back to my shark crib and we’ll listen to some Pitbull.
Dale, bro. Dale. Lady sharks love Pitbull, bro. Dale, dale, dale. Sip cristal, bro. Mr. Worldwide, bro.
#2 – Come back to me when you aren’t fat, baby.
Oh what, bro? What? This isn’t hurtin’ bro. It’s helpin.’ How a lady shark gonna know she needs to stop eatin’ extra swimmers bro? She needs you to tell her to cut back on eatin’ humans bro. You’re not tellin’ her you won’t bang her, just that you’ll bang her once she’s not fat anymore. Now she got like a reason to lose weight. All the sweet shark sex you’re offering is gonna motivate her, bro.
#3 – Baby, you were hotter when you didn’t talk.
Lady sharks are meant to be seen and not heard, brosef. Sometimes you got to remind the lady sharks of this, bromax.
#4 – Are you the hottest of all your lady shark friends?
You can’t be bangin’ the least good lookin member of the lady shark, bro. You’re limitin’ yourself if you do, bromandu.
#5 – Where’s my dinner, baby?
Bro…no bro. Stop rollin’ your eyes, bro. Look, lady sharks are forgetful. When they forget to make your dinner you got to remind them bro. Again, any attempt to help a lady shark be the best possible lady shark she can be will be appreciated, bro. She’ll be glad you reminded her and whip up some dinner right away, preferably with extra human swimmer meat.
LEAVE YOUR COMMENTS, BROMARAMS!
Aight, bros. I’m outtie 5000. You’re so welcome I dropped by, bros. You really are. I’mma gonna go work on my shark delts and my shark quads and then go eat seven or eight people then pick up some lady shark hotties. You got any comments, bro? Let me know but put on some shark Axe body spray first because you all stink, 3.5 bros.
Hey 3.5 readers.
Your old pal BQB here.
Look, I’m not gonna lie. It’s tough out there in the dating world. Women have very high, exacting standards and if you don’t meet them then it’s out on the curb you go.
If you’re reading this blog, then chances are you are a nerd. I mean, if you were awash with hot ladies, you wouldn’t be sitting here reading my nonsense, would you?
Look, I’m a nerd but along the way I’ve managed to figure out some key tips, some crucial lessons that can help even the lowliest of dweebs score that fine ass hottie. I’m not talking about settling for just any old woman – nay, I’m talking about how you, a dorky ass poindexter, can walk into a club and score any chick you want.
I figure it’s about time I give back, so I created an entirely new website, one that will give you all the answers you need to the questions you have about wrangling the hottest babes. Watch one of my free seminar videos, read one of my articles, or if you’re still stuck, I’m happy to provide one on one consultations.
The thing to remember, 3.5 readers (who I assume are all male if you’re still reading) is this website WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE. No more lonely nights turning your socks ceramic. No more lonely nights squinting at movies in the hopes of catching some side boob. Nay, good sirs, all the boobs you want and then some will be yours if you simply visit my fine, excellent site today.
So it’s up to you, 3.5 male readers. Are you a man or a mouse? Are you going to sit back and waste your life, never experiencing the joys of being with a hot woman, or are you going to grab life by the balls and learn my secrets to picking up hotties today?
If you’re a mouse, then go eat some cheese, bitch, because I have no time for you.
Ahh…nihilism! It’s the belief in nothing, but then again, if nothing is something and you believe in nothing, doesn’t that mean you believe in something? #mindblown
Is your boyfriend sullen? A bit depressing? He never looks on the bright side? Maybe he’s more than just a pathetic little goth twerp. Maybe he’s a full blown Nietzsche worshipping nihilist.
From BQB HQ in Fabulous East Randomtown, it’s the Top Ten Warning Signs Might Be a Nihilist:
#10 – He Doesn’t Believe in Paying the Check
He could be holding fast to a belief, or he could just be a cheap fucker. Oh well, it’s 2017. Women can pick up checks now.
#9 – He Doesn’t Believe in Deodorant
Could be a nihilist. Could just be smelly.
#8 – He Doesn’t Believe in Cunnilingus
Which is surprising as Nietzsche more than likely gave many an 1800s German lady a free mustache ride with that big ass lip room.
#7 – He Doesn’t Believe in Doing Household Chores
No laundry. No dishes. Maybe it’s his instinct to say no to the world he sees as a big nothing, but then again, he could just be a man. I mean, that’s women’s work. Am I right, fellas?
#6 – He Doesn’t Believe in Believing
And if he doesn’t believe in belief then do his beliefs fold in over themselves and collapse into nothing?
#5 – He Doesn’t Believe in Anniversaries
Or that could just be an excuse to explain why he always forgets them.
#4 – He’s Embraced His Inner Ubermensch
Then again…let he who hasn’t embraced his inner ubermensch cast the first stone.
#3 – He Doesn’t Believe in Jobs
Which is cool because prospective employers don’t believe in him either.
#2 – He Doesn’t Believe in Relationships
So why are you still with him?
#1 – He Always Sees the Glass as Half Empty
It makes sense. Someone had to drink half the milk. Was it you? For shame. You’ve destroyed your nihilist boyfriend’s faith in the world, or what little he had. Then again, if he had any, he wasn’t a nihilist to begin with, so there you go. There’s that.
They stink. See, the Millenials aren’t aware of this. If you tell them a C.H.U.D. stinks, they’ll just be all like, whatever, you should just be nicer to the C.H.U.D. or hug him more or try to understand where the C.H.U.D. is coming from.
But if you’re a Gen Xer like me then you know C.H.U.D.s are no joke, and you certainly don’t want to be dating one. Ergo, from BQB HQ in Fabulous East Randomtown, it’s the Top Ten Warning Signs You Might Be Dating a C.H.U.D.
#10 – Lives in the sewer.
Dead giveaway. There is no reason for anyone to live in a sewer. Sounds like your boyfrined might an “underground dweller” who puts the “UD” in CHUD. Yeah, I’m lazy. I will no longer put the period after each letter.
#9 – He is cannibalistic.
You saw him frying up a nice hand sandwich? No, that wasn’t a typo. I didn’t mean ham sandwich. I meant hand sandwich. Look, the dude’s eating a damn hand and you’re trying to make excuses for him. “Aww, the poor guy, he just had a bad childhood. If I love him more, he’ll stop eating people.”
No, bitch! You in love with a damn CHUD! Run bitch, run!
Also, he puts the C in CHUD.
#8 – He is a humanoid.
Always date an actual human. A human is a human. A humanoid is a creature that has a head and arms and legs and many of the same features as a human but is not a human. Just because it moves like a human doesn’t mean it is a human. Get some self-confidence. Don’t settle for humanoid. You deserve a full blown human.
He puts the H in CHUD. That’s right. He is a Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller.
#7 – He is super ugly.
Well, let’s be practical. A lot of people are ugly. Sure, we all wish we could date supermodels but after the sex, would we have anything in common to talk about? Probably not. So ladies, perhaps you might want to give a guy a break if he’s bald or pudgy or not so handsome but….yeesh…holy shit girl, that dude not just ugly, he a damn CHUD!
Only you can tell the difference between ugliness and CHUDness.
#6 – Smells bad.
Most men do. We take pride in our farts. But is the stench natural or CHUD-like? You be the judge. If you have to ask, you know the answer. Run bitch, run.
#5 – Has bright yellow eyes.
Eyes aren’t supposed to glow. Get out of there before you’re a snack.
#4 – Has pointy teeth.
We’re not talking just a lack of quality dental care. We’re talking pointy, human biting teeth.
#3 – The best soldiers and police officers of the 1980s don’t seem like they’d be able to stop him.
But then again, they never could in any 1980s movie.
#2 – It’s like you’ve heard of him, but don’t really know him per se.
Yeah, I’ve heard ugly people be called CHUDS hundreds of times and have even been on the receiving end. I understand the reference but to this day I have not bothered to watch the actual movie. It’s one of those movies where you must be a real weirdo if you’ve bothered to seek it out and watch it.
#1 – He tried to eat you.
You’re better than that. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Just run and also know that you’re worthy of love that doesn’t lead to you ending up in a CHUD’s colon. I know, that’s the most beautiful thing that’s ever been said to you. What can I say? I have a way with words.
Ugh…why did I waste my time on this stinkburger?
Oh, I know. Because the East Randomtown Cineplex was all sold out on “It” tickets.
BQB here with a review of the poopfest that is “Home Again.”
If I wanted to write a parody of a romantic comedy, I would start with some vapid, surface level characters – beautiful people with beautiful people problems. They’re rich and successful but they’re still sad because, I dunno, they’re not getting rich and successful in the exact way they’d like to be. And they’re hot and attractive and have lots of dating options but can’t quite decide, out of the large pool of people who want to bang them, who to bang.
I’d add some boring, long drawn out conversations – a lot of “tell” instead of “show” and presto – a perfect romcom parody.
“Home Again” has all that and more. Had they added a laugh track, it would have been the comedic event of the fall, poking fun at all of the romantic comedy tropes but alas, the rub is, this was a serious attempt at a romantic comedy that just fell flat.
Other than about an hour too long, I’m not sure what this movie is about.
The set-up is that Alice Kinney is a newly separated mom who has just moved her two kids to LA to live in the sprawling LA estate left to her by her wealthy Hollywood director father after his passing. Oh, and her mother is a retired movie star played by Candace Bergen. But the fact that Alice is rich and the offspring of Hollywood royalty is completely glossed over. She’s struggling really hard to start her own interior decorator business and her client, played by Lake Bell, is being mean to her, and somehow you’re supposed to feel bad for Alice even though she’s rich enough that she could tell Lake to eat a bag of dicks if she wanted to.
During a 40th birthday celebration, Alice parties and meets three dudes. They’re aspiring filmmakers including Harry, Teddy, and George (Pico Alexander, Nat Wolf and Jon Rudnitsky.)
The dudes are on the verge of a major movie deal – and you’re supposed to feel sorry for them because Hollywood suits are totally screwing with their artistic vision, even though, you know, we normal people, if offered any kind of Hollywood deal, would gladly suck a bag of dicks for it and let the suits know they can feel free to shit on our vision as much as they want as long as they back up the money truck to our houses.
Feeling sorry for the dudes because they have no place to stay, Alice allows the boys (all twenty somethings) to crash in her guest house. Over time, a romance blooms between Alice and Harry.
It’s complicated because Alice hasn’t quite resolved things between her ex, Michael Sheen. And Alice’s daughters start to get attached to the dudes, seeing them as quasi-uncle type figures.
At this point, the whole thing meanders and farts around, leaving the audience unsure as to what the hell is going on, what the point is, or if there even is one.
Perhaps the point is that older women shouldn’t feel ashamed if they fall for younger men. Younger men shouldn’t necessarily even feel ashamed if they fall for older women. Maybe age is just a number and as long as everyone is an adult of consenting age, then who cares?
The problem is at no time is that issue ever really explored. A friend of Alice’s points out that older men go for younger women all the time so why shouldn’t Alice do the reverse? True, but keep in mind that men are led by their boners while women are led by a desire for security. Thus, an older man can hook a young babe as long as he’s willing to be treated like a human cash machine. An older woman can snag a young guy as long as she’s still hot.
Reese is still hot, so it’s not like Harry’s really putting his ass on the line. Further, at one point in the film, Alice goes on a date with a “man her age” and the 40 year old man is presented as a bald, bearded, unemployed, bumbling oaf. The rub seems to be that women like to complain a lot about how men see them as objects and kick them to the curb when they get older even though its not their fault that time robs them of their beauty. The date with the “man her age” is presented as though Alice is really going to be fucked if she can’t make it work with Harry, otherwise she’ll have to settle for a bald old piece of shit even though, I mean, yeah it’s not like that fucker could have a brain or a heart or a soul because fuck him hair stopped growing on his head.
Men should stop pretending like older women can just will their knockers to not be saggy anymore. It would just be great if women could stop pretending like older men could will hair back on top of their bald heads. Let’s just all agree that time fucks us all over real good and agree to be nice to one another in spite of it, OK?
At any rate, the whole issue of May/December love between a young man and an older woman could be explored. It raises a lot of questions. What if Harry wants kids? Alice already has two and she might not have much time left to have another. Will Alice’s health decline before Harry’s? Will Harry spend his prime years taking care of a sick old lady? Harry may be a pretty boy but he has some depth. He wants to succeed on his own. Will it be too easy for him to just let Alice take care of him? Oh wait, she’s a struggling decorator and you’re supposed to ignore her massive house.
What about Alice? Will Harry understand her point of view when he didn’t live during the time period she grew up in? Will he be able to understand her in any meaningful way? Will a woman who has been through it all ever be able to see a babe in the woods just starting out as her true equal?
Getting some answers might have made the movie great, but all of that is glossed over. Instead, we are offered a rather lazy excuse of a breakup. A Hollywood hotshot keeps Harry in a meeting to make his movie for a long time, causing him to miss some shindig Alice invites him too. She’s pissed and feels unloved so she dumps the lad, even though, you know, the average guy watching the movie is like, “Um but he’s in a meeting to make a movie and that like never happens so give the guy a break.” Thus, all of the older woman, younger man issues are left on the floor, unexplored.
So then I thought the point of the movie might be that it is possible to cultivate happiness out of a non-traditional family. SPOILER ALERT – the film ends with Alice happy to be around the three dudes who are just going to be her friends and he ex-husband who is just going to be her friend. In true Hollywood style understanding of a relationship, Alice will just be everyone’s friend forever, content to have nothing more out of her young suitor or her ex-husband, and I dunno, I guess she’ll just spend the rest of her life looking for that special romance where the guy shoots fireworks out of his ass and everyday is Mardi Gras.
That’s always been the problem with rom coms. They just don’t play well in Peoria. It’s love as understood by Hollywood people who have it all and can afford to navel gaze about their love lives well into eternity.
As for the rest of us, some tired old trailer park broad isn’t going to relate to a rich bitch who dumps a guy because he came home late from his once in a lifetime movie meeting deal. Maybe if Harry had coldcocked Alice in the face because she drank the last beer and ragged on him for being unemployed, then you know, the average trailer park movie viewer might understand.
The rest of us in the real world gave up on perfect love long ago. Just give us someone who we’re 95% percent sure isn’t going to stab us in our sleep and they can attend as many late movie deal meetings as they please.
STATUS: Not-shelf worthy. I took one for the team and saw it so you don’t have to. Seriously, don’t take your date to this. If I were a woman and a man were to take me to this movie I would give him no pussy.
Hey 3.5 readers.
You may have noticed there wasn’t much in the way of good writing on this website in July.
First of all, there has never been any good writing on this website so why you would expect any now is beyond me.
Second, my alter ego, the Alleged Man, supposedly the man pretending to be me, BQB, has been suffering in the dating scene and for some reason, when AM suffers, my writing suffers. Are the two related? Probably not.
Anyway, AM is, God help us, 38 years old. Yes, his first car was a brontosaurus and Abe Lincoln was his next door neighbor.
AM scored a couple of dates with a nice woman his age, also 38. She was nice, but she dropped during conversation in date 1 that she didn’t want kids and on date 2 she repeated it.
AM pressed a little on how serious she was about this. Perhaps she’d just encountered a terrible kid that day and it was fresh on her mind. Perhaps she never met a man that would be a good father.
She doubled down. Nope. I don’t want kids.
So then it was like AM woke up from a coma. He’d been depressed since turning 35, his lifelong dream of knocking up a woman with his super potent man seed seemed like it was becoming less likely with each passing year.
It began to concern AM that he might have missed his kid having window. AM is pretty ugly. That’s not a joke. He’s a very ugly man and his ugliness causes most vaginas in his general vicinity to dry up like the Great Mojave Desert. One time AM walked by a woman and a damn tumbleweed popped out of her vagina. That’s how ugly AM is.
Seriously. Don’t assume AM is just being down on himself. The dude is ugly. And fat. He has a hardcore pizza addiction. Also, he’s bald and gray. He went gray so early. His pubes look like he’s got Gandalf in a leg lock.
So, anyway, AM began worrying – well, what if my window has past? Sure, a 100 year old man can father a child but that 100 year old man still needs to find a willing younger female. Only men as rich and famous as our 45th POTUS can pull off getting a younger babe.
So AM’s worry was that if he had missed his baby making window, he’d be very sad, but he must turn his attention to finding a nice female companion to hold his hand into death which, holy shit, is getting closer and closer because that dickwad is 38.
Miraculously, shortly thereafter, AM scored some dates with a 32 year old. “Huzzah,” AM said. “I had a problem where I was worried I can’t find a woman to impregnate with my ultra manly super seed and then low and behold, a younger woman falls from the sky. Surely she will want my ultra manly seed. Problem solved. Literally, the fastest a problem has ever been solved in AM’s life.”
Sigh. On date 3, the 32 year old informs AM she doesn’t want kids either.
Thus, AM is in a bind. Two women like him. Neither wants kids. He wonders if he were to end up with one of them would he be able to charm them into having kids.
He feels like maybe both women were silly to mention such a thing so early…unless they really meant it in which case they did the right thing by being up front as a more devious woman might have waited a year to say she doesn’t want kids and by then the man is hooked.
So maybe he could try to talk one into having kids but…i mean, there’s the rub. If a woman is up front about not wanting kids, then a year from now if she doesn’t want kids, that’s the AM’s fault for not listening up front.
AM is torn. He has been alone for a very long time. Many years of solitude. He has no luck with babes and suddenly has luck. He doesn’t want to be alone but he doesn’t want to give up on kids either.
On one hand he feels it is a lot to ask- i.e. you just meet a woman and she basically says, “Hi I’m a stranger. Abandon all hope of fatherhood now to proceed.”
He fears he’ll grow bitter if he doesn’t have kids. However, he also fears that if just goes back to the drawing board, (i.e. says thank you for the dates, ladies, but i’d like to see if there are any uteruses out there that are still open for business) he will end up alone. He’ll end up 45, hopeless and alone, wishing he’d accepted defeat on the kid issue and just taken on of these ladies as a life companion.
Both women have their reasons. 38 year old is concerned of the health risks of having a baby as an older woman. 32 year old is a wacky feminist who believes that having a baby will keep her from “doing something important with her life.” BQB didn’t have the heart to tell her that she didn’t appear to be splitting the atom or curing cancer or doing anything really groundbreaking that a baby would interrupt. He knew that would go over like a lead balloon.
In short, AM’s choices are a) pick one of two women who don’t want kids and assume he will not change their minds b) go back to the drawing board. Maybe that means a woman who can’t wait to pop a kid out of her cooter will come soon, though more likely, AM will end up a very sad, lonely old man.
Also, before you get after AM about going out with 2 women – a) he hasn’t talked to the first in awhile and b) it’s just been like dinners and movies and shit. No horizontal mambo action.
Discuss. Help solve the Alleged Man’s problems as he is apparently so distraught this illustrious blog and the publication of Toilet Gator are on hold until he figures out what to do.
Ahh, Friedrich Nietzsche, the father of all nihilists.
He was a philosopher. A writer. And most importantly, an ubermensch.
Nihilists don’t believe in anything, so do you think it is wise to be dating a nihilist when a good relationship requires that both parties believe in it?
Nietzsche died 117 years ago but, you know, he could have faked that shit. He could be kicking around, trying to date the 3.5 readers of my rarely visited website.
Therefore, from BQB HQ in Fabulous East Randomtown, here are the Top Ten Warning Signs You Might Be Dating Friedrich Nietzsche.
#10 – “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
I’m willing to bet that at some point in your life – a parent, a grandparent, a teacher, a boss, an authority figure, a mentor – said this quote to you. Well, did you know that this quote is typically attributed to the Nietzsche?
In theory, this advice is sound. If you go through a bad experience and don’t die from it, you have at least learned more about what you can do better to avoid a bad experience like that again.
In reality, if your boyfriend said this about the last sexual tryst you two had together, he is probably Nietzsche.
#9 – Cries out “Who’s the Ubermensch?!” in Bed
This is a simplified version of Nietzsche’s writings, but the condensed version is that by not allowing themselves to be bogged down by strict belief in God or religious/moral principles, man can take charge of his life and essentially, can do whatever he wants. Thus, he becomes an “ubermensch” or “superman.”
If your boyfriend shouts out, “Who’s the man?” doing the horizontal mambo, then he’s just a man. Any red-blooded heterosexual male worth his salt does that. I do that with Video Game Rack Fighter all the time.
However, if your boyfriend shouts out, “Who’s the superman?” during the dirty deed, then he is most likely Nietzsche.
#8 – He loves music.
Direct quote – “Without music, life would be a mistake.”
Believe it or not, Nietzsche loved music. He was a total tune junkie. It was probably tough for him living back then because for most of his life if you wanted to hear music, you had to go listen to someone play an instrument. Record players weren’t invented until 1877.
And even if you listened to someone play music, it was likely an instrumental piece or a symphony, which, although cool, doesn’t have the panache of, say, Sir-Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby Got Back.” All those 1800s people loved big butts but they never learned why. Sad.
Poor Friedrich. He might have been happier had he been born in the age of the iPod.
It’s ironic, because the man who didn’t believe in anything believed in the ability of a good jam to lift one’s spirits.
So if your boyfriend loves music, he might just be the average, good natured, creative person. However, if he only likes listening to 1800s German compositions then he’s totally Nietzsche.
#7 – He’s crazy in love with you.
Nietzsche was a walking contradiction. Didn’t believe in anything, yet like any other man, he chased that poon. Poor guy. He even struck out regularly. He was no stranger to romantic heartache, which I assume caused him to offer up this little tidbit:
“There is always some madness in love, but there is also always some reason in madness.”
GIRLFRIEND: What the hell? Do you want to explain why this lipstick is on your collar? It isn’t mine!BOYFRIEND: Maybe that’s lipstick. Maybe it’s raspberry jam from my morning toast. Maybe I cut myself shaving and the blood stained my shirt. Who’s to say, really?GIRLFRIEND: This is lipstick! That’s a fact!BOYFRIEND: There are no facts, only interpretations.
“The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.”
#175 – Picture it. You and me on a deserted island. Also, there’s a monkey playing a banjo. The monkey serenades, then starts touching himself. We want to look away but oddly enough, we cannot. We then make hot passionate live while the monkey periscopes the entire affair.
#176 – I’m the other white meat.
#177 – Can I check you for stretch marks?
#178 – Can I check you for track marks?
#179 – Can I check the marks on your college transcript? I don’t want to date a dummy.
#180 – Can I check the marks on your college transcript to make sure you did poorly? I find that dummies make the best dates.
#181 – You’re so brave to go out in public, looking the way you do.
#182 – Nice dress. Do you always shop at the curtain store?
#183 – I want to kiss you all over…but first…liquid courage!
#184 – Would you like to travel the world? Would you also like to pay for all my tickets and travel expenses?
#185 – I’m a masseuse. My foldable table is in my trunk.
#186 – Did you know that one night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble? God, I wish Chess would get the band back together again.
#187 – I can take off my underwear without removing my pants. Care to see?
#188 – This hair is mine. Seriously. I have the receipt.
#189 – My back hair is thick and lush. You’ll feel like you’re running your fingers through a luxurious shag carpet.
#190 – Are you a religious woman? No? Don’t worry, I’ll have you screaming “Oh God!” by the end of the night.
#191 – Can we divvy up this bar tab? I had like one beer and you had a million rum and cokes.
#192 – All my past girlfriends are famous. They always end up with their faces plastered all over milk cartons.
#193 – I’d say it’s love at first sight, but I’ve been staring at you through your bedroom window for years now. Whoops! I let the cat out of the bag. Silly me.
#194 – I’m a male prostitute and I charge by the hour. How many hours can I put you down for?
#195 – Let’s do this! I just popped a viagra and I don’t want to waste it. Do you have any idea how much those pills cost?
#196 – Girl, you so fine you blow my mind.
#197 – May I have this dance? No? Fine, who needs you anyway?
#198 – I floss. My dentist tells me I have the gums of a thoroughbred race horse.
#199 – What would you do for a Klondike bar? I’m just curious because I have a whole box of them at home.
#200 – I’m so lonely.