Category Archives: Movie Reviews

Jun 13 2016
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Movie Reviews

Movie Review – Now You See Me 2

Abracadabra!

Hollywood just made two hours of my life disappear.

If you don’t want SPOILERS to appear, look away.

BQB here with a review of Now You See Me 2.

Some critics made fun of it but I actually liked the first Now You See Me.

Sure, the plot, the “magic” and everything that happened in the movie was highly unlikely…but in a time of rebooted reboots of sequels to reboots, IT WAS *GASP* AN ORIGINAL IDEA!

If you missed the first one, check it out. Basically, a group of magicians (the Vegas performer kind of magicians, not to be confused with pointy hat wearing wizards) called “the Four Horsemen” use their magic skills in Robin Hood style, robbing from a corrupt/rich insurance company tycoon played by Michael Caine and giving to the poor.

So I was up for a second one and…meh.

Yeah. I’m sorry but “meh.”

Razzle dazzle was the original’s hook.  The magic shows/tricks were fun to watch and in your mind you try to figure out how the performers did it. Plus, they convinced me that Michael Caine’s character was douche-tastic enough to deserve to be robbed.

But in the sequel, they kind of just went back to the same well. Michael Caine is still the villain, but this time his son, played by Daniel Radcliffe of Harry Potter fame, does most of his dirty work.

I don’t want to be part of the “let’s all typecast Daniel Radcliffe as Harry Potter so he never gets another acting job again” movement. I realize he’s been in other movies since Harry Potter.

This is the only one I have seen and in my opinion, he did well in the role.  Of course, the role was of a British nerd, so yeah, Daniel did just fine.

That’s not a dig on British nerds. We love you, nerds across the pond.

I have a complaint about an issue that I wish I knew more about.

Isla Fisher played the female horseman or “horse woman” in the original and she didn’t return for the sequel.

I don’t know why and wasn’t able to find any info on it.  I don’t know if it was a case where she didn’t want to return, the studio decided to not have her return or what have you.

Lizzy Caplan joins the group as the new female horsewoman.

She’s very funny and in many ways, the star of the show, but it does send a message that females are interchangeable in movies.

It happens a lot in big ensemble movies like this one.  All the dudes return but for whatever reason, they just swap out one hot chick for another hot chick.

The movie suffers from crammage – too much going on packed in to two hours and not enough time to address it all.

Mark Ruffalo returns as an FBI agent/magician (which continues to be an unlikely pairing of abilities). Magic debunker Thaddeus Bradley (Morgan Freeman) continues to be a pebble in the Horsemen’s shoe (magic debunker continues to be a unlikely career occupation, IMO).

Really. Who wants to be a magic debunker? Talk about pooping in the punch bowl.

Still, there are some great scenes. In particular, there’s a card throwing scene in which…well, I’ll just let you watch it. I enjoyed that part enough to be left with the feeling that the movie wasn’t a complete waste of time.

Maybe just 97% of a waste of my time.

Woody Harrelson was also pretty funny playing his character from the first film as well as that character’s obnoxiously evil twin brother. It’s the first time I have ever seen a movie in which Woody Harrelson made a conscious effort to become someone other than Woody Harrelson.

I also liked the exotic locations. Macau, China (the Vegas of China), London – lots of globe trotting. Made me want to do some traveling myself.

Among my many complaints, the top one has to be that they really should have come up with another villain/plot other than, “Damn it! Michael Caine’s up to no good again!”

If they do go with another sequel to make a trilogy, they have got to come up with another villain.

Do you need to rush out to the theater to see it?

No.

Is it worth a rental?

Yes.

But if there’s going to be a Now You See Me 3, they really need to up their game.

STATUS: Meh. Not shelf-worthy but not quite toilet worthy.

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Jun 12 2016
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Movie Reviews

Movie Review – Warcraft (2016)

By: Special Guest Video Game Movie Reviewer Video Game Rack Fighter.

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Ms. Fighter – Currently in Training to Defend Her Title in the Upcoming 2016 Car Thief Mayhem World Championship Competition

It’s here! It’s finally here!

The long awaited film based on an online multi-player game is here.

Did it suffer the “video game movies suck curse?”

Read on to find out but beware SPOILERS.

VGRF here with a review of Warcraft.

Movieclips Trailers – Warcraft

Warcraft.  The online game in which humans can choose to be a variety of fantasy characters and fight for virtual power and gold has been around forever, or at least 1996.

That’s right millennials. Some of us were nerding it up before you were born and even before it became chic to declare yourself a nerd.

And now there’s a movie.  It broke the box office in China, bringing in over $145 million this weekend just in that country.  The Chinese love their Warcraft.

Kind of makes me wish I could go back in time and start my own video game company that allows people to pretend to be wizards, warriors, elves, orcs or what have you.

Speaking of orcs, let’s talk about the movie.

Orcs. Long considered the perpetually raging, possibly misunderstood buttholes of the fantasy realm, they’ve destroyed their world and rather than seek to mend their evil orcish ways, they cross through a porthole into the human realm of Azeroth and start conquering and pillaging and generally orcing shit up in true orc fashion.

Hmm. Maybe the Azerothians need to build a wall and make the Orcs pay for it?

Huh? Huh? Crickets. Hmm. Blame BQB. That joke was his idea.

Moving on. Naturally, the humans aren’t going to stand for all this orcish tomfoolery.  From thereon, it’s difficult to figure out who’s who and what’s what because all the human dudes are basically a bunch of long haired hipster beardos who all look alike.

But, if you make an effort to get past that, you’ll see Dominic Cooper as the King Wrynn, Travis Fimmel as Commander Lothar, and Ben Foster as Medivh the Guardian.

I don’t want to give too much away, but suffice to say hi jinx ensue when one orc clan leader has second thoughts about all the evil orcishness and seeks to ally himself with the humans.

Paula Patton plays Garona, the half-human/half-orc and the only one who could possibly bring peace between humans and orcs.

Yeesh. So I assume her father was an orc and her mother was a human.  Her poor, poor mother. She probably didn’t walk right for a year after that.

Crickets? Another joke suggestion from BQB.  Unless you laughed. Then it was all mine.

Ultimately, I don’t think this movie suffers from the “all video game movies suck” curse.

An actual effort was made to develop characters, a plot, a storyline. I won’t spoil the ending but it is obvious that further sequels are in the works.

If you aren’t a nerd or you dislike the fantasy genre, you probably won’t enjoy it.

It is more in line with the traditional fantasy genre style.  Nerds in robes – wizards, elves, dwarves, everyone geeking it up and expecting a nerd audience who knows what all this nerd shit means.

As I watched it, it dawned on me that George RR Martin was able to get a wide, diverse audience into his Song of Ice and Fire (aka Game of Thrones) series because he was able to take so many relatable human problems and insert them into a fantasy world.

But for Warcraft, you’re going to have to be a nerd to enjoy it.

Luckily for you, if you are reading this blog, you already are one.

Visually stunning. Worth to see it on the big screen.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

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May 28 2016
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Movie Reviews

Movie Review – X-Men Apocalypse (2016)

X-Men in the 80’s.  So many special powers. So much Tab.

And so many SPOILERS below.

BQB here with a review of X-Men: Apocalypse.

You know 3.5 readers, as I sat in the movie theater tonight it dawned on me that it has been exactly 10 damn years since the critically panned X-Men: The Last Stand came out in May of 2006.

I only remember that because it was a happy time for me and so I remember some happy doings occurring in my life around the time I went to see it.

Then it all sank into a giant crap storm not long after that and to my surprise, an entire decade has gone by.  The Bush Presidency came to an end. The Obama Presidency is wrapping up.

Yet it seems like it was just 2006. Where does the time go?

Oh sorry. You wanted a movie review, not a BQB life lamentation.

Back on track.

The series takes a detour from the usual Professor X vs. Magneto (it’s so sad we’re mortal enemies because deep down we’re such good friends) schtick (although it is still present in this movie).

Apocalypse (Oscar Isaac), a mutant dating back to the dawn of mankind, can absorb the powers of other mutants and enhance them.  There’s nothing he can’t do so in effect, he’s a God.

Once worshipped in Ancient Egypt, Apocalypse returns to the 1980s and sets out to conquer the world. From Star Wars references to Pac Man, the producers definitely don’t want you to forget what decade you’re in.

Magneto (Michael Fassbender), Psylocke (not as much gratuitous booty as I hoped), Angel and a young Storm drink the anti-human Kool Aid that Apocalypse is preaching and become his lackies.

Meanwhile, Professor X, Mystique and the rest of the gang stand up for the humans as usual.

Lots of action, suspense, special effects.  A few origin stories for some of the X-Men jammed in (Jean Grey, Cyclops, Nightcrawler, etc.)

Sophie Turner (as Jean Grey) and Rose Byrne (as Agent Moira Mactaggert) drop their British accents and to my surprise, pass for Americans.

It scared me a little. Frankly, it reinforced my fear that double agents walk amongst us, plotting to take America back in the name of the Queen.

Aside from that, Sophie does well in her first big role outside of Game of Thrones.

I give the film credit because it does stay true the film series.  The first three films were so long ago it is hard for me to remember but there were some points in this film that had me vaguely recollecting points in the early 2000 films.

Keep the super hero flicks coming, Hollywood.  Sure, there’s a part of me that wonders why I am wasting precious hours of my life watching costumed assholes fight each other, but then I remember there’s nothing else I’d like to watch more than costumes assholes fight each other.

Will the X-Men ever team up with the Avengers? Probably not seeing as how they’re owned by separate companies, although Fox was willing to let Disney have a Spider-Man appearance in the latest Captain America movie so I suppose anything is possible.

They say the next X-Men movie will take place in the 1990s. Shit. If I have to watch costumed assholes fight each other with Bill Clinton blabbing about not inhaling on TV in the background and Greenday playing on the radio then I’m going to feel like an old ass bastard.

Even more so than I already do.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

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May 23 2016
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Movie Reviews

Movie Review – The Nice Guys (2016)

Once in awhile a movie I haven’t heard too much of surprises me and this one is it.

Comedy. Action. A little bit of history/1970’s nostalgia. Rapid fire humor.

A depressed, drunken detective teams up with a leg breaker for hire to search for a missing porn actress.

BQB here with a review of The Nice Guys.

It’s the late 1970s. Ryan Gosling is Holland March, a private detective with a penchant for booze who doesn’t mind billing his clients but doesn’t have a lot of follow through when it comes to solving crimes. He gets paid just the same.

Jackson Healey (aka Russell Crowe) beats the crap out of people for money and in his free time, gets depressed over the wife who left him.

When a porn actress goes missing, they team up to take the case.

Many jokes ensue, some going so fast if you don’t concentrate you’ll miss them.

Jokes about waiting in gas station lines, phone cords getting in the way, and other things that well, people old enough to remember the 70’s (hell even the 80s) would find funny.

Rounding out the duo to make it a trio is Angourie Rice, who plays Holland’s thirteen year old daughter. March’s dedication to his fatherly duties is pretty much his one redeeming quality, though as a viewer, I was left thinking many of the situations Holly was put in weren’t exactly ordeals you’d want to see a thirteen year old go through.

1970’s clothes, fashions, and hairstyles. Russell Crowe is looking a little long in the tooth and far from his Gladiator days, which makes me sad. But he was still good in this.

There were a few moments that left me scratching my head. Kim Basinger plays the head of the Justice Department and uh…come on.  A lady Justice Department head wasn’t happening in the 70’s.  And Kim wasn’t made up to look very 70’s looking. She was just pretty much Kim, like she is in every movie she’s in.

It’s hard to explain the plot without giving it all away. And without delving into spoilers…it has an ending that, well, isn’t a traditional one. I might write about it after people have more time to see it.

Anyway. Worth it. Shelf-worthy. Check it out.

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May 07 2016
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Movie Reviews

Movie Review – Captain America: Civil War

So an elderly patriot, his elderly friend with a metal arm, a guy who can fly, a rich guy in a metal suit, his war hero friend in a metal suit, a prince in a cat suit, a witch with mind control powers, a British living robot, a kid who was bitten by a radioactive spider, a Russian assassin, a dude who’s handy with a bow and arrow, and a man who can make himself the size of an ant walk into a bar…

…AND THEN THEY FIGHT!

BQB here with a review of the long awaited Captain America: Civil War.

Don’t go to war over the SPOILERS that you’ll be reading if you scroll down any further.

Can’t we all just get along?

Apparently not.  It’s been a rough year for superhero friendships.

Why, back in March Batman and Superman played their own game of Rock’em Sock’em robots and the more I think about it, the more I realize what a stinker of a turd that flick was.

Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor. What the shit, man? What the shit indeed.

Luckily, unlike DC and Warner Brothers, the fine folks at Marvel and Disney refused to serve us up a stinky turdburger.

I don’t want to spoil too much of the plot, but suffice to say all of those buildings the Avengers inadvertently smashed up during their battles with various aliens, robots, and/or assorted evil buttholes have finally caught up with them.

The general public has had it with all the collateral damage and they demand that “Earth’s Mightiest Heroes” submit to UN oversight.

Iron Man is for it. The Avengers have too much power and the public will only trust them if they’re being watched.  Perhaps it is their power that is causing evildoers to challenge them in the first place.

Captain America is against it. Collateral damage will happen during war, no matter who they answer to.  Blame the bad guys who start the wars, not those who are trying to stop them. He fears submission to a political body will allow politics to intervene in the Avengers’ missions and ultimately, the plan is little more than an exercise in assigning blame when things go wrong.

In the middle of it all, a mysterious enemy frames Cap’s best pal Bucky “the Winter Soldier” Barnes, and it turns into a slug fest between the man in the red metal suit and the man in the star spangled pajamas.

Old favorites like Spiderman, Ant Man, Scarlett Witch, War Machine, the Vision, Falcon etc. come into play.

Newly introduced to the screen are Crossbones and Black Panther, each with their own modus operandi.

Alas, Thor and the Incredible Hulk sit this one out. Boo.

Perhaps when the film has been out longer, I’ll opine more on this next subject but for now, if you’re a deep thinker like yours truly, you might start to wonder if the whole film isn’t one being allegory to the plight the U.S. has faced over terrorism since 9/11.

In other words, half the country is like Iron Man. Let’s take a step back and try to play nice with everyone.

Half the country is like Captain America. F them they blew us up. If they get mad at us for blowing them up then they should have thought of that before they blew us up and collateral damage is the fault of the people who blew us up.

Both arguments have their pros and cons.  Sadly, just like Cap and Iron Man, Americans used to be a bit friendlier to one another prior to the turn of the millennium.

Now you don’t have to look much further than your Facebook feed during an election year to see people who should be buddies trading the verbal equivalent of Iron Man’s hand blasters and Captain America’s frisbee shield throws at one another.

Let’s try to get along people because we’re all we have, after all.

And besides, isn’t all this infighting what the aliens, or the robots or the bad guys in funny costumes (or in real life, the terrorists) wanted all along?

Am I thinking too much? Don’t worry. The movie doesn’t require you to think that much if you don’t want to. You can just sit back and watch all the pretty colors and scary explosions if you prefer.

There are times when there are so many characters on screen that it is hard to pay attention to what’s going on with everyone. There’s the rub with these multiple hero plots. Sometimes everyone gets so much time there isn’t enough for everyone on an individual level.

Even so, Marvel/Disney crafted an intricate, satisfying plot with a multitude of heroes whereas DC/Warner Brothers only had to deal with three heroes (Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman) and in the end, delivered us a big juicy crap sandwich.

Damn it. Batman vs. Superman really sucked, didn’t it?

Spiderman’s addition to the team is adorable.  Black Panther shines as the latest hero.

And I’m not sure how they did it, perhaps with a combo of makeup and CGI, but there are scenes with a young Tony Stark that bring us a Robert Downey Jr. who looks a lot like he did in his Saturday Night Live days.

Not to keep dumping on Batman vs. Superman (because to dump on a dump would be redundant) but Marvel/DC took their time, built up all the characters, developed their back stories, made us care about them, and this movie is a pay off for anyone who’s invested their time in the franchise.

DC’s challenge was that there have already been so many Batman and Superman movies to begin with. Fine, but there still could have been a better plot leading up to the Man of Steel’s battle royale with the Dark Knight.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

 

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Apr 17 2016
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Movie Reviews

Movie Review – Criminal (2016)

A CIA agent’s memories are planted into a murderer’s brain in a last ditch effort to save the world from annihilation in this star studded thriller.

BQB here with a review of Criminal.

Be forewarned – SPOILERS will be implanted into your brain if you read any further.

Movieclips Trailers – Criminal (2016)

I have to admit it. I went into this film wanting to hate it. Kevin Costner is old as dirt and though that’s not something to make fun of him about because it happens to the best of us, his last action movie 3 Days to Kill was lame to the point where I wondered maybe he ought to start playing older respectable folk (like he did well in Man of Steel) and let the parts that involve running around to the youngsters.

Yet, he surprised me here as he was well suited to the part – a bumbling oaf who would never be able to pull off a spy mission without having a spy’s memories implanted into his brain.

Did that sound like a backhanded compliment? OK yes but it wasn’t meant to be. (Or was it?)

Ryan Reynolds is Billy Pope, a CIA agent who dies before he’s able to share crucial information with his superiors that could prevent a terrorist from destroying the world. Yes, the whole damn world is at stake.

This is Reynolds’ second brain transfer movie.  He and Sir Ben Kingsley swapped brains in Self/Less.  Super hero flicks and brain transfer movies are what Double-R is all about now.

Gary Oldman, as CIA boss Quaker Wells, enlists Tommy Lee Jones’ Dr. Franks to step up an experimental memory transfer process that’s he’s never tested on humans before.

The guinea pig is Jericho Stewart (Kevin Costner) a convicted criminal who, due to a brain injury as a child, has no concept of right or wrong or how to behave in society.

He’s very dangerous but he’s not Hannibal Lecter.  Lecter knew what he was doing.

Jericho, on the other hand, is basically an old feral animal. If he wants something, he takes it. If someone gets in his way, he kills them. If he wants to do something then he does it without a grasp of why he shouldn’t.

Costner shined in this part, playing Jericho as a broken down ignoramus who, thanks to the memories of nice and noble Billy Pope, suddenly develops knowledge and skills he can use to defeat the evil terrorist Heimdahl (Jordi Molla).

Gal Gadot leaves her lasso at home to play Pope’s wife and help Jericho on his mission.

Michael Pitt, who you may remember as Jimmy Darmody in Boardwalk Empire, plays “the Dutchman” i.e. the man who can help Jericho save the day.

In short, when I go to a movie wanting to hate it and come out liking it, it’s a rare surprise.

Is there the occasional plot hole? Sure. One thing I noticed was despite what a dangerous monster Jericho is portrayed as, the various agents don’t seem to put a whole helluva lot of effort into his security…but…hey.  It’s an action movie.

Go see it.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy

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Nov 23 2015
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Movie Reviews

Movie Review – The Hunger Games – Mockingjay Part 2 (2015)

“You live long enough to die a hero or become the villain.”

Such was the advice provided to us in The Dark Knight and it rings true in this final film in the Hunger Games series in which Katniss faces not only President Snow, but an enemy in her own camp as well.

Bookshelf Q. Battler here with a review of The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2.

SPOILER WARNING: Reading below will lead to the spoilers being ever in your favor.

The critics are already foaming at the mouths because this movie didn’t beat last year’s installment, Mockingjay Part 1.  

That’s a dumb assessment because it still raked in a hundred million.  Did your movie bring in a hundred million in its first weekend?  What?  You don’t even have a movie?  Oh.  Ok then.  Shut your cake hole.

Our finale begins with some very war weary rebels, exhausted by battle and willing to make morally questionable choices just to win.  Some believe its ok to kill civilian loyalists to the Capitol as long as it gets the job of ousting Snow done.

How far should revenge be taken?  It’s a question asked throughout the movie and applicable to the real world.  One side does X, the other responds with Y…the reciprocity keeps going until one side is big enough to, in the words of Elsa, “let it go, let it go.”

The rebels reach the Capitol and Katniss and friends form a “star squad” meant to wow the people with footage of their daring do, which is supposed to be captured as they hang back from the fighting.

But Snow has other plans.  He’s rigged the Capitol with traps and is recording everything, broadcasting the biggest episode of “The Hunger Games” ever as the war turns into one giant game.

Oh and Peeta is still brainwashed.  So Katniss has to deal with that too.

The film turns on Katniss facing a troublesome dilemma, namely that the rebels’ president, Alma Coin (Julianne Moore) is looking like she’ll make President Snow look like a boy scout when she takes over.

Thus, Katniss has to make a choice but I’ll let you check it out to see how that unfolds.

One complication the movie faced was the untimely death of Phillip Seymour Hoffman, who played Plutarch.  He was in it briefly and there are non-talking clips of him throughout.  A speech he was supposed to give to Katniss at the end is replaced by Woody Harrelson’s Haymitch reading a note from Plutarch at the end.

It worked out.  As a viewer, you understand given the loss of Hoffman and its done in a way that it makes sense as to why Haymitch is reading a letter rather than Plutarch talking to Katniss himself.

IMO, the Peeta vs. Gale question is wrapped up too neatly.  Katniss has suffered that immortal youthful angsty question of “I love them both and they’re so nice what do I do?”

One of them turns out to be nicer than the other but I’ll let you watch and find out who.  Kudos to Hollywood for a rare display of open mindedness by at least allowing a short nerdy guy to even be in the running.

Overall, lots of great action, suspense, etc.  It was an excellent series that introduced us to the lovely and talented J Law.

As a viewer, when you invest time in a series, you want it to pay off in the end and this one does.

STATUS: Shelf worthy.

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Nov 12 2015
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Movie Reviews

Movie Review: Spectre (2015)

The name’s Battler.  Bookshelf Q. Battler.

And I’d like this review to be shaken, not stirred.

Aww who cares, only 3.5 people are going to read it anyway.

BQB here with a review of the latest James Bond movie, Spectre.

At the outset, let me just say this:

  1.  It wasn’t as good as Skyfall, but that’s only because Skyfall set the bar so high.
  2. But that being said, it was still pretty damn good.  A lot better than that Quantum of Solace nonsense.

I love James Bond.  Bond is the man every man wants to be.  I’d love to be able to charm the pants off of any woman I meet, beat the crap out of all my enemies and still make it to cocktail hour on time in a nice suit.

Sadly, that only happens in the movies.  Bond is so suave he can even charm top secret info out of hot enemy babes.  Meanwhile, I’m keeping my fingers crossed that one day I’ll get a woman to make a sandwich for me.  Damn it Bond, you probably get all the sandwiches you want, don’t you, you bastard?

Anyhoo – OBLIGATORY SPOILER WARNING.

It hasn’t been easy for Bond in the post-9/11 world.  Since that fateful day, as well as after various tragedies since, people have been a lot more aware of the fact that illicit intercontinental activities can bring about grave repercussions.

Suddenly, the white cat stroking caricature Bond used to face just doesn’t cut it anymore, not when we’re fully aware there are real monsters in the world.

Casino Royale got the message.  It was lost in Quantum of Solace, which involved a plot to steal water.  Sorry Bond, but we’re done with outlandish, cartoonish plots.

Skyfall gave the series a reboot, giving Bond a team of compatriots to work with – a new Q, a new Moneypenny, a new M, new colleagues all around.  And this is the first film where we get to see them all shine.

The plot?  Bond must infiltrate the evil underground organization known as Spectre and take it down.  Its operated by a sinister ne’er-do-well aptly played by Christoph Waltz.  Waltz provides a great performance – never too emotional, speaking matter of faculty about significantly evil doings.

Wrestler David Bautista STEALS the show.  It’s been awhile since we’ve seen a good Bond henchman.  I’m not talking about the main villain but a lackey, a number two, a guy who does the villain’s dirty work.  Oddjob is the last one I remember.

Bautista hunts Bond and even though your inner voice reminds you that it is Bond’s movie so of course he can’t die, this guy leaves you thinking Bond might just end up drinking that shaken martini in the sky.

He doesn’t.  Don’t worry.  I don’t think that’s a spoiler.  You all know Bond lives at the end of these things, right?  That’s why they’ve made so many of these movies.

Ralph Fiennes, having replaced Judi Dench as Bond’s boss, M, is at the helm in this movie.  You end up feeling for the guy.  He’s plagued by red tape and bureaucracy.  He has to chew Bond out for ignoring protocol and generating bad press, even though its obvious he understands that Bond’s unorthodox methods have saved the world from ruin time and time again.

It sucks to be management.

One criticism is that there is a whole scene where the villain spills the beans to Bond as to how his whole sinister operation works.  I kind of thought these movies were pushing to get past those tropes but oh well, you have to have some, right?

Oh and I should point out, the villain does have a white cat, but he doesn’t stroke it.  Progress.

STATUS:  Shelf worthy.  Worth seeing in the theater due to great stunts, fights, car chases, special effects.

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Oct 20 2015
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Movie Reviews

BQB on the Star Wars: The Force Awakens Trailer (The Final Trailer)

Hey 3.5 readers.

Bookshelf Q. Battler here, still riding out the zombie apocalypse, but luckily I have Alien Jones’ space phone to stream stuff on, like the latest Star Wars: The Force Awakens Trailer:

My thoughts, in no particular order (and feel free to correct me if I’m wrong because many of these are predictions i.e. me just spitballing:

  1. So we have two new heroes, a young male and a young female lead.  The girl I believe is some kind of junk scavenger and I’m guessing the structure she is searching through is that big crashed Star Destroyer from the previous trailer.  I’m assuming it is, in fact, the Star Destroyer where Luke had his final battle with the Emperor in Return of the Jedi.  Could be wrong but I thought I read somewhere that the girl find’s Luke’s lightsaber or something.  (Again, I’m just throwing stuff out there, I really have no idea.)  Meanwhile, the male lead is a stormtrooper and apparently something happens that makes him renounce his stormtroopery ways.
  2. We see/hear the female lead ask Han if the stories are true and he explains that yes, they are.  Therefore, apparently much time has passed, the tales from the older films have become less real and more like legends to the people of the Star Wars universe, and assumably, Han, Luke, and Leia as old-timers will guide a new generation of heroes in taking on a new threat.
  3. That threat comes in the form of some bad masked dude who’s checking out Darth Vader’s crushed mask, pledging to finish what Vader started.  Didn’t he get the memo that Vader recanted his evil ways while he was dying and finally ended up being a nice ghost who chilled with Ghost Obi Wan and Ghost Yoda at the end of Return of the Jedi?
  4. We see Leia – she looks sad, she appears to be hugging Han.  I don’t know why she’s sad.  Presumably because evil deeds or transpiring, or maybe she missed Han.  Han said “Chewie, we’re home” in the other trailer, so assumably Han and Chewie went somewhere for a long time.  Here’s hoping there will be some joke where Leia calls Han a scruffy nerf herder or something.
  5. I’m sad to hear about all the “Boycott Star Wars” nonsense, i.e. claims that the movie is “anti-white” but on the other hand, if you check out the hashtag, it’s mostly people complaining that the hashtag was ever created.  Food for thought – I get people are mad and want to vent but sometimes where the Internet is concerned, ignoring a dumb idea makes it go away faster whereas talking about it helps it gain steam, which, yeah, why am I talking about it then?
  6. Ticket sales are breaking records as well as websites.  People buying pre-sale tickets for a movie that’s 2 months away.  I’ve never really cared about a movie before enough to buy tickets in advance but I might just for this one.
  7. So we see Han, and Leia, where’s Luke? We only see his hand in the first trailer.  I mean, Mark Hammil hasn’t had it easy when it comes to aging (but then again who does?)  He was in a car wreck when he was younger and he wasn’t the best looking dude starting out (Kids there was once a time when Hollywood allowed people who didn’t look completely like Gods and Goddesses to be the leads in films, I know, amazing!) so I wonder if that’s it – but he was in the The Kingsman earlier this year and he looked fine.  I hope they’re not going to do some Hollywood thing and cover him up with a cloak or something for half the film.   I dunno.  That’s all pure speculation.

OK.  My two cents over.  Again, don’t quote me because I’m just talking out of my butt.  I look forward to seeing this movie.  What do you nerds think?

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Oct 17 2015
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Movie Reviews

Real Short Movie Review – Bridge of Spies (2015)

Hey 3.5 nerds.

No time to do an in-depth movie review because I’m busy fending off zombies but just wanted to say Bridge of Spies is pretty good.  Not a real flashy movie, though there’s a cool special effects laden scene where Gary Powers’ spy plane gets shot down over Russia.

The movie has Tom Hanks as a U.S. lawyer on a mission to do a prisoner swap – Powers for a Russian spy held by the US in the 1950s.

Lots of interesting Cold War history.

Go see it.  Or don’t.  What do I care?  I’m too busy with my new role as Deputy Mayor of East Randomtown.

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