Category Archives: Movies

Mar 26 2016
11 Comments
Movies

Movie Review: Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)

Batman vs. Superman.

The winner?  My eyeballs.

BQB here with a review of Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice.

SUPER SPOILERS AHEAD.

Have you seen this yet, 3.5 readers?

I want to avoid spoiling too much but this movie has brought to my mind a number ideas about comic movies, Marvel vs. DC, the direction DC is taking, etc.  So I’ll probably come back in a week or two (once people have had a chance to see it) and get all spoilery.

For now, let me say this: I don’t think the critics and I saw the same movie.

The critics are up this movie’s butt.  It’s too long.  It’s got too much going on.  It’s too confusing.

I’ll agree there is a lot going on and at times it was confusing…but come on, a lot of movies are.  Half the time I go to movies and I’m like “I…uh…wait what just happened?  I don’t know.  Me shove popcorn into face now and enjoy pretty colors.”

The most efficient thing to do is to respond to the criticisms one by one:

THE PLOT ISN’T THAT HARD TO BELIEVE

We’re humans.  We’re suspicious bastards who screw things up early and often due to our paranoia.  It isn’t that far fetched to think that if someone like Superman showed up to save us, that we’d immediately suspect he was up to some shit and ruin everything by looking the ultimate gift horse in the mouth.

BEN AFFLECK AS BATMAN

He was a worthy Batman.  He’s an older, world weary, tired of the bullshit Batman in this one.  Affleck allowed himself to be shown with a little touch of gray.  That’s commitment for any pretty boy actor.

JESSE EISENBERG SUCKS

Jesse Eisenberg did not suck.  He played the part he was hired to play and he did it well. His character was just incredibly annoying, so much so that you wonder why Batman or Superman don’t just bitch slap him into next Tuesday and be done with it.

Sadly, Hollywood has never been able to provide us with a good Lex Luthor.  The comics do.  In the comics, he’s big, strong, menacing his power comes from his cunning and cruelty.

Here, they basically just had Eisenberg take a spritz of the Mark Zuckerberg role that made him famous and then kick it up a notch.  At times his voice is screechy and almost Joker-like, which is a bad idea, as this world already has a Joker.

IT IS TOO DARK

DC Comics are dark.  Because…Batman, damn it.  To paraphrase Ben Affleck from that other movie he was in (Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back), Batman is one “morose motherf&*ker.”

Clearly, DC has seen the success that Marvel has had with The Avengers.  There is an obvious market for movies in which beloved superheroes work together.  Thus, DC is working its way toward making Justice League movies.

But this path has always been an uphill climb for DC.  DC has been making comic book movies for a lot longer.  The public knows their characters better.  Marvel, on the other hand, had the opportunity to introduce each individual member of the Avengers to the public with their own movies, building up to the Avengers movie.

But we don’t really need another Batman origin movie.  We get it.  He saw his parents get shot in front of him and became a vigilante.  (Hollywood finally gets that here…well, sort of…some suit still decided there needed to be a quick Wayne family massacre scene just in case there happened to be one jackass in the movie theater who didn’t understand why Batman became Batman.)

WONDER WOMAN WAS CROWBARRED IN

She really wasn’t.  I found her to be a good addition to the movie and am looking forward to her movie.

TOO MANY TEASERS FOR UPCOMING DC MOVIES

What should they do instead?  Make everyone wait until after the credits for a thirty second scene in which Nick Fury recruits someone new?

Although in keeping with my, “DC has the harder path than Marvel” argument…they’ve got a very big challenge in getting people to give a shit about Aqua Man.

“Hi we’re the Justice League.  We’ve got an all powerful god man, a Bat ninja, a warrior princess and oh yeah….this shit head who can control fish.”

Holy Shit you suck, Aqua Man.  If Jason Mamoa can make Aqua Man watchable he deserves an Oscar.

BATMAN AS PART OF A TEAM

He’s a loner, that’s for sure.  And he’s always been out of place in the Justice League world.

We love Batman because out of all the superheroes, he is the most plausible.  True, a mega rich buff dude who fights a crazy clown isn’t very realistic…but if you let your mind wander…it is easier to pretend to be Batman, whereas it is not as easy to pretend to be Superman, because being Superman is just totally impossible.  If you’re not from Krypton, then you should just stop pretending to be Superman.  You’ll never be Superman.

You’ll never be Batman either…but at least there’s a .00000001% chance that you could become Batman.

The Justice League fights aliens and monsters and other supernatural stuff.  Batman’s forte as a  “realistic” hero is fighting gangsters, mobsters, and psychopaths.  That’s why we loved Christopher Nolan’s Batman movies, right?  Nolan did his best to provide a Batman that was plausible (again, as plausible as a story about a Bat vigilante can get.

But the comics have always addressed that by having Batman being suspicious of his super powered friends.  He works with them, but he usually makes back up plans in case they get out of line.

You have to compartmentalize.  There’s on his own Batman who uses his training, skills, and money to fight crime…and then there’s Justice League Batman who helps other heroes fight aliens and shit.

BATMAN SHOOTS GUNS

Yes.  That was unfortunate.  Batman isn’t a shooter.  Although it has always been acceptable for him to blow the shit out of people with rockets and guns attached to the Batmobile, Batman has never packed a piece.  Technically he doesn’t in this one either….but well, then at one point he does but…ahh just watch the movie.

THE PLOT TURNS TOO MUCH ON UH…TWO PEOPLE KNOWING THE SAME NAME

Shut up, stupid critics.  That part was touching as shit.

FINAL THOUGHTS

It wasn’t perfect.  But I did enjoy it.  And I think it is the start of a promising line of Justice League movies.  I can’t wait for Suicide Squad.

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Mar 24 2016
9 Comments
Movies

Batman vs. Superman!

Hey 3.5 readers.

It’s here.  It’s finally here.  The fight we’ve all been waiting for.  The Dark Knight vs. The Man of Steel.

Who will win?  No really, who do you think will win?

(As you can see, there is a “bookshelf battle” in the header of this fine blog in honor of this film.  Batman can take a punch like a champ.)

You have to root for Batman, right?  He’s the undercard in this bout.  Superman is an immortal quasi-God figure whereas Batman is a guy with good training and a lot of money. (An endless supply of money being the closest thing to a super power in reality).

I can’t wait to see it this weekend.  It will mark the beginning of DC’s attempt to recreate Marvel’s success with its Avengers movies.

Here’s a thought.  This is a big, summer blockbuster style movie and here it is, out so early…in March.

What does that mean for the future of movies?

Here’s what I think as a movie nerd.  Movie theaters are facing increasing competition from the Internet.  With the economy being down and ticket/popcorn prices high, a lot of people just decide to stay home and watch Netflix.

I can see that movie theaters are constantly coming up with new ways to get butts in seats. 3-D is one.  I’m seeing more theaters build stadium seating and put in extra comfy reclining chairs.  Beer and alcohol (watch Batman drunk!) and so on.

These big movies coming out earlier and earlier is just another way for movie theaters to stay competitive.  After all, if you love Batman and Superman, you’ll make the trip to see them on the big screen, right?

So this seems like a good thing.  Big movies earlier in the year because there just isn’t enough time to fit them all in during the summer.

Have you ever gone to the movies in January and wondered, “Holy Shit.  January movies are godawful.  This must be the time of year they release all the films that got the green light because someone had incriminating photos of a movie producer in a compromising position.”

I always wonder that.  Further, I always wonder, why can’t every movie be awesome?  Of course, I realize awesome is in the eye of the beholder.  What I find awesome and another finds awesome are two different things.  There’s enough room in the entertainment world for everyone.

Long story short, I think it will mean that eventually…bad ass movies will be shown in January.

Batman or Superman – who do you pick? Leave your pick in the comments.

SPOILERS – Batman is Bruce Wayne and he became a vigilante to cope with seeing his parents gunned down outside a theater as a child.  Also, Superman is really Clark Kent of the Metropolis Daily Planet.  His space pod crashed on a farm when he was a kid and a nice farm couple took him in and raised him.

That was a joke.

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Mar 21 2016
6 Comments
Movies

Movie Review – 10 Cloverfield Lane (2016)

A woman is either John Goodman’s guest or hostage.

That’s pretty much it.

End of review.

Crap.  That’s only 16 words?

Let’s talk some more then.  BQB here with a review of 10 Cloverfield Lane.

SPOILER WARNING!

So here’s the deal, 3.5 readers.

Our tale begins with Michelle (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) getting into a car accident.  When she wakes up, she’s locked away in an underground bunker.

Her host or captor as the case may be is Howard (John Goodman.)  He informs her that while she was knocked out, a  major attack occurred up above.  It might have been nuclear or chemical, he isn’t sure, but he’s sure that the world above ground is no longer habitable and she needs to stay in the bunker with him.  She’s informed that if she tries to leave the bunker, she’ll let in poison gas that will kill everyone.

OK.  Show of hands, ladies.  How many men have tried the old “the world above ground is uninhabitable due to a chemical weapons attack and you have to stay in this bunker with me until it is safe” trick?  Happens to you like every Saturday night, right?

Yup.  I understand.  It isn’t easy being a woman.

Ah, but here’s the rub.  Howard might be telling the truth.

Thus, the major question of the movie unfolds.  Is Howard a psychotic wack job who built a bunker to hold people captive in, or is he an eccentric conspiracy theorist/doomsday prepper whose crazy desire to build a fallout shelter of his very own paid off when an attack actually happened?

In other words, is he Michelle’s captor or savior?

To add to the confusion, there’s another inhabitant.  Emmett (John Gallagher) is about Michelle’s age.  He’s convinced Howard’s right and there was an attack, but he’s also dumb and gullible so that doesn’t help much when it comes to answering the question.

On top of all that, there are other strange doings afoot, but I don’t want to ruin it for you anymore than I already have.

I loved this movie and I highly recommend it.  It is definitely something for aspiring writers to check out.  It has a Hitchcockian ability to keep the audience on the edge of their seats and J.J. Abrams produced it so you know it’s good.

The writers of this film toss out breadcrumbs and red herrings throughout.  As the movie unfolds clues to support the “this is just a trick to hold people hostage” theory as well as “he’s right and there really was an attack” theory are presented, leaving the viewer to wonder what the hell is going on until the very end.

It’s definitely a “less is more” film.  Most of it takes place inside the bunker itself.

Go see it.  John Goodman’s best work.  Our favorite big guy is getting up there in age, so if the Academy wanted to toss him an award for this, it is a worthy performance.

But they probably won’t because he’s fat and you know…#OscarsSoPretty.

NOTE:  This is not a sequel to the 2008 film Cloverfield.  Remember that movie?  It was one of those “people run away from a monster while taping shaky amateur footage because the Blair Witch Project did it successfully in the late 1990s so everyone else wanted to see if they could recreate it” movies.

I thought it was a sequel myself when the trailer came out.  Mary Elizabeth looks a little bit like one of the actresses in that film (Lizzy Caplan) so maybe that’s why.

And I foresee this could be Mary Elizabeth’s breakout film.

STATUS: Shelf-worthy.

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Mar 20 2016
2 Comments
Movies

Movie Discussion – Trading Places (1983)

 

It was on TV this afternoon and I ended up watching it.  Dan Akroyd.  Eddie Murphy.  Jamie Lee Curtis as a hooker with a heart of gold.

It was on all the time when I was a kid so it took me on a stroll down memory lane.

If you’ve never seen it, it asks the “nature vs. nurture” question that plagues us today.  Do people possess an innate ability to thrive or fail or is it possible to pluck anyone out of a bad environment, put them in a good one and see them succeed?

To that end, the Duke Brothers, a pair of elderly Wall Street tycoons frame their firm’s manager Winthorp (Dan Akroyd) to see if he thrives or fails when he hits the skids.  Meanwhile, they appoint Billy Ray (Eddie Murphy) as the firm’s manager and give him a lot of money to see whether he thrives or fails when thrust into success.

Also, there are a lot of boobs.  Many gratuitous 1980s boobs belonging to women who are either dead or very old now.  Depressing.

Questions for my 3.5 readers

QUESTION 1:

Do you think environment matters when it comes to a person’s success or failure?  Are people in tough situations bound to fail or are there people who can make the best out of any situation?

QUESTION 2:

Why aren’t there any boobs in movies anymore?  Movies used to have boobs all the time.  Now I barely see any.  What gives?

Meanwhile, movies are more violent than ever with people getting shot, hacked up, eaten by CGI movies but put one pair of boobs on the screen and to quote the Joker, “everyone loses their minds!”

NOTE: Downside – there is a blackface scene in which Dan Akroyd goes undercover as a Jamaican while wearing blackface and fake dreads.  Even by 1983 standards that was a little bit off.  So there’s that but overall despite that one scene, the movie does have a good message about not automatically disparaging someone who doesn’t come from a perfect background, that had you lacked opportunity you might struggle too.

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Mar 19 2016
2 Comments
Movies, Zombie Western

Dead 7 – Sy Fy’s Zombie Western

Son of a bitch.

Sorry.  Pardon my language.

Sy Fy has a zombie western in which the Backstreet Boys and 98 Degrees play cowboys fighting zombies.

Though I have to be missing something as I’m pretty sure one of them is wearing a backwards hat and I’m certain there’s a Jeep in there.

I don’t have to give up on my Zombie Western though right?  Attorney Donnelly is at work as we speak on a press release about how mine is much more awesome-er.

Nah.  I don’t know.  There are a few self published zombie westerns floating around out there already.

It’s just a little discouraging sometimes.  You think you’re original and then you realize there’s so much entertainment out there it is virtually impossible to be original.

Wait a minute…he is wearing a backwards baseball hat!  WTF?!

 

 

 

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Mar 19 2016
8 Comments
Movies

Movie Review – Pee Wee’s Big Holiday (2016)

Home on a Friday night watching a Netflix movie about a man-child.

Oh life, where did you go wrong?

BQB here with a review of Pee Wee’s Big Holiday.

Oh Pee Wee.  You could have been a contender.

Come to think of it, you were.  Like every Generation X kid, I too talked in your silly voice and did my take on your “Ha ha!” and “Argh!” and so on.

But then you just had to go and do…well what you did at that adult theater in 1991.

To this day, I’ve never really understood it.  Sure, perverts have it a lot better today, what with a vast cornucopia of pornography available thanks to the Internet (so I’ve heard) but even in the 1990s, people had VCRs to watch risqué movies on (again, so I’ve heard.)

Pee Wee.  Oh Pee Wee.  You weren’t like Mr. Rogers, trying to lecture us on morality or Sesame Street, trying to teach us shit.  You just invited us along to be silly and have a good time and you had to go and get yourself in trouble.

Eh.  Did it matter?  Two movies and a TV show, I’m not sure how much more Pee Wee the public could have tolerated.

Either way, he’s been in more movies (as Paul Reubens) and we’ve forgiven him.  (But Jesus Christ, even in the 1990s they had Playboys and Penthouses and Hustlers you could check out in the privacy of your own home so what the hell was he thinking? (Again, so I’ve heard.)

Pee Wee is back (because thanks to Netflix, everyone who had a hit twenty years ago is coming back for one last hurrah).

Did you know that Pee Wee is 63 years old?  I always thought he was younger for some reason.  Holy Shit.  He aged well.

The Plot – Pee Wee lives in Fairville and he is afraid to leave.  But then he meets Joe Manganiello (the actor from True Blood and Magic Mike, though if you’ve never heard of him, it is ok because Pee Wee hadn’t heard of him either.)

Yes, Joe plays himself.  Meta.

They learn they have a lot in common and become fast friends.  But Joe is worried that Pee Wee has lived such a sheltered life so he challenges our favorite man boy to trek across country to his birthday party in New York City.

That’s about it.  It’s a romp from there on, a series of skits as he gets in various predicaments along the way.  Bank robbing babes, snakes, Farmer’s daughters, and balloon loving Amish folk slow him down.

I have to admit I didn’t laugh as much as I thought I would.  I’m concerned this means maybe Pee Wee was never funny.  Maybe I just thought he was when I was a kid.

But then I recall Pee Wee’s Big Adventure and classic lines like, “There’s no basement at the Alamo” and how he called that spoiled Francis guy “France-ass” and the bikers and I laugh and laugh.  (“Paging Mr. Herman.  Mr. Herman.  You have a telephone call at the front desk.)

Eh.  Maybe there’s just few people around who understand/appreciate 1980’s humor enough to make a movie that lives up to the legend.

Anyway, it was cute but not as good as the original or Big Top Pee Wee, the sequel.

MAIN COMPLAINT:  Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t believe he said “I know you are but what am I” to anyone in the entire film.  That’s his patented catch phrase.  Even those hacks at Fuller House knew they had to jam “Cut it out” and “How rude” and “Have mercy” into the first ten minutes.

Isn’t that the whole point of these TV shows/movies?  Long in the tooth actors grabbing one last pay day by placating adults who loved those actors when they were kids before the next generation of adults comes along and doesn’t give a shit?

“Look BQB.  That TV show/movie you liked as a child is still relevant…time isn’t passing you by…say the catchphrase!!!”

SIDENOTE: Pee Wee’s 63 but all his chicks in this movie are way younger.  Maybe because he’s just an ageless perpetually young guy…or maybe Hollywood couldn’t let him get with a 63 year old perpetually ageless female?

I don’t know.  Maybe I’m too much of a conspiracy theorist.  And to be fair, he does go on a flying car ride with a Katherine Hepburn type.

Not really shelf-worthy but if you haven’t seen them, I hope this inspires you to see his first two movies.

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Mar 19 2016
1 Comment
Movies

BQB Live Tweets Pee Wee’s Big Holiday

3.5 READERS: BQB, you are a giant nerd for live tweeting Pee Wee’s Big Holiday!

BQB: I know you are but what am I?  Ha ha!  Argh!

(If you’re on the twitter-mo-bob, follow @bookshelfbattle then get on Netflix and join in.)

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Mar 16 2016
5 Comments
Movies

Sausage Party -NSFW Trailer

Hey 3.5 readers.

Have you seen the trailer for Sausage Party yet?

So here’s the setup.  Seth Rogen and James Franco (the comedy duo behind Pineapple Express and also that movie that almost led to a war with North Korea) have made a cartoon.

For the first thirty seconds of the trailer, you almost think it is another Pixar style cartoon.  What’s every Pixar movie about?  Talking toys.  Talking cars.  Talking bugs.  Talking planes.  Talking fish.  Always about something that doesn’t talk only now it is talking.

This one is about food.  Yes.  All this time you never knew that food products can talk.  They sit on the store shelves, waiting for you to pick them up with the hope that you’re going to do something great with them and….

…yup…the food products engage in all kinds of obscenity once they learn what people actually do with food.

Here’s the Sony Red Band Trailer.  If you don’t want to be offended you probably shouldn’t watch:

I’ve been hearing these guys talk about this project on different talk shows for awhile now.

It sounds like a funny concept to me but I’m a male with a warped sense of humor so I’m basically their target demographic.

I give them credit for actually getting the studio to put up the money needed for Pixar quality rendering…or for getting a studio for doing something completely outside of the box for that matter.

PREDICTIONS:

  1.  People will be divided on whether it is hysterical or garbage.  There will be very little in between.
  2. There will be adults who would have thought it was funny but won’t go because they’ll think it is a kids’ movie based on a quick look at the poster.
  3. Also based only on a quick look at the poster, there will be many clueless parents who will be like, “Hey this looks like a good movie to take the kids to!” only to be horrified.

Anyway, I will have to check this out and write a review for my 3.5 readers when it comes out.

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Mar 11 2016
10 Comments
Movies, Uncategorized

Spiderman at the End of the Marvel Civil War Trailer

OH MY GOD!  NERDGASM!

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Mar 04 2016
11 Comments
Movies

New Ghostbusters Movie Preview

It’s finally here, the preview for the new all-female Ghostbusters movie:

My main observation is it looks and feels like the original.

They’re not quite like the original team but:

A)  You’ve got the lovable, almost childish nerd Ray (Dan Akroyd) vs. Abby (Melissa McCarthy)

B)  The glasses wearing ultra smart nerd – Egon (Harold Ramis) vs. Jillian (Kate McKinnon)

C)  The leader – Venkman (Bill Murray) vs. Erin (Kristen Wiig)

D)  The black non-scientist who talks the scientists into keeping it real – Winston (Ernie Hudson) vs. Patty (Leslie Jones)

I’ll just throw it out there.  A Ghostbusters sequel has always been a very high hurdle to jump over because the first was so great.

It was such an original and funny idea – serious so you felt a sense of danger but hilarious that you kept laughing.

In this preview, you have what looks like a ghost in a library.  A giant monster in New York.  Tributes to the original.  But then again, the tough part about comedy movie sequels is that people ALWAYS expect a repeat of the original movie’s jokes.

I don’t know.  They’re not deviating from the original formula, that’s for sure.  But then if they went off the deep end into something too new people would criticize that too.

I want it to be good.  I hope it is good.  I can’t believe it’s been 30 years though.  Holy shit.

You know, I really don’t care that it is an all woman cast.  I know some people have complained about it.  I just want it to be good, funny and enjoyable.

I will say this – we’ve come a long way that there are so many female nerd moviegoers that an all female Ghostbusters cast would get the studio green light.  These nerd women were nowhere to be found when I was a young lad.

I’m also glad to see whatever idea they’re going with here does not wipe out the first two movies.  It exists in the same world and at least according to IMDB some of the original Ghostbusters will be making cameos.

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