Tag Archives: Fantasy

Game of Thrones – Season 5, Episode 6 – “Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken” – Wrap-Up

Wow.  They really have a merchant for everything.

Bookshelf Q. Battler here with another GOT wrap-up.

SPOILERS AHEAD

cropped-img_1757.jpg

  • Arya is learning how to be one of the Faceless Men.  Is it worth it?
  • Jamie and Bronn vs. the Sand Snakes
  • Ser Loras and Queen Margery in custody?  Oh no!
  • What’s Littlefinger up to?  He’s promising everything to everyone.  I can only assume he’s hoodwinking Cersei.
  • Sansa has a tough life.  She ends up being married to every jerk in Westeros.

By the way, some interesting social commentary underlying tonight’s episode:

  • LGBT Rights – Come on Westeros.
  • Black Slave Traders – I’d call them “African American” but Africa and America don’t exist in George RR Martin’s world.  Kind of ironic though.

What say you 3.5 readers?

As usual, it’s show that can take a fantasy world and make us think about our real one.

Tagged , , , , , ,

Bookshelf Q. Battler and the Meaning of Life – An Introduction

FROM THE DESK OF BOOKSHELF Q. BATTLER

World Renowned Poindexter, Reviewer of Books, Movies and Cultural Happenings, Champion Yeti Fighter, Blogger-In-Chief of the Bookshelf Battle Blog

It’s finally here!

BQB and the Meaning of Life starts tomorrow!

BQB and the Meaning of Life starts tomorrow!

Tomorrow, my serial story, Bookshelf Q. Battler and the Meaning of Life begins.  I hope you’ll join me every day for a new bite sized hunk of prose designed to fit easily into your busy schedules.

(People who aren’t busy?  Feel free to read it twice!)

What is the meaning of life?

Read the story and find out.  In this post, I’d rather answer:

Why did I write this story?

From an early age, I wanted to be a writer.  Perhaps you’ve read my first novel, “Attack of the Killer Mutant Fish,” a valiant attempt for a ten year old.

Then I grew up, entered into the real world and decided a career as a writer was an unlikely outcome.  I wouldn’t consider “lottery winner” as a viable career option so why would I put untold amounts of time, money and effort into preparing a manuscript just so it could be filed in the traditional publishing world’s proverbial slush pile?

Let me put it this way.  If you want the “break into traditional publishing” experience, just pay a transient hobo fifty bucks to give you a kick in the nether regions.  You’ll spend less time, effort and money for a similar result.

DISCLAIMER:  The Bookshelf Battle Blog does not recommend you pay a transient hobo to kick you in the nether regions.

I settled into a humdrum lifestyle and though I’m blessed in many ways, I often wonder “what if?”

What if I had kept up with my dream of becoming a writer?  Would I have made it?  Would I have become a household name with my books on everyone’s shelves?

Flashforward to last year.  In March of 2014 I, Bookshelf Q. Battler was drowning my sorrows at Taco Bell (Mmmm…burritos) when it dawned on me:

Stop wishing you’d been a writer. You aren’t old. You aren’t dead. The technology exists. If you want to be a writer, then be a writer.

And with that, I became a writer again.

Now I just need some readers.

Perhaps you’ve heard I have 3.5 of them.  That’s a good start, but I’d like to make it 3.5 million.

Either way Aunt Gertie will be one of them.

I’ve always looked at platform building as a slow war of attrition, a numbers game that crawls at a turtle’s pace.

A couple of blog followers today.  A handful of twitter followers tomorrow.  A few drops in the bucket everyday will eventually lead to a nice full pail.

This summer, I’m going to attempt to fill a lake.

For the past few months, I’ve been working on two projects:

1)  Bookshelf Q. Battler and the Meaning of Life – it will begin tomorrow.

2)  Project X – Still not ready to give you the title, but rest assured of its awesomeness.

These serials will alternate.  It will be BQB for awhile, then Project X, then they will continue on a rotation all summer.

My goal is to leave you wanting more.

For a nerd with a busy lifestyle, it is hard to find time to cram this work in.  Much of it is done late at night, often leaving me exhausted and wondering if it’s worth it.

It’s my dream.  Of course it’s worth it.

Welcome to the Summer of Bookshelf, where I’ll hone my craft, entertain and inspire you, and ask that you give me your honest feedback about how I can improve.

Goals for the future?  This summer will lead to an expanded audience, I finish up a Fall/Winter’s worth of posts thus completing the “One Post a Day for a Year Challenge” and a fire in my belly gets stoked to the point where I’ll make an honest effort to enter the ebook market in 2016.

I’ve always been a results oriented kind of guy.  The more I see coming in, the more effort I’ll put out.

But why a story about a nerd with a magic bookshelf?

Because I am a nerd with a magic bookshelf.

Last year, it was hard coming up with a theme for a book blog.  There are so many of them.  I wanted to be unique.

It came to mind that maybe I’d be the nerd who’d pose his books next to his toy collection:

Master Chief - standing guard over Redshirts

Master Chief – standing guard over Redshirts

And from the outset, the theme was that “the books themselves” were fighting one another for limited shelf space:

Ye, addeth to the Great Scrolls of the Bookshelf Battle, that on March 12, 2014, the Bookshelf Battle did begin.

Since the invention of the printing press, books have been battling for spots on shelves all over the globe. With limited shelf space, available competition can be fierce. Recently, I remodeled my office and added a brand new bookcase. Now I must fill it with brand new books. Join me as I review the latest bestsellers of the day, with the occasional classic thrown in.

Which books will be deemed worthy of being on my shelf? Tune in every week to find out.

– First post on the Bookshelf Battle Blog in 2014

But as the one post a day challenge took over this year, the idea of anthropomorphic books fighting in a reckless manor seemed silly, whereas the concept that small characters could exit the books and go to war against each other over limited shelf space seemed much more reasonable.

Hey, it seems more reasonable to me, anyway.

Meanwhile, I went from being a random blogger to becoming Bookshelf Q. Battler, Owner of the Magic Bookshelf, Caretaker of a Bunch of Tiny and Unruly Book Characters, Proprietor of a Blog with 3.5 Readers, Lord of Bookshelf Battle Headquarters, Master of Bookshelf Q. Battle Dog, Sworn Enemy of The Yeti, and Colleague of Alien Jones.

In other words, the excitement in my life has grown exponentially over the past year, all thanks to this blog.

So to finally answer the question of “Why did I write this story?”

Over the past year, we’ve seen this blog morph from one geek’s hobby to a character based online world.

Did you ever watch Pee-Wee’s Playhouse as a kid?  You know, before Paul Reubens’ total disgrace?

(I mean, holy crap, I know that computers weren’t all that big back then but didn’t the guy own a VCR?)

Do you remember how Pee-Wee would waltz into his playhouse and talk to his viewers with the help of various characters?

That’s kind of how I see the Bookshelf Battle Blog – one nerdy character (i.e. Bookshelf Q. Battler) surrounded by other nerdy characters (Alien Jones and The Yeti), with the following exceptions:

1) This blog’s geared toward adult nerds who love books, TV, movies and popular culture.

2)  Oddly enough, it also has a second audience in the tweed wearing literary chin stroker community as I do often discuss the classics.

3)  It’s a bit more high-brow than Pee Wee, though I guess that’s not saying much.

4)  There’s none of…well, you know what Pee Wee did.  (Hey, why’s everyone leaving?  Weirdos).

This story will pull the blog together, entertain the 3.5 readers who’ve been following along so far, and eventually serve as an explanation to those who will wonder what this blog is all about tomorrow.

Tomorrow – that legendary day when I will have a whopping 11.7 readers.

As always, thanks for stopping by.

Good times are ahead.  Comment on the stories.  Tell me what you liked.  Tell me what you didn’t.  Ask questions.  Provide criticism.  I have a thick skin.  I live with a Yeti that hates me.

Come back tomorrow and join in the fun!

Sincerely,

Bookshelf Q. Battler

Copyright (c) Bookshelf Q. Battler 2015.  All Rights Reserved.

Nerd on top of the world image courtesy of a shutterstock.com license.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

BREAKING NEWS: BOOKSHELF Q. BATTLER WILL KICK THE BUCKET!

EAST RANDOM TOWN, USA – Bookshelf Q. Battler’s 3.5 readers were aghast to learn that Bookshelf Q. Battler will croak louder than a frog with a bull horn in the very first part of Bookshelf Q. Battler and the Meaning of Life (Due out this Friday, May 15)

This reporter wanted to know what BQB’s known associates had to say:

shutterstock_120849085

ALIEN JONES (Intergalactic Correspondent, All Knowing Alien) – Dude!  SPOILER ALERT!  You’ve just ruined it for the 3.5 readers!

shutterstock_141238783

DR. HUGO VON SCIENCE (Prestigious Professor of Science at the Advanced Science Institute of Science University; Columnist, Inventor of the Incredible Exploding Chinchilla and Teflon Pants) – This makes no sense!  So what happens?  BQB just drops dead und pushes up zie daisies for zie rest of zie story?

shutterstock_152431793

THE YETI – International War Criminal, Furry Monster, Bookshelf Q. Battler’s Arch Nemesis) – ROAR!  I hope so.  A whole story about that loser pushing up daisies sounds good to me.  He always cheats when we square off in roundhouse kick competitions!

shutterstock_267074402Hardassimo (“Uncle Hardass”) J. Scrambler (The Ghost of BQB’s Deceased Uncle, Husband of Aunt Gertie, Ex-Employee of…THE SALT MINES!) – Good!  Serves that poor excuse of a nephew of mine right!  He’d still be cooking with gas if he’d gotten a job at the SALT MINES like I told him to.

But did he listen?

“NOOOOO!”

  “I want to be a writer,” he says.

“I want to inspire the world through the written word,” he says.

Bah!  Oh well.  At least he can join me wherever the hell I am and I can lecture him for all eternity about what a colossal disappointment he is.  If he’s smart, he’ll get a job at THE AFTERLIFE SALT MINES!

REPORTER:  We asked BQB what he thought about this development.

BQB:  Are you serious?

REPORTER:  You drop deader than disco.

BQB:  Well that’s a helluva way to start a story.  What’s left?  Thirty chapters of the Yeti tap dancing on my decomposing remains?

REPORTER: I’m sworn to secrecy.

BQB:  Did you ever find out if my love interest will be played by Katee Sackhoff?

REPORTER: It’s not Katee Sackhoff!

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Game of Thrones – Season 5, Episode 5 – Kill the Boy

IMG_1757SPOILERS!

  • Barristan Selmy – RIP
  • Jon Snow – Faced with tough decisions.  Is inviting the Wildlings to come south of the Wall a mistake?
  • Ramsey/Theon/Sansa – Sansa is really coming into her own and it looks like she’ll have some allies.  It is starting to look like we’re marching toward a battle royale where Stannis will march on the North and Sansa will have some friends to protect her from the Boltons if they hold her hostage.
  • The Khaleesi – She’s getting married? SAY WHAT?  And her dragons were hungry.
  • Ser Jorah and the Imp are bonding.  I thought for a second Tyrion was going to buy the farm or at least we’d have to wait till next week to find out what happened.  The loss of Selmy means Daeny needs an advisor more than ever, so that’s good for him, but alas, now he has grayscale.

What else?

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

Game of Yetis – House Bookshelf – Part 8

PREVIOUSLY ON GAME OF YETIS…

Read Part 7 here.

And so it came to pass that Lord BQB and Maester Monty found themselves in Riverrun.  Lord BQB had just moments ago confided in Monty his love of large warrior women.

“Yes Monty,”  Lord BQB said.  “Big, tall, handy with a broadsword, able to vanquish my enemies but still keep me warm at night.”

“Twill be a tall order to find a damsel such as that in this realm,”  Monty replied.

Suddenly, there was a rustle in the bushes.  Out stepped an incredibly tall warrior woman with her squire in tow.

“Halt!”  the woman said.  Her hair was short in blonde.  Her face?  It looked like it might have been pretty at one time but since had grown haggard from years of toiling in battle.  “Who goes there?”

Lord Bookshelf Q. Battler, having searched high and low for a humongous warrior woman, instantly fell to his knees, rapt in the throes of passion.

“He’s speechless,”  Maester Monty said.  “That’s a first.  I am a Monty, a learned Maester of Shelftopia and this is my Lord, Bookshelf Q. Battler of House Bookshelf.”

“Ummm,”  Lord BQB said.   “Ummm uhhhh….”

“Well whoever you two imbeciles are you’re of no interest to me,”  the warrior woman said.  “Out of my way!”

“Wait!”  Lord BQB said, finally managing to eek a word out.  “Who are you, you magnificent creature?”

“This is Brienne of Tarth,”  the squire replied.  “And I am her noble squire, Podrick.”

“Brienne of Tarth,”  I said.  “Sounds lovely.  I prey you, good warrior woman, please accompany us on our quest to secure my Dew of the Mountain, for it has fallen into the hands of the evil Lord Yeti of Yetifell.”

“Oh great,”   Brienne said as she looked at Podrick then at Lord BQB.  “Another useless male I have to drag around everywhere.”

Join House Bookshelf!

Join House Bookshelf!

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Game of Thrones – Season 5 – Episode 4 – “The Sons of the Harpy” – Wrap Up 5/3/15

I totally lied.

I’m road tripping it a few days (which will make the one post a day challenge interesting) and wasn’t sure I’d be able to watch Game of Thrones tonight.

But I did!

So here we go (SPOILERS – Seriously, perhaps the BIGGEST SPOILER OF THE SERIES COMING):

  • Jamie and Bronn – Great fight scene and Jamie realizes his fake hand is good for something.
  • Sand Snakes – Ellaria is going forward with a plan to go to war.
  • The Sparrows – Cersei’s done an end run around the Council, creating her own private religious army to sic on sinners who happen to piss her off.  (I’m a little surprised Ser Loras didn’t kick a few asses before being caught).  Also, we’re pretty sure she’s going to have Ser Meryn wack poor trusting Lord Tyrell on the way to the Iron Bank aren’t we?
  • Tommen – Caught between his wife and mother.  Kid’s totally whipped.
  • Selmy and Gray Worm – Quite an amazing fight scene with the Sons of the Harpy.  Is Selmy gone?
  • Jorah and the Imp – Sounds like a buddy cop show.  Tyrion’s right.  What a waste of a good kidnapping.  He was on his way to see the Khaleesi anyway.
  • Jon Snow – Dude resisted the Red Woman’s advances.  There’s a man who takes his vows seriously.  Maybe too seriously because wow…you know, the Red Woman is hot and stuff.  (By the way, he knows nothing!!!)
  • Stannis – Stannis’ speech about all he did to save his daughter when everyone else told him to give up rose his stock in my book.
  • Sansa/Littlefinger – Sansa mentions that Rhaegar kidnapped and raped her aunt, Lyanna Stark, who had been betrothed to Robert Baratheon.  Littlefinger didn’t say anything in response but had a knowing look on his face.  This was actually a big time dropped bombshell.  A)  If Rhaegar didn’t kidnap Lyanna then Robert’s rebellion was in vain and B) maybe those two had a kid…a kid that…KNOWS NOTHING!!! DUN DUN DUN!

What did I miss?  What was your favorite part?

Good old Bookshelf Q. Battler, going that extra mile for his adoring 3.5 fans!

cropped-img_1757.jpg

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

No Game of Thrones Wrap Up Tonight

Hey Fantasy Nerds,

My apologies, there will be no Game of Thrones wrap-up tonight on the Bookshelf Battle Blog.

In the meantime, you should really be reading the top notch tale that is “Game of Yetis.”  Here’s the most recent installment.IMG_1757

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Game of Yetis – Part 7 – House Yeti

PREVIOUSLY ON GAME OF YETIS – Lord Alien of House Jones crosses the Narrow Sea after the Khaleesi tweets him a question about how to train dragons.

(By the way, did you know Alien Jones loves to promote Indie Self Publishers?  Read all about it in his latest “Ask the Alien” column.)

AND NOW GAME OF YETIS CONTINUES…

Lord Yeti and his banner yetis crossed the icy tundra to meet the white walkers on the field of battle.  Prior to engaging in sword play, the leaders of both parties decided to hold the following parlay:

LORD YETI:  Roar?

WHITE WALKER:  Errrghhh!

LORD YETI: Roar roar!

WHITE WALKER:  Ergh. Errgh?

LORD YETI: Roar! Roar. Roar.

WHITE WALKER:  Ergh.  Ergh?

LORD YETI:  Roar?

Sorry, here’s the English translation:

LORD YETI:  Why do you white walkers approach Yetifell as though you are prepared for war?

WHITE WALKER:  We wish to breach The Wall and march to Shelftopia so that we may steal all of Lord BQB’s Dew of the Mountain!

LORD YETI:  We’ve already stolen it!  It’s in my castle as we speak!

WHITE WALKER:  Oh.  Can we have some?

LORD YETI:  Of course.  Any enemy of Lord BQB is a friend of mine.  However, Lord BQB no doubt marches for Yetifell, so you must help us protect my castle from his attack.

WHITE WALKER:  Agreed.  Can we watch Scandal while we wait?

LORD YETI:  Why wouldn’t we?

I know.  It's a bear.  It was the only large dumb furry animal the HBO GOT sigil creator had.  The Yeti has complained vigorously.

I know. It’s a bear. It was the only large dumb furry animal the HBO GOT sigil creator had. The Yeti has complained vigorously.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Game of Thrones – 4/26/15 – Season 5 – Episode 3 – “High Sparrow”

Oh that wacky Tyrion.  Always getting himself into a pickle.

  • I’m enjoying the Varys/Tyrion road trip.  Mormont says he’s taking Tyrion to see the Queen.  Guess he doesn’t realize that’s where the imp was going anyway.
  • Arya’s tired of sweeping the floor, not realizing that’s some kind of “Mr. Miyagi” type stuff she has to do in order to become a faceless man.
  • The whole thing with Sansa marrying Ramsay is odd. (After all, Roose murdered Robb and Catelyn) We can only assume Littlefinger has something up his sleeve – somehow this will lead to the Boultons getting their comeuppance.  However, are the Boultons so stupid that they’d invite a revenge seeker into their midst?
  • Seems obvious Cersei will have the High Sparrow appointed as High Septum, finally giving her the strong ally she needs.
  • There was a wedding and no one died!

What did I forget?  Discuss!

IMG_1757

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

Game of Thrones Tonight!

Are you Team Khaleesi?  Have you taken sides with Cersei?  Are you still holding out hope that the Stark children will land a Hail Mary Pass?

Do you want to take up a sword for Stannis?  Do you think that Jon Snow knows more than nothing?

Or are you keeping your fingers crossed that Hodor will become the ultimate dark horse candidate for the Iron Throne?

Stop by bookshelfbattle.com tonight after Game of Thrones S5 Ep 3 and chat with Bookshelf Q. Battler, Blogger-in-Chief.  Toss out your observations, formulate your conspiracy theories, and what the hell, plug your blogs!

Can’t wait that long?  Read the latest installment of BQB’s epic fantasy parody – “Game of Yetis.”

Yes, in the latest episode, Alien Jones (Lord Alien of House Jones) makes an appearance.  He’s always answering questions on the Bookshelf Battle Blog and now he’s making a trip across the Narrow Sea to answer questions from the Khaleesi.

IMG_1757

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,