Is it possible to make a good Fantastic Four movie?
At first, I’d argue no. The source material is dumb. A rock monster and a rubber man, an invisible woman and a guy who can set himself on fire at will?
Well, then again every other comic book movie, in essence, is equally dumb.
The movies that came out in the 2000’s stunk. Then the most recent reboot last year was panned by critics. I didn’t think it was horrible but it didn’t blow me away either.
In all the movies, I feel there was a failure to capitalize on Dr. Doom. A scary character/dictator…really had potential to be super naughty.
What say you, 3.5 readers? Is is possible to make a good Fab Four movie?
There’s been a twitter campaign as of late to turn Captain America gay. Have him fall in love with his good friend Bucky Barnes and have those two start going at it and everything.
Eh. You know, I’m sympathetic to the idea that gay people would like to see themselves represented in a super hero movie but I’m not sure rewriting a character who has been obviously straight (hello, he’s carried a torch for Agent Peggy Carter forever) and turn him gay out of left field.
Plus it seems stereotypical to assume that because someone has a longtime friendship with someone of the same sex (like Cap and Bucky) that they just can’t be friends and instead that friendship must somehow mean they’re gay.
It’s probably not all that politically correct to argue against it but the idea just seems to out of left field to work. Plus, I’m not sure movie studios want to start making changes to movies based on twitter campaigns. Before you know it, the masses will just start running the movie business.
A gay superhero could work but I think the solution would be to find or create a gay super hero and not necessarily rewrite a currently straight hero to become gay.
So an elderly patriot, his elderly friend with a metal arm, a guy who can fly, a rich guy in a metal suit, his war hero friend in a metal suit, a prince in a cat suit, a witch with mind control powers, a British living robot, a kid who was bitten by a radioactive spider, a Russian assassin, a dude who’s handy with a bow and arrow, and a man who can make himself the size of an ant walk into a bar…
…AND THEN THEY FIGHT!
BQB here with a review of the long awaited Captain America: Civil War.
Don’t go to war over the SPOILERS that you’ll be reading if you scroll down any further.
Can’t we all just get along?
Apparently not. It’s been a rough year for superhero friendships.
Why, back in March Batman and Superman played their own game of Rock’em Sock’em robots and the more I think about it, the more I realize what a stinker of a turd that flick was.
Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor. What the shit, man? What the shit indeed.
Luckily, unlike DC and Warner Brothers, the fine folks at Marvel and Disney refused to serve us up a stinky turdburger.
I don’t want to spoil too much of the plot, but suffice to say all of those buildings the Avengers inadvertently smashed up during their battles with various aliens, robots, and/or assorted evil buttholes have finally caught up with them.
The general public has had it with all the collateral damage and they demand that “Earth’s Mightiest Heroes” submit to UN oversight.
Iron Man is for it. The Avengers have too much power and the public will only trust them if they’re being watched. Perhaps it is their power that is causing evildoers to challenge them in the first place.
Captain America is against it. Collateral damage will happen during war, no matter who they answer to. Blame the bad guys who start the wars, not those who are trying to stop them. He fears submission to a political body will allow politics to intervene in the Avengers’ missions and ultimately, the plan is little more than an exercise in assigning blame when things go wrong.
In the middle of it all, a mysterious enemy frames Cap’s best pal Bucky “the Winter Soldier” Barnes, and it turns into a slug fest between the man in the red metal suit and the man in the star spangled pajamas.
Old favorites like Spiderman, Ant Man, Scarlett Witch, War Machine, the Vision, Falcon etc. come into play.
Newly introduced to the screen are Crossbones and Black Panther, each with their own modus operandi.
Alas, Thor and the Incredible Hulk sit this one out. Boo.
Perhaps when the film has been out longer, I’ll opine more on this next subject but for now, if you’re a deep thinker like yours truly, you might start to wonder if the whole film isn’t one being allegory to the plight the U.S. has faced over terrorism since 9/11.
In other words, half the country is like Iron Man. Let’s take a step back and try to play nice with everyone.
Half the country is like Captain America. F them they blew us up. If they get mad at us for blowing them up then they should have thought of that before they blew us up and collateral damage is the fault of the people who blew us up.
Both arguments have their pros and cons. Sadly, just like Cap and Iron Man, Americans used to be a bit friendlier to one another prior to the turn of the millennium.
Now you don’t have to look much further than your Facebook feed during an election year to see people who should be buddies trading the verbal equivalent of Iron Man’s hand blasters and Captain America’s frisbee shield throws at one another.
Let’s try to get along people because we’re all we have, after all.
And besides, isn’t all this infighting what the aliens, or the robots or the bad guys in funny costumes (or in real life, the terrorists) wanted all along?
Am I thinking too much? Don’t worry. The movie doesn’t require you to think that much if you don’t want to. You can just sit back and watch all the pretty colors and scary explosions if you prefer.
There are times when there are so many characters on screen that it is hard to pay attention to what’s going on with everyone. There’s the rub with these multiple hero plots. Sometimes everyone gets so much time there isn’t enough for everyone on an individual level.
Even so, Marvel/Disney crafted an intricate, satisfying plot with a multitude of heroes whereas DC/Warner Brothers only had to deal with three heroes (Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman) and in the end, delivered us a big juicy crap sandwich.
Damn it. Batman vs. Superman really sucked, didn’t it?
Spiderman’s addition to the team is adorable. Black Panther shines as the latest hero.
And I’m not sure how they did it, perhaps with a combo of makeup and CGI, but there are scenes with a young Tony Stark that bring us a Robert Downey Jr. who looks a lot like he did in his Saturday Night Live days.
Not to keep dumping on Batman vs. Superman (because to dump on a dump would be redundant) but Marvel/DC took their time, built up all the characters, developed their back stories, made us care about them, and this movie is a pay off for anyone who’s invested their time in the franchise.
DC’s challenge was that there have already been so many Batman and Superman movies to begin with. Fine, but there still could have been a better plot leading up to the Man of Steel’s battle royale with the Dark Knight.
Movies include sequels in the ongoing line (i.e. what Rey and friends are up to next), Rogue One, a spinoff about young Han Solo, a spinoff about Boba Fett.
What do you think, 3.5 readers?
My first concern is I wonder if Star Wars’ success hasn’t been a case of “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
When I was a young adult, I cheered for the prequels because I was just happy to see lightsabers on screen again. Years later I look back and realize that yeah, those movies sucked. Revenge of the Sith wasn’t bad though.
But I wonder if maybe the time between film releases helps us to love these movies more.
Maybe too many will cause us to lose interest. Like that love interest you’re pining for, you want her so bad but once you get her you realize there’s a person in your house cutting her fingernails everywhere. Yet when she goes away you want her back.
Then again, Marvel has been riding high on since 2008 when the first Iron Man was released. Disney’s purchase of and oversight of Marvel has made those movies a success and to date, I have not grown tired of them despite there having been so many of them.
Iron Man 3 was the only stinker, in my opinion but hey in all those movies, one dud is inevitable.
So maybe Disney can keep Star Wars coming and keep us riveted. They seem to know what it takes to keep the kids happy and buying merchandise and keep the adults from complaining that the film hasn’t become too cutesy.
BQB here with a review of Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice.
SUPER SPOILERS AHEAD.
Have you seen this yet, 3.5 readers?
I want to avoid spoiling too much but this movie has brought to my mind a number ideas about comic movies, Marvel vs. DC, the direction DC is taking, etc. So I’ll probably come back in a week or two (once people have had a chance to see it) and get all spoilery.
For now, let me say this: I don’t think the critics and I saw the same movie.
The critics are up this movie’s butt. It’s too long. It’s got too much going on. It’s too confusing.
I’ll agree there is a lot going on and at times it was confusing…but come on, a lot of movies are. Half the time I go to movies and I’m like “I…uh…wait what just happened? I don’t know. Me shove popcorn into face now and enjoy pretty colors.”
The most efficient thing to do is to respond to the criticisms one by one:
THE PLOT ISN’T THAT HARD TO BELIEVE
We’re humans. We’re suspicious bastards who screw things up early and often due to our paranoia. It isn’t that far fetched to think that if someone like Superman showed up to save us, that we’d immediately suspect he was up to some shit and ruin everything by looking the ultimate gift horse in the mouth.
BEN AFFLECK AS BATMAN
He was a worthy Batman. He’s an older, world weary, tired of the bullshit Batman in this one. Affleck allowed himself to be shown with a little touch of gray. That’s commitment for any pretty boy actor.
JESSE EISENBERG SUCKS
Jesse Eisenberg did not suck. He played the part he was hired to play and he did it well. His character was just incredibly annoying, so much so that you wonder why Batman or Superman don’t just bitch slap him into next Tuesday and be done with it.
Sadly, Hollywood has never been able to provide us with a good Lex Luthor. The comics do. In the comics, he’s big, strong, menacing his power comes from his cunning and cruelty.
Here, they basically just had Eisenberg take a spritz of the Mark Zuckerberg role that made him famous and then kick it up a notch. At times his voice is screechy and almost Joker-like, which is a bad idea, as this world already has a Joker.
IT IS TOO DARK
DC Comics are dark. Because…Batman, damn it. To paraphrase Ben Affleck from that other movie he was in (Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back), Batman is one “morose motherf&*ker.”
Clearly, DC has seen the success that Marvel has had with The Avengers. There is an obvious market for movies in which beloved superheroes work together. Thus, DC is working its way toward making Justice League movies.
But this path has always been an uphill climb for DC. DC has been making comic book movies for a lot longer. The public knows their characters better. Marvel, on the other hand, had the opportunity to introduce each individual member of the Avengers to the public with their own movies, building up to the Avengers movie.
But we don’t really need another Batman origin movie. We get it. He saw his parents get shot in front of him and became a vigilante. (Hollywood finally gets that here…well, sort of…some suit still decided there needed to be a quick Wayne family massacre scene just in case there happened to be one jackass in the movie theater who didn’t understand why Batman became Batman.)
WONDER WOMAN WAS CROWBARRED IN
She really wasn’t. I found her to be a good addition to the movie and am looking forward to her movie.
TOO MANY TEASERS FOR UPCOMING DC MOVIES
What should they do instead? Make everyone wait until after the credits for a thirty second scene in which Nick Fury recruits someone new?
Although in keeping with my, “DC has the harder path than Marvel” argument…they’ve got a very big challenge in getting people to give a shit about Aqua Man.
“Hi we’re the Justice League. We’ve got an all powerful god man, a Bat ninja, a warrior princess and oh yeah….this shit head who can control fish.”
Holy Shit you suck, Aqua Man. If Jason Mamoa can make Aqua Man watchable he deserves an Oscar.
BATMAN AS PART OF A TEAM
He’s a loner, that’s for sure. And he’s always been out of place in the Justice League world.
We love Batman because out of all the superheroes, he is the most plausible. True, a mega rich buff dude who fights a crazy clown isn’t very realistic…but if you let your mind wander…it is easier to pretend to be Batman, whereas it is not as easy to pretend to be Superman, because being Superman is just totally impossible. If you’re not from Krypton, then you should just stop pretending to be Superman. You’ll never be Superman.
You’ll never be Batman either…but at least there’s a .00000001% chance that you could become Batman.
The Justice League fights aliens and monsters and other supernatural stuff. Batman’s forte as a “realistic” hero is fighting gangsters, mobsters, and psychopaths. That’s why we loved Christopher Nolan’s Batman movies, right? Nolan did his best to provide a Batman that was plausible (again, as plausible as a story about a Bat vigilante can get.
But the comics have always addressed that by having Batman being suspicious of his super powered friends. He works with them, but he usually makes back up plans in case they get out of line.
You have to compartmentalize. There’s on his own Batman who uses his training, skills, and money to fight crime…and then there’s Justice League Batman who helps other heroes fight aliens and shit.
BATMAN SHOOTS GUNS
Yes. That was unfortunate. Batman isn’t a shooter. Although it has always been acceptable for him to blow the shit out of people with rockets and guns attached to the Batmobile, Batman has never packed a piece. Technically he doesn’t in this one either….but well, then at one point he does but…ahh just watch the movie.
THE PLOT TURNS TOO MUCH ON UH…TWO PEOPLE KNOWING THE SAME NAME
Shut up, stupid critics. That part was touching as shit.
FINAL THOUGHTS
It wasn’t perfect. But I did enjoy it. And I think it is the start of a promising line of Justice League movies. I can’t wait for Suicide Squad.
If you were offered a procedure that would allow you to live forever but the catch is that you had to be hideously, wretchedly ugly, like barf enduringly ugly, would you do it?
I think I would. I mean you’d get to live forever. All the future you’d get to have seems like it would outweigh the ugliness. Plus, with all that time you could save a lot of money and become super rich and once you are rich people ignore the ugly.
Success comes if you are a) super attractive but if you can’t be super attractive then lots of money tends to convince people to overlook that. You can look like a total butt and people will like you if you’re loaded.
I should start another hashtag. #OscarsSoRich – Surely there’s a dirt poor actor who starred in an indie movie that’s being ignored.
BQB here. I’m looking forward to the upcoming Deadpool movie. For those of you who have lives and like do things other than watch TV and movies, Deadpool is a different kind of super hero.
He’s the “Merc with a Mouth” meaning he spouts off terrible off-color jokes on a non-stop basis and swears constantly. He also engages in all sorts of awful violence.
And if you have a bizarre sense of humor, it’s all pretty funny. Watch out for this trailer though. It’s R rated so…as mentioned above, lots of gratuitous swearing and violence.
So a rubberman, a rock monster, a burning man and an invisible girl walk into a bar…
Bookshelf Q. Battler here with a review at the latest attempt at a Fantastic Four movie.
To paraphrase Ben “The Thing” Grimm: IT’S SPOILIN’ TIME!
Fantastic Four – Movieclips Trailers
This movie is getting the crap panned out of it by the critics and even director Josh Trank reportedly tweeted (and later deleted), “You’ll probably never get to see my good version,” assumedly in response to a collective thumbs down from the movie review community.
Rotten Tomatoes, a movie review site that ranks films on a scale of 1-100% gave it 9%. It barely registered. Holy crap, that’s like, Gigli territory.
To put it in perspective, if Disney ever puts out a Jar Jar Binks origin story film, it’d probably get at least 15% just for being a completed film.
(I don’t know that to be case exactly. What do I look like, a Rotten Tomato expert or something?)
Personally? I don’t get it.
Call me crazy, tell me why I’m wrong, but I didn’t think it was that bad.
It was better than the two mid-2000’s attempts, though that’s not saying much. This franchise’s big villain/draw has always been the metallic Dr. Doom, and those movies, for some odd reason, were pretty light on the Doom.
A Fab Four movie that’s light on Dr. Doom is the equivalent of making a movie about Superman, except there’s no heroics and it’s just a rom-com about how he wants to tell Lois his secret but is too afraid.
This version makes up for it, with some pretty sweet Doom scenes in which he, in almost a Darth Vaderian level of bad-ass-itude, started popping heads left and right with his mind. Toby Kebell plays the baddie in this version.
The franchise went with a younger crew this time around, and I don’t think that hurt it. In fact, Miles Teller plays Reed Richards and in a summer where every hero is buffer and has more muscles than the next, it was good to see a nerd as the hero for once.
For once? TRY FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!
NERDS: Can a nerd be the hero for once?
SOCIETY: What?! You need glasses to see? Boo! No! No super heroics for you!
In this movie’s defense, this franchise isn’t Marvel’s easiest to put on film. You’ve got Reed aka Mr. Fantastic, who is a freaking rubber man. While being super stretchy is an interesting power, it does have the potential to backfire and look dumb. This film avoided that.
Then you’ve got a rock man, an invisible girl, and a man on fire, so all in all, they’re a haphazard collection of heroes with random powers.
(Oddly though, while this group usually gets goofed on by the critics, another comic book group featuring a Nordic god, a man in a robot suit, a green monster and a super patriot are box office gold so go figure.)
Kate Mara and Reg E. Cathey pull off a House of Cards mini-reunion. Frank Underwood fans know Kate as Zoe Barnes and Reg as Freddy aka the owner of Frank’s favorite barbecue joint. Here, Reg is the father of Sue (Kate) and Johnny Storm (Michael B. Jordan).
Sidenote: Jordan took a lot of heat (pun intended) for playing Johnny/the Human Torch. The character has usually been white in past films. But really, who cares? Spread the super hero roles throughout the races. If you’re worried about what color a character is in a super hero movie you probably have too much time on your hands.
Meanwhile, Jamie Bell plays Ben Grimm, the team member who has it the hardest (pun intended) because while the other characters can return to normal, he’s stuck being a rock monster.
And in this film, he’s a rock monster with no pants. He’s got nothing down there in case you were wondering. Maybe you weren’t. I don’t know.
This movie is all origin story with a face-off against Doom at the end. Perhaps it can be criticized on the fact that most of the first half is devoted to the experiment that leads to the team inadvertently catching their powers.
I’m not a fan of super hero origins stories, mostly because we know them front and back already. I don’t need to see Batman’s parents get shot for the hundredth time. I don’t need to see Superman’s escape pod land in the Kents’ corn field. I don’t need to see Peter Parker get bitten by a damn radioactive Spider again.
We all know what happened. There’s no need to re-tell the whole story again every time the cast changes. Just jump straight to the action.
However, I can’t begrudge the Fab Four an origin story because they’ve been denied a good one thus far.
I don’t know. Based on the reviews, I went into it thinking that it would be two hours of The Thing performing a poetry recital while Sue and Johnny use Reed as a jumprope, so I was pleasantly surprised.
If you hated it, I don’t want to start a nerd fight or anything, but what did I miss? Why is this movie considered so sucky?
It’s not like it was good enough to run out and watch again, but I didn’t feel like I didn’t get my money’s worth either.
Bookshelf Battle 