BQB here, still posting behind the Yeti’s back. Shh! Don’t tell him.
The trailer for Spiderman: Homecoming is out and it looks like the best Spiderman movie in awhile.
The first two Tobey Maguire movies in the early 2000s were great then they hit a wall with the third one. Emo Spiderman. Blah.
The most recent two were fine but didn’t really knock my socks off.
Here, it looks like they’ve come up with a great idea, setting Spiderman in the world of the Avengers and making Tony Stark his mentor. It makes sense. Tony is a scientist. Peter is a wannabe scientist.
We don’t need need to see yet another origin story where Peter is bitten by the radioactive spider and he doesn’t stop the robber and the robber shoots Uncle Ben so from then on Spiderman pledges to never let anyone down again and so on.
We’ve got it.
Yet, while we don’t need an origin story, we do need an explanation as to what this current incarnation of a character is all about. That’s why the latest DC movies have been struggling.
No, we don’t need another movie about young Bruce Wayne seeing his parents getting shot (shot parents/guardians create so many super heroes).
But yes, we could have used a movie to explain what this version of Batman is all about.
If you missed, SPOILER ALERT – in the latest Captain America film, we were given an introduction to Spider Man. It was good. It was all we needed. Now we know what makes this current version of Spidey tick. Now he can hit the ground running in his own movie without any need for devoting half the film to the spider bite and the Uncle Ben sadness.
Once in awhile a nerd blogger gets to discover something that is under the radar and share it with his 3.5 readers so that they too may take part in the joy.
And my new joy is…Ip Man!!!
Put on some loose clothing and start practicing your sweet kung fu moves, because BQB is here with a review of the Ip Man movie series.
OBLIGATORY SPOILER ALERT
I’ve seen this movie on Netflix for years and like many films, I just shrugged my shoulders and went, “Meh.” Due to my lack of understanding of the Chinese language, I assumed “Ip Man” was some kind of superhero. I thought the title was “IP man” as if he saves artists from the infringement of their intellectual property or something but no. I was wrong.
I’ve long been a fan of martial arts movies so I finally got around to giving this one a try and wow.
These films are based on the life of Ip Man (in English his last name is Ip and his first name is Man) the legendary Master of Wing Chun Kung Fu. Wing Chun, as I’ve learned through the power of Google, is a style that relies on defense and is especially effective in close quarter combat. Also, it was invented by a woman, so there you go, ladies.
In reality, “Master Ip” is considered one of the great practitioners of Wing Chun, having done a great deal to promote it, including teaching it to his most well-known student, Bruce Lee.
The films are produced out of Hong Kong and have English subtitles, but otherwise they feature the special effects, moves and sound of any Hollywood blockbuster. I’m no historian but I do assume some “liberties” are taken with the history of Master Ip’s life as he does things that no human could probably do but that’s ok. Movies do that with historical figures all the time.
Ip Man 1 (2008) begins with a young Master Ip (Donnie Yen) who lives an affluent life in fo Shan, a place that is prosperous, allowing the residents to pursue martial arts in their spare time.
Alas, World War II breaks out and the Japanese attack and take over. Master Ip and his family and friends are left to live lousy, destitute lives filled with hunger and fear.
People are so hungry that they are willing to take rice in exchange for becoming a Japanese general’s punching bags as he practices karate. Master Ip gets his chance to avenge fo Shan, but must choose between practicality and letting the general win or honor and beating his ass.
In Ip Man 2 (2010), Master Ip and family move to Hong Kong, where the master opens up a Wing Chun school. He scraps with local kung fu masters who feel he must prove his worthiness before joining them in opposing a Western British boxer who insults them and kills one of their beloved masters.
Finally, I haven’t seen Ip Man 3 (2015) yet. Based on the above preview, Ip Man fights Mike Tyson. I’m a little confused by that. I assume Mike Tyson plays a historical character or something. I don’t think Master Ip gets in a time machine to fight Mike in the present.
I’ll have to watch it and get back to you. Often, kung fu films are high on action and low in plot, but the first two films break that trend. So I’m hoping an awesome story that involves Mike Tyson is worked in.
Even if it isn’t, I could over look it as honestly, the Ip vs Mike scene does look pretty awesome.
Donnie Yen, the actor/martial artist who plays Master Ip deserves a lot of props. In true kung fu style, he is stoic and focused, never looking for a fight but ending it once it starts. He comes across as someone who is reflective and studied, who uses martial arts as a manner of being disciplined, but isn’t one to let atrocity go unchecked.
They’re great films. The only thing I’d note is apparently a number of studios, seeing this series’ success, have created their own Ip Man films. I haven’t seen them so they may be fine, but be sure to watch the Donnie Yen films first.
Donnie Yen really needs to come to America and kick some ass in Hollywood. He’s got the moves and the fight scenes (which are not skimped on and come practically every few minutes) are brilliant, breathtaking and a fun spectacle to watch. He does this thing where he gets his opponent locked down, then delivers a hail of rapid fire punches, something I’ve never seen in a movie before.
STATUS: Shelf-worthy. Available on Netflix. My nerd style is far superior to your geek style.
I watched Casablanca a year ago with the intention of reviewing it for this glorious blog. I’d seen it before but my mind needed a refresher. Alas, as Rick and Ilsa’s song reminds us, “time goes by” and writing a review of this masterpiece slipped my mind.
Luckily, seeing Allied gave me a refresher.
So without further ado, BQB here with a review of Casablanca.
Do I need to give a spoiler warning? You’ve had over seventy years to watch this flick.
And if you haven’t watched it yet, you should, because it holds up.
(In all seriousness, this is a review for people who have seen and loved the film. If you haven’t seen it yet, stop reading, go watch it, then come back here. Otherwise, you’ll be disappointed).
The set-up? At one time, Morocco had been (owned, occupied, colonized, swiped, insert the word here) by France. When Nazi forces swept into France in World War II, Frenchmen had to choose between surrender and fighting through underground guerrilla warfare (the French resistance).
Those who chose the former became known as the Vichy government. Nazis officials flooded into France and backseat drove the French officials who opted not to fight.
To make matters more complicated, the situation extended into Morocco, where Nazis backseat drove the Vichy French officials there, sort of a double-occupation where French occupiers were being bossed around by their own German occupiers.
What a revolting development.
As explained in the film early on, Morocco was a den of thieves, villains, cut throats and spies. Moreover, Europeans made a pilgrimage to the African city in the hopes of escaping the war by securing passage to Portugal (and then to other less dangerous places in the world like America).
Against this backdrop of sin and inequity, the hard drinking, clinically cynical American expatriate Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart) runs a nightclub filled with all manner of depravity. Rick’s got a seedy past that isn’t fully explained but you’re left with the impression that he isn’t exactly welcome in the States anymore.
When Ilsa (Ingrid Bergman) left him waiting at a train station in France years earlier, Rick’s heart turned to stone and he swore from then on he’d live a life where he’d only look out for number one – i.e. himself.
But that resolution is tested when Ilsa enter’s Rick’s club. “Of all the gin joints in all the world, why did she have to walk into mine?”
Without giving away too much of the story, Ilsa is now with Victor Laszlo (Paul Henried), a famed leader of the anti-Nazi movement. Whereas Rick has long given up on idealism for quick bucks, Laszlo leaves and breathes French patriotism and is willing to die for it.
Blah, blah, blah, stuff happens and ultimately Rick must choose between seizing a love he thought was lost to him forever or sacrificing himself for the greater good of defeating the Nazis.
SPOILER ALERT – he chooses defeating the Nazis. Surely, you knew this by now unless you have been living under a rock for years.
Even though you already know it, it is very emotional to watch.
In the end, the greater good wins out over love and it is up to the audience to decide whether or not that was the right outcome.
If you are an idealist, then you cheer Rick on as he allows Victor to take his seat on a Portugal bound plane.
If you are a cynic, then you think Rick is a schmuck for not grabbing his woman and not letting go, as a woman you love who loves you back is a rarity in this life.
But ultimately, if you are an idealist, you realize the people who need to be together, end up together.
Laszlo and Ilsa, we can only assume, go on to continue their anti-Nazi fight once Victor is away from the clutches of the villainous Major Strasser (Conrad Veidt).
As for Rick, his “beautiful friendship” with Captain Louis Renault (Claude Raines) begins.
Raines steals the show as Renault as he puts on full display the difficult situation many Frenchmen found themselves in during this time. Louis is no fan of the Nazis, but he is a fan of breathing and having a job so like a henpecked husband he caters to his German masters, but does so in a comic manner.
Rick and Louis are foils that feed off one another. Rick’s cynicism is dark and brooding whereas Louis’ cynicism is, at times, downright funny. Louis realizes he is stuck in a ridiculous situation but with a deadpan tone that belies an undercurrent of sarcasm, he does what is required of him.
Example – when the Nazis order Louis to shut down Rick’s joint, Louis does so and declares, “I am shocked to find gambling in this establishment!”
Then with perfect comedic timing, a dealer hands Louis a stack of cash and says, “Your winnings, sir” to which Louis replies, “Thank you.”
That scene has served as a criticism of politicians and public officials who act “shocked” by lousy situations when in reality, they have long known of them.
Thus, the greater good wins. Rick and Ilsa would have been happier together, but the world needed Victor and Ilsa to continue their resistance efforts, just as the world needed Rick and Louis, a couple of jaded, cynical connivers to get together and use their underhanded skills to undermine the Nazis at every turn.
STATUS: Shelf-worthy. Get out of your comfort zone and watch a black and white movie. You’ll be glad you did.
You must remember this, a yeti I did kiss…but it was against my will!
But I won’t bore you with the behind the scenes hullabaloo of being a Yeti hostage.
France! Morocco! Ooo la la! BQB here with a review of Hollywood’s first Oscar bait movie of the season, Allied.
OBLIGATORY SPOILER WARNING.
In early 1940s French Morocco, Canadian spy Max Vatan (Brad Pitt) meets French lady spy Marianne Beauséjour (Marion Cotillard). The duo become immersed in a whirlwind romance as they hunt Nazis together and bone in a gratuitous manner.
Alas, when they marry and head off to England, Max’s superiors begin to suspect Marianne of pulling double-duty as a spy for the Nazis. Thus, Max is charged with the unenviable task of sniffing out the truth.
Fans of the Golden Age of Hollywood will be very impressed with this film. With the French Morocco scenes, its almost as if we are treated to a visit to the Casablanca of Bogart’s time, except in this go-around we get to see it in full color, high definition and with more special effects, flying bullets and assorted war mayhem.
Yes, there is room for an argument that Casablanca was all the better off for not having all the bells and whistles of a modern film as such trivialities might have spoiled that classic. And certainly this movie does not surpass the Bogie/Bergman picture that most movie critics agree is one of (if not the best) films ever produced, but it did make me yearn for a time when a man would wear a suit and a fedora just to get a cup of coffee.
Brad Pitt is every bit a classic style movie star in a time when thought provoking films are being more and more replaced with flicks revolving around costumed super heroes (not that I’m complaining as I love those films as well but I wonder why there isn’t room for both.)
Moreover, Pitt is truly one of the best preserved fifty-something year olds I have ever seen.
Meanwhile if Pitt is Bogie, then the Bergman of this film is Cotillard. After years of being the go-to French actress in films that call for a French character, she has been rewarded handsomely with this role.
Overall, the film is visually pleasing with a plot that keeps you munching popcorn. It will face some stiff competition come Oscar time, but gold statues (or at least nominations) for Pitt, Cotillard and Director Robert Zemeckis would not surprise me.
STATUS: Play it again, Sam. Shelf-worthy and worth a trip to the theater. Good date film. Dudes, take your lady because it is so emotional that you might get a little smooch-a-roo-ski out of this.
Jingle bells, the Yeti smells, BQB is still in captivity.
But that’s ok because I have my ways of getting around the Yeti.
Did you know you can help rid BQB HQ of Yeti rule by following me on Twitter – @bookshelfbattle ?
In the meantime, from BQB HQ, here are the Top Ten Christmas Movies, in no particular order:
10. Scrooged (1988) – A Christmas Carol has been remade, rebooted, and parodied a ridiculous amount of times. It makes sense because it follows a classic formula for teaching a main character the error of his ways. For me, the best and funniest retelling was this Bill Murray comedy from the late 1980s. Entertainment executive Cross follows in Scrooge’s footsteps by chasing money and working his way to the top of a TV network, only to realize he missed out on the love of his life Claire (Karen Allen) and not taking care of the people who have helped him along the way like Bobcat Goldthwait’s take on Bob Cratchit in the form of Eliot Loudermilk.
9. Home Alone (1990) – Truly the most heartwarming film about child neglect, Kevin McCallister (Macaulay Culkin) left behind by his large family on Christmas and must defend the family homestead from robbers Daniel Stern and Joe Pesci. Ironically, the sequel stars the 45th President of the United States.
8. A Christmas Story (1983) – Author Jean Shepherd’s recollections of his youth come to life as Ralphie (Peter Billingsley) hounds his family into buying him a Red Ryder BB gun, despite their fears that he’ll shoot his eye out. Hollywood embarrassed itself terribly by making a sequel you shouldn’t bother with.
7. Bad Santa (2003) – Ever wonder if that person in the department store mall Santa outfit is a reputable character? Billy Bob Thornton answers a resounding “no.” RIP John Ritter and Bernie Mac.
6. The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992) – If Scrooged is the best version of the Dickens classic, then this is the second best. Michael Caine as Scrooge. Kermit as Cratchit. It’s all good.
5. Gremlins (1984) – You forgot this takes place at Christmas, didn’t you? Zach Galligan and Phoebe Cates end up battling little green men over the holidays when a wise Chinese shopkeepers mugwai care instructions are ignored. Never feed a gremlin after midnight. (Isn’t it always after midnight somewhere? Like what is the feeding window? Isn’t 1 p.m. still after the previous day’s midnight?) Check it out for Phoebe’s monologue about her Dad dressing up as Santa Claus and then getting trapped in the chimney and dying, thus ruining her yuletide spirit forever. I have yet to figure out if this speech is supposed to be straight up serious or darkly comedic. Maybe a little of both. Gizmo…caca!
4. The Polar Express (2004) – Breathtaking animation. Tom Hanks animated as multiple characters.
3. Prancer (1989) – A girl takes in a reindeer as her pet, only to discover…dun dun dun…that it belongs to Santa! #mindblown
#2 – Die Hard (1988) – I don’t care what anyone says, this is a Christmas movie. Truly the best underdog action hero story about a man who tries to make amends with his estranged wife by attending her office Christmas party only to end up having to save the day from German terrorists. Yippy ki yay.
#1 – Christmas Vacation (1989) – This one is number one for a reason. It really is the best Christmas movie ever made. Others come and go. I might watch them or I might not but every year I watch Die Hard and Christmas Vacation. Shitter was full!
Did I miss your favorite Christmas movie, 3.5 readers? Tell me about it in the comments.
Ho ho holy moly. I can’t believe they made another one.
BQB here with a review of Bad Santa 2.
OBLIGATORY SPOILER WARNING.
The year was 2003. George W. Bush was in the White House, the clubs were playing Fifty Cent’s In Da Club on a continuous loop (which frankly, they should still be doing even today) and a little Christmas comedy movie called Bad Santa turned out to be unexpectedly hysterical.
So naturally, in this age where Hollywood hasn’t had a new idea in awhile, they had to take another dip in the Bad Santa well.
Billy Bob Thornton reprises his role as Willie Stokes aka the worst Santa ever. His diminutive friend/elf Marcus (Tony Cox) is out on parole after double crossing Willie in the original film, but now he’s back and recruits Willie to go on a new Christmas heist.
Even worse, Willie’s foul mouthed degenerate mother Sunny/Mrs. Claus (Kathy Bates) joins in on the action.
On top of all that, Thurman Merman (Brett Kelly) aka the dumb little kid who befriends Willie in the first film is back and dumber than ever. He’s all grown up and totally an adult now.
Seeing as how I remember seeing this movie like it was yesterday, I’m not sure which makes me sadder, that Thurman is an adult or that John Ritter and Bernie Mac, who both had big parts in the original, have since, and to my great dismay, shuffled off this mortal coil.
Time, you son of a bitch.
Back to the review, Christina Hendricks and her enormous boobs replace Lauren Graham of Gilmore Girls fame as Willie’s love interest this go around.
I have to be honest, while Christina’s enormous boobs are truly a spectacle to behold as well as a pair of national treasures, I really do believe she deserves a feature film role that isn’t about her enormous boobs. Sadly, this isn’t it, though she does make the film worth watching.
The movie has its funny parts as well as a lot of scenes where it is clear the actors are just being called upon to be as gross and disgusting as possible. As often happens in comedy sequels, the jokes that floored us the first time are repeated and though we’ve come to expect that, they just don’t have the same luster that they did before.
Where the crap did thirteen years go? Holy shit. Someone get in a damn time machine and pull me out of the Bad Santa 1 movie theater and explain the series of mistakes I need to avoid in order to not end up as the proprietor of a blog with 3.5 readers in 2016.
Just kidding 3.5 readers. You know I love you and your seven eyes.
STATUS: Shelf-worthy, but partly because it makes me nostalgic for the original and partly because of Christina Hendricks (I should be clear and say that her boobs do not appear on screen. Sorry. I know. Spoiler.) Otherwise, I could take or leave this movie. If you’re looking for adult themed holiday laughs, this is your movie. If not, you can wait and rent it next year.
FYI I karate chopped the Yeti in the face just to go see this movie and review it for you, 3.5. You’re welcome.
Hey 3.5 readers. BQB in captivity here. Just sneaking out of my cage and onto the computer while the Yeti takes a nap.
Money! A heist! Lots of Nicolas Cage yelling!
BQB here with a review of The Trust.
I tend to shy away from films that just end up on streaming services without much theater play (I assume this was as I don’t remember it being in the theater) but this one caught my eye so I checked it out.
Believe it or not, millenials, but there was a time when Nicolas Cage was a big box office draw. The intense eyes, the flaring nostrils, the ability to be serious and/or charming one second only to fly into an intense, scary rage the next…
…eh but now the world just can’t tolerate a leading man with a receding hair line anymore.
And I suppose he has engaged in some wackiness but oh well. That’s neither here nor there.
All I know is you should see The Rock (1996) if you want to see one of the best action films ever made and understand why the dude was a big hit back in the day.
Moving on…
The Trust stars Cage and Elijah Wood as Officers Stone and Waters, two level Las Vegas cops who learn of a drug operation’s high security vault.
The buddy cops start out slightly bent if not completely crooked but when they learn of this big score, they put their minds to a plan and work it, only to discover what lies inside the vault is nothing what they expected.
Quickly, the level of “trust” the two amigos have long held with one another is shattered and, well, if I tell you much more than there’s no point in streaming it.
I have a hunch the film was written around Cage and Wood, as if they somehow knew they’d like to work together so someone came up with a script. Both characters seem to have Cage and Wood-like personality traits. Stone (Cage) is serious and normal one moment, a bundle of rage the next. Wood is a neurotic nerd too crippled by ennui to get his act together.
I mean I’m not saying Wood is crippled by ennui but he has played that type of character before, most recently in that dumb FX sitcom Wilfred where his dog walked around as a human from time to time.
Veteran comedian Jerry Lewis (yup, he’s still alive) has a cameo as Stone’s father, though he doesn’t matter much to the overall movie other than you as the viewer get to go, “Hey, Jerry Lewis is still alive. Good for him.”
It’s low budget and there are some logical leaps but it is interesting to watch the duo plan and carry out their very complex caper.
STATUS: Shelf-worthy. Find it on Netflix.
Hey, this has been BQB and I’m off to my cage now. Don’t tell the Yeti I was here. Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter @bookshelfbattle if you want to save me from the Yeti’s vile clutches.
The short version is that Moana (Auli’i Cravalho), demigod Maui (The Rock) and Moana’s incredibly dumb pet chicken set sail on a quest to return the island goddess Te Fiti’s heart (in the form of a jade stone) that Maui once stole because he’s kind of a jerkface.
Monsters big and small are fought. Moana’s chicken remains stupid.
Oh and lots of singing.
There’s not much else I can say without giving away the whole thing, but if you’re looking for something to do with the family this Thanksgiving weekend, you can’t go wrong here.
STATUS: Shelf-worthy and though I’m not a fan of 3D, it is worth seeing in 3D due to some awesome animation sequences where all kinds of crazy things happen with water.
I have a new habit, 3.5 readers and it is a terrible one that I need to break immediately.
Whenever I meet, see and/or think about an older person I subtract sixteen in order to figure out how old they were in 2000, realize they were young during then and since 2000 seems like it was just yesterday to me, it feels like that older person should not be old, like they were just young two seconds ago so why are they old now?
Did they catch an oldifying disease?
No, they’re just old. Time, you dirty, dirty bitch, you.
I feel the same way about myself. I literally feel like my life was like:
2000 – Oh boy, the world is my oyster!
Time passes – Huh, I sure am having a hard time making my dreams come true.
2016 – Holy shit I blinked and now I have gray pubes. 2000, where did you go?
I blame the pop culture.
For the most part, give or take a few style trends, people in 2000 didn’t look much different than they do now.
The music isn’t that much different. The movies have better effects now but 2000 movies were no slouches.
So that’s my complaint. We’re in the second decade since 2000 but neither decade has had any real defining style.
Think about…
…the 1960s – Tie dye and hippies, bell bottom jeans and people saying “far out” and groovy.”
...the 1970s – Disco, leisure suits and eight tracks.
…the 1980s – Hair bands, Michael Jackson, Madonna. “Greed is good” according to Gordon Gecko.
…the 1990s – Everyone dresses up like a lumber jack and listens to depressing alt rock. Gangsta rap takes over the rap game.
…the 2000s till now – Eh, I mean, I could be wrong. Maybe you’ll see it differently, but it just seems like time time since 2000 has just been all about computers and the Internet getting better, social media taking over, music seems to fall into either pop or rap. There are no new styles coming along and guitar based rock or other types of songs seems like a a lost art form.
My overall point – I used to be able to look at a black and white movie or a photo of a man in a fedora and know it was from the 1950s. But now, its getting harder to tell what post-2000s time period a piece of pop culture is from.
At least my parents got a cue in the 1990s. “What? Everyone is dressing like a lumberjack and listening to songs sung by super depressing marble mouthed mumblers from Seattle? Guess we’re old now!”
It just seems like pop culture is losing its decade dividing lines.
Bookshelf Battle 