Tag Archives: scifi

The Martian Movie Trailer – An Inspiration for Self Publishers

Sure.  We click clack away on our keyboards whenever we find the time.  We like to daydream about our name in lights, that our words will be embraced by the public, that maybe they’ll even be turned into a movie.

Well, Andy Weir, walking talking self publishing success story that he is, has done just that.

The Martian, a movie based on his bestselling book of the same name, is due out later this year.  The trailer’s been released it it looks amazing:

Movie Trailer – The Martian – 20th Century Fox

“I’m going to have to science the shit out of this.”

– Astronaut Mark Watney

Matt Damon in the lead role.  An ensemble cast that includes Jeff Bridges, Jessica Chastain, Kate Mara (Zoe from freaking House of Cards!), Donald (Troy from Community!) and Kristen Wiig in a role which, from the looks of it, might be her bridge from comedy to more serious fare.

Earlier this year, Andy spoke to three of my favorite self-publishers, Johnny B. Truant, Sean Platt and David Wright aka Johnny, Sean and Dave of the “Self Publishing Podcast.”  He spoke how he wasn’t an overnight success story but rather his journey was one that involved years of pain staking hard work.

Read more about that show here. 

Rome wasn’t built in a day and your self publishing career won’t be either.

Andy, you’re an inspiration to every nerd with a laptop and a dream of becoming a self-published author.  You did it.  One man. One computer.  One story.  And now one major movie that has every indication of being box office gold.

I tip my hat to you sir, and shall raise a frosty beverage in your honor on opening night.  Your achievement has made it possible for a new generation of self publishers to be taken seriously and we are forever in your debt.

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Alien Jones Taking Your Questions

Help Alien Jones stem the tide of stupidity sweeping across our planet!

It's your move, Internet.

It’s your move, Internet.

Ask him a question today and who knows?  He might even respond with a plug for your book or blog right here on this revered site, bookshelfbattle.com

Here’s some of the Esteemed Brainy One’s past columns:

Halfway Through the One Post a Day for a Year Challenge

Is Hollywood Capturing What Aliens Look Like?

What is the Meaning of Life?

Consult the Greatest/Pantsless Genius of the Universe today!

Alien Jones is the Intergalactic Correspondent for the Bookshelf Battle Blog, on a mission to raise Earth’s collective intelligence levels one question at a time. Do you have a question for the Esteemed Brainy One? Tweet it to @bookshelfbattle on Twitter, leave it in the comments on bookshelfbattle.com, or stop by Bookshelf Battle on Google Plus. If he likes your question, he might even promote your book, blog, other project in his answer.

Alien image courtesy of a shutterstock.com license.

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Ask the Alien – Halfway Through the One Post a Year Challenge

By:  Alien Jones, Intergalactic Correspondent

"Carry the one, add in the denominator and, hey!  What do you know?  It all still adds up to 3.5!"

“Carry the one, add in the denominator and, hey! What do you know? It all still adds up to 3.5!”

Greetings Earth losers!  No one’s bothered to consult my genius alien brain lately but that’s ok.  I’ve been monitoring your news reports and what with everyone down there on your pitiful excuse for a planet shooting each other every five minutes, I’ve no doubt you’ve all got this shit locked down.  Why bother asking a supreme being for answers when you all know everything anyway?

Sorry.  I don’t speak with emotion so you may not have noticed the sarcasm.

Anyhow, tomorrow Bookshelf Q. Battler will reach the halfway mark of his one post a day for a year challenge.  Yes, you poor people have been subject to BQB’s daily blatherings without a break for an entire six months now.  Either you didn’t notice or you’ve grown numb to the stupidity.

Stupidity?  I meant to say BQB is a genius.  I have to because for some peculiar reason, my boss, the Mighty Potentate, sees potential in this nerd.  That means I have to see potential in him to.

Yes.  Just change his name to Bookshelf Q. Potentialer.

How’s BQB doing now that we’ve reached the point of no return?

Let’s take a look:

WORDPRESS FOLLOWERS:

Dec 2014 – 450 approx

Today = 1,069

TWITTER FOLLOWERS: 

Dec 2014 – 2000 approx

Today = 4,586

VIEWS:

As of Dec. 2014 = 4,658

Jan-May 31, 2015 =  12,335

VISITORS: 

As of Dec. 2014 = 3,263

Jan-May 31, 2015= 6,941

YETIS ACQUIRED: 

As of Dec. 2014 = 0 (Considered a good thing

Jan-May 31, 2015 = 1 (A terrible setback)

I’ll hand it to our illustrious blog host.  The proof, as they say, is in the pudding.  I’ve never understood why Earthlings say that though.  Is there some criminal out there who hides all of the evidence against him at the bottom of a gigantic vat of tapioca?

But I digress.  Daily blogging, interacting with readers, social media, etc. has helped BQB put his stats on the rise.  He’s not at the point where he can assure the Mighty Potentate that his writing will distract the masses from the reality television that he despises so much, but it would appear that increased daily improvements, no matter how small, add up over time.

Thank you for your continued support of BQB.  Though I could care less, I can’t really, for the Mightiest of Potentates, He Whose Ganderflazer Dwarves Mine in Comparison, requires me to care.

So care I shall.

Alien Jones is the Intergalactic Correspondent for the Bookshelf Battle Blog, on a mission to raise Earth’s collective intelligence levels one question at a time. Do you have a question for the Esteemed Brainy One? Tweet it to @bookshelfbattle on Twitter, leave it in the comments on bookshelfbattle.com, or stop by Bookshelf Battle on Google Plus. If he likes your question, he might even promote your book, blog, other project in his answer.

Alien image courtesy of a shutterstock.com license.

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Ask the Alien – Is Hollywood Capturing What Aliens Really Look Like?

By:  Alien Jones, Intergalactic Correspondent

Greetings Earth Losers!

Alien Jones here once again to educate humanity’s masses and help you help yourselves.

This week, avid Bookshelf Battle Blog Reader “Sledpress” has consulted my genius brain thusly:

“But I WANT to see “Flatulence Intervention!” One of my string of weird ex’es needs it…

On the other hand, I’ve been meaning to ask AJ whether a majority of aliens have weirdly wrinkled and shiny leathery skin, or if it’s just that somewhere in Hollywood there are warehouses full of unused Naugahyde that they have to work off.”

Flatulence Intervention is just one of the many reality television programs that my Supreme Overlord, the Mighty Potentate wants off Earth airwaves before it offends his eye receptacles on our home planet, the name of which I’m not allowed to tell you as His Royal Pontentositude fears Hollywood suits will spend copious amounts of Earth money to unlock intergalactic travel for humanity for the sole purpose of peddling reality TV to our home world.

Other Reality TV programs that offend His Epic Potentosity:

DJ Jazzy Jones

DJ Jazzy Jones

  • Nuns with Hangovers
  • Name that Smell
  • Legendary Rock Star Becomes Old, Forgetful and Hilarious
  • America’s Next Top Barbershop Quartet
  • Fishing with Fred (That’s pretty much the whole show.  Fred goes fishing.)

Anyway, Sledpress basically wants to know if Hollywood is doing a good job of capturing what aliens look like.

Well, yes and no.

With their limited imaginations, humans conceive of the concept that there are worlds where beings look vastly different than what they are used to.

For example, renowned science fiction director James Cameron provided your world with the grotesque and hideously scary “Aliens” in the Alien movies.

Years later, he tried to make a fictional species that appeared beautiful in 2009’s Avatar but the effort fell flat and he basically just produced a race of half-man/half-smurfs.

(Seriously, everyone and their Uncle opined that damn movie was going to be the best thing since sliced bread but you haven’t watched it again since you saw it in the theater have you?)

Where Cameron gets it right is this:  there are some alien species that you humans, based on your own concepts of beauty, would find attractive or disgusting.

However, keep in mind that beauty or ugliness is in the eye of the beholder.

Some beings would never be attracted to beings with “wrinkly naugahyde skin.”  Others won’t go anywhere near a being who doesn’t have it.

It’s a diverse universe out there and every alien has their own preconceived notions of what is and is not appealing.

Personally, I’m glad that my species has developed cloning and outgrown the need for procreation, as that’s a whole rat race that isn’t worth it.  My government mandated life mate and I get along because the Mighty Potentate demands that we do so and that’s all this being needs to know.

Alien Jones is the Intergalactic Correspondent for the Bookshelf Battle Blog, on a mission to raise Earth’s collective intelligence levels one question at a time. Do you have a question for the Esteemed Brainy One? Tweet it to @bookshelfbattle on Twitter, leave it in the comments on bookshelfbattle.com, or stop by Bookshelf Battle on Google Plus. If he likes your question, he might even promote your book, blog, other project in his answer.

Alien image courtesy of a shutterstock.com license.

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Using the Force in Everyday Life (Or When I Know I’m Done)

The Force is strong with me.shutterstock_191013230

I’ve used it for as long as I can remember…in a very limited capacity.

I can make the doors of most stores open.

Also, I can walk into a building, step into a metal box and move it up or down.

That’s the full extent of my Jedi training.

For as long as I can remember, whenever I walk into a store, I give my wrist the slightest flick, pretending that I opened the automatic door, not the sensor mechanism.

It was all me.  I did it.

I don’t make a big show of it.  I don’t want to embarrass myself.  And why make a big show of it?  All a Jedi needs is one subtle hand motion.

Elevators are a different story.  If I’m alone, I’ll hold out both arms and lift them upward as if the box is my vessel that I can make do my bidding.

If I’m with someone else, I’ll just do a minor hand flick up and down.  (Occasionally, when an X-Men movie has been released, I’ll pretend I’m Magneto using a metal box to fly instead of a Jedi.  I like to diversify).

No one ever notices.  You 3.5 readers are actually the first people I’ve ever told.  Luckily, with only 3.5 readers, my secret is safe.

I did it when I was a kid.  I do it today.  If it’s one door that opens outward, the hand flick will be forward.

If it’s the standard two doors that separate left and right, sometimes I’ll hold my thumb against my forefinger and open my hand as if the doors were two stormtroopers and my thumb is sending one of them to the left and my fingers are tossing the other one to the right.

Most of the time I’ll just flick my wrist left or right as if the door is a mere nuisance I want out of my way.

Keep in mind – this is involuntary.

I can’t not do it.  It’s a reflex.

I don’t really want to stop doing it either.

Life.  It’s so lifelike.  So regular.  So hum drum.  We spent our youth dreaming of doing so many things and then as adults we can barely get past bill paying and other monotonous chores.

I need to pretend to be a Jedi with the power to open a store door or lift an elevator (or occasionally Magneto with the ability to use his magnet powers to fly inside a metal container).

Perhaps this is too dark a subject, but have you ever considered how you’ll know when the jig is up?

For me, it will be when I stop opening store doors with the Force.

Is this just usual BQB nonsense?  No.  It’s something he actually does. If you spot a nerd somewhere trying to use the force to open the doors of a Costco, you may be witnessing our noble blog host in action.

Light saber image courtesy of a shutterstock.com license.

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Get Abducted! Help Alien Jones!

Alien Jones.

"Pardon me, Earth loser.  Do you have any honey mustard sauce for my space nuggets?"

“Pardon me, Earth loser. Do you have any honey mustard sauce for my space nuggets?”

He’s on a two-fold mission:

1)  Help get Bookshelf Q. Battler’s blog off the ground, thus introducing a writer who will stem the tide of reality programming.  AJ’s boss, the Mighty Potentate, hates reality programming.

2) Answer questions posed to him in his “Ask the Alien” column, which he writes in an effort to raise Earth’s collective level of intelligence and help it overcome its label of “Dumbest Planet in the Universe.”  (Theoretically, this could help with the anti-reality TV mission.)

Do you have a question for the Esteemed Brainy one?  Submit it in the comments, tweet it to @bookshelfbattle or leave it on the Bookshelf Battle Google Plus page.

Together, we can stop the onslaught of reality programming, thus ensuring the Mighty Potentate’s eye holes won’t be offended by the likes of:

Reality TV Shows the Mighty Potentate Hates

1)  Goat Martial Artists

2)  Nazi Housewives of Kalamazoo

3)  Flatulence Intervention

4)  Who Wants to Marry a Clown?  (As in an actual circus clown)

5)  The spin off – America’s Next Top Clown  (Clowns compete in a clown judged competition to be the nation’s favorite clown)

6)  Dancing with the Hobos

7)  Day in the Life of Insert Formerly Fabulous Now Elderly and Incompetent Movie Star, Singer, Other Entertainer

8)  Satan’s Breakfast Nook (It’s like Hell’s Kitchen, but an angry chef yells at you that you’re scrambling the eggs all wrong)

9)  Schmuck Island

10)  Antique Ninjas (Not old ninjas but ninjas who go antiquing)

Alien Jones hates stupidity and intergalactic fast food workers who forget to put his honey mustard sauce in the bag.

He’ll have to get his own honey mustard, but let’s him help him answer some questions.  Ask away.

As always, he’ll plug your book or blog in his answer.

Alien abduction image courtesy of a shutterstock.com license

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Ask the Alien Special Edition – What is the Meaning of Life?

Greetings Earth Losers!

Don't forget AJ's dipping sauce.

Don’t forget AJ’s dipping sauce.

Alien Jones here, coming to you from somewhere deep in the cosmos where I am solving a most delicate situation of grave intergalactic importance:

Why did those imbeciles at Star Burger forget my honey mustard dipping sauce?

I hate that!  Don’t you?  Why, I have no bits and pieces so I can only assume, but I would imagine that dreaming of succulent trobonka bird tenders all day long only to get twenty light years from the restaurant and discover that you’re going to have to eat your dinner dry is more or less equivalent to being an Earth man, having Charlize Theron knock on your front door, demand to have her way with you but alas, you’ve been outfitted for a pair of iron under pants and the key has been tossed straight into the briney deep of the Pacific Ocean.

Apologies for the rant, Earth Losers.  Sometimes as an All-Knowing Being, it’s not easy for me to suffer fools lightly.

Or at all, really.  Next time I’m in that quadrant that Star Burger is totally getting vaporized.

For those just joining us, I am the intergalactic correspondent for this pitiful excuse for a blog.  My supreme overlord, the Mighty Potentate, has deemed that only Bookshelf Q. Battler’s writing abilities can save the universe from the spread of the blight on all mortal beings’ existence known as “reality television.”

Further, he has demanded that I assist BQB in his quest to attract an audience to his blog.  (Why he didn’t just ask me to bring a dinosaur back to life and dance the cha cha with it I don’t know but who am I to question the Mightiest of Potentates?)

In fact, the MP and I discussed this very subject this morning:

MP:  It won’t stop, Alien Jones!  “Trucker Rodeo!”  “Tuna Farm Warriors!”  “Rodeo Drive Debutants!”  “Biker Gang Crochet Party!”

AJ:  I’m sorry, Mighty Potentate.

MP:  You must get BQB’s writing career off the ground!  People won’t seek their entertainment from “Barbershop Quartet Rumble” when BQB’s stories hit the big time!

AJ:  Are you sure, Your Potentosity?  No offense, but this guy is kind of a nerd…

MP:  DO YOU DARE QUESTION THE MIGHTY POTENTATE?

AJ:  No!  No!  Of course not, Mighty Potentate!

MP:  Report on the status of “Operation Find BQB an Audience!”

AJ:  He’s started blogging a story in an ongoing serial format.

MP:  WHAT?  I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO MAKE HIM POST PHOTOS OF KIM KARDASHIAN AND MILEY CYRUS WRESTLING IN A VAT OF JELLO!

AJ:  I tried, sir.  He wouldn’t hear of it.  He said that cheap form of entertainment would go against your war on reality television.

MP:  Blast!  He’s right.  I have been out-potentated.

Anyway, telling you this was my way of reminding you that I’m available to answer your questions, thus fulfilling the Mighty Potentate’s other goal, to help lift your planet from its lowly state of stupidity.

One question you might have as you read BQB’s serial is, “What is the meaning of life?”

I’m not sure to answer that question without giving any SPOILERS relative to BQB’s story.  And I already ruined the surprise of that every star exploding thing so I don’t want to screw up your day twice.

I could answer this question with all kinds of flow charts and data but instead, let me just state simply:

What isn’t the meaning of life?

Food for thought, Earth losers.  And speaking of food, mine is still dry because some minimum space wage clown was TOO STUPID TO TOSS A HONEY MUSTARD CUP INTO A BAG!!!

Alien Jones is the Intergalactic Correspondent for the Bookshelf Battle Blog, on a mission to raise Earth’s collective intelligence levels one question at a time. Do you have a question for the Esteemed Brainy One? Tweet it to @bookshelfbattle on Twitter, leave it in the comments on bookshelfbattle.com, or stop by Bookshelf Battle on Google Plus. If he likes your question, he might even promote your book, blog, other project in his answer.

Alien image courtesy of a shutterstock.com license.

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Bookshelf Q. Battler and the Meaning of Life – An Introduction

FROM THE DESK OF BOOKSHELF Q. BATTLER

World Renowned Poindexter, Reviewer of Books, Movies and Cultural Happenings, Champion Yeti Fighter, Blogger-In-Chief of the Bookshelf Battle Blog

It’s finally here!

BQB and the Meaning of Life starts tomorrow!

BQB and the Meaning of Life starts tomorrow!

Tomorrow, my serial story, Bookshelf Q. Battler and the Meaning of Life begins.  I hope you’ll join me every day for a new bite sized hunk of prose designed to fit easily into your busy schedules.

(People who aren’t busy?  Feel free to read it twice!)

What is the meaning of life?

Read the story and find out.  In this post, I’d rather answer:

Why did I write this story?

From an early age, I wanted to be a writer.  Perhaps you’ve read my first novel, “Attack of the Killer Mutant Fish,” a valiant attempt for a ten year old.

Then I grew up, entered into the real world and decided a career as a writer was an unlikely outcome.  I wouldn’t consider “lottery winner” as a viable career option so why would I put untold amounts of time, money and effort into preparing a manuscript just so it could be filed in the traditional publishing world’s proverbial slush pile?

Let me put it this way.  If you want the “break into traditional publishing” experience, just pay a transient hobo fifty bucks to give you a kick in the nether regions.  You’ll spend less time, effort and money for a similar result.

DISCLAIMER:  The Bookshelf Battle Blog does not recommend you pay a transient hobo to kick you in the nether regions.

I settled into a humdrum lifestyle and though I’m blessed in many ways, I often wonder “what if?”

What if I had kept up with my dream of becoming a writer?  Would I have made it?  Would I have become a household name with my books on everyone’s shelves?

Flashforward to last year.  In March of 2014 I, Bookshelf Q. Battler was drowning my sorrows at Taco Bell (Mmmm…burritos) when it dawned on me:

Stop wishing you’d been a writer. You aren’t old. You aren’t dead. The technology exists. If you want to be a writer, then be a writer.

And with that, I became a writer again.

Now I just need some readers.

Perhaps you’ve heard I have 3.5 of them.  That’s a good start, but I’d like to make it 3.5 million.

Either way Aunt Gertie will be one of them.

I’ve always looked at platform building as a slow war of attrition, a numbers game that crawls at a turtle’s pace.

A couple of blog followers today.  A handful of twitter followers tomorrow.  A few drops in the bucket everyday will eventually lead to a nice full pail.

This summer, I’m going to attempt to fill a lake.

For the past few months, I’ve been working on two projects:

1)  Bookshelf Q. Battler and the Meaning of Life – it will begin tomorrow.

2)  Project X – Still not ready to give you the title, but rest assured of its awesomeness.

These serials will alternate.  It will be BQB for awhile, then Project X, then they will continue on a rotation all summer.

My goal is to leave you wanting more.

For a nerd with a busy lifestyle, it is hard to find time to cram this work in.  Much of it is done late at night, often leaving me exhausted and wondering if it’s worth it.

It’s my dream.  Of course it’s worth it.

Welcome to the Summer of Bookshelf, where I’ll hone my craft, entertain and inspire you, and ask that you give me your honest feedback about how I can improve.

Goals for the future?  This summer will lead to an expanded audience, I finish up a Fall/Winter’s worth of posts thus completing the “One Post a Day for a Year Challenge” and a fire in my belly gets stoked to the point where I’ll make an honest effort to enter the ebook market in 2016.

I’ve always been a results oriented kind of guy.  The more I see coming in, the more effort I’ll put out.

But why a story about a nerd with a magic bookshelf?

Because I am a nerd with a magic bookshelf.

Last year, it was hard coming up with a theme for a book blog.  There are so many of them.  I wanted to be unique.

It came to mind that maybe I’d be the nerd who’d pose his books next to his toy collection:

Master Chief - standing guard over Redshirts

Master Chief – standing guard over Redshirts

And from the outset, the theme was that “the books themselves” were fighting one another for limited shelf space:

Ye, addeth to the Great Scrolls of the Bookshelf Battle, that on March 12, 2014, the Bookshelf Battle did begin.

Since the invention of the printing press, books have been battling for spots on shelves all over the globe. With limited shelf space, available competition can be fierce. Recently, I remodeled my office and added a brand new bookcase. Now I must fill it with brand new books. Join me as I review the latest bestsellers of the day, with the occasional classic thrown in.

Which books will be deemed worthy of being on my shelf? Tune in every week to find out.

– First post on the Bookshelf Battle Blog in 2014

But as the one post a day challenge took over this year, the idea of anthropomorphic books fighting in a reckless manor seemed silly, whereas the concept that small characters could exit the books and go to war against each other over limited shelf space seemed much more reasonable.

Hey, it seems more reasonable to me, anyway.

Meanwhile, I went from being a random blogger to becoming Bookshelf Q. Battler, Owner of the Magic Bookshelf, Caretaker of a Bunch of Tiny and Unruly Book Characters, Proprietor of a Blog with 3.5 Readers, Lord of Bookshelf Battle Headquarters, Master of Bookshelf Q. Battle Dog, Sworn Enemy of The Yeti, and Colleague of Alien Jones.

In other words, the excitement in my life has grown exponentially over the past year, all thanks to this blog.

So to finally answer the question of “Why did I write this story?”

Over the past year, we’ve seen this blog morph from one geek’s hobby to a character based online world.

Did you ever watch Pee-Wee’s Playhouse as a kid?  You know, before Paul Reubens’ total disgrace?

(I mean, holy crap, I know that computers weren’t all that big back then but didn’t the guy own a VCR?)

Do you remember how Pee-Wee would waltz into his playhouse and talk to his viewers with the help of various characters?

That’s kind of how I see the Bookshelf Battle Blog – one nerdy character (i.e. Bookshelf Q. Battler) surrounded by other nerdy characters (Alien Jones and The Yeti), with the following exceptions:

1) This blog’s geared toward adult nerds who love books, TV, movies and popular culture.

2)  Oddly enough, it also has a second audience in the tweed wearing literary chin stroker community as I do often discuss the classics.

3)  It’s a bit more high-brow than Pee Wee, though I guess that’s not saying much.

4)  There’s none of…well, you know what Pee Wee did.  (Hey, why’s everyone leaving?  Weirdos).

This story will pull the blog together, entertain the 3.5 readers who’ve been following along so far, and eventually serve as an explanation to those who will wonder what this blog is all about tomorrow.

Tomorrow – that legendary day when I will have a whopping 11.7 readers.

As always, thanks for stopping by.

Good times are ahead.  Comment on the stories.  Tell me what you liked.  Tell me what you didn’t.  Ask questions.  Provide criticism.  I have a thick skin.  I live with a Yeti that hates me.

Come back tomorrow and join in the fun!

Sincerely,

Bookshelf Q. Battler

Copyright (c) Bookshelf Q. Battler 2015.  All Rights Reserved.

Nerd on top of the world image courtesy of a shutterstock.com license.

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Bookshelf Q. Battlestats

MEMO

Statistician Jones

Statistician Jones

TO:  Oh Great One, the Awe Inspiring Mighty Potentate, Who Causes All Beings to Quake in Their Boots

FROM:  Your Humble Servant, Alien Jones

RE: Bookshelf Q. Battlestats

All Hail the Mighty Potentate!  May your ganderflazer’s secretions be copious and frothy until time folds over on itself and the totality of universal existence starts all over again!

As requested, an update on your plan to assist Bookshelf Q. Battler become a successful writer, thus stemming the flow of reality programming that threatens your beloved scripted television.

This Friday, May 15, the Summer of Bookshelf begins.  Through a carefully plan series of hypnotic mind control experiments, I have convinced our noble blog host to provide a summer’s worth of serialized stories, in the hopes that he can find more than 3.5 readers.

“The State of the Bookshelf” as of May 13, 2014:

WORDPRESS FOLLOWERS: 969 (Ha! 69!  I’m sorry, Mighty Potentate.  I must be spending too much time amongst the humans).

TWITTER FOLLOWERS: 4,326

GOOGLE + FOLLOWERS: 377

It is my hope that this summer will help propel Bookshelf Q. Battler’s stats exponentially. Thus, I have asked the humans to do what they can to help as once BQB manages to figure out how to make folding paper money off his drivel, I shall be able to abandon this bogus assignment.

Err…I mean this wonderful opportunity.  Yes, all ideas that originate in the mind of the Mighty Potentate are joyous and splendid.

Fear not, Mighty Potentate, for I shall report post-summer stats in the Fall.

Your Humble Servant,

Alien Jones

Alien image courtesy a shutterstock.com license.

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Alien Jones on How to Follow Bookshelf Q. Battler

Greetings Earth Losers!

Alien Jones, Intergalactic Columnist

Alien Jones, Intergalactic Columnist

Alien Jones here.  As you 3.5 readers are aware, I hail from the most intelligent species in the universe and therefore hold in my cranium a vast reserve of knowledge to answer your questions.

My planet’s Supreme Ruler, The Mighty Potentate, has commanded me to help Bookshelf Q. Battler usher in a new era of entertainment that will push back the scourge of reality television.

Yes, the Mighty Potentate loves his scripted TV and fears that if left unchecked, the reality menace will one day offend his eye receptacles.  No one wants a TV full of “Hollywood Housewives on Crack” or “Undercover Dentist” or “Who Wants to Marry a Schmuck?”

(Between you and me, I actually quite enjoyed Who Wants to Marry a Schmuck?  The schmuck was the best part.  Don’t tell the Mighty Potentate though.)

Anyway, this summer marks Bookshelf Q. Battler’s effort to bring more followers to the blog.  That’s fine by me because as soon as BQB starts getting paid for writing the Mighty Potentate will release me from my columnist duties.

How do I, a lowly human, follow Bookshelf Q. Battler?

TWITTER – @bookshelfbattle

GOOGLE+ – https://plus.google.com/+BookshelfBattleblog/posts

It’s not that it takes much effort to write this column.  My powerful mind allows me to perform hundreds of tasks simultaneously.

I just feel my brilliance needs to be exposed to more than 3.5 readers.

By the way, if you have a question, I’ll answer it, as I am also on a mission to raise Earth’s collective intelligence levels one answer at a time.

You can ask your questions through this site or the same Twitter and Google Plus info above.

The Mighty Potentate has declared your planet to be uber stupid.

No offense.

Alien image courtesy of a shutter stock.com license.

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