By: Alien Jones, Intergalactic Correspondent
Greetings Earth losers! No one’s bothered to consult my genius alien brain lately but that’s ok. I’ve been monitoring your news reports and what with everyone down there on your pitiful excuse for a planet shooting each other every five minutes, I’ve no doubt you’ve all got this shit locked down. Why bother asking a supreme being for answers when you all know everything anyway?
Sorry. I don’t speak with emotion so you may not have noticed the sarcasm.
Anyhow, tomorrow Bookshelf Q. Battler will reach the halfway mark of his one post a day for a year challenge. Yes, you poor people have been subject to BQB’s daily blatherings without a break for an entire six months now. Either you didn’t notice or you’ve grown numb to the stupidity.
Stupidity? I meant to say BQB is a genius. I have to because for some peculiar reason, my boss, the Mighty Potentate, sees potential in this nerd. That means I have to see potential in him to.
Yes. Just change his name to Bookshelf Q. Potentialer.
How’s BQB doing now that we’ve reached the point of no return?
Let’s take a look:
Dec 2014 – 450 approx
Today = 1,069
Dec 2014 – 2000 approx
Today = 4,586
As of Dec. 2014 = 4,658
Jan-May 31, 2015 = 12,335
As of Dec. 2014 = 3,263
Jan-May 31, 2015= 6,941
As of Dec. 2014 = 0 (Considered a good thing
Jan-May 31, 2015 = 1 (A terrible setback)
I’ll hand it to our illustrious blog host. The proof, as they say, is in the pudding. I’ve never understood why Earthlings say that though. Is there some criminal out there who hides all of the evidence against him at the bottom of a gigantic vat of tapioca?
But I digress. Daily blogging, interacting with readers, social media, etc. has helped BQB put his stats on the rise. He’s not at the point where he can assure the Mighty Potentate that his writing will distract the masses from the reality television that he despises so much, but it would appear that increased daily improvements, no matter how small, add up over time.
Thank you for your continued support of BQB. Though I could care less, I can’t really, for the Mightiest of Potentates, He Whose Ganderflazer Dwarves Mine in Comparison, requires me to care.
So care I shall.
Alien Jones is the Intergalactic Correspondent for the Bookshelf Battle Blog, on a mission to raise Earth’s collective intelligence levels one question at a time. Do you have a question for the Esteemed Brainy One? Tweet it to @bookshelfbattle on Twitter, leave it in the comments on bookshelfbattle.com, or stop by Bookshelf Battle on Google Plus. If he likes your question, he might even promote your book, blog, other project in his answer.
Alien image courtesy of a shutterstock.com license.