I’ve got a problem, 3.5 readers.
Some people toke the ganja.
Others pop the pills.
There are people who even fill their nostrils with Bolivian Nose Candy.
Me? I chase a fizzy, bubbly dragon known as diet soda.
Sure, the love affair started out simply enough.
So many years ago, I needed to stay awake longer so I could study harder.
I thought all the studying would lead me to become a great man.
Had I known the height of my achievement would be to become the proprietor of a blog with 3.5 readers my responses would have been “What’s a blog?” and “Oh, I guess I’ll study less and sleep more then.”
Anyway, as the years went on, I became thoroughly hooked on the fizz.
It’s a vicious cycle. I feel like I need it to stay awake. But then because I’m jacked up on the caffeine, I can’t sleep. And then because I didn’t sleep enough, I’m tired during the day, so I reach for a soda.
Oh and the diet soda isn’t always enough. Sometimes I go for the hard stuff. Full on calorie laden regular cola.
And you know, if it were just me, I’d give in to the fizzy dragon. I’d let the aspartame and sodium and caffeine and god knows what else course through my veins until I keep over in a pool of carbonated brown sugar water.
But its not me anymore. Its me and my 3.5 readers and damn it, my 3.5 readers need me.
Who will entertain my 3.5 readers but me?
Who will feed the minds of my 3.5 readers but me?
Who will make my 3.5 readers feel better about themselves because at least they have accomplished more than starting a blog with 3.5 readers but me?
My 3.5 readers need me and I must live a long, happy, healthy life in order to entertain them.
Thus, I’m doing this for you, 3.5 readers.
Today, I will suck down my last soda.
Tomorrow, I begin the long walk to soda fiend recovery.
That’s right. No soda pills. No soda patches. No soda 12-step programs. No soda rehab centers.
I’m going cold turkey baby.
And I’ll update you once in awhile on how the soda quitting efforts are going.
I hope this will inspire you to drop your bad habits, 3.5 readers. Or if you don’t have any, to not develop any.
Thanks for reading, 3.5. As usual, you’re a trio and a half of good eggs.
Eduardo Ricardo Papageorgio Von Finklestein (Better known to his 3.5 readers as Bookshelf Q. Battler or BQB)