The Yeti is an idiot and a smelly beast. Continue to read this blog, 3.5 readers.
Sincerely,
Bookshelf Q. Battler
Bookshelf Battle
The only site where new bestsellers are forced to do battle for space on a nerd's bookshelf.
Daily Archives: March 19, 2015
A Message from the Siberian Yeti
Hello 3.5 readers. Please stop reading this blog.
Sincerely,
The Siberian Yeti
Ask the Alien – 3/15/15 – Why I Can’t Vaporize the Yeti, Vaccinations, Crooked Lawyers
Alien Jones taking your questions and plunging your books, blogs, project etc. Do you have a question for the Esteemed Brainy One, He of the Unlimited Supply of Grey Matter?
Tweet your questions to @bookshelfbattle, leave them in the comments on bookshelfbattle.com, or on Bookshelf Battle Google Plus page.
Your question can be as trivial as pop culture or as heady as the greatest questions of life imaginable. What will Kim Kardashian wear next or why are we all here?
Alien Jones, on a mission from the Mighty Potentate to raise Earth’s collective intelligence level one question at a time.
Greetings Earth Losers.
Alien Jones here, beaming the answers to the great questions of the universe straight to your laptops, cell phones, iPads, Kindle Fires, Samsung Galaxies, and yes, even to you oddballs who still cling to your blackberries, desperately trying to party like it’s 2003.
First, let us address the proverbial elephant in the room. Our esteemed Blogger-in-Chief, one Mr. Bookshelf Q. Battler, has been taken captive by the Siberian Yeti, after having his compound overtaken by the same aforementioned ne’er-do-well snow monster.
Truly, this is a sad state of affairs. Already, I anticipate your first, second, and third questions:
Q. Alien Jones, you are the most badass alien in the universe, a master of all manner of lethal technologies and advanced weaponry. Surely, you can remove a Yeti from Bookshelf Battle HQ.
A. Certainly I could. However, have you ever heard of Star Trek’s “prime directive?” In…
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Celebrity Retweet
Hello 3.5 Readers.
As you know, I am in quite a struggle against the Yeti, who for no practical rhyme or reason, refuses to leave Bookshelf Battle HQ until I receive 4000 twitter followers.
Now, I’m no name dropper and in fact, I pride myself on my humility. I’ve got humility by the truckload.
Imagine my delight when I saw a tweet I wrote about Irish Author James Joyce on St. Patrick’s Day was favorited by a prominent Hollywood entertainment lawyer.
Further, when I tweeted that I was honored by my tweet being favorited by this tremendous legal scholar, said barrister further honored me by retweeting said tweet:
You don’t recognize prominent Entertainment Attorney Jeff Cohen?
Perhaps a photo from his younger days will refresh your memory:
Truffle Shuffle 4-Life!
Honestly, sometimes it’s the little things in life that get you through the day. Chunk. The guy who played Chunk favorited my tweet. And the guy who played Chunk rose past childhood stardom to become a professional attorney. Good for him.
My 3.5 readers know I am incredibly sarcastic. Please know this post has no sarcasm whatsoever. I remember watching Goonies when I was a kid, thinking it was a perfect blend of comedy and adventure. That someone who starred in that movie noticed something I wrote (and yeah, it was just a stupid little tweet and for all I know he hit the favorite button by accident) brought a smile to my face.
So, it is with full sincerity and without my usual brand of sarcasm that I say, “Thank you for making my day, Jeff Cohen.”
That’s all the superfluous name dropping I’ll do for today. I won’t even mention that I am still followed by @TayeDiggs, probably because his assistant clicked my follow button by accident.
Checkmate, Yeti. Checkmate.
In Case You Think I’m Making this $h#t Up…
There is an actual Yeti journal…
I wonder if they’ll do a story on the one I have living on my couch, eating all my snacks, writing on my blog without permission and in general, being a major pain in the wazoo.
Yetis. I hate Yetis.
I hate to beg, but 400 more follows for @bookshelfbattle on Twitter brings me to the goal needed to free Bookshelf Battle HQ from unjust Yeti occupation.
Think about it – your follows not only aid me in my mission to spread literacy across the globe, they also help me foil the plans of a stupid Yeti.
I hate Yetis.
“Yeti Researcher” Image via a Creative Commons License by Dan Germain
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