By: Alien Jones, Intergalactic Columnist, Most Intelligent Being in the Universe
PREVIOUSLY ON ASK THE ALIEN:
AND NOW ASK THE ALIEN CONTINUES…
Greetings Earth Losers! Alien Jones here beaming copious amounts of knowledge through the Bookshelf Battle Compound and straight into all of your computerized devices which, though they may seem highly advanced to you rubes, are actually considered children’s toys in most other parts of space.
Who has a question? Come forward and declare your inquiry!
BQB: Hey AJ. It’s me. Bookshelf Q. Battler.
AJ: Oh Cripes. Not many takers this week?
BQB: Well, you’re the one who told me to stop bribing the winos. But seriously, I have a question – what is the best song ever produced?
AJ: Ahh, that is an excellent question but I could not possibly answer it. There are so many, where would I begin? Do I limit the field of inquiry to a particular genre? To a group of artists? To a select time period? To a single planet? The realm of possibility is so vast that…
BQB: I’ll save you the “trouble.” It’s Trouble by Iggy Azalea and Jennifer Hudson.
AJ: You can’t just say that a song is the best song ever produced, why that’s….
BQB: Sing it.
AJ: No I couldn’t possibly…
BQB: You know you want to.
AJ: It would be indignified…
BQB: Do it!
AJ: I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT YOU WERE BAD NEWS…FROM THE BAD BOY DEMEANOR AND THE TATTOOS….TAKE IT BOOKSHELF….
BQB: DON’T YOU COME IN THINKIN’ YOU BALLIN….it’s so great isn’t it?
AJ: It really is. I stand corrected. This song is the best song ever composed in the history of the space/time continuum.
BQB: Makes Beethoven look like a pile of crap.
AJ: We shall sing it during the commercials on Scandal night!
BQB: Damn straight. But first, you have a question…
Daniel Waltz, author of “The Water Travelers” asks:
Have you ever water traveled?
Oh Daniel, I see what you did there. You worked the title of your book series into your question. Good show! For BQB’s 3.5 readers, I’ll note that your site provides a description of your latest installment, The Curse of Senapin. Here’s an excerpt:
“For the past six months, Aaron and Madi have been waiting to receive word from Yerowslii. But, when the King of Upitar is taken captive by Senapin forces, Aaron and Madi must flee their hiding place to rescue him. Although skeptical of it, they are accompanied by a disloyal ally, Ugine.”
– Daniel Waltz, The Water Travelers
Bookshelf Q. Battler and I can relate. On our joint missions to make the Earth a more intelligent place, we’re often accompanied by The Yeti and he’s the most disloyal and ugly ally I’ve ever seen.
I was quite impressed with your book trailer:
BQB: My socks were knocked right the hell off, AJ. At first I was like, “Twenty one seconds? That’s too short…”
AJ: Yes, but “Adventure finds those who are brave enough to take the first step.” That’s all you need to know. If I had emotions, I’d be moved.
BQB: Plus it’s read by someone who sounds like he could be a friggin’ Lord of the Rings wizard or something. Very awesome. Makes me want to rush right on over to Amazon and buy a zillion copies…
Now, at first I thought Daniel was just trying to find out if I like to water ski or snorkel or something (which I do) but he’s actually referring to a power discussed in the book that allows travel between another world and Earth through water.
To answer your question, no. I don’t need to. I’m a duly designated officer of the Intergalactic Space Force and as such I have a vast array of ships at my disposal, so there’s no reason to get my pants wet. (When I bother to wear them. I usually don’t because, you know, I’ve got nothing down there so what’s the point?)
Your book is very prophetic though because certain species have been “water traveling” for years. In fact, there’s an entire planet where anchovies rule like kings, love like queens, laugh like jesters, and live like jacks. Then they water travel on over to Earth and end up as a dinner entrée topping. Don’t you feel bad now for putting them on your pizza?
BQB: I don’t think anyone put anchovies on their pizza anymore AJ. I think they just keep one can around for the random weirdo who wants a fishy pizza.
AJ: Sounds like something The Yeti would be into.
Thank you for your question Daniel. May your career as an author travel farther than the vast reaches of the cosmos.
Until next week, this is Alien Jones, signing off.
Alien Jones is the Intergalactic Correspondent for the Bookshelf Battle. Do you have a question for the Esteemed Brainy One? Submit it to Bookshelf Q. Battler via a tweet to @bookshelfbattle, leave it in the comment section on this site, or drop it off on the Bookshelf Battle Google + page. If AJ likes your question, he might promote your book, blog, or other project while providing his answer.
Submit your questions by midnight Friday each week for a chance to be featured in his Sunday column. And if you don’t like his response, just let him know and he’ll file it into the recycling bin of his monolithic super computer. No muss, no fuss, no problem.