EAST RANDOM TOWN, USA – Bookshelf Q. Battler’s 3.5 readers were aghast to learn that Bookshelf Q. Battler will croak louder than a frog with a bull horn in the very first part of Bookshelf Q. Battler and the Meaning of Life (Due out this Friday, May 15)
This reporter wanted to know what BQB’s known associates had to say:
ALIEN JONES (Intergalactic Correspondent, All Knowing Alien) – Dude! SPOILER ALERT! You’ve just ruined it for the 3.5 readers!
DR. HUGO VON SCIENCE (Prestigious Professor of Science at the Advanced Science Institute of Science University; Columnist, Inventor of the Incredible Exploding Chinchilla and Teflon Pants) – This makes no sense! So what happens? BQB just drops dead und pushes up zie daisies for zie rest of zie story?
THE YETI – International War Criminal, Furry Monster, Bookshelf Q. Battler’s Arch Nemesis) – ROAR! I hope so. A whole story about that loser pushing up daisies sounds good to me. He always cheats when we square off in roundhouse kick competitions!
Hardassimo (“Uncle Hardass”) J. Scrambler (The Ghost of BQB’s Deceased Uncle, Husband of Aunt Gertie, Ex-Employee of…THE SALT MINES!) – Good! Serves that poor excuse of a nephew of mine right! He’d still be cooking with gas if he’d gotten a job at the SALT MINES like I told him to.
But did he listen?
“NOOOOO!”
“I want to be a writer,” he says.
“I want to inspire the world through the written word,” he says.
Bah! Oh well. At least he can join me wherever the hell I am and I can lecture him for all eternity about what a colossal disappointment he is. If he’s smart, he’ll get a job at THE AFTERLIFE SALT MINES!
REPORTER: We asked BQB what he thought about this development.
BQB: Are you serious?
REPORTER: You drop deader than disco.
BQB: Well that’s a helluva way to start a story. What’s left? Thirty chapters of the Yeti tap dancing on my decomposing remains?
REPORTER: I’m sworn to secrecy.
BQB: Did you ever find out if my love interest will be played by Katee Sackhoff?
REPORTER: It’s not Katee Sackhoff!
Bookshelf Battle 