Read the Fine Print Whenever Ms. Donnelly is Involved.
Happy Friday, 3.5 Readers.
Bookshelf Q. Battler here.
Among my many roles as Blogger-in-Chief of a blog read by 3.5 readers, I’m the boss of Pop Culture Detective Jake Hatcher, a hardboiled 1950’s private eye who sniffs out the answers to my questions about Hollywood and the entertainment industry.
Jake and I have never met in person. Rather, I prefer to dispatch all my inquiries through Attorney Delilah K. Donnelly, Lead Counsel for the Bookshelf Battle Blog.
It’s kind of a Charlie’s Angels situation. I ask the questions. Delilah delivers them. Jake hunts down the answers. By keeping Delilah as a buffer, I’m able to retain Jake’s services and he’s not able to strangle me until I spill the beans to the secrets I’m keeping from him:
How did he fall asleep in 1955 and wake up in 2014 and more importantly, how can he get back to his own time?
Yes, I can help him with both questions, but I’m stringing him along until he’s solved 100 cases.
Feel free to thank me, 3.5 readers. Sure, many bloggers put in a lot of work for their fans, but few are willing to extort a 1950s private investigator for your reading pleasure.
He’s gotten a bit carried away lately. He’s starting writing down recollections of his adventures of a gumshoe. I think they’re all interesting and worth sharing.
Two of his ideas in particular I hope to turn into self-published books, the profits of which I’ll keep because, you know, when Attorney Donnelly hands you a contract, you’d better read the fine print before signing.
Sorry Jake.
Anyway, the core concepts of this series:
1) I have questions about popular culture.
2) Referring to those questions as, “Pop Culture Mysteries” is funny.
3) A 1950’s hard-boiled film noir style detective complete with trench coat and fedora tracking explaining the answers to these questions in traditional/stereotypical noir style (i.e. longwinded exaggeration and lots of ridiculous comparisons) is funnier.
Planning of novels set in Jake’s world are underway, but before the noble trio of Jake, Delilah, and myself do anything, we need to get a few more Pop Culture Mystery Questions answered and into the can.
Jake needs a fan base before he writes a couple of novels. Otherwise, who’d buy them?
And how could I cut Jake out of the deal and use that sweet, sweet Amazon moolah to buy myself a Porsche?
Ah, don’t worry, 3.5 readers.
Behind that ice queen exterior, Attorney Donnelly often serves as the moral compass of this blog.
I’m sure she’ll twist my arm and convince me to share some of those book profits with our resident sleuth.
(I’ll need to keep some of it though just to pay Delilah’s latest legal bill though. Sheesh! Talk about billable hours!)
Don’t worry. Jake will get back to regaling you all with The Wrong Guy, the story about how he tracked down the killer of his buddy Lou the liquor store owner.
But first, I need to put him on a more pressing case:
The Nicki Minaj Video Music Award (VMA) Snub – Does Her Complaint Have Merit?
Before Jake pounds the pavement on the trail of this caper, I’d like to take an informal poll:
What say you, 3.5 readers? Is Nicki right? Did she lose out because, as she tweeted, only certain “kinds” of artists get recognized? Or, you know, should she just take all the money she made off of Anaconda and be happy?
Sour grapes or a star treated badly?
And what do you think about Taylor Swift and Katy Perry jumping into the fracas?
You tell me, 3.5. You tell me.
Image courtesy of a shutterstock.com license.
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