Daily Archives: June 27, 2016

How the West Was Zombed – Part 11 – Catching a Train

shutterstock_32022656927

It’s do or die time for Slade.

A train full of zombies is barreling East. If it crosses the Mississippi River, the United States is surely doomed.

Will our hero save the day?

And while he’s at it, will he save the woman he loves?

Will he even get to save the woman he likes?

Chapter 103        Chapter 104        Chapter 105 

Chapter 106      Chapter 107        Chapter 108

Chapter 109     Chapter 110         Chapter 111

Chapter 112     Chapter 113         Chapter 114

Chapter 115    Chapter 116          Chapter 117

Advertisements
Tagged , , , ,

Game of Thrones Recap – Season 6, Episode 10 – “The Winds of Winter” – Season Finale

Time flies when you’re having fun, doesn’t it 3.5 readers?

Season 6 of GOT is over. Done. Finito. In the books.

Let’s talk but beware for like Melisandre’s mystical vagina, this post is dark and full of terrors…AND SPOILERS.

Mostly spoilers.

cropped-img_1757

From a writing standpoint, so many things happened this season that we’ve all been waiting for a long time:

  • Arya got her revenge.
  • Jon Snow is King of the North.
  • Sansa escaped a life of having to go from being tortured by one douche to being tortured by another douche.
  • One of Cersie’s schemes actually worked.
  • The Imp is finally recognized by someone who appreciates his brain.
  • The Khaleesi is on her way to Westeros.
  • Overall, the kids have grown up and everyone’s either doing or on their way to doing what they’ve been meant to do all along.

So about last night –

CERSEI 

She’s long lamented that her lack of a dong has held her back. She has argued many a time that she’s wise and brilliant and if only she were a man she’d be taken seriously.

Well, people be taking her ass seriously now because…holy shit…she done went and exploded the Sept of Baelor.

Took out the High Sparrow, all his little sparrows, probably even the Tyrells though technically we didn’t get full confirmation as to whether or not Margery and Loras made it out or not.

The running joke about Cersei is that her schemes always fail. Not only do they fail but they usually make her problems worse. (i.e. she gives the High Sparrow extra powers to go after her enemies only to have him turn on her.)

Did Cersie know that Tommen would kill himself?

You could argue yes because she did put on her Queenly garment before it all went down.

You could argue no because she had Frankenmountain keep him from getting blown up and historically, though she has been douchey to everyone else, she has been fiercely loyal to her children.

At any rate, her butt is on the Iron Throne.

KHALEESI

I know her name isn’t Khaleesi but I like it better and it is easier to spell.

Didn’t you get goosebumps seeing all those ships and dragons crossing the Narrow Sea?

The long awaited invasion of Westeros is on the way.

Though  I have to wonder, when that happens, could the end of the show be far behind? Putting the Khaleesi on the Iron Throne and defeating the White Walkers seems like the final plot points that need to be wrapped up.

THE IRON BORN

Bunch of smelly pirate vikings.

If you ask me, GRRM is way too obsessed with turning his male characters into eunuchs.  Spare the balls, George. Spare the balls.

But despite being a eunuch, Theon seems to be on the way toward redeeming himself for his douchebaggery. He’s lost his claim to the Iron Islands, but may do something super heroic, die in battle, or end up as his sister’s chief advisor.

Speaking of…

WOMEN TAKING OVER

Hey. Look. I’m all for women’s rights and shit but Westeros is becoming a total vag-ocracy here.

You’ve got Cersei on the Iron Throne and the Khaleesi about to take the Iron Throne (does anyone think anyone in Westeros is willing to be chomped by a dragon to protect Cersei? Doubtful.)

You’ve got Ellaria Sand ruling Dorne after killing her brother-in-law in a coup.

You’ve got Lady Olena in charge of Highgarden even though she’s like a million years old.

Sure, Jon Snow is King of the North but he’s one of those perpetually depressed hipster emo losers who will probably walk away from it all and turn it over to Sansa.

I’m not saying never have a woman ruler but you know, let’s mix it up and have some peen-ocracies and some vag-ocracies.

ARYA

Checked a big name off her list. Got her revenge.

WHAT’S BEYOND WESTEROS?

There was a brief mention this season that there is land beyond Westeros but no one has ever sailed that far.

I wonder if that will become some kind of allegory to Europeans sailing and colonizing the Americas.

WHAT SAY YOU, 3.5 READERS?

What did you like about this season? What did you not like? What did you want to see and or not see?

What’s next?

Discuss.

 

 

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

How the West Was Zombed – Chapter 117

shutterstock_32022656927

Slade’s stoic face broke as he looked down at his close ally. He cried…but just a little.

Bobcat patted Slade on the shoulder. “Slade, if it’s any consolation, I pleaded with Eagle to allow your town full of lying, thieving back-stabbers to be consumed whole by the zombies as punishment for the many, many years of torment your people have put my people through.”

Slade sniffed. His eyes dried up. “It isn’t, but thanks, I guess.”

“Then perhaps it is a consolation that he cared enough about you and your people to ignore me and come to your aid anyway,” Bobcat said. “Truly, he was a better and more forgiving man than I.”

“I wish it was me lying there,” Slade said. “Instead of him.”

“I wish so too,” Bobcat said. “I really, really do.”

Wandering Snake stepped next to Slade’s right side.

“A bear catches a fish,” the shaman said. “A bear eats the fish. A bear’s belly is full. The bear is happy.”

Slade nodded.

“A bird eats a seed,” Snake said. “A bird’s belly is full. A bird is happy.”

Slade nodded again.

“But a man,” Snake said. “And, to be specific, your kind of man. He eats his dinner. His belly is full. He wants more. He lives in a home. He wants a bigger home. He has gold. He wants more….”

“I get the picture,” Slade said.

“Do you?” Snake asked. “Because all any man ever needs to do to be happy is to realize he lives in a world bestowed upon him with all the food he’ll ever need to eat, all the water he’ll ever need to drink, all the materials he’ll ever need to survive and most importantly, more than enough of everything to share with everyone. There is no need for anyone to ever be unhappy.”

Slade kept listening.

“Your people have dreamt up some interesting inventions,” Snake said. “Pipes that belch smoke in the air. Iron horses that connect one part of the land with the other. Weapons that can rob a man of his life with frightening efficiency.”

Miss Bonnie squeezed Slade’s hand.

“But in your kind’s quest to see what it can do, none of your people stopped to ask themselves if there are things that they should not do,” Snake said.

Snake tapped the bottom of his staff on the ground. “What do you see when you look at me, Slade?”

Slade was hesitant. “An..Injun?”

Snake shook his head. “You see a crazy old man. Some foolish savage who believes he can do a little dance, wave a few trinkets around in the air and channel the power of the spirits.”

“Maybe,” Slade said.

Snake dabbed his finger into a pouch, then dabbed a few red lines on either side of Standing Eagle’s face.

“Then maybe it will surprise you to know that my people have been channeling the power of the spirits since the beginning of time,” Snake said. “An art that your people would crudely refer to as ‘magic’ I believe.”

Slade was in doubt, but felt it would be rude to not allow the old man to continue his speech.

“There are many like me,” Snake said. “Or rather, I should say there were many like me. Long ago, back in the time before your people decided this land was for them and only for them.”

Snake set ablaze another one of his bundles of incense, waving the sweet smelling smoke all around Standing Eagle’s body.

“Many of us had powers so great that we could have wiped out your kind a thousand times over and saved this land for ourselves,” Snake said.

The shaman stood up and handed his incense to Bobcat. “We considered what we could do, then realized what was right to do, and we decided that the only morally right course of action would be to allow your people to shame themselves, rather than use our power to cause any further loss of life.

Snake removed a sharp stone knife from his belt.

“And yet your people refer to us as savages,” Snake said. “Ironic, isn’t it?”

“It is,” Slade said.
“Oh,” Snake said as he grabbed Slade’s hand. “I don’t mean you, specifically, Slade. Eagle did have respect for you, as you were the only man from your government who kept his promises that any of us have ever met in our lifetimes. Until, of course, you lied about Jack Buchanan.”

“I didn’t lie so much as not explain myself well,” Slade said.

Snake let go of Slade’s hand. “It is of no consequence now. Your conscience should be clear, but I do believe that the shame of what your people have done will follow them far, far into the future. One day, your people will look back on what their ancestors did to my people and recoil in horror.”

“If the zombies haven’t eaten everyone by then, I reckon so,” Slade said.

“And now, I advise you to look away,” Snake said. “For this is a different moment, one where what I can do matches what must be done.”

Snake closed his eyes, gripped the knife with the blade pointed at his chest, and stretched out his arms.

“What are you doing?” Slade asked.

“The spirits require a trade,” Snake said. “I am old and in these dark times, the Eagle must stand.”

Slade grabbed Snake’s arm but Bobcat pulled him back.

“You can’t!” Slade protested. “We can’t just let him…”

Miss Bonnie and Miles looked away as the shaman drove the knife into his heart. Fox and Owl caught him and eased his body to the ground.

“Why?” Slade shouted. “Why didn’t you stop him?”

Standing Eagle sat up and gasped.

Tagged , , ,
Advertisements