Movie Review – War for the Planet of the Apes (2017)

Yikes.  This movie was so bad I wanted to fling some monkey poop at the screen.

BQB here with a review of “War for the Planet of the Apes.”

Here’s my first observation – there wasn’t a war.  I mean, a war was on in the background but mainly, this film is a prison break picture.  They should have called it, “The Great Escape of the Planet of the Apes” because it’s basically “The Great Escape” meets “Planet of the Apes.”

The humans are in a civil war, as a rogue colonel (Woody Harrelson) has gone above and beyond with tactics that the other humans aren’t comfortable with, seeking to eradicate the apes altogether and going against any kind of hope for a peace between man and primate.

Ape leader Cesar goes on a mission to take out the colonel but soon learns the more pressing situation is that the colonel is holding tons of apes in captivity, forcing them to do hard labor in ape camps.  Even worse, the apes are not paid in bananas.  Some apes have grown so used to their oppression that they have become Uncle Tom apes, i.e. they jump whenever their human masters say jump.

Ergo, Cesar and ape friends hatch a scheme to break the apes out.  Therefore, it’s a prison break film and not really a war film.

The movie is long, cumbersome and it meanders all over the place.  At times, it is boring, especially in long scenes where CGI simians talk to each other using monkey sign language.

Also, there are things that are introduced that go nowhere.  For example, one of the monkeys saves a little girl and takes her on as his own daughter.  The moral is that sometimes you have to do the right thing even if it is beyond the norm, i.e. a monkey takes care of a human kid.  However, spoiler alert, we never learn what happens to the human kid by the end of the movie.

Overall, it’s a stinkfest.  While “Dawn” and “Rise” were decent, this end of the trilogy should hopefully end the ape movies for awhile.  I mean, at this point, they’re going to really need to come up with a kick ass idea to justify making another one of these things.

It’s just sad because I know how the conversation went down:

HOLLYWOOD SUIT #1 – Boy, we have a lot of creative, original scripts to choose from.

HOLLYWOOD SUIT #2 – Make another monkey movie.

It’s enough to drive a man bananas, 3.5 readers.

STATUS: Un-shelfworthy, a label I don’t apply lightly, but seriously, it is worthy of much monkey poop being flung at it.  A dumb end to a prequel series where the first two were pretty good.

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