Author Archives: bookshelfbattle

Jan 24 2015
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Literary Quotes

Literary Quote – Mark Twain

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”
― Mark Twain

Not sure I have anything profound to say about this one, other than I generally find that in life, one often meets many people who feel they have to knock others down just to make themselves look good in comparison.  Why do people feel the need to do that?  I don’t know.

This quote can definitely apply to writing.  Show of hands – how many of you have been laughed out of the room after mentioning you’re working on a novel?

It’s ok.  The people who haven’t been bitten by the writing bug will never understand.  Just hang out and commiserate with other writing bug bite sufferers.

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Jan 24 2015
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Shakespeare

Deflategate Shakespearized

I like to Shakespearize things – movies, TV shows, songs.  I love Shakespeare.  Maybe it’s trite, but I do feel that the English language’s greatest author walked the earth around 500 years or so ago (give or take a few years here or there).

I hope to turn this into a new feature, and if you have something you’d like to see Shakespearized, let me know.

Without further ado…

DEFLATEGATE SHAKESPEARIZED

By:  Bookshelf Q.  Battler

A Tale Told in the Tradition of the Bard

PRESS MAN #1 – In fair New England where we begin our tale, a legend of great treachery and sanctimonious chicanery, of gladiators of the gridiron and air dispersion most foul.

RANDOM COLTS PLAYER (staring at and holding up a football as if it were a skull) – Is this a ball I see before me?  It’s lack of weight disturbeth me with the passion of the Gods who once clapped in thunderous combat above the skies of Ancient Rome. Fi on thee, Knaves of New England, Mercenaries of the Villainous Cheese Baron!  Something is rotten in the State of the NFL.

ENTER KING BELICHIK –  Friends, Romans, Countrymen!  Lend me your ears!  Good sirs, rest thine ears upon my voice, and hear me as I say that in my four score years of leading mine knights into carefully manicured grassy fields of battle all across our land, this is the first and only time that anyone hath raised the issue of mine balls!  Merry, it surpriseth me greatly to hear men complain of a trivial happenstance, as surely as it would surpriseth me were I to waken on the morrow to find that the sun’s exuberant colors had transferred from yellow to green.

PRESS MAN #2 – Foul!  Foul!  Scandal most foul!  A plague on your house, King Belichik!  For thou failest to taketh the fall in this fake story that we hath manufactured out of whole cloth!  Thou hast thrown Sir Thomas of Brady under the bus!

TYPICAL COLTS FAN –  To inflate or not to inflate?  That is the question.  Whether tis nobler in the mind to inflate your balls to 12.5 pounds per square inch, or to take air out of your balls until they are 11.5 pounds per square inch, and in doing so, ruin them?  To inflate, to deflate, to inflate perchance to dream?  Ay, there’s the rub…on our balls!

SIR THOMAS OF BRADY – Tomorrow, tomorrow, and tomorrow…inflated balls are a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, and signifying slow news days…

COLTS FAN #2 – O, I see Queen Mab!  Come she does, the Queen of the Fairies!  And she telleth me true, she fills my ears with the melodious truth, that had our balls been comprised of more air, we surely would not have had our asses handed to us in a massacre in which we lost by 40 points!  Fi!  By the beard of God I say had the game ball had one but one more pound of pressure inside of it, we would have fought boldly like the mighty warriors of the coliseum of old!

ENTER FOX AND COMPANIONS – Forsooth and hark, for we are Fox and Companions!  Bringeth yon noble viewers news of the death of the Saudi Arabian King?  Nay!  Bringeth ye news of the resignation of the Yemen Government?  Nay!  Gather round and hear a tale of balls deflated with vigorous gusto!

PRESS MAN #3 – But soft!  What lies through yonder window breaks?!  It tis the east, and the underinflated balls are the sun!  Arise fair balls, and kill the envious moon, whose maid art sick and pale with grief, that her maid’s balls are far more inflated than yours!

PATRIOTS FAN -(also holding a football like it was a skull) –  Alas, poor football, I knew him, Horatio.  Twas a football of great jest and most excellent fancy!  Once inflated to 12.5 pounds per square inch and then alas, deflated to a paltry 11.5 square pounds per inch by rapscallions of ignominious cunning and unscrupulous alacrity. Our knights, once a great bastion of the game, now reduced to wicked pissah jokes about deflated balls.

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Jan 23 2015
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Uncategorized

I Write Novels, But – Shush – They’re Meant To Be A Secret

Wow. First Ben Y. Faroe and now R.J. Nello. Two whole bloggers have blogged about me. Honestly though, the rest of you are really slacking. If I could just get one hundred of you to write about every post I make, I’d really be in business. Get cracking, people.

R. J. Nello's avatarR. J. Nello

The other day, Bookshelf Battle raised an issue I think is worth addressing here:

Sometimes with all of the blogging, twittering, and social media-ing, I just wonder if all writers are doing are talking to other writers. It’s like we’re all door-to-door salesmen, knocking on a door, “Wanna buy my book?” And the person answers, “No, but do YOU wanna buy MY book?”

I gave that comment (and the post where it appeared) some thought, and figured I’d drop in my two cents/ pence.

Writing is a largely solitary endeavor. (Even those closest to you cannot fully understand.) Most of my days are taken up researching, organizing, proofing, and tapping, tapping, tapping out the draft for my latest book. (They don’t get written unless you write them.) So I like now and then to lean across the “office partition” and have a “glance” at what other authors at nearby…

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Jan 23 2015
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Books

Steven King – Quote from On Writing

“Writing fiction, especially a long work of fiction can be difficult, lonely job; it’s like crossing the Atlantic Ocean in a bathtub. There’s plenty of opportunity for self-doubt.”

― Stephen King, On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft

Do you doubt yourself while you’re writing?  I know I do.  Is that a good thing?  Perhaps some of the junkiest books come from folks who believe that nothing but rainbows comes out of their pen?  Perhaps some of the best writing comes from people who have toiled away, questioning and self-debating every single, solitary last word choice?

What say you, readers?

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Jan 23 2015
7 Comments
Game of Thrones

What Do You Want to See Happen on Game of Thrones This Season?

Word of Warning – come Springtime, this blog is going to Stark up the place.  I pay the Iron Price, but I always pay my debts, Winter is Coming, and so is Game of Thrones.

As I recall from last year, there are a lot of GOT Nerds in the book blogosphere.  So I hope to get these posts rockin’ with lively discussions – what is that wacky imp going to do next?  Who is George RR going to bump off next?

And where the heck is Lady Stoneheart?

Is it too early to start talking Game of Thrones?  Yeah, probably.  But what the hell.

What do you want to see happen on Game of Thrones this season?

Hypotheticals only.  No spoilers.  I haven’t read the books, so I’m only as far as the series.  That is probably a sad admission for a book nerd, but so be it.

And if you have no predictions or comments as to what you hope will happen, then just feel free to discuss anything going on in Westeros.  Or its neighbors.

Valar Morghulis.  Wait till April?  This a man cannot do.

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Jan 23 2015
3 Comments
Self Publishing

Book Subscription Services

The Economist just published an article – “Spotify for Books.”  Naturally, it got me thinking about one of my favorite topics – self-publishing.

Netflix provides all the movies you can watch for a flat fee per month.  Hulu does the same thing for the latest TV shows.

Pandora provides streaming music.  If you’re willing to listen to a commercial after a few songs, you can listen for free!

Will subscription services take over books?  And if they do, what will it mean for authors?

As I read the myriad of self-publishing advice info out there, there seems to be a consistent strategy for success:  Write a lot.  Promote a lot.  Every additional book you put out, every blog post, every tweet, every thing is just one more “net” you’re putting out into the ocean of the Internet in the hopes of catching a “fish” i.e. another loyal reader.

Sorry readers, I didn’t mean to call you fish.  I meant it in the nicest possible way.

And usually, indie authors end up giving their work away for free or close to free just to promote themselves and attract readers.

So, won’t subscription services just steal those profits away?

Or, if the author gets a certain amount per download (usually if the reader reads a certain amount of the book), will that provide more exposure to the author?  The reader may not have been willing to pay for an unknown indie author’s work, but might read the work if it is available through a subscription…and then if they like it, maybe they’ll be willing to buy the author’s next book.

I don’t know.  It seems hard enough for new authors to make money that I worry about the growing subscription trend.  But then again, I suppose we’re in a world where we follow consumer demands.

What say you?  If you’re an Indie Author, will you put your work on subscription services?

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Jan 23 2015
2 Comments
Not About Books

Ballgate

I don’t like to get too controversial on the Bookshelf Battle.

You have your views on the world.  I have mine.  Someone else has theirs.  That guy has his.  Put four people in a room, ask them a question, and you might get five different answers.  Yes, I said five.  One person might be confused.

That being said, this ball inflation story is the dumbest, most blatantly manufactured non-news story I’ve ever seen.  You’ve got Isis running amuck.  The President and Cabinet of Yemen just resigned rather than face the wrath of rebels.  Boko Haram is wondering around Africa kidnapping every school girl they can find.  The King of Saudi Arabia just died.  What will that mean for the direction of the Middle East?

And what’s on my TV?  Detailed reports of the size, color, and consistency of the New England Patriots’ balls.

Ahem, their footballs.

Yes, I made that hacky joke.

WHO CARES?

Look, I’m a nerd and I’m proud of it.  I don’t know much about football at all.  I don’t really even see the point. One guy throws a ball.  Another guy catches it.  They run around and try to take the ball from each other.  And everyone watches it like its the greatest thing in the world.

And God Bless you if you like it.  I’m not knocking it.  To each their own.

But with my limited knowledge of football, I have to assume that since the Colts lost against the Patriots 47-7, NO AMOUNT OF BALL INFLATION IN THE WORLD COULD HAVE HELPED THEM!

I’m sorry.  This whole story just sounds like sour grapes.  The ball has more air.  The ball has less air.  Who gives a crap?  If you’re a football expert, please explain how more or less air can affect ball handling.  No, that’s not even a joke.  I want to know how air in a ball can affect the handling of a ball.  What?  Stop laughing!

And I mean, we can all get along.  If you think the Patriots are like, Public Enemy #1 now because they allegedly used improperly inflated balls, then please feel free to say so.

It’s not like I really even care one way or the other, but I just feel the press has a duty to report the news, not invent it, and all these talking heads opining about “who knew how much air was in the ball?” and “why wasn’t there enough air in the ball?”  and so on, just seems like people talking for the sake of hearing themselves talk.

And people need to stop calling this “Ballgazi.”  People actually died in Benghazi.  I don’t even like calling it Ballgate.  Watergate was a serious criminal operation that greatly dragged down the American people’s faith in government.  Meanwhile, this story is about a ball.

A ball!  Stop talking about balls!!!

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Jan 22 2015
3 Comments
Books, Game of Thrones

George R.R. Martin on Reading

“A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies, said Jojen. The man who never reads lives only one.”

– George R.R. Martin, A Dance With Dragons

Can the next season of Game of Thrones just start already?

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Jan 21 2015
2 Comments
Uncategorized

The Problem of Writers Writing about Writing to get Readers

Well, I’ve officially hit the big time. Someone wrote an entire post about one of my comments. Why haven’t the rest of you people written posts about what I have to say? Come on, people. Get with the program, here. I’m tossing out pearls of wisdom and nuggets of truth…

Ben Y. Faroe's avatarBen Y. Faroe

Oh, man, guys. Bookshelfbattle just put it perfectly.

Sometimes with all of the blogging, twittering, and social media-ing, I just wonder if all writers are doing are talking to other writers. It’s like we’re all door-to-door salesmen, knocking on a door, “Wanna buy my book?” And the person answers, “No, but do YOU wanna buy MY book?” [link]

This made me so happy! It’s exactly right, with a brilliant mental image thrown in. I’ve been thinking about this a lot, especially as I’m getting into blogging properly for the first time in a while. I’m already slipping into writing as a writer for writers to attract writers to my writing blog so they’ll read… my… stories? Well, that’s no good.

My real goal is to find a huge band of brilliant friends and fans who love reading what I write and talking about things I’m into and doing…

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Jan 21 2015
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Writing

A Good Writer…

…writes a few lines per day?

True or false?

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