Hey 3.5 readers.
How the West Was Zombed was my first finished book draft, the one that started it all.
Finally, I’m getting it a cover.
So, vote for your favorite.
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Someone in England Bought My Book
Do I have to fill out twenty forms to be able to accept the 29 British cents or is that Amazon’s problem and I’m accepting money from Amazon, an American company?
I dunno. I don’t want to be accused of being a British spy for accepting 29 British cents just because some guy in Liverpool wanted to check out my writing prompts. Lord knows I have always vowed to report redcoats wherever I see them and I have never allowed the King to quarter troops in my domicile. Also, I never drink tea and have urged all of my neighbors to throw their tea into the nearest harbor. I even burned all my Beatles albums…except for Hey Jude because if you can listen to that song and not cry you are a heartless bastard.
Surely, someone out there has had your book bought by a British person…what do you do?
(Also, thank British person for buying my book. If anyone else wants to buy it, they can do so here.)
BQB’s Production Schedule
This year has been a tough one. As you all know, I’m an ageless fictional character who is forever a young, happening dude.
However, my friend the Alleged Man turned 38 and that has been hard on him. He is realizing that the window for him to do all he wanted to do in life is getting shorter so if he’s going to do something he’d better do it.
So I’m taking a page out of his playbook.
At this time I have three completed first drafts: 1) Toilet Gator 2) Zom Fu 3) How the West Was Zombed.
Actually, Zom Fu has a few chapters left but it is substantially done.
I think at this point I have to put what is written above what is not written and get these three polished and published.
How the West Was Zombed worries me most. It began as the first book in a series but as time went on I pictured it as book three. But at best I think I can get like one draft of a book written a year and I don’t want to wait 2 more years so I think I will release How the West Was Zombed as Book 1 and then if people like it I will change it to Book 3 and release the first 2.
Or perhaps I’ll divide the series into “Zombie Westerns” and “Zombie Western Prequels.” Zombed can be the first book of the Zombie Western Series. Later, I’ll write Remember the Zombamo and that can be the first of the prequels.
It could be better to wait and put them all out at once but I just don’t think I have the time to wait anymore. If this self publishing thing is going to happen it must happen soon.
What say you, 3.5?
I’m Phoning It In…
Yeah, 3.5. Lots on my mind lately, so I’ve been neglecting this fine blog. Do you have anything interesting to say?
I Have Made An Entire Dollar off My Book Sales
Yup. I didn’t have a dollar before and now I have a dollar. Dolla dolla make you holla, y’all.
Toilet Gator is the Best Novel Ever
I just breezed through reading the full first draft and I’d forgotten a lot of what I wrote. Yeah, this book is funny as all get out. I should win like a thousand awards for this thing. Surely, if there is a “Best Book Ever Written About Toilet Gators” then that award should be mine.
Zom Fu – Chapter 64
The members of the Clan of the Mediocre Yet Effective Club Bonk struggled on the palace steps to hold back the zombie invaders. Several of them had fallen victim to the Clan of the Terrifyingly Unnatural Brain Bite.
Junjie observed the carnage, then looked to the Staff of Ages. The ruby glowed red once more.
“The Staff of Ages has been freed of Dragonhand’s influence,” the Infallible Master said. “It belongs to its true master once again. Wield it freely and it will know exactly what you wish it to do.”
Junjie closed his eyes and raised the staff high into the air. Thunder claps sounded overhead. Multiple bolts of lightning tore through the sky and zapped their way into the staff, until the ancient device began to glow bright white.
Once more, the handsome hero pointed the staff toward the sky and a colossal lighting bolt of unfathomable size lit up the night sky. It pulsated in the heavens, dancing and flickering about until it separated into hundreds of smaller lighting bolts. Each bolt found a different zombie brain to pierce. Soon, every last brain biter in the Forbidden City was destroyed, while the remaining humans survived unscathed.
The clubbers cheered. Junjie cheered. “Master, I can’t believe that….Master?”
The Infallible Master was nowhere to be found, except in Junjie’s mind. “There is no more that I can teach you now, my son. It is time for you to become the master, and time for me to wile away many a year in Diyu.”
“Diyu?” Junjie asked out loud. Those in the handsome hero’s general vicinity might have thought the young man had gone mad had they not seen so many other frightening wonders that day. “I thought you said you would never be able to pass on to the other side.”
“A Master has his ways,” came the Infallible Master inside Junjie’s brain. “The older we get, the more realize what we once thought is impossible is, in fact, quite possible.”
“There’s something you aren’t telling me,” Junjie said.
“Perhaps,” the Infallible Master said. “But the task of rebuilding the devastated kung fu clans is ahead of you now. The last thing you need to do is to worry about me.”
“Wait,” Junjie said. “Will I ever see you again?”
The master’s voice laughed. “Yes. It will seem like an eternity but remember, time is but a trick of the mind. We shall have our reunion one day, if not in the gloomy abyss of Diyu, then surely in the warm embrace of Heaven.”
“Can I talk to you?” Junjie asked.
The master’s voice laughed again. “Oh my son. I spent so much time with my master that I hear him even when he does not speak to me. You will see me and hear me in everything you do, regardless of whether or not we actually speak again.”
“That’s very cryptic,” Junjie said.
“Meh,” the Infallible Master said. “I am a kung fu master. It is what I do.”
“Goodbye, Master,” Junjie said.
“No,” the Infallible Master said. “Not goodbye. Never goodbye. I will see you later.”
A tear streamed down Junjie’s cheek. “I will see you later, Master.”
And with that, the voice inside Junjie’s head was gone.
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