Tag Archives: movie review

Jan 25 2015
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Movies

Movie Review – The Boy Next Door (2015)

Oh J Lo.  How the mighty have fallen.

January is garbage movie month.  It’s not the summertime where people are on vacation and have time to go to a movie.  It isn’t Christmas time when families feel the need to get together and watch a movie in the spirit of togetherness, camaraderie, and all that nonsense.

Alas, January is the time when half the country is freezing their butts off and everyone is plugging away on New Year’s resolutions which will be tossed aside by March.

So naturally, I went into The Boy Next Door assuming I was walking into a pile of red hot smelly garbage.  To give it a backhanded compliment, it was only hot and smelly garbage, with the “red” adjective being unnecessary.  In other words, it was bad, but not as bad as I thought it would be, and not the worst movie I’ve seen…so I guess as January movies go, good job J Lo?

So, let’s get to the disturbing premise.  J Lo is estranged from her husband, Garrett, played by John Corbett. As they quickly show you in a massive detail dump of a beginning scene at the start of the movie, he cheated on J Lo with his secretary, thus introducing J Lo to a new low in her career, that of playing a woman who could possibly be cheated on.  (Listen, I still don’t buy it, if you have J Lo and you cheat on her, you’re just a greedy bastard, even if we are talking about middle-aged J Lo).

Twenty-year old Noah, played by Ryan Guzman, moves in next door, on the premise that he’s there to help an ailing Uncle, but as we learn later, Noah killed his parents, because,  I don’t know, he’s nuts I guess.  J Lo’s character, Claire (yes J Lo is old enough to play someone named Claire)  helps the young lad cook a meal and in a moment of weakness, she succumbs to his advances.

The whole idea is creepy and weird, and the writers make sure to stress that Noah is 20 years old, I assume in an attempt to make it less creepy and weird.  And while I’m not sure how old J Lo is, she has to be in her forties and the idea of her playing a character who gets with someone who probably wasn’t even born yet when she was a fly girl on In Living Color just seems like an odd choice for her acting to career to go in.

After all, I miss the J Lo who was a maid that won Matthew McConaughey’s heart in Maid in Manhattan or the J Lo who trained to kick her killer stalker husband’s ass in Enough.  Meanwhile, this movie was basically Enough meets The Graduate.

So, needless to say, Claire tries to break things off with Noah, but as previously mentioned, he’s nuts, and he’s not having any of it.  He stalks Claire, threatens her, harasses her.  The stakes are high because Claire is a teacher and Noah is attending Claire’s high school.  And while the writers, again, make it clear that Noah is 20, the situation would still cost Claire her job, standing in the community, any attempts to reconcile with her cheating husband who is trying to make amends for what he did, and so on.

Sigh.  I like J Lo.  And this isn’t the worst movie she’s made.  That award goes to Gigli.  Still, even if he is 20, the whole idea of her playing a teacher who has an affair with a student…its just disturbing and might be an indictment of Hollywood’s treatment of older actors.

After all, J Lo’s kept herself up well and doesn’t look much different from her Maid in Manhattan days, at least in my opinion, anyway.  And while her acting skills will probably never earn her an academy award (she’s always been a better singer and dancer), surely Hollywood could find some better roles for her to play.

But alas, no.  No matter how beautiful you are, or how long your career has been, if you’re over 40, Hollywood demands you play a stalked mother with marital problems.

As you know, the Bookshelf Battler is a lover of classic literature, and there was brief mention of the fact that Claire was a classic literature teacher.  There are some very brief classic lit discussions (not too many, we wouldn’t want to provide any thought provoking discussions to a January movie).

On a bad blind date with a man who belittles Classic Literature, arguing that it is not a good subject to study for one who wants employment, Claire points out JK Rowling as an example of a Classic Lit Major who made it big.  And true to form, I sat there with my popcorn, yelling in my mind, “And what about all the other Classic Lit Majors who end up in the slush pile, J Lo?!”

Sigh.  I’m such a cliche.  Don’t mind me.  Keep majoring in Classic Lit people.

Oh, and then there’s a scene where Noah gives Claire “a first edition copy of Homer’s The Iliad.”  I don’t have the heart to point out that a first-edition copy of The Iliad probably would have been printed on papyrus or a stone tablet.

So, in conclusion, it’s a movie that a) made me feel bad for J Lo b) was bad and c) wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be and d) pretty much what you can expect from a January movie.

Come on, March!  We need your better movies to distract us from our broken resolutions!

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Jan 10 2015
6 Comments
Movies

Movie Review – Taken 3 (2015)

WARNING:  I don’t know who you are.  Actually, I do.  You’re one of the three people who read my blog.  If you are looking for ransom, I don’t have any money.  But what I do have are a very particular set of SPOILERS, spoilers I have acquired over a two hour period spent watching a movie you haven’t seen yet.  Spoilers that can ruin your movie going experience.  If you click this post off now, that will be the end of it. But if you don’t, I will spoil this movie for you.

Actually, is it even possible for this movie franchise to have a spoiler?  By now, you know off the bat someone is getting taken.

I enjoyed the original Taken movie.  I thought it was very original.  I was surprised that Neeson, a traditional dramatic actor, was able to morph into an action star.  The concept was original – the bad guys picked the wrong guy to mess with.

Seriously – have you ever just been walking around, minding your own business, someone insults you, you let it it go and walk right by, because you’re a normal law-abiding citizen, but secretly you hope that said rude person will be rude to the wrong person and said person will kick their ass?

What?  No?  That’s just me?  OK, well I guess that’s why I thoroughly enjoyed the original Taken then.  It was enjoyable to watch the fallout that occurred when the bad guys inadvertently incurred the wrath of Neeson’s character, a highly trained badass ex-CIA agent.

Taken 2?  Well, they flipped it around a little bit.  Neeson and his ex-wife get taken, and then their daughter has to help them escape.

Hollywood could have stopped there but recently we’ve received Taken 3 – The Search for More Cash.

Caveat – as action films go, it was pretty decent, and frankly, above average for what is usually released in January.  January tends to be the month where Hollywood releases the films that are real stinkers.  I can’t say this movie stinks, it just does in comparison to the original.

Because seriously – how many times can someone in this guy’s life be taken???

One note – Neeson’s character’s current husband is changed over to a) be played by a different character and b) be the bad guy.  I’m not a fan of it when Hollywood does rewrites like that in the hopes that no one will notice.

Here’s what the pitch meeting was like:

PRODUCER 1:  We’re going to rewrite the character of Stuart the current husband to be the bad guy.

PRODUCER 2:  That’s fine.  That’s something that only a lame, obscure book blogger with 3 followers would notice.

All in all – not the best of the series, but better than usual for what you get in the first month of the year.

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Jan 04 2015
3 Comments
Movies

Movie Review – Wild (2014)

SPOILERS AHEAD.

“Cheryl Strayed.”  That’s not only the name of the author of the book Wild, on which the recent movie is based, but it is also the synopsis of the story.

Cheryl was no stranger to hardship.  As a child, she and her mother suffered at the hands of an abusive alcoholic father.  But Cheryl’s mother moved her family away to a farm, where they set up an idyllic life.  At the start of the film, Cheryl and her mother are attending college together – Cheryl doing so after high school while her mother decides to go for her degree later in life.

Alas, the best way to make God laugh is to tell him your plans.  At age 45, Cheryl’s mother is stricken with cancer and dies.  Cheryl is left to make her own way and does not adjust to the change well.  She cheats on her husband with any man who asks, and turns to hard drugs, even going so far as to inject heroin.  She’s out of control.

An unexpected pregnancy (and though the movie is unclear on it, I assume an abortion), followed by her fed up husband seeking a divorce, prompts Cheryl to go on a quest to clear her mind- to hike the 1,000 mile Pacific Coast Trail.

Needless to say, it’s no easy task.  She starts out with an enormous pack that is heavier than she is, learning along the way to abandon things she doesn’t need.  She loses her boots and duct tapes her feet until she can get some more.  She runs out of water and has to scoop up some from a fly infested puddle and treat it with iodine pills.  One catastrophe after another occurs, but she refuses to stray off the path until she’s reached the end of the trail.

Overall, she finishes the journey having learned a good lesson – don’t stray from a good path and eventually your reward will come.

I’ve heard some comparisons to Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love – but the differences are clear, the biggest one being that Gilbert had money, while Strayed was operating on the last of her savings, had nothing by the end of the trip, and often had to beg the kindness of strangers just to get by.

I don’t want to veer (or stray) too far off the path to criticize Gilbert.  (I mean, to each their own, but a man would never be able to pull of a book about how freeing it was to abandon his wife and travel the world).  Personally, in my mind anyway, Strayed’s downfall, spurred by the death of her mother, was a bit more understandable and her quest to get to the point where she could stop beating herself up for past mistakes and rebuild her life was inspiring.

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Dec 29 2014
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Movies

Movie Review – The Interview (2014)

Bookshelf Battler, here with another movie review.  So many movie reviews lately I should probably rename this site “Movie Shelf Battle” except that would not make sense, since movies aren’t put on shelves anymore.

But I digress.

So after all the hoopla, after the big hacking scandal, after the international hullabaloo, I finally had the chance to watch The Interview starring Seth Rogen and James Franco.

How do I say this?  I think the hackers might have accidentally done the boys a big favor.

I don’t mean they did them a favor in getting the movie pulled from – well, I’ve lost track, first it was every theater, then it was some theaters.  How did you see it?  I paid to rent it and Rogen and Franco now have 6 bucks I’ll never get back.  Lousy Hollywood types.

My thoughts?  Overall, the film is so-so and ultimately, kind of forgettable.  All of the free publicity caused by the hacking scandal will probably get this movie more views and downloads than it ever would have on its own, from people who will tune in just to see what all the fuss is about.

I love comedy.  Comedy is the most honest form of entertainment there is.  With drama, you can say you like it, that you even get it, but secretly you didn’t like it.  You’re just saying you like it to fit in and be cool.  But comedy?  If something tickles your funny bone, you will involuntarily laugh.  You might try to hold back, but if something is funny enough, you would be able to hold back.  And to its credit, The Interview did have a few moments where it did make me do just that.

But in my opinion, Hollywood has been on kind of a losing streak when it comes to comedy, and I mean laugh out loud, slap your knees all the way through the film comedy.  I haven’t seen a comedy that made me laugh from beginning to end since the original The Hangover in 2009.  So that’s, what?  Five, coming on six years since Hollywood has provided me with a genuine laugh all the way through the movie knee-slapper.

Do you mind if I give you SPOILERS?  Hell, the spoilers are pretty much out there already, aren’t they?

So, basic premise of the movie – Franco is Dave Skylark and Rogen is Aaron Rappaort.  Together, they are a duo that hosts and produces a celebrity gossip interview show – Skylark Tonight.  Rappaport feels the need to engage in more serious journalism.  The duo learn that Kim Jong Un is a fan of the show, so they arrange for, dun dun dun – an Interview.

The CIA learns of this and convinces the pair to try and assassinate Kim Jong Un, and I actually thought the film, rather than provide a caricature, actually provided an actor that is a bit tougher looking than the Dear Leader, but that’s just my two cents.

The funnier parts of the movie come from Rogen and Franco training on how to use a special Ricin poison strip on their hand, which they plan to deploy to Un with a poisoned handshake.  Naturally, the bumblers put the Ricin everywhere but Un’s hand.

At the end of the movie, Skylark and Rappaport, aided by North Korea’s turncoat propaganda minister, who secretly wants a free NK, decide not to kill Un but instead, to ambush him on air with hard hitting questions that will humiliate him and public and convince the North Koreans to reject him.

Skylark rattles off a lot of important questions about concentration camps, how the country spent 800 million on nukes when it has 16 million people starving, and so on.  Arguably, the film actually does provide a lot of important info to the American people, things a lot of inattentive Americans never thought about, namely that North Korea is a nuclear nation capable of launching a nuclear attack on the West Coast.  Yeah…yeah…sorry if you’re on the West Coast and you just read that, but try to get some sleep tonight anyway.  Probably not gonna happen.  Let’s keep our fingers crossed.

So toward the end of the movie, I think, “Wow, Rogen and Franco, how smart – they’ve used the assassination plot story line as just a pretext to reach an actual interview in which a lot of important political questions are asked, and important info is provided in a funny way.  But then, of course, they go ahead and have a final confrontation scene where Franco and Rogen, in a tank, go head to head with Un, in a helicopter, in a final battle royale to the finish.  So much for closing out the movie with a little dignity.

Like I said, it is not without its funny moments, moments that will make you laugh, but I doubt it will join the ranks of films I will ever bother watching again, so I think had the hackers just left this one alone, it probably would have easily faded into obscurity on its own.  Now with all the hype – I mean, Hell, my Grandkids one day will probably come up to me and be all like, “Hey Grandpa, what was that movie by those two doofuses that almost started World War III?”

I’m glad Sony did distribute the film, because to allow bullies to tell us what we can and can’t watch is just plain wrong – but sheesh, this was kind of a stinker of a film to get into such a major international argument about.

On a final note – this was a major event in direct to download movie distribution.  That topic was discussed earlier this year with the announcement that Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon 2 would be released directly to Netflix.  Personally, I’m against direct to download first time movie releases, and I hope that all three of my regular readers, including my Aunt Gertrude, will feel the same way.

Why?  Go ahead ask me why.

Because I feel like that would just totally destroy the movie theater industry.  And sure, you might think back to the time you got ripped off at the theaters and had to spend a ridiculous sum on candy and popcorn but honestly – let me repeat, honestly – do you really want to see a day where going out to the movies on a Friday night becomes a thing of the past?  I certainly don’t.

Thanks for reading, Happy New Year!

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Nov 23 2014
3 Comments
Book Based Movies

Movie Review – The Hunger Games Series Thus Far

Happy Sunday Bookshelf Battlers!  May the bookshelves be ever in your favor…

The Bookshelf Battler (that’s me, I’m just an important person who refers to himself in the third person) saw the latest installment of the blockbuster book based movie franchise, The Hunger Games:  Mockingjay:  Part 1 in an early Thursday night showing.  The place was packed.  People love these movies.

For those unfamiliar with the books and/or movies (I don’t know, maybe you’ve been too busy coal mining in District 12 to follow pop culture), the series takes place in the  chaotic future land of Panem,  where the the snobby rich evildoers who run “the Capitol” bask in luxurious lifestyles built on the backs of the poor laborers who toil away in the Districts.  No, it was not written by Occupy Wall Street.  The story  follows Katniss, played by Jennifer Lawrence in the role that made her career, as she battles the Capitol’s leader, the sinister President Snow (played by Donald Sutherland.  Yes, he’s still alive).

The series begins with the original Hunger Games in which the Capitol revels in watching an annual extreme reality TV show competition – i.e. The Hunger Games.   Every year, all the districts are required to cough up one young male and one young female to compete in a free-for-all, fight to the last person standing competition.

Here is a parody of my conversation with the world when I saw the first film in 2012:

WORLD:  Oh wow!  The Hunger Games is so awesome!  Go Katniss!  Wooo!  Yeah!

ME:  Umm…wait a minute.  Am I the only one who is disturbed by the fact that this is a movie about children murdering other children?

WORLD:  Wow!  Katniss has a burning fire dress!  What a great movie!  Woohoo!

ME:  How did  this even get published?  Did somebody just walk into a publisher’s office and say, “Yeah, hey listen, check it out, I’ve got this great idea for a novel.  It’s the future.  All these kids are thrown into a dome full of guns, machetes, and weapons and they are forced to shoot each other and hack each other to pieces.”

WORLD:  Woohoo!  Great movie!

ME:  I mean, isn’t this pretty much the The Running Man with kids?

WORLD:  Running what?  Shut up!  We’re trying to watch the movie!  Katniss is going to unleash a bunch of futuristic killer bees on some kids!

ME: The Running Man.  It was a very violent 1980’s movie starring Arnold Schwarzennegger and Jesse Ventura.  It was a futuristic game show where convicted criminals were forced to do battle.  Arnold was wrongfully convicted of a crime he didn’t commit and he had to battle his way out of an obstacle course filled with all kinds of evil psychopaths.  It’s like somebody went to Hollywood and said, “Let’s make The Running Man but with kids!”

WORLD:  Shut up.  Those guys were governors.  They weren’t in any movies.

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But I suppose once you get around the Lord of the Flies-esque nature of the Hunger Games, it isn’t that bad a series.  I noticed that in the sequel, Catching Fire, there is another Hunger Games battle royale in which grown up adult winners of the past games come back to compete.  I hope this means someone, somewhere said, “Hey wait a minute, let’s cool it on the child vs. child killing competitions.”

Eventually, as the series moves along, it becomes less about the competition and more about Katniss becoming a revolutionary freedom fighter, working to take down President Snow’s corrupt government.  In other words, it starts to become a sci-fi action fantasy and that’s a direction that’s easier to get behind.

In Mockingjay: Part I we finally see Katniss come into her own as a symbol of hope for the anti-Capitol uprising.  Lots of action, special effects, and so on.  Overall, it’s a great series of books and despite my above criticisms (what work is without flaws?) I still find them shelf-worthy.

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Nov 08 2014
14 Comments
Movies, Poetry

Interstellar and “Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night”

I saw Interstellar tonight and overall found it very moving and enjoyable.  As soon as I figure out what the hell happened, I’ll give it an actual review.  In the meantime, I wanted to share the text of the poem that featured prominently throughout the film:

DO NOT GO GENTLE INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT

BY: Dylan Thomas

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

If you’re one of the 3-5 regular readers of this blog not including my Aunt Gertrude, you might remember I provided some analysis of this poem earlier this year.  Check it out by clicking here.

At its heart, the poem is about clinging to life even when death is imminent, but the lesson applies to encourage readers to keep trying to achieve goals even when thing appear bleak and unlikely.  The poem fits in the film – the characters face the imminent demise of Planet Earth, yet try to achieve the unlikely goal of finding a new planet for the human race to live on.  The astronauts/main characters have the unlikely task of exploring parts of space heretofore never visited by man and though there’s a high probability of death, they push on anyway.

Thanks Hollywood, for incorporating a classic poem in your latest film.

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Jul 06 2014
5 Comments
Movies, Not About Books

Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull is a Red Hot Pile of Smelly Garbage

You may have noticed by now, that I’m a pretty kind reviewer. If I don’t like a book, movie, tv show, etc. I generally keep it to myself. After all, I haven’t produced a book, movie, tv show, etc. so who am I to criticize someone who has managed to turn their vision into a consumer product for a mass audience? If I like something, I’ll share it. If I hate it, I’ll keep it to myself.

But where I have to break that rule is with the movie, Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull. It’s on my mind right now because I’m watching the Indiana Jones Marathon on SpikeTV. SpikeTV, I doubt anyone from your network will ever read this, but if someone does, please remove Crystal Skull from any future Indy marathons. That film is a red hot pile of smelly garbage. Indy purists such as myself prefer to believe that it never happened.

In fact, rather than believe that George Lucas and Steven Spielberg decided to haphazardly slap together a pile of crap to cash in on the name brand of a long beloved film franchise, I instead prefer to believe either:

A) That this movie was the result of Lucas and Spielberg having simultaneous strokes, causing them to produce unintelligible rubbish.

B) That Shia LaBeouf had some kind of dirt on them

C) That the film was made not to entertain but to somehow subtely communicate coded messages about aliens to the world

D) That it was produced by a group of adults who had suffered through having to pay for their dumb kids to go to archaeology school because they saw Indiana Jones and thought that becoming an archaeologist would lead to untold adventures and world travels only to discover that it only leads to a career at Burger King and so they wanted to make the archeology profession look uncool.

I could go on all day about why this movie stinks worse than a pile of day old carp, but here are my big:

1) Aliens – I always enjoyed the Indy movies because of their supernatural elements. Yet, I did not like that aliens were such a big part of Crystal Skull. “But there was all kinds of unbelievable stuff in the first three Indy movies that were just as unbelievable as the idea that aliens exist!” you might argue.

True! And in fact, a topic for another time is that, while to date unproven, the idea of the existence of alien life on other planets is not all the unbelievable. However, in the first three films, there was the idea that if a man were to explore the deepest, darkest parts of the Earth, to study ancient books, tests, puzzles, etc. that he could uncover all kinds of supernatural mysteries. Believable or not, the first three movies are based on ancient cultural and religious ideas. In other words, finding a Holy Grail that grants the drinker holy life is about as believable (or unbelievable) as the existence of aliens, but hey, at least as kids many of us are indoctrinated into believing the bible, religion, etc. so the idea that an archaeologist could study old religious artifacts and legends and so on and unravel supernatural doings just seems awesome whereas having said archaeologist encounter aliens just seems like cheesy science fiction.

2) Failure to Take Itself Seriously – The Nazis provided the perfect villains for the earlier movies but, well, in case you fell asleep in history class, they were removed from power by the 1950’s so another source of villainy had to be found. Naturally, the Russians make for the perfect villains in a cold war era based movie, but the Russians in this movie just failed to be as scary as the Nazis of the other films.

On top of that, there was the scene where Indy gets launched out of a nuclear blast inside a fridge. Enough said.

3) Shia LaBeouf – Hey, he was great in the Transformers but I like to thing the offspring of Indy and Marion Ravenwood would be about 90 percent more awesome.

In conclusion, Indy 4 never happened. Indy 1-3 are the only Indy films that I recognize. There will never be a copy of Indy 4 on my shelf.

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