Tag Archives: movie reviews

Jan 06 2018
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The Shelfies – 2017 Award Season

Movie reviewer on what was supposed to be a book blog, Bookshelf Q. Battler, here.

I love movies and I watched a lot of them in 2017, so without further ado, the Shelfies.  Here’s the quick overview, and I’ll try to remember to reblog the reviews I wrote of these films in the coming days.

#1 – BEST FILM  – Wonder Woman

It’s the first comic book movie I’ve seen where an Oscar worthy case could be made.  Female empowerment though they weren’t preachy about it, blend of historic fiction and fantasy.  A good plot that kept the Warner Brothers DC films going even though the others have been stinkers.  It doesn’t hurt that images of Gal Gadot can give a man a boner from 50 paces.

RUNNER UP 1 – Logan

It was a year for semi-artistic, plot driven comic book movies.  Logan was a good case study on the ravages of time and how getting older can screw the best of us up.

RUNNER UP 2 – Get Out

Interesting, original movie about race relations.  Dramas about interracial issues might go a long way to alert the public, but a twisted, half-horror, half-dry/dark/understated humor comedy does a lot more.

#2 – WORST FILM – The Emoji Movie

Attention Hollywood.  The “what if inanimate objects could talk?” premise worked with toys in “Toy Story” because kids actually think their toys are alive.  It worked with Cars because little boys love cars.  No one, and I mean no one, ever gave a shit about what the emojis on their phone might be thinking.  Stop.  Just stop.  Seriously.  If you find yourself thinking, “I wonder what X inanimate thing is thinking,” just stop thinking about it because no one cares.

RUNNER UP 1 – The Mummy

I hate to do this, because there were parts of this film I liked, but Universal’s Dark Universe series didn’t get off to a good start.  I just don’t think people were longing for the Mummy and the Wolfman and Frankenstein and Dracula to get the band back together.  Good writing in this first film might have gotten people to want that, but Universal reached for the immersive cinema world and didn’t really grab the apple.  It just doesn’t leave you hoping for a Frankenstein movie where you’d be like, “OMG I hope Tom Cruise makes a cameo.”

RUNNER UP 2 – Transformers: The Last Knight

By God, I have no idea how Michael Bay manages to screw up a series about ten story tall outer space robots who can turn into cars and planes, complete with two warring factions fighting over an ancient grudge but by damn it if Michael Bay doesn’t figure out how to do this each and every time.

Bay’s sweeping disaster movie style was never a good fit for this franchise.  Too much focus on the humans.  We usually get the humans reacting to all these robots fighting but the robots were always the stars of the 1980s cartoon show.  Hate to be one of those nerds who whines about reboots of shows from his childhood, but the next director would be wise to check out the source material.

Seriously.  The Decepticons believe they are the master robot race and they have a right to suck all the resources out of Earth for their own personal use.  The Autobots believe they serve a higher purpose and must act as Earth’s guardians.  Good material for a good story.  Next time, let the robots take the wheel and put the humans in the back seat.

#4 – BEST COMEDY – The Hitman’s Bodyguard

Comedy is dead.  It’s so dead.  Hollywood is so afraid of offending anyone that most comedy films are filled with bland, predictable jokes now.  Go see “The House” if you don’t believe me.

Ryan Reynolds and Sam Jackson were funny together.  Lots of action.  I judge the best comedy by how much I laugh and this gave me the most laughs of the year.

#5 – BEST ANIMATED FILM – Lego Batman

Enough said, really.

#6 – BEST FILM THAT DESERVED MORE PLAY – Wind River

It’s important to know how Native Americans were screwed in the past, but this movie also shows us how Native Americans are getting screwed right now, today, you know, during the time we’re actually living so we might be able to effect change by writing our Congressman or some shit.

YOUR THOUGHTS

I want to hear what you thought about the movies you saw in 2017.  Tell me in the comments.

 

 

 

 

 

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Jan 05 2018
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Movie Review – Father Figures (2017)

Who’s your Daddy?

No, seriously, these guys want to know.

BQB here with a review of “Father Figures.”

Every holiday season, Hollywood puts out at least one vapid, forgettable comedy.  The jokes are predictable, the plot is lame, and while it provides a little bit of entertainment during your Yuletide downtime, you won’t exactly be watching this film over and over again.

Going into it, “Father Figures” feels like that, and it is in many ways but I’ll give it credit.  It is a tad better than the usual holiday comedy fare.

Ed Helms and Owen Wilson are twin brothers in their forties.  Owen has coasted through life, always lucking his way into riches.  Ed works hard, does everything right but can never get ahead.

When their mother (Glenn Close) gets married late in life, she confides a secret to the boys – the man who she had long said was their father never was.  He’s still out there and due to her promiscuous 1970s disco lifestyle, there are a lot of potential paternal candidates.

From there, the film becomes a mad cap road trip romp as the dudes hunt down various men who may be their pappies.

Football legend Terry Bradshaw (as himself), JK Simmons, Christopher Walken and some other guy I’ve seen in a lot of films but I’m too lazy to look up his name all take turns as possible dads to these two dummies.  Honestly, the “father search” more or less serves as a plot device that allows the duo to meet and go on adventures with a bunch of old men.  The movie becomes a series of skits tied behind a flimsy premise.

Along the way, Ed and Owen pick up Katt Williams, who joins the quest and shows he has some range.  At first, I was disappointed that Katt didn’t do his usual pimp character, but after awhile I realized this was Katt’s chance to prove he could do something other than that and honestly, he does shine.  While I hope he doesn’t completely give up his pimp-ness, this may be the start of more in-depth roles for our favorite pimp comedian.

STATUS:  It’s always good when you think a movie will suck only for it to not suck as much as you thought it would.  Shelf-worthy.

 

 

 

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Jan 04 2018
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Movies

Movie Review – The Mountain Between Us (2017)

Love in the time of plane crashes.

BQB here with a review of the sappy love fest, “The Mountain Between Us.”

Two strangers, a photojournalist (Kate Winslet) and a surgeon (Idris Elba), share a plane ride only to end up stranded in a frozen wasteland when their plane crashes.

Lost, cold, and with only a dog to keep them company, the duo set out to seek civilization, only to squabble before they find love.  Alas, it’s forbidden love.  Both have ongoing issues that prevent a relationship between them and yet the stress urges them to seek solace in one another’s naughty parts.  Will they?  Won’t they?  Will they freeze to death before they get to bang?  What if they bang and then freeze together and get stuck like that?

A bit clichéd and predictable, this is an Oscar lite production that allows Winslet and Elba to exercise their acting muscles while exploring the age old question of what to do when love breaks out in the most inconvenient, unexpected of times.

Two great actors but the writing is a tad blah.  There’s clearly an attempt to go full blown dramatic.  Every five seconds there’s a new, “Oh my God they’re suffering so much please don’t let it get any worse for them but….OH MY GOD! It got so much worse!!!”

STATUS:  Shelf-worthy.  The dog is the best actor in the film.

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Dec 23 2017
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Somewhere Over the Rainbow vs. There’s No Place Like Home

Hey 3.5 readers.

BQB again.  Really, who else would it be?

Another observation about “The Wizard of Oz.”

There are two sentiments expressed in this movie, and they are very much opposed to one another.

In the beginning, Dorothy sings, “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” i.e. somewhere out there is a whole shit ton of happiness…it’s out there, I swear.  It’s coming just around the corner.  It’s right there…over the rainbow.  You can’t get over a rainbow?  You can see the rainbow but you can’t get over it?  Don’t worry.  That amazing happiness is coming.

Then at the end, that bitch Glenda tells Dorothy that her ruby slippers held the power to bring her back to Kansas all along.  I call Glenda a bitch because she could have told Dorothy up front that her slippers could bring her back home and saved her a lot of trouble.

However, Glenda makes a good point.  Dorothy had to struggle through various ordeals in order to figure out that her happiness wasn’t in a fantasyland but it was at her home all along.

To put it all together, Dorothy thinks life in Kansas sucks big time balls.  She has to do chores and live on a shitty farm and get bossed around by Aunty Em and there’s an old bitch in the neighborhood who is constantly trying to murder her dog.

So she dreams of a better life in a better place.  But then she gets there and learns it is even harder.  To get anywhere good in Oz, she has to fight a witch that can throw fireballs, fend off winged monkeys, venture into a spooky forest, and help three assholes find their heart, courage and brains, respectively.

In short, she was better off at home.

Are you better off at home than chasing a dream?  Hard to say.  Dorothy fought through all the bullshit only to find out that her dream, i.e. a magical wizard named Oz who could grant all her wishes, was just a dumb ass hiding behind a screen.

Your dream might be real.  To get there, you might have to fight through a lot of shit and, well, yeah, you might get there and your dream might turn out to be bullshit, the equivalent of a charlatan working a fake head from behind a screen.

So maybe you are better off at home….better off in your shitty farm house with your Aunt and Uncle who love you and three apparently single, middle-aged farm hands who are capable of viewing a young girl as their friend and not engage in any perverted activities because it was the 1930s Midwest and adults were considered to only have good intentions toward children, not all how perverted and messed up it is today.

What do you think, 3.5 readers?  Is happiness over the rainbow, or is it at home?

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Dec 23 2017
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Tomfoolery

I Paid Money for This…

…so I feel like I have to run it every once in awhile:

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Dec 23 2017
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Movie Review – Office Christmas Party (2016)

Party, party, party.

BQB here with a review of “Office Christmas Party.”

It’s a challenge to make a movie set during Christmas time.  People who don’t see it in the theater won’t feel like watching it until the next Christmas.  No one wants to watch it in say, August of the next year.

Moreover, it’s got to be memorable, somewhat touching and if it is, it may very well become a staple of any movie buff’s yuletide Christmas watching.

“Office Christmas Party” is fun, though not laugh out loud funny.  Frankly, now that I’ve seen it once, I doubt I’ll ever watch it again and don’t feel a need to watch it every year.

The set-up – Justin Bateman is the right hand of TJ Miller.  Together, they oversee the regional branch of a computer company.  Miller reprises his role as basically the same dopey, happy fun time party boy he plays in “Silicon Valley.”

When Miller’s sister, played by Jennifer Aniston, the head of the company, threatens to cut jobs if profit demands aren’t met, Bateman and Miller team up to wine and dine a corporate executive, throwing a wild, lavish Christmas party in the hopes this will convince him to hand over a lucrative account that will save the day.

As you can imagine, the party gets progressively out of control and wacky chaos ensues.

Honestly, I judge comedies by one single rule – did it make me laugh uncontrollably?  No.  No, it did not.  It’s fun but it’s not going down in the laughter hall of fame.

STATUS:  Shelf-worthy.

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Dec 22 2017
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Top Ten Observations About the Wizard of Oz

Follow the yellow brick road, 3.5 readers.

I had the chance to watch this classic the other day.  It’s been years since I’ve seen it and as an adult I noticed a lot of things.  Most good, a few just me being my typical jerky self.

Without further ado:

#10 – Literally everybody in the film is frigging dead.

And not just dead but dead for like, a long ass time.  The movie was made in 1939 and its still a staple of childhood viewing for kids today.

It just makes me sad to see all these people in costume, singing and dancing, having a good time, then thinking about how they are all dead, many of them died before I was even born.

I mean, holy crap, the actors who play Oz, the Scarecrow, Tin Man and Cowardly Lion were all born in the late 1800s.  Frickin’ Abraham Lincoln was tooling around in the same century.

Sigh.  Such is life.  Here one minute…

(EDIT: I found a reference on the Internet that says Jerry Maren, an actor who played a munchkin, might still be alive.  Hang in there, Jerry.)

#9 – Toto is the best dog actor ever.

I feel like there must be cut footage in a vault somewhere of the dog playing Toto taking a dump on Dorothy’s slippers or something.  Maybe not.  All I know is as I watch the movie, the dog playing Toto is like, the best train, most well-behaved on-screen dog I’ve ever seen.  The little guy walks in a straight line, following the actors, going where he needs to go, and does this even in scenes where like there’s hundreds of people behind him.

#8 – It’s a special effects bonanza.

People credit “Star Wars” for unleashing the special effects tidal wave, but I don’t think the movie industry would have gotten there without this picture.  While it pales against today’s standards, there are still some effects that are interesting to watch and probably made jaws drop in its day.  It was no doubt ahead of its time.  Dorothy looking at the twister out her window and seeing two dudes rowing through the wind in a rowboat is one example.

#7 – The Wicked Witch of the West is Justified in Her Anger.

I’m sorry, but the green bitch’s sister had a damn house dropped on her and then when she tries to collect the slippers, i.e. the property that should go to her as she is the rightful heir, Dorothy keeps them and Glenda threatens her that a house might drop on her too.

I mean.  Holy shit.  Is there any doubt that ugly people are treated like shit?  Imagine if the Wicked Witch were pretty.  Do you think people might, I don’t know, be like, “Um, yeah someone kills my sister and steals her shit, I’d be pissed too.”

I get that both witches were wicked and up to bad shit so the house drop was probably a good thing.  It’s kind of like if you were drunk driving and run over Hitler…yes, it’s good that Hitler died but still, you were drunk driving.

Then again, I suppose it wasn’t Dorothy’s fault her house went out of control.

By the way, Margaret Hamilton is having way too much fun playing that witch.

#6 – Judy Garland was better beyond her years.

She’s only 17 in this role but she’s just amazing, full of heart and perfect pronunciation.  So sad that she became a pill fiend.  I guess Hollywood will do that to you.  She performs better than any adult could have in this role.

#5 – Dorothy disses Tin Man and Lion.

I know that “I’ll miss you most of all, Scarecrow” has come to be thought of as a really heartwarming line, maybe something even tell people when they’re saying goodbye, but as a kid watching the movie pointed out to me, “Lion and Tin man are right there!”

Seriously.  How would you feel if you and two friends said goodbye to a fourth friend and she singled one friend out for extra missing?

Dorothy might as well have said, “Yeah furball and rustbucket, I’ll miss you guys I guess but holy shit, Scarecrow, I will miss the shit out of you.  I mean, Lion and Tin Man, you assholes were ok, but Scarecrow, I’m going to be balling my eyes out every night until I see you again, buddy.”

#4 – It’s possible for make-up to be better than CGI.

Scarecrow looks more like a talking scarecrow than a computerized version would, in my opinion.  I don’t know what they did.  They perfectly blended his head with whatever he was wearing to make his head look like a bag full of straw.

Tin man is no slouch.  He looks like an ancient attempt to construct a robot.

Lion basically looks like a dude in a lion costume which, ok, CGI might do better there.  Then again, why can’t people where lion costumes now?

#3 – I doubt a remake would be as good.

I’m surprised with all the reboots and remakes, Hollywood hasn’t remade this one.  Crap, I hope I didn’t just put that idea out into the ether.  Oh well, only 3.5 people read this blog anyway.

This movie has so much heart and is basically Hollywood’s first special effects extravaganza (I think, correct me if I’m wrong.)  A remake would be like that kid who has his mom do his art project vs the kid who does his best with macaroni and string.  Yeah, the more polished version would be better but the macaroni has more heart.

#2 – Dorothy and Friends Get Stoned

They can call them poppy flowers all they want but we all know that Witch got our favorite quartet stoned on opium.  Oz and Afghanistan, two places to avoid if you’re an opiate abuser.

#1 – “Ding Dong the Witch is Dead” is the Most Profoundly Emotional Song Ever

Did you write it off as cheesy fluffy?  Think about it some more.

No…actually, think about the worst person in your life.  Surely, there is someone who lives to make you miserable.  They make fun of you.  Mess with you.  Hurt you.  Ruin you.

If that person were to die, you might secretly be glad on the outside, but out of sheer respect for the value of life, you’d probably feign an, “Oh that’s too bad” when someone tells you of the bully’s untimely demise.

The Munchkins, on the other hand, don’t just hate the Wicked Witch of the East, they despise her, so much that when a house is dropped on her head, they break out into a spontaneous song and dance number, engaging in perfect choreographic precision, expressing to Dorothy just how happy they are that she capped the Witch.

Literally, the song and dance routine goes on for several minutes.  Munchkins young and old take part.  There are interludes where various munchkin groups and dignitaries opine on the happiness they have over the witch’s dead, the coroner is consulted just to make sure that the celebration is in order, and the Mayor provides a joyous decree.

I mean, I don’t know what that witch was doing but imagine how awful she must have been to those munchkins for them to have broken out into such a dazzling, Broadway style revue to express their happiness at the hag’s death.  It’s almost as though those literally people were secretly rehearsing the routine in anticipation of the Witch’s death.

Can you imagine it?  All those little people huddled together in a back room.  “Oh man, we hate that bitch so much that we have to totally nail the song and dance routine we’ll give when she finally kicks the bucket. Ed, you get the costumes ready and Fred you call the Lollipop Guild.  We are going to rock this house when that hag croaks.”

I believe there is a line about bondage so the East Witch must have been enslaving the munchkins…or forcing them into a perverse BDSM lifestyle.  Either way, they’re happy she’s dead and they have a song to prove it.

Kinda makes you think, doesn’t it.  If you can honestly say that all the people who know you will break out into a song and dance number when you die, then you might want to make a few positive lifestyle changes while there is still time.

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Dec 16 2017
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Movies

Real Movie Review – Star Wars: Episode 8: The Last Jedi

To quote Jon Lovitz’ “The Critic” – “it stinks.”

BQB here with a real review of the new Star Wars flick.  Be forewarned of SPOILERS.

At the outset, I must say that I don’t think the magic of the original films, now dubbed “Episodes 4-6,” will ever recreated.  You see, from the early days of cinema in the 1930s up until like, 1970, films were basically recorded plays.  Then the young baby boomers took over and directors like George Lucas and Steven Spielberg upped the special effects game.

“Star Wars” was unlike anything ever seen before on film but since then, we have been spoiled and the biggest, most intense scenes fail to wow us.

If, “The Force Awakens” was a modern rehash of “A New Hope,” then “The Last Jedi” is a lesser version of the film many say is the best of the “Star Wars” series, “The Empire Strikes Back.”

However, while “Empire” say Luke grow and train under the wise tutelage of Yoda, “Last Jedi” gives us a rather lackluster dynamic between Luke and Rey.

The ending scene of the last film, where Rey meets Luke in a sweeping view on a remote island, gave us hope of some really intense training and wisdom passing-on, such that would turn Rey from a naive young girl to a badass, as Yoda did to Luke years before.

Alas, instead we get a very whiny old Luke, lamenting how his life has been wasted, that the Jedi Council was a lame hoarding of Force power and really the force should belong to us all and if that’s the case then they’re rewriting history because the whole premise of the series has been that only special people can control the Force and just as in life, some people when given power will use it for good and others will be corrupted by it and turn evil.

For me, it was just too much whining.  I’d hoped that we’d see Luke in some late life Obi-Wan Kenobi badassery.  Sir Alec Guinness never whined so much but Old Luke is whinier than Young Luke who just wanted to go to Tashi to pick up some power converters.

We were promised epic training and instead Luke just whines to Rey…and whines…and whines. I mean, give this script to your most basic writer and he/she would have put in some Mr. Miyagi style training montages but there was none of that.  Luke just bitches and moans about how he wasted his life being a Jedi and then eventually Rey like, just leaves.

Seriously, maybe I fell asleep but one minute Rey was on the island listening to Luke’s sobfest and then the next she’s on a ship entering the space battle.  It’s like, she just got tired of the bullshit and was like, “I guess no one’s teaching me any badass light saber moves here even though the audience would have enjoyed seeing that so I’ll just leave this depressed old fucker and go into a space battle now.”

Overall, I feel like Hamill could have been put to better use.

SPOILER – the ending, Luke does get some awesomeness in, I’ll admit that.  But I didn’t quite get the point of it.  Ren has his army blast the ever loving shit out of Luke and Luke just dusts himself off.  It’s cool and funny and then we learn that Luke’s only there in a ghostly form.  At first, I thought Luke had died in the blast and become a ghost like so many Jedi before him, but then we learn that Luke was projecting a spirit form of himself from his home on the island the entire time…which doesn’t really make sense.  And then he dies anyway so…I thought the point of him projecting himself was to keep him alive for future movies so if he’s going to die while projecting himself then why not have him die in battle?

Then again, maybe he didn’t die.  Maybe he disappeared.  Preserve a possibility he might return?  Who knows?

I have to say I think there’s a lot of back story the writers have us assume.  I think a three movie arc where the Galaxy is at piece and then Ben Solo, Luke’s nephew, trains under Luke and turns to the dark side and fucks up the galaxy by the end of the third movie would have been more interesting than just jumping into where we are now.  We are told through flashbacks that Luke became forlorn after his nephew turned evil but that story would have been better in a film than what we are seeing now.

Meanwhile, the subplot with Finn and Rose going on an adventure to a casino planet to find a hacker was silly, an attempt to give sort of a space Bond vibe, except Finn and Rose just show up in their regular clothes and look rather silly.  We learn late in the film Rose has a crush on Finn, but perhaps the two gussying up in fancy duds to infiltrate the party and Finn getting confused, maybe realizing he has options, maybe he could be with Rey, maybe he could be with Rose or what have you, might have been interesting.  Maybe not.  It all seemed out of place.

Like many of the characters, Benicio Del Toro’s DJ (the hacker) is sort of cookie cutter stock.  He’s got an odd lisp but we don’t know why he’s so weird and eccentric.  Admittedly, he has the most interesting lines of the film, pointing out that evil arms dealers make their money by selling not only to the First Order but also to the Resistance.  Whereas past films showed the Empire as bad and the Rebels as unwaveringly good, this part leads us to wonder whether or not both sides are not just two faces of the same coin, that because neither will back down, the death and carnage continues and the galaxy remains in ruins while arms dealers profit.

Further, we were promised a big reveal about Rey’s parentage and what we got was a let down.  There were some clues that led us to believe that Rey was Luke’s daughter, i.e. why else would Luke’s lightsaber call to her, and if Ren’s claim that Rey’s parents were just trash who sold her for beer money is true, then there’s a lot of clues just left on the table, a lot of build up just to let us down.  I’m hoping in the third film we’ll find out Ren lied.

I don’t know if the initial “Star Wars” genie can ever be let out of the bottle again.  Although, last year’s “Rogue One” was impressive to me, so perhaps it is possible.

I think the long term problem for the franchise is the creation of a post-Vader, post-original character world.  Vader is the baddest-ass villain ever created.  Admit it.  When you first saw him force choke a subordinate, you immediately thought about the worst, nastiest boss you ever had and it scared you.

Eventually, the franchise will have to enter a post original movie world – one without the original characters, without Vader, without the Skywalkers, without the Empire….will they be able to create villains and heroes who are just as riveting?

Time will tell…but they had one shot to provide us with some Luke on screen awesomeness and they blew it.  Rey and Luke never bond, never develop any kind of friendship or master/trainee relationship…he’s basically a guy she meets who whines to her.  You’re not really left with the impression that Rey got anything out of her meeting with Luke, that she’s better for it, that she has any connection to him, that she’ll ever think about him again and and honestly, that’s a failure.

STATUS:  Shelf-worthy but I mean, I’m not really in a rush to see it again.

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Dec 16 2017
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Movies, Uncategorized

Movie Review – Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017)

Wow, 3.5 readers.  Just plain, wow!

BQB here with a review of “The Last Jedi.”

So, as you recall, our last film ended with Rey meeting Luke in a sweeping scene on a remote island.  I have to be honest, I liked the last film initially but after awhile, it did seem lame, a pile of fluff, a rehash of the old film.

They really outdid themselves this time, from the immediate space battle that ensues as Luke and Rey escape to the remote planet of Baatha Fisk, to the riveting fight scene in which Poe Dameron’s fate is left unclear.  That cliffhanger is left unaddressed and it seemed odd to have such a big question so early in the film go unanswered but I suppose there were clues throughout the film.  The helmet that was found on Cheeops is perhaps a sign that Poe might live to fight another day.

Snope’s origins are revealed and it does make sense that he was trained by Yoda.  The ghost scenes featuring Yoda, Old Anakin and Obi-Wan Kenobi seemed cheesy at first, a patronizing throwback to something that seemed lame in the original films, but then after awhile I thought about it and I’ll give some slack to the writers there.  But for ghostly involvement, I’m not sure how certain plot points could have been given.

I don’t really want to give it away but I have to admit, I found it lame that the lightsaber “called” to Rey in the last film.  I mean, it’s an inanimate object but the explanation makes sense.  I’m not sure Rey’s added power will hold up in future films but within this film it worked.

I don’t really buy that Finn could have bested Kylo Ren in a fight but then again I talked to other fans and they indicate that the love Finn feels for Rey is what drives him, giving him extra adrenaline and that’s what allowed him to defeat Ren, just has he managed to escape Captain Phasma earlier.

Chewie remains the heart of the story and the beloved wookie finally gets some character development.  Who knew the wookie was gay all along, despised by his own family and thrown off his home planet just for being who he is?  Admittedly, it does seem like social justice pandering and I think the point could have been made without the five minute male wookie on male wookie sex scene.  Yikes!  So much violence.

Further, I think the movie’s downfall is that it tries too hard to go with the “ripped from the headlines” trope.  Personally, I think it is bad writing to take current events and news items and work them into science fiction, especially when sci-fi allows for so much imagination to be explored.  For example, Wax Fassa, the businessman that double crosses Luke and Rey, offering them free passage to Sverador is an obvious Trump clone.  Although it was humorous to see an alien with fake hair and it gave the audience a good laugh, it cheapened the whole series.  Come on Disney.  There are plenty of opportunities to make fun of the President, it doesn’t need to be done during our much loved franchise.

Finally, it seemed lame that Luke was thrown off the last remaining vestige of the Jedi Council.  Sure, he made a pass on Mara Jade but it seemed unclear whether or not they were in love or just mere colleagues on a mission.  Did Luke go too far in his affections?  Was he misunderstood?  Was he falsely accused or did our hero fall and make an unwanted sexual advance toward a fellow Jedi?  Look, I get it, just because Luke is our favorite Jedi doesn’t mean he gets free reign to abuse women so if he did it then he has no place on the council but I just think the council didn’t give Luke due process or a right to have a say.

I mean, Jek Fanna had a point.  “Keep your robot hand off the ladies’ asses, buddy.”  That’s wise advice that hopefully Luke will remember in the future.  Will he redeem himself?  I suppose we’ll find out in the next film.

Or maybe we won’t because literally everyone died at the end of this one, murdered by Jar Jar Binks, who was narrating the story based on items pinned to a bulletin board in an intergalactic police station the entire time.  #mindblown.

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Dec 14 2017
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Movie Trailer – Downsizing (2017)

Hey 3.5 readers.

I like this trailer.  It looks like a very original concept.  The idea is that miniaturization is invented and it allows people to live like billionaires…i.e. your small investment is all you need to live like a King.  One bottle of vodka is a lifetime supply of booze.  You can’t afford a mansion but you can afford a model of a mansion and that will look big to you when you’re small.

Basically, you can live large because you’re tiny.  What say you, 3.5?

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