I’m Crazy BQB and my prices are insane! Last chance to get yourself a free copy of my book, 3.5 readers:
I’m Crazy BQB and my prices are insane! Last chance to get yourself a free copy of my book, 3.5 readers:
No strings attached. Download it for free on Amazon. Read it. Don’t read it. You don’t have to do anything other than get a free book:
Hey 3.5 cheapskates.
World renowned self-published author Bookshelf Q. Battler here with some good news.
First, I’ve renewed “BQB’s Big Book of Badass Writing Prompts” for another term with KDP select, which is great news for Amazon as I know they have really been counting on all those extra cents I have been bringing in for them. Jeff Bezos can finally afford to put some crème in his coffee and it’s all thanks to me.
Second, there’s good news for you 3.5 skinflints because now, you can read my book for free.
Look, I get it. You’re all poor. Really poor. But that’s cool because now you don’t need money to enjoy my book. You can get it for free right now and all this weekend right into Tuesday.
So what are you waiting for? Go grab my book today and you’ll be able to write like me, BQB:
Hey 3.5 readers.
BQB here.
I’m stuck. Having a hard time picking a winner for my How the West Was Zombed book cover contest.
It’s down to two. There’s the first with the cowboy in the trenchcoat, a shadow of the cowboy looking down over the shadow of a cowboy riding a werewolf, chasing a train and fighting zombies. I like it because this designer actually attempted what I was looking for and it reminds me of a Louis L’Amour novel cover. They all usually feature a solid color on the front and then a drawing of a cowboy doing some cowboy shit in the center.
The second one seems pretty standard, a bit of a tribute to Clint Eastwood. I put two different versions, blue shirt vs. black shirt. He wears a black shirt in the story but the blue shirt seems to pop more on the cover.
I think I like the first more but my gut tells me the thumbnail of the second would pop more in the Amazon store and sadly that’s usually what matters most.
What do all 3.5 of you think?
https://99designs.com/contests/poll/d5bp3j
3.5 readers, I am so excited to tell you that I have begun the long, hard slog toward finishing a second draft of my beloved novel, “Toilet Gator,” which really and truly is the best novel ever written about toilets, gators, or toilet gators.

My goodness, 3.5 readers. Isn’t that a wonderful cover? Anyway, this is the first time I have begun a second novel draft. It seems like it will be a long, arduous process. The novel is approximately 140,000 words and so far I have rewritten 7,000 of them. It is nice to be able to start solving problems I saw as I wrote the first draft but felt it would just slow me down to fix them, so now the time to fix them has come.
I hope when this book comes out, you will all support it and tell your friends, because if Toilet Gator is a success, then I can really bank some cash on the sequel, Son of Toilet Gator:

You don’t even want to see what the cover of Book 3 will look like.
3.5 readers, I’ll be honest. I’m no spring chicken and the older I get, the more I just want to stop and smell the daisies, then lie down in the dirt and wawit for the moss to grow over me.
So, if this blog makes you happy, and you think that being able to read wonderful books like Toilet Gator and Son of Toilet Gator would bring joy to your life, then please, do what you can to support my little enterprise here.
Read this fine blog. Tell your friends. Help get me some traffic. If I can make money off this, then I can put more time into entertaining you, my beloved 3.5 readers, who I would never want to see be eaten by a toilet gator.
Do watch out for toilet gators, 3.5 readers. They’re everywhere and in greater numbers than you’d think. Frankly, I have taken my life into my hands by publishing their secret, so much so that I get scared every time I sit on the throne to poop now, and not just because I’m a burrito fan.
Stay tuned, 3.5 readers.
This year has been a tough one. As you all know, I’m an ageless fictional character who is forever a young, happening dude.
However, my friend the Alleged Man turned 38 and that has been hard on him. He is realizing that the window for him to do all he wanted to do in life is getting shorter so if he’s going to do something he’d better do it.
So I’m taking a page out of his playbook.
At this time I have three completed first drafts: 1) Toilet Gator 2) Zom Fu 3) How the West Was Zombed.
Actually, Zom Fu has a few chapters left but it is substantially done.
I think at this point I have to put what is written above what is not written and get these three polished and published.
How the West Was Zombed worries me most. It began as the first book in a series but as time went on I pictured it as book three. But at best I think I can get like one draft of a book written a year and I don’t want to wait 2 more years so I think I will release How the West Was Zombed as Book 1 and then if people like it I will change it to Book 3 and release the first 2.
Or perhaps I’ll divide the series into “Zombie Westerns” and “Zombie Western Prequels.” Zombed can be the first book of the Zombie Western Series. Later, I’ll write Remember the Zombamo and that can be the first of the prequels.
It could be better to wait and put them all out at once but I just don’t think I have the time to wait anymore. If this self publishing thing is going to happen it must happen soon.
What say you, 3.5?
Are you going to bark all day little 3.5 doggies, or are you going to bite?
BQB here with a little green bag of a discussion about Quentin Tarantino’s 1992 film debut, “Reservoir Dogs.” What can you 3.5 aspiring writers learn from this flick? A lot.
Non-Linear Storytelling
Tarantino was the main pioneer of this type of storytelling, namely, when a writer starts at the end and works back to the beginning, rather than start from the beginning and work the story until its conclusion.
In this case, we get an introductory scene where a group of criminals are sitting down for breakfast in a diner. They trade jokes and we get a sense of each individual’s style.
Next thing you know, Mr. White (Harvey Keitel) is driving Mr. Orange (Tim Roth) to a hideout. Mr. Orange has been shot in the gut, an apparent sign that a planned diamond store heist went bad.
You’re never actually shown the heist. Most of the film takes place in a warehouse/hideout as the characters try to figure out how their heist went so wrong, why the police were waiting for them, and most importantly, which member of the crew is the rat who told the cops about the job?
From there, the film goes into flashbacks where we see bits and pieces of the escape from the heist that went wrong, as well as some past “get to know” some of the characters scenes. The film always returns to the warehouse as the characters move the story forward, trying to figure out who did the crew wrong.
Tarantino could have done this a different way. He could have started with the backstory of the characters in the beginning, put the heist that goes wrong in the middle, and have the fighting over who the rat is at the end.
Wouldn’t that have been boring though? Instead, Tarantino chooses to put the most exciting part first. You jump right into the action – a blood soaked back seat, a pained Mr. Orange screaming out in terror about his impending demise, a calm Mr. White driving a getaway car while holding Mr. Orange’s hand, telling him he’ll be ok.
Your mind immediately asks the question, “How did this heist go so wrong?” And now you want to sit back and let Uncle Quentin tell you how.
Doing More with Less
This was the first film Tarantino directed. Sure, he had a bigger budget than any of us indie writers, but still, he didn’t have much compared to other big name films of the day.
Even so, he did a lot with very little. Consider:
Setting Your Story to a Soundtrack
Tarantino invents a 1970s music station that everyone is listening to throughout the film. It makes for a retro vibe, and Tarantino was surely trying to pay homage to the cheesy Beretta style crime dramas of his youth.
Playing “Little Green Bag” as the criminals walk down the street gives us a sense that these are some hardcore pricks.
Meanwhile, in an iconic scene, Mr. Blonde tortures a police officer set to the sounds of “Stuck in the Middle with You.” This song is a happy song, one that makes you want to smile and dance…but it shows what a psycho Mr. Blonde is, namely, that he is enjoying dancing to this happy beat while he’s cutting off a cop’s ear and setting him on fire.
Most people would never do such a thing. The few that would usually know that this would be no time to dance. Mr. Blonde is a special kind of crazy.
Of course, you don’t have the rights to use popular songs like Tarantino did. However, I find that my writing is helped when I listen to songs related to time periods I am writing in. It puts me in the mood.
How Nonlinear Storytelling Can Fix Plot Holes
Suppose you are a hardened criminal fresh off a botched diamond heist that went wrong due to a rat. Who would you immediately suspect?
If you said, “The New Guy,” congratulations. You’re acting like a stylish, early 1990s diamond robber.
The irony is the film goes for most of its length with the characters fighting over who the rat is. We aren’t told there is a new guy until we get towards the end. Then we discover Mr. Orange is the new guy and also an undercover cop. Spoiler? Shut up, you’ve had since 1992 to watch this thing.
But that’s the thing. You’re not a stylish early 1990s diamond robber, so you weren’t thinking like one. Maybe “the new guy” might have popped into your head, but you don’t find out until the end that there was a new guy. Once you do, you realize the whole crew is apparently very, very, ridiculously stupid. I mean, they knew he was the new guy. Why didn’t any of them go, “Hey, I think the new guy might be the rat…”
Had Tarantino followed a linear format and told us up front that Mr. Orange was the new guy, he’d of been the obvious rat suspect, giving away the story’s most vexing question.
Conclusion
With this film and its followup, “Pulp Fiction,” Tarantino inspired a generation of filmmakers and writers, challenging them to abandon the rules in favor of coolness, style, and better yet, to grab the viewer’s attention and draw them in.
Think about writing like dating. If you are super rich and have a ten foot King Kong penis, you might want to drop that information sooner rather than later. If you make your date wait until the tenth date to find out your most amazing qualities, she might get bored by then and switch you off, like your audience will do with your writing.
In other words, Tarantino dares us to start with the ice cream first, and then we’ll work our way to the meat and potatoes. Give us that bloody gunshot victim screaming in pain in the backseat right away, and then we’ll stick around to fight out how he got into such a terrible state.
You can do this too, if you dare. Begin with the most awesome part of your story, then explain how we got there.