HOUSEWIFE HARRIET: I want to wear a dress with a color that’s not too showy.
DR. PETE FOGELTREE, DENTIST: I want to paint my office a color that will soothe my patients and help them relax.
MURRAY SCHMETZ: I need a pair of pants in a color that says, “Hey, I’m trying!” but “Whoa, not too hard!'”
ANNOUNCER: Beige.
HARRIET, PETE, MURRAY: Say what?!
ANNOUNCER: BEIGE!
(HARRIET, PETE AND MURRAY look dumbfounded)
ANNOUNCER: Beige Corp! The world’s foremost supplier of beige products and accessories!
MURRAY: Tell us more!
ANNOUNCER: Wear white after Labor Day and you’ll get a visit from the fashion police! Black and you’ll
Operators are standing by at the Beige Corp Call Center. Order your beige products and accessories today!
be considered a gothic weirdo! But beige? Why, it’s the most non-threatening of all the drab colors!
Murray: Golly! People won’t think I’m trying to make some kind of statement if I wear beige will I?
ANNOUNCER: Absolutely not! Beige says nothing about you as a person at all!
MURRAY: Thank God. I’m tired of trying to act like I have a personality.
ANNOUNCER: Beige clothing! Beige accessories! Beige appliances! Beige cars, houses, pencils, pens, refrigerators, couches, computers, airplanes, hockey pucks and hats! We won’t stop until the entire world is beige!
HARRIET: Thanks Beige Corp. Now I can cover myself up in public and not get accused of being a show off.
ANNOUNCER: As if you have anything to show off anyway! Call us with your orders now. Our diligent and highly productive employees are standing by.
Beige Corp…a proud sponsor of Bookshelf Q. Battler and the Meaning of Life!
Beige and sleepy call center lady images courtesy of a shutterstock.com license.
Bookshelf Battle 
Congrats on the big time sponsor! 🙂
It was a dead heat between them or Taupe Corp.
You chose wisely…
Hey Philosopher Dude,
While you’re here…you seem to be crushing it as a funny blogger. Any advice on what I should be doing or doing differently?
Just keep writing. Engage your readers. I always address my fellow Modern Philosophers in every post, and answering their comments is so much fun.
Haha my first car was beige. Well, I think it was “champagne” or something, but really it was beige, and honestly it suited me pretty well.
I doubt it. You have much to show off. Did you buy it from Beige Corp?
It was a Japanese car, so maybe more like ベージュ コープ.
Beige. For people who long to invoke the spirit of old, crumbling, foxed paperbacks.
[…] By day, he’s the Assistant to the Assistant of the Vice-President of Corporate Assistance of Beige Corp, the World’s Premiere Producer of Beige Products and Accessories. By night, he’s the caretaker of a magical bookshelf frequented by tiny literary characters […]
[…] We try not to bust on Beige Corp too hard as they’re one of the Bookshelf Battle Blog’s … […]