Monthly Archives: February 2016

How the West Was Zombed – Chapter 18

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After lunch, Slade and Sarah took a constitutional along the banks of the Mississippi River, which flowed just outside Highwater, hence the town’s name.

They arrived just in time to catch “The Belle of the Ball,” a massive red and white steamboat, make its way down river. Happy passengers toured the deck, men in suits, ladies in full length dresses carrying parasols.

“I would love to take a journey on one of those one day,” Sarah said.

Most quick witted men would have seen that statement as an “in” to slip in an offer to take Sarah on a boat ride. Slade, on the other hand, just grunted.

Sarah took Slade’s arm and rested her head on her shoulder. “At the risk of sounding like a ninny I must say I’ve enjoyed the past few days with you, Rain.”

“Mmm hmm,” Slade replied.

“Have you as well?”

“Mmm hmm.”

“I love your quiet confidence,” Sarah said. “Jebediah, oh how awful for me to speak ill of the dead, but he was different…”

Slade just kept watching the steamboat go by, its enormous paddle wheel turning around and around.

“…all he ever wanted to do was talk about his feelings, his worries, his burdens. I did my best as is the place of any good wife but it became so tiresome for me.”

Slade wasn’t sure he liked what he was hearing.

“Men really should be the rock that women lean on, shouldn’t they?” Sarah asked. “All that emotion, so unmanly, don’t you think?”

“Uh huh.”

Slade didn’t mean that “uh huh.” He found himself missing Miss Bonnie more than ever. Deep within his heart, a battle began, between his love for the only woman he was able to drop the macho man act around, and the woman who wanted that macho man. Miss Bonnie took him as he actually was, Sarah was enchanted by the brave face he put on.

But Sarah was there and as the old saying goes, a bird in the hand…

“What are your intentions?” Sarah asked.

“Huh?”

“Rain I know we’ve only just met but time passes by so quickly,” Sarah said. “My child birthing years will soon be behind me, and it is rather unseemly for us to be seen carrying on around town without…”

Slade raised a quizzical brow. Sarah took her arm back.

“Perhaps I’m pushing too hard,” Sarah said. “It’s just that…I’m not a hussy, Rain. Handholding, picnicking…”

Sarah looked around to check if there was anyone listening in. Seeing no one, she whispered, “I’ve seen you shirtless!”

“All these things should mean something,” she continued. “I wouldn’t do them with just any man.”

“Uh huh.”

Sometimes a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. Whether its gunslinging or romance, there’s no room for hesitation.

Slade got down on one knee, took Sarah’s hand into his and what came next wasn’t exactly the most theilling proposal ever made, but it got the job done.

“Will ya’?”

Sarah’s eyes welled up. “Yes!”

Overcome with joy, she wrapped herself around Slade, smothering him with kisses, an act she quickly recoiled from.

“We shouldn’t be kissing outside of marriage,” she said. Then after a pause, she pressed her lips against Slade’s for more. “Lord, forgive me just this once.”

They found a rock and sat down. They kissed awhile longer then Sarah began laying out all her plans for the future. The wedding, the children, everything.

“We’ll need a ring to make this official,” she said.

“I got one,” Slade replied, thinking about the ring he once intended for Miss Bonnie. Now it was just gathering dust in his desk drawer back at the Marshal’s office.

Slade ran his off the cuff decision through his head. Was he an idiot? Had he just ruined any chance of ever being with Miss Bonnie or was he smart to shore up a sure thing rather than hold out for a long shot? He did feel affection toward Sarah, but he wasn’t sure if it was love or just appreciation for a woman making it clear she loved him.

The Marshal’s concentration was shot by the blaring of a train whistle. From his vantage point, he could see a locomotive chugging in over the Sturtevant Bridge, pulling a long line of cars behind it.

Emblazoned on the side of each car in bold black letters was one word. “LEGION.”

The door of one of the cars rolled open. Three men cracked open one barrel after another, dumping a steady stream of red liquid straight into the Mississippi.

Sarah was too busy dreaming to pay attention. She missed the whole spectacle.

“If it’s a boy, I’ve always been partial to ‘William.’ What do you think?”

“Huh?”

Sarah kissed Rain again. “You’re overwhelmed, aren’t you?”

“Something like that,” Rain said.

The train headed to Highwater Station. Sarah carried on for awhile longer until Slade interrupted.

“You need to leave your spread for awhile,” he said. “It’s not safe.”

“Not safe?”

“Something’s going on,” Slade explained. “I’m not sure what but I’ve got a bad feeling.”

Sarah grinned and patted Slade’s hand. “You’re incorrigible.”

“What?”

“You’re a man,” Sarah said. “You…desire…what all men desire but we aren’t married yet, Mr. Slade. Unmarried men and women living together under the same roof would be an abomination in the Lord’s eyes.”

“It’s not that,” Slade said. “There really is…”

Sarah put a finger up against Slade’s lips. “Shhh. I won’t have it. Not another word. Our special day will arrive soon enough and we will get together between the bedsheet and…”

Sarah’s face turned red. “It’s very inappropriate to talk about this.”

Slade felt the situation called for more words than he usually spared. “I’m not talking about that at all. Something sinister is in the works and…wait. Bedsheet?”

“Marriage is until death but there is an interpretation of the good book that indicates that…this is so embarrassing.”

Now Slade wanted to know more than ever.

“That my sinful parts still belong to Jebediah, but the Lord will always approve of a married couple engaging in sexual congress for the purpose of procreation…”

There was a momentary lapse in Slade’s cool demeanor. “Will you spit it out already?!”

Sarah bit her upper lip. “Hence, a hole in a bedsheet.”

Slade felt the bottom fall out of his stomach. A little voice in his head told him to back out of the proposal. Did he really want to limit himself to sex through a hole in a bedsheet for the rest of his life?

But then again, another voice in his head reminded him that sex through a hole in a bedsheet, bland as it sounded, would still be a lot more interesting than the zero activity happening in his boudoir at present.

He went with that voice.

“You’re displeased?” Sarah asked.

“No,” Slade replied.

Sarah’s head was back on Slade’s shoulder. “Such a wonderful man.”

Call it a failure to prioritize, but Slade became so focused on the bedsheet issue to insist any further that Sarah stay in town.

He sucked it up. Maybe in a few years he’d be able to talk her down to a hole in a pillowcase.

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New Ghostbusters Movie -Chris Hemsworth in Nerdface – #OscarsSoPretty

Once again, they slap a pair of glasses on a beautiful person instead of giving a nerd role to a genuine nerd.

For shame, Hollywood!  For shame!

#OscarsSoPretty !

Read more on Access Hollywood

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#31ZombieAuthors – Day 24 Interview – W.J. Lundy – WTF

Amidst the East Randomtown Zombie Apocalypse last Fall, I had the pleasure of interviewing two warrior/writers.

The first was WJ Lundy. Author of the WTF (Whiskey Tango Foxtrot) series.

Because you know, if you saw a zombie, you might scream, “WTF?!” or worse.

Very inspiring how WJ found time to write in the middle of everything else he’s busy with. He’s a military man who still manages to get his writing in.

Hell, if I craft one bad sentence I give up and settle in on the couch with a bag of oreos for a Steven Segal movie marathon.

What is this channel I keep talking about that always has Steven Segal on?

I don’t even know.

Thanks WJ. Here’s the interview.

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FIND THIS ZOMBIE AUTHOR ON:

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My guest today is soldier/writer W.J. Lundy.

A veteran of the U.S. Military with service in Afghanistan, W.J. has over fourteen years of combined service with the Army and Navy in Europe, the Balkans, and Southwest Asia. W.J. is an avid athlete, backpacker and shooting enthusiast.

After being asked in jest about how it would be possible to defend against a zombie attack, W.J. began taking notes about his ideas and sure enough the Whiskey Tango Foxtrotseries was born. In fact, W.J. wrote the first book of the series, Escaping the Dead in a small, spiral bound note book and later tapped it out on a keyboard once he got back home.

So it just goes to show you, 3.5 readers. You never know where or when inspiration might strike.

 NOTE:

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How the West Was Zombed – Chapter 17

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No makeup. No fancy hairdo. Not even a garter or lingerie or a frilly dress. Miss Bonnie strolled out of the Bonnie Lass wearing a simple white blouse and a blue prairie dress, her hair tied back in a pony tail with the help of a pink ribbon.

She carried a tin of blueberry muffins, purchased from Anderson’s General Store, of course. It was the thought that counted.

Rain,” she mumbled to herself under her breath. “I’m sorry. I’m very sorry? No. I’m sorry’s good enough. Hell, what do I have to be ‘very’ sorry for?

As one might expect, the local brothel keeper turned a few heads as she walked by. No one had ever seen her dressed in a respectable manner before.

For the first time since her divorce courtesy of Smith and Wesson, Miss Bonnie felt ready to give her heart to another man. Well, to allow him to take up space in it at least. She wasn’t about to roll over easy and she still wanted Slade to work for it but she figured a tin of muffins was a good investment to get things started.

Alas, her hopes were dashed when she spotted Slade eating a piece of fried chicken whilst being chatted up by his new love interest.

Miss Bonnie spoke to herself much louder this time.

“Who in the HELL is that cu…”

An old man who managed to sneak up on her cut her off mid-sentence, er…insult.

“Bonnie Lassiter, as I live and breathe, is that you?” Gunther asked. He was fresh from the telegraph office with an envelope in his hand.

“Who is that?” Bonnie asked.

Bonnie and Gunther watched as Slade quietly ate lunch and Sarah beamed at her new beau.

“Who?” Gunther asked. “The Widow Farquhar?”

“The Widow Who-quar?”

“Farquhar,” Gunther said. “The new proprietress of the Olmsted property. Taken a real shine to our fearless leader.”

“What in the…” Miss Bonnie was livid. “Has HE taken a shine to her?”

“Hard to say,” Gunther said. “I’ve seen more talkative cacti than the Marshal but I suppose he wouldn’t have spent so much time fixing up her place if he wasn’t sweet on her.”

“Sweet on her?” Miss Bonnie protested. “She looks like a damn broom stick with tits!”

“Miss Bonnie,” Gunther began but was cut off by Miss Bonnie, who felt it necessary to opine whether or not the Widow Farquhar was “lousy with syphilis.” She leaned toward the affirmative but she may have been biased.

“Miss Bonnie,” Gunther tried again. “Seeing you without your can can girl outfit on… without all the fancy straps and bells and whistles and so on…”

“Shut up, Gunther.”

“…dressed like a school marm with a handful of muffins. I’m liable to deduce you’re on your way to court our illustrious Marshal.”

That deduction was met with a spontaneous raspberry. “Pbbbhhht!”

“Like I’d ever give a hoot about that worthless jackass,” Miss Bonnie said.

She looked over just in time to catch Sarah laughing as she brushed some crumbs off of Slade’s cheek.

Ophelia Hutchins, the corpulent, elderly wife of local banker Ed Hutchins walked by.

“Afternoon, Deputy,” Ophelia said, ignoring Miss Bonnie, as most who disapproved of her profession tended to do. “I say, did you happen to peak at the Marshal and the Widow Farquhar?”

“Yessum.”

“They make a handsome couple, don’t they?” Ophelia asked.

Gunther opened his mouth to answer then closed it when he saw Miss Bonnie’s scrunched up face. That was her signature move whenever she was doing her best to hold back tears, or rage, or whatever emotion was on the way, rage being more likely in this case.

“I’ll have to uh…study that topic and back to you Mrs. Hutchins,” Gunther said. “Good day.”

“Good day, Deputy,” Ophelia said and then as she waddled away, “Whore.”

“Why does everyone call that bitch ‘The Widow Farquhar?’” Miss Bonnie asked.

“I don’t rightly know,” Gunther said. “It’s a title I suppose. Like ‘President Hayes’ or ‘Governor Montgomery’ or ‘The Widow Farquhar.’”

“So that’s all you have to do to get a title?” Miss Bonnie asked. “Just marry some asshole who up and croaks on you and then everyone considers that the best achievement a woman can ever have so you’re ‘The Widow Whatever-Your-Dead-Husband’s-Name-Was for the rest of your days?’”

“Her first name’s Sarah,” Gunther said. “I don’t think most folks call her ‘The Widow Farquhar.’”

The white haired, good natured, ever smiling Reverend Cavanagh happened by.

“What a glorious afternoon,” he said. “Hello Gunther. Hello Whore.”

“Reverend,” Gunther and Miss Bonnie replied in unison. She wasn’t lying to Slade earlier when she told him she was used to being called a whore.

“Ahh!” the Reverend said as headed to the church. “Excuse me but I must introduce myself to the Widow Farquhar and welcome her to our humble community. Take care, Gunther and Miss Bonnie, I’ll continue to pray for your blackened soul.”

“Yeah,” Miss Bonnie said. “Thanks for that.” Then to Gunther she added, “See?”

“I don’t what to say,” Gunther said. “I’m sorry you’re miffed, Miss Bonnie, but I’m not sure it’s my place to get in the middle of something.”

The muffin tin was spiked on the ground and its former handler stormed off back to her house of ill repute. Gunther picked it up.

“You want me to give your muffins to Rain?” the old man asked.

“He can have that slut’s muffins!” Miss Bonnie cried back.

Gunther helped himself to a muffin, chomping down on it like it was the tastiest thing he’d ever eaten.

“He won’t miss one.”

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How the West Was ZOMBED – Chapter 16

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The next day, Slade, Gunther, the Knoxes and Joe sat in the back of the church, pondering their next move.

“Shot him even though he was dead?” Gunther asked.

Slade nodded in confirmation. “Three times…in the head.”

“Makes no sense,” Gunther replied.

Knox had a low baritone voice, ominous with a touch of authority. “Army life doesn’t make much sense. Serve long enough and you see things. Things that would turn a Sunday preacher loco. Sounds like you ran into a couple of nutters.”

“But the telegram about Colorado being overrun by monsters,” Gunther said. “These fellas saying their regiment’s gone. I sent telegrams to Denver and Washington and haven’t heard a peep back yet. I’ll check again this afternoon.”

“New gang?” Knox asked. “Scum buckets throwing their wait around. Trying to make a name for themselves.”

“A gang that could overtake Colorado?” Gunther asked.

“Uxley always was full of shit,” Knox said. “Remember we met him at Antietam? Bastard damn near exaggerated about everything.”

“You’re thinking of Captain Exler ya’ old goat,” Gunther said. “We didn’t meet any Uxleys at Antietam.”

“Pretty sure his name was Uxley,” Knox said. “And who are you calling old, Methuselah?”

The Knox boys sat back, bored out of their minds, no interest in the conversation whatsoever. Joe stopped resting his chin in the palm of his hand and spoke up.

“You all should leave,” Joe said, his tone grave. “Evacuate the town. Get far, far away.”

“Uxley did say to leave,” Knox pointed out.

“Uxley isn’t charge of a cockroach taking a shit,” Gunther stated ever so eloquently. “You need an order from Washington to leave or else its desertion.”

The deputies bickered for a few minutes until a fed up Slade banged his fist on the table.

“I don’t leave for anyone,” the boss said.

Ironically, he picked that very moment to leave the table.

“Where ya’ going?” Gunther asked.

“To check on the Widow Farquhar,” Slade said.

“Good idea,” Gunther said. “Aint safe out there for a lady with…well whatever’s happening.”

“Check her out a couple of times for me too,” Knox said.

Slade, realized that comment was good natured, Knox’s way of dishing out an “Atta boy!”

He let it go and headed for the front door, opened it, and low and behold, the newfound object of his affection was already standing there, an overflowing picnic basket in hand.

“Marshal! You startled me!”

Slade wasn’t one to get startled. “Miss Sarah.”

Back at the table, Knox leaned over to Gunther.

“She bringing him food?” Knox asked.

“Yup,” Gunther said.

“Shit, that’s a keeper.”

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#OscarsSoPretty

Friends, just a reminder that the Oscars are too pretty.  We need more ugly actors in Hollywood.

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How the West Was ZOMBED – Chapter 15

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And so it went the next few days. The Marshal would arrive bright and early, put in a long day’s work on the formerly Olmsted now Farquhar property, and listen as Sarah talked away about her life, her hopes and dreams, with the occasional bible verse thrown in. Sarah was no slouch herself, working as hard as her delicate constitution allowed.

Together, they cleared and seeded the land, got Olmsted’s old water pump working, and shined the cabin up prettier than a new penny. Sarah dipped into her inheritance to purchase supplies and provisions, which Slade hauled back from Anderson’s General Store.

A lesser deputy might have questioned his boss’ loyalty to his job, but Gunther was proud of his match making skills and demanded full reports whenever Slade checked in on the Buchanan Boys.

Slade always felt bad for leaving Sarah all alone so far from civilization, but Sarah insisted, quoting biblical verses off the top of her head as evidence that a man in the home of a woman he isn’t married to was enough to make the man upstairs blow a gasket and then some.

Late in the afternoon of the third day, Slade was on his way back to town when a peculiar sight off in the distance caught his attention. Two cavalry men in blue uniforms stood next to a buckboard wagon. A third man lying in the back cried out in pain.

Slade rode on over as any good Marshal would, only to catch a loud argument.

“AM I THE LIEUTENANT OR AM I NOT?”

“DOES THAT MATTER ANYMORE?!”

“HE’S DONE FOR! YOU KNOW WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE!”

“HE COULD PULL THROUGH!”

“Afternoon,” Slade said.

The Lieutenant was a big burly man with red hair and a full beard. The Private was a young man with blonde hair.

Slade went up to the wagon for a closer look. The third man clutched his neck, trying in vain to close up a hole and keep the blood from trickling out. He gasped and gurgled for breath.

The Private put his hand on the victim’s. “Hold on, Carl! Hold on!”

Carl was not holding on. His eyes rolled into the back of his head. One last, loud gasp and his head fell back. His life was over.

The Lieutenant withdrew his pistol and pumped three rounds into Carl’s forehead. On pure instinct, Slade drew his Colt. He and the Lieutenant traded glances until Slade holstered his weapon. The Lieutenant did the same.

“You didn’t have to do that,” the Private said.

“You know I did,” the Lieutenant replied.

Slade didn’t care for the sight he’d just seen. He figured it wasn’t a crime to shoot a dead man, but the act still puzzled him.

“What happened?” Slade asked.

“I don’t even know where to begin,” the Lieutenant said. “Or if you’d believe me.”

The Lieutenant sipped from a metal flask. He offered some to Slade, who declined.

“Injuns?” Slade asked.

“If only,” the Private said.

“Men,” the Lieutenant said. “And women. Overcome by some…I don’t even know how to put it. A delirium I suppose. Like rabid dogs with immense strength.”

“The more you shoot at them the faster they come,” the Private added.

“What?” Slade asked.

“My thought exactly,” the Lieutenant said as he hopped in the driver’s seat. The Private took his place next to him.

“Are you lost from your regiment?” Slade asked.

“We are the regiment,” the Lieutenant said. “What’s left of it.”

Slade could only repeat, “What?”

The Lieutenant yanked the reigns, telling his horses it was time to walk away.

“You’d have to see it to believe it,” the Lieutenant said. “I pray you never do.”

Dumbfounded, Slade stood there, alone on the open prairie, doing his best to make sense of what just happened. Unable to do so, he hopped onto Chance and headed back for Highwater.

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How the West Was ZOMBED – Chapter 14

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To say that the Olmsted property was a dump would be an insult to dumps. Without old Frederick looking after it, the log cabin had gone into disrepair and the few acres became overrun with weeds and tall grass.

“Oh my,” Sarah said. “I knew enough to be skeptical when the advertisement described it as ‘luxurious’ but this isn’t how I pictured it at all.”

Sarah and Slade walked into the cabin where they found cobwebs, dirty dishes, and dust, dust, and more dust.

“I have my work cut out for me,” Sarah said. “So be it. As the good book says, ‘idle hands are the devil’s handiwork.’”

Slade nodded.

“Thank you, Marshal.  I don’t want to keep you from your duties any longer.”

Slade tipped his hat then headed for his horse, only to stop abruptly. He had something to say, and without Gunther around, it was going to be difficult for him, especially since Sarah was new to him.

“Is everything all right, Marshal?” Sarah asked.

“I don’t…”

Sarah removed her bonnet as she waited for the words to come out of Slade’s mouth. All that long pretty hair didn’t help the Marshal connect his brain to his voice box any faster.

“I reckon I don’t feel it’s right to…”

Big brown eyes. Staring. Blinking. That’s all Slade saw.

“…to leave you all alone out here…because you’re a woman and all.”

Sarah smiled. “Oh, I know,” she said. “This certainly is unorthodox. Ever since he passed, I’ve come to realize how much I relied on Jedediah for everything.”

“I’m sorry,” Slade said.

“It’s all right,” Sarah said. “He slipped away peacefully in his sleep. Such a kind, gentle man. It would have been nice to have known him a bit longer but seventy-four years is more than anyone can ask for.”

Slade felt a burning need to check to see if he heard that correctly.

“Seventy-four?” he asked.

“Unusual, I know,” Sarah said. “But father needed a loan and Jedediah had the money. Can’t say anyone ever asked my opinion.”

Fortunately, Slade’s stoicism prevented him from sharing his opinion.

“But you need not worry about me, Marshal,” Sarah said. “I’ve come to accept that no man will ever want a once married old maid of twenty-six so I shall persevere and learn how to survive on my own.”

Slade was only two years older. And he was alive. He was beating old Jedediah on two fronts.

“I’ll lend a hand,” Slade said.

A rusty axe was buried in a tree stump, surrounded by logs Olmsted never got around to. The Marshal went to work splitting them.

“You’re too kind, Marshal,” Sarah said.

“Rain.”

“Pardon?”

“Call me Rain.”

“Very well,” Sarah said. “Rain.”

Sarah retreated to the cabin and went to work on tidying up. An hour later she poked her head outside to check on her helper only to find him shirtless, his sweaty muscles gleaming in the sun.

“Oh my Lord,” she said. Good church goer that she was, she averted her eyes and walked back inside.

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How the West Was ZOMBED – Chapter 13

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Gunther was about to head inside when two more new arrivals paid him a visit. Joe and Miles Freeman, fully clothed and well rested. They’d slept outdoors plenty of times before, and in worse places than underneath a water tower.

“Hello sir,” Joe said.

“Howdy,” Gunther said. “What can I do you for?”

The old man knew he phrased that question wrong, but he thought it was funny.

“I heard talk about town that you caught some criminals,” Joe said.

“You heard right,” Gunther replied. “The Buchanan Boys. Worst piles of pig shit the devil ever created. They make them James-Younger peckerwoods look like a bunch of pissants.”

Joe was not scared off by that statement. “And I heard you were looking for help watching them.”

Gunther studied the father and son. They seemed respectable enough but an idea popped into the old man’s mind.

“Actually,” Gunther said. “What if I were to tell you that can wait and I need a man to help me stand up to another gang of miscreants headed this way?”

No hesitation from Joe. “Just point me in the right direction.”

“Just a test,” Gunther said.

“Huh?” Joe asked.

“Nevermind,” Gunther said as shook Joe’s hand. “You’re hired.”

The Knoxes were more than enough to keep the Buchanan Boys in line, but Gunther had a hunch his new acquaintances were in need of a good deed and if he could charge it off to the Marshal’s Service, all the better.

“Joe Freeman,” Joe said.

“Gunther Beauregard,” the Deputy replied. “This your son?”

“Miles,” Joe said. “Yes. Oh, but don’t worry. He won’t cause any trouble.”

Gunther squinted at the youngster.

“You ever kill a man?” Gunther asked.

“No,” Miles answered.

“Been in a fistfight?”

“No.”

“Been shot?”

“No.”

“Fought in a duel?”

“No.”

Joe laughed as he realized what Gunther was up to.

“Are you married?”

“No.”

“Christ, son,” Gunther said. “You ‘aint lived much of a life, have you?”

“I’m only fifteen.”

“Well, that’s no excuse.”

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How the West Was ZOMBED – Chapter 12

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The new arrival tied a bonnet under her chin then studied a wrinkly map. She was rail thin yet conveniently curvy in just the right places, though it was hard to tell as her dress went down all the way past the ankle.

She was paler than a glass of milk but attractive just the same. A few freckles. Red lips. A pretty face, though it looked very frustrated. She tucked the map into her bible and decided to see if there was a stranger willing to give her directions.

“Excuse me…excuse me…sir!”

Her voice was very soft. So soft that passers by kept passing on by, no interest in helping her out whatsoever.

Gunther looked at Slade.

“A damsel in distress.”

Slade kept watching. He took another elbow from Gunther.

“Go get her, boy!”

Slade didn’t budge. Gunther sighed.

“Shit,” the old man said. “Look at her. She is a damsel. She is in distress. Marshals are supposed to help people, ‘aint they? You’d be doing your duty if you went over to see how she’s doing, wouldn’t you? And then maybe by the grace of God if by some miracle she found you interesting, that would be nice, wouldn’t it?”

Slade puffed on his cigar.

Gunther stood up. “Son of a bitch. I have to do everything around here. PARDON ME, MA’AM?!”

The young woman turned around as the old man approached.

“Howdy ma’am. Deputy Marshal Gunther Beauregard at your service. I couldn’t help but notice you seem to require some assistance.”

“Oh, thank goodness!” the young woman said as she shook Gunther’s hand. “A pleasure to meet you, sir. Sarah Farquhar.”

“What seems to be the hullabaloo, Miss Farquhar?” Gunther asked.

“I’m looking for the Olmsted property,” Sarah said.
“Oh,” Gunther said. “You don’t mean Frederick Olmsted do you? Are you his relation? Because I’m sorry to say he went belly up a few months ago.”

“No relation,” Sarah said as she pulled a deed out of her bible. “I purchased the property from the bank and the coachman said it is nearby but that can’t possibly be…”

“No ma’am,” Gunther said. “It’s about two miles west of town. Your coachman sounds like a lazy shit heel if you ask me.”

“Oh dear,” Sarah said. “Sometimes I think that if it weren’t for bad luck I wouldn’t have any luck at all.”

“Now don’t talk like that,” Gunther said as he put an arm around the young lady and headed toward Slade. “Surely your husband will arrive soon and set this all right.”

Sarah frowned. “Oh. No. I’m afraid he’s gone.”

“Run off?” Gunther asked.

“Deceased,” Sarah answered. “I thought I’d make a new life out west but it hasn’t been going very well.”

Gunther looked at Slade and silently mouthed the words, “Dead husband!

Slade shot his deputy a look of disapproval.

“Well, ma’am,” Gunther said. “Your luck is about to change. Allow me to introduce U.S. Marshal Rainier Slade, the finest law man this side of the Mississippi.”

Upset as he was at his sidekick, Slade didn’t mind the opportunity to feel Sarah’s soft hand inside his own.

“Hello,” Sarah said.

A politer than usual grunt was Slade’s response.

“The Marshal here was about to come to your aid,” Gunther said as he pointed to the church. “But he was too busy standing watch over the thirty scoundrels inside. We’re holding onto to them until their trial, you see.”

“Oh my,” Sarah said.

“The Marshal caught ‘em all single handed,” Gunther said. “They got one look at him and threw down their guns, knowing they wouldn’t stand a chance against this deadeye gunslinger.”

“Is that right?” Sarah asked.

“Marshal,” Gunther said. “This is the Widow Farquhar, the new owner of the Olmsted property and in need of assistance in locating her claim.”

Gunther stepped up to the porch and motioned for Slade to follow. “One moment, ma’am. Official Marshal business.”

The lawmen stood inside the doorway, just out of Sarah’s earshot.

Gunther grabbed Slade’s shoulders and looked his boss in the eye.

“She’s pretty, she’s loaded and she’s desperate. Do not f%^k this up!”

Inside Slade’s heart brewed a storm of emotion. He longed for Miss Bonnie and couldn’t help but wonder if maybe one day his love might change her mind. Then again, Sarah was right there.

When it comes to romance, never underestimate the power of a person who is “right there.”

Slade stepped down to the ground. Gunther followed.

“Miss Farquhar,” Gunther said. “This country is filled with all kinds of dangers. Injuns. Thieves. Killers. Mormons and such. I tell you I’d feel a lot safer if the Marshal here would show you the way to your new home. Oh and don’t worry Marshal. The men and I will do our best to carry on in the absence of your astute leadership.”

This was a rare moment where Slade didn’t look at Gunther as a nuisance. The Marshal untied his horse. Chance was the name of the Slade’s noble steed. He was a big bronco, mostly broken in though there was some pep left in him. His previous owner was about to shoot him, finding him too difficult to train, but he took a liking to Slade and got a “second chance.”

Slade climbed on up then reached his hand down to Sarah, who clearly had never rode a horse before. She fumbled as she put her foot into the stirrup then clumsily pulled herself up behind the Marshal. Slade reached back, took Sarah’s right hand, and placed it around his waist.

Sarah pulled it back.

“Oh Marshal! I don’t know if that’s proper. We just met.”

Slade shrugged his shoulders. He kicked his feet against Chance’s sides and his old friend took off, so fast that Sarah quickly changed her mind and wrapped her arms tightly around Slade’s waist for dear life.

Mr. Tough Guy didn’t mind that at all.

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