How the West Was Zombed – Chapter 18

A lot of things happening here.

1) I wanted to show that Highwater is near the Mississippi River. And near a railroad bridge that crosses it. And that Legion is a railroad company that sends trains over the bridge.

(SPOILER – have you figured it out yet that Blythe is in town to oversee a zombie shipment across the Mississippi on its way to attack the East?)

2) I’m going to take out the part where they dump red liquid into the water. I was basically going to later go into a whole thing where they poison the water supply so everyone becomes a zombie but it seemed like it’d just be a new direction.

3) Slade proposes. Too early? Yes. But I don’t think people dicked around back then like they do now. I’m a man. You’re a woman. We like each other, let’s get married. You didn’t have to do this whole song and dance routine where you have to pretend to be a platonic friend for a million years before you can ask her out for a chili cheeseburger or some shit and even then it’s at least 500 dates before you can ask her anything more personal than what she thinks about the weather.

4) The bedsheet thing. I don’t know about you – I thought it was funny.

Look, just throwing it out there, you could make an argument that Slade should just tell Bonnie to get lost. She’s a prostitute and she rejected him and Sarah’s a nice, wholesome woman who didn’t hesitate to go after him.

But, she’s interpreted the bible to mean all her uh various lady parts still belong to her dead husband, thus only sex through a hole in a bedsheet is allowed.

I said pillowcase up here. I have to change that to bedsheet.

Sure, make fun, but that’s how the Amish do it. Or is it the Orthodox Jewish people? I don’t know.

It’s one of those things that you know – a thing that upsets you that seems like a deal breaker that you find out AFTER you’ve agreed to be with the person.

That’s why I say every first date should be like a job interview where everyone just lays their shit out on the table to see if it stinks.

And I even leave room for the possibility this isn’t that terrible. Hell sex through a bedsheet is better than none at all, right?

But yes – long story short, remember how I said the challenge was Bonnie and Sarah both have their good qualities and it’ll be hard for Slade to choose?

This will be Slade’s sticking point. Poor Slade.

Bookshelf Battle


After lunch, Slade and Sarah took a constitutional along the banks of the Mississippi River, which flowed just outside Highwater, hence the town’s name.

They arrived just in time to catch “The Belle of the Ball,” a massive red and white steamboat, make its way down river. Happy passengers toured the deck, men in suits, ladies in full length dresses carrying parasols.

“I would love to take a journey on one of those one day,” Sarah said.

Most quick witted men would have seen that statement as an “in” to slip in an offer to take Sarah on a boat ride. Slade, on the other hand, just grunted.

Sarah took Slade’s arm and rested her head on her shoulder. “At the risk of sounding like a ninny I must say I’ve enjoyed the past few days with you, Rain.”

“Mmm hmm,” Slade replied.

“Have you as well?”

“Mmm hmm.”


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