:::Bongo drum beats:::
ANNOUNCER: Oh yeah. Welcome all you hep cats and kittens to the East Randomtown Java Bean, where our poets are never good and the cups are never clean.
Sit back, relax and feast your ears on frequently used search engine terms, as recited by a far out beatnik, ya’ dig?
Nude photos are what I do seek.
Sleek and sexy pics of a goddess created in 1980 though I swear her bosoms must have started cooking in 1975. You jive?
This mole! This mole! This mole that is on my back.
Should I get it looked at, Jack?
When my mole changes colors, is it bad?
Is it just one of the many bodily imperfections that makes me, me?
Or is it the calling card of the Grim Reaper? No it can’t be.
I am not ready.
Though will I ever be?
How much was that Samsung Galaxy that my neighbor bought?
Women! Oh women!
How can I look better for chicks?
How can I drop flab and improve my abs?
Where I can I buy a selfie-stick?
Who killed JFK? Will we meet aliens one day?
Is Trump’s hair for real? Does Costco have good deals?
How many calories are in McDonald’s meals?
I’m trying to watch my weight.
How do I ask a foxy lady out on a date?
Pluto! Oh Pluto! Pluto, are you still a planet?
Or are you just Mickey Mouse’s dog?
How do I fix a toilet that’s been clogged?
Is there anything that Siri doesn’t know?
What in the hell is zero divided by zero?
Can you believe Khloe and Lamar gave it another go?
Whoa! Put my mind at ease.
What’s the best treatment to cure my dog of those pesky fleas?
Is global warming caused by chopping down too many trees?
What smells can be removed with a spritz of Febreze?
Is there a way I can stop losing my car keys?
I want to go to the movies.
What time does the latest flick start?
And tell me…will I die if I hold in my fart?
Who does Caitlyn Jenner’s hair?
Can Ronda Rousey defeat me with one icy glare?
Is this the right season to buy a pear?
Should I go to IKEA to buy my next chair?
Stamos! John Stamos! How in the world does he still look so youthful?
How can I tell if my mate is being truthful?
I can’t think of a word that rhymes with truthful but I can think of thoughts that strain the minds of lesser men.
Why did Mike Brady spend so much time in his den?
Did it make him feel zen?
I know where I am but do you know where I’ve been?
I’ve been to Mars. On a rocket that was thrustin’.
What’s the latest single from Bieber comma Justin?
Is it Sorry? Is he really sorry?
What was the first video console ever made?
I bet it was Atari.
After a first date, how many days must I wait…before I can call that chick again?
Was Peter Parker’s father really named Ben?
Stress! Oh stress! How can I push you away?
When is the next holiday?
Is Adam Lambert gay?
Is that a cool question to even say?
It probably isn’t. My apologies.
What is the best wine to drink while eating cheese?