Daily Archives: March 1, 2016

Take the Ultimate BQB Superfan Quiz!

In honor of the two year anniversary of bookshelfbattle.com, test your knowledge vis a vis all things Bookshelf Q. Battler.

Post your answers in the comments.  Answers to come later.  Prize=absolutely nothing.  This blog has no budget.

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QUESTION 1

Uncle Hardass wants you to get a job at:

A. McDonald’s

B. The Manure Factory

C. The Salt Mines

D.  A Nissan Sentra Dealership

QUESTION 2

BQB was once a member of which late 1990’s/early 2000’s rap duo:

A.  The Sweaty Boys

B. The Funky Hunks

C.  West Street Posse

D.  The Hairy Chest Duo

QUESTION 3

BQB’s current girlfriend is:

A.  Blandie Settler

B.  Video Game Rack Fighter

C.  The Hot Ass Blonde Chick from Network News One

D.  Katie Sackhoff-bot

QUESTION 4

BQB’s employer is:

A.  Tan Stuff Unlimited

B.  Grey Wonder Shop

C.  Stucco Shack

D.  Beige Corp.

QUESTION 5

BQB once died on the toilet after eating this:

A.  Taco Bell burritos

B.  A Lighting Infused Toaster Pastry

C.  A peanut butter sandwich

D.  Cold cereal

QUESTION 6

Leo McKoy, one of BQB’s rivals for the position of “Most Famous Man in East Randomtown” gained his local cult hero status after he delivered a sandwich to which 1990’s heartthrob?

A.  James Van Der Beek

B.  Mario Lopez

C.  Mark-Paul Gosselaar

D. Jason Priestley

QUESTION 7

Which of the following companies HAS NOT sponsored the Bookshelf Battle Blog?

A. Hipster Hut

B.  Beige Corp

C.  Drying Paint Media

D.  The Burger Wagon

QUESTION 8

The Yeti’s favorite computer is:

A. Macbook

B.  Dell

C.  Vintage Apple PC

D.  Commodore 64

QUESTION 9

Dr. Hugo Von Science is the esteemed inventor of:

A.  Teflon underpants

B.  The Incredible Exploding Chinchilla

C.  The “Duck, Duck!” Cannon

D. All of the above

QUESTION 10

The Mighty Potentate often orders Alien Jones to stop at intergalactic drive-thus to pick him up which food:

A.  Pizza

B. Onion rings

C.  Chicken fingers

D. Potato skins

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#31ZombieAuthors – Day 28 Interview – A. Giacomi

Canadian zombie author A. Giacomi stopped by on Day 28. Yes, they even dig zombies up north!

Bookshelf Battle

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FOLLOW THIS ZOMBIE AUTHOR:
Today’s guest is A. Giacomi, author of the Zombie Girl Saga, which includes Eve Brenner:  Zombie Girl and a sequel, Eve Brenner: Zombie Agent.  Believe it or not, but in these books, the zombie is actually the heroine!  After being infected by a zombifying virus at an Ancient Egyptian burial site, Eve develops supernatural zombie powers.
A Canadian born writer, educator, and artist, Ms. Giacomi is also a graduate of York University.  She devours books like a bad zombie eats brains and is an all around fangirl.  Favorites include Tim Burton, Shakespeare, Jane Austen, Marvel, and Star Wars.
Thanks for taking my call, A.G.
Q.  I’ve checked out a lot of zombie books this month and I have to say, your protagonist is the only zombie I’d actually root for.  Obviously, Eve is not the traditional, old-fashioned type of zombie…

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#OscarsSoPretty – Abe Vigoda In Memoriam Snub and Sly Was Robbed

First, they left Abe Vigoda off the “In Memoriam” reel.  You know, every year at the Oscars they play a clip reel of all the actors/actresses that died in the previous year.

And they forgot Abe Vigoda!

In their defense, Abe did look like he was dead for many years, but still, he actually did die recently.  The guy was in the Godfather and they forgot to add him to the reel.

Can’t help but notice Abe wasn’t very pretty.

Then there was the Stallone upset.

Sometimes the Academy will nominate an old timer for a role that wasn’t very Oscar worthy on its own but the actor is old and there’s a desire to honor him for a long career.

That is what it seemed like the Academy was doing by nominating Stallone for Creed.  The original Rocky won best picture but Stallone has never been honored before by the Academy.

So it made sense.  It seemed like a nice thing to do.  He was an action guy.  A popcorn movie guy.  But he gave us Rocky and Rambo.  So give him one.

Then they give it to Mark Rylance.  He’s a good actor and I don’t want to dump on him.  He did a good job with his Bridge of Spies role.

But to nominate Stallone then not give him the award was just basically sticking it to him.  They shouldn’t have nominated him if they weren’t going to give it to him.

Eh.  Stallone’s not that pretty.  Was he in his heyday?   I don’t know.  You tell me ladies.  Then again Rylance isn’t that pretty either.  He’s partially bald in fact so maybe I can’t pin this one on an Oscars So Pretty situation.

What say you, 3.5 readers?  Was Stallone robbed?  Was Abe dissed?

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Ask the Alien – Happy Anniversary Bookshelf Battle Blog

By: Alien Jones, Intergalactic Correspondent

 

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Alien Jones aka “The Esteemed Brainy One”

Greetings Earth Losers.

Two years.  Hard to believe it.  Two years ago this month, Bookshelf Q. Battler was stuffing his pie hole full of disgusting Taco Bell burritos when the idea to create the Bookshelf Battle Blog was born.

He’s come a long way since then and I must be honest, it came as a great surprise to me when my exalted ruler, the Mighty Potentate, assigned me the burdensome challenge of helping this nerd get his writing career off the ground.

I still remember how the conversation went:

MIGHTY POTENTATE:  JONES!  You are to aid the Chosen One in his efforts to become a successful writer!

ALIEN JONES:  But Potent One, I’ve read his lousy blog and honestly, isn’t there a more realistic task?  Perhaps there’s a black hole I could close?

MIGHTY POTENTATE: Alien-who-wants-to-be-vaporized-sayswhat?

ALIEN JONES: Wha..oh!  You almost got me there, Your Potentosity.  You are truly the craftiest of all potentates.

For those new to the 3.5 reader club:

  • The Mighty Potentate oversees a mind-boggingly vast empire of planets.
  • He despises reality television and fears if it goes unchecked, humans will spread this dreadful art form across the cosmos, replacing the MP’s much loved scripted programming.
  • The Potent One has seen in a vision that BQB’s writing will one day cause all humans to reject reality television.
  • Ergo, I am stuck as BQB’s advisor until he writes a novel so expertly crafted that it motivates all humans to reject shows in which brainless celebrities are followed around by cameras for no apparent reason.
  • So in other words, I’m BQB’s advisor forever.
  • Oh, and if BQB does not write such a novel before he kicks the bucket, the Potentate does intend to invade earth, strip it for parts, and resell it on the intergalactic real estate market.  The Moloklaxons have already shown an interest but you know, they’re not considered the a-holes of the universe for nothing.

BQB, on behalf of the Mightiest of Potentates, I’m glad to see you have made so much progress on your novel, How the West Was Zombed.

Cowboys.  Zombies.  Love.  Romance.  Daring do.  Werewolves.  Vampires.  Could use some aliens but eh, nothing is perfect.

Will this be the novel that hooks humans on a higher form of entertainment?

Well, I’ve read it and…hey, let’s just say if you want to be the one who informs the Mighty Potentate…be my guest.  I just hope you don’t mind being vaporized.  The MP gets a little testy when he doesn’t get his way and he has a hair trigger when it comes to his vaporization cannon.

Honestly, I was a little bummed that BQB put Undersiredverse on the shelf for now.  It’s not like I utilized astounding time travel technologies to beam adventures from 3000 AD (which as you know, isn’t here yet) into BQB’s brain so he could write about them.

And I won’t even take it personally, since I had a significant role.  I’m sure BQB will write this book eventually.

Really, what does it matter?  Even if BQB does finish Undersiredverse, and even if he swings a movie deal with Hollywood, the CGI alien that plays me will never be nominated for an Academy Award.

That’s ok though.  I’ve grown used to speciesism.  Even so, I can’t help but notice a lack of aliens when it comes to Academy recognition.   #OscarsSoHuman

For the 3.5 of you who enjoyed my columns, I apologize for not being around as much this year.  It’s not by choice.  There’s been a nasty trade intergalactic dispute over the price of irregular pants.  War has broken out.  Several planets have been decimated.  It’s very tragic.  I’ve been spending my time dousing water on that hot fire, leaving BQB to work on his zombie novel.

So in the meantime, dear humans, please provide BQB all the advice you can on his Zombie Western.  I don’t want to say that the better this book is the less likely you’ll become the Mighty Potentate’s hairless ape slaves but…well…yeah I guess that’s what I’m saying.

But forget that.  You’re helping me when you help BQB.  The sooner I can drop this assignment the better.  I’ve got too many plates to spin as it is.

Oh, and you can still feel free to ask the alien a question.  I won’t get to them as quickly this year, but assuming your questions meet BQB’s rigorous standards (usually, that it was written by a human using words) you’ll get a plug for your book or blog.

But keep in mind it’ll take awhile.  Sad to say, I’m not sure I’ll be able to check back in again until this summer.  That’s how complicated this irregular pants fiasco is.

What can I say?  An Esteemed Brainy One’s work is never done.

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