By: Alien Jones, Intergalactic Correspondent
Greetings Earth losers.
Holy bioluminescent space crap.
I walk away from the Thanksgiving table at BQB HQ for a minute to feed the meter next to my space ship and by the time I get back, the damn Yeti has changed the locks and taken over the joint.
Not gonna lie. This does not bode well for my career, or frankly, my little green life, because as you know, for some strange reason, Bookshelf Q. Battler is the Mighty Potentate’s Chosen One, the one who will allegedly write and publish a novel that is so breathtaking that it will convince all of humanity to give up on reality television.
Personally, I don’t see it. I’ve seen more work ethic in Nyquil addicted sloths than I have seen in BQB, but hey, what the Potentate wants is what the Potentate gets.
And his going to get my vaporized if he happens to check this blog and find out that BQB has been imprisoned and that a damn fuzzy international war criminal hellbent on turning the entire world into a boring place is in charge.
3.5 READERS: How do we save BQB, Alien Jones?
Oh thank the Potentate, 3.5 readers. I’m so glad you asked.
Yetis only love boring things and if this blog starts getting more follows on its companion Twitter page, then that will be just way too stimulating for the Yeti to handle and he will surely bail.
3.5 READERS: Can’t you just vaporize the Yeti?
Really? That’s how it’s going to be? The alien has to do everything?
Bitches, please. Get your asses to Twitter and follow your favorite nerd and save his ass from the Yeti and my ass from the Mighty Potentate…please. Pretty please…with space sugar on top.
Don’t delay, 3.5 readers, because when it comes right down to it, my safety, er I mean BQB’s safety, is all that matters.