By: The Yeti, International War Criminal, Incredibly Boring Fuzzy Snow Monster
Hello stupid 3.5 readers.
The Yeti here, still enjoying my control over the Bookshelf Battle Blog. BQB will be my prisoner forever!
And as long as I am in charge, everything around here will be super boring, including this incredibly boring top ten list.
From BQB HQ, which is now Yeti HQ, in East Randomtown, which will soon be East Yeti Town, here are the Top Ten Boring Things to Do, which I, the Yeti, order you to do immediately:
#10 – Collect and Organize Your Toenail Clippings
No, do not throw them away. Collect them and organize them in a series of jars based on size, color, and consistency. Proudly display them on your mantle and/or coffee table.
#9 – Call Information to Ask What Time It Is
Yes! Be the last asshole in the entire world who doesn’t own a watch, or a cellphone or a clock or a television and is not ingenious enough to find a clock to look at.
#8 – Go to a Strip Club Blindfolded
Muah ha ha! Without your sense of sight, it will just be a smorgasbord of body odor, cheap perfume, Axe body spray and desperation – a yeti’s perfect Saturday night, let me tell you.
#7 – Watch Paint Dry
Just dab some paint on a spot in your house that needs a fresh coat, then pull up a chair and watch it dry. Breathtaking.
#6 – Read Bookshelf Q. Battler’s Back Catalog of Posts
The man thinks he is the next comedic genius but trust me, he is very boring. Snoozeville.
#5 – Stare at a Cat
Literally, all they do is lick themselves and sleep. Once in a blue moon they might see something interesting and attack it, but that is rare. Their lives are mostly licking and sleeping. I theorize that cats might be part-yeti.
#4 – Listen to NPR
All those low talking, whispering ladies will put you right to sleep. Yetis love to sleep. So boring. Zzzzzzz.
#3 – Read an Actual Print Newspaper
I heard a rumor they still make them. I bet they are so boring!
#2 – Listen to Country Music
Here, I’ll spoil every country music song for you. “Oh I’m a jilted woman but I’m strong because I get up out of bed anyway and my ex is a dickface for jilting me but I’ll survive!”
There. Now listen to a country music station for forty hours and try to stay awake.
#1 – Write Firefly fan fiction
I do not know what this means but I heard Bookshelf Q. Battler say that people who do this are incredibly boring.
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