Daily Archives: December 28, 2016

Zom Fu – Chapter 16

The Infallible Master’s slumber was interrupted when smoke poured in through the open window in his room. The old man stirred. Grunts, growls and battle cries flowed from the outside and into his ears.

The master got out of bed, changed into his robe, then took the Staff of Ages from its resting place on the wall.

“How much time do I have left, old friend?” the master asked.

The ruby flickered.

“That much, huh?” the old man asked as he opened his door. “Oh well, I suppose no matter how much time a person has left, it never feels like enough. Stand with me to the end, will you?”

The ruby flickered again.

“That’s all I ask.”

Within a few steps down the hallway of the clan’s barracks, the master found himself squaring off with two of Dragonhand’s ugliest. They attacked but the master flawlessly blocked their blows.

“You won’t be needing these,” the master said as he tiger clawed the attackers’ brains out of their heads. Yet, even with their brains detached, the skulls smashed to pieces, and their faces missing, the zombified warriors continued to lurch toward the master.

The master squeezed the brains in his hands until they popped, squirting blood, puss and goo everywhere. The undead warriors dropped to the floor instantly.

“Sleep now, unfortunate ones.”

The old man made his way to the temple only to find it ablaze. The school, the barracks, the Tower of Masters Past – it was all on fire.

“Master!” shouted a disciple named Liwei. “They’re everywhere!”

The master looked around and saw that his disciples were defending the sanctuary with all that they had.

“Their brains, my children!” the master shouted. “Tiger claw their brains!”

The old man let his tiger claws fly, ripping undead brains out left and right and smashing them as quickly as possible. Alas, he was too late to save Liwei, who was grabbed by three zombified warriors and ripped apart. He screamed as the beasts devoured his flesh.

Thok! The master jammed the edge of his staff through the eye of a big burly looking zombie, piercing its brain. The old man pulled his staff out and let the carcass drop.

The Infallible Master fought his way through the sanctuary’s grounds, defeating many zombies and helping his disciples along the way. Soon, he found himself in the courtyard, surrounded by burning trees.

The smoke cleared and a shadowy figure stepped out of it. The undead face was ugly and yet…strangely familiar.

“Longwei,” the master said.

The fiend laughed. “Longwei isn’t here anymore, old man. Dragonhand is all that remains.”

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Zom Fu – Chapter 15

Just after midnight, Kang spotted a single glowing torch approaching the gates from his post atop the wall.

“Behold and hear me, for I am Kang the Magnificent, Guardian of the Gate of the Clan of the Sacred Yet Inscrutable Tiger Claw. I have vanquished scores of evildoers in my day and all are well advised to stay on the good side of my humble nature. Bask in my glory and recognize that I will not be swayed in my duty to protect the walls that keep my illustrious clan safe.”

The torch stopped moving.

“Identify yourself immediately!”

“Errgh,” was the reply.

“You will identify yourself or you will be turned away!” Kang shouted.

A few moments passed before the torch holder finally gave in. “Bohai.”

Kang squinted into the darkness, but the torch was all he could see. “Bohai? Is that you?”

“Yes,” Bohai replied.

“It doesn’t sound like you,” Kang said.

“It’s me,” Bohai said.

“No,” Kang said. “The Bohai I know would have mocked my speech by now.”

“Oh, right,” Bohai said. “You are an idiot.”

“That’s more like it,” Kang said as he yanked a lever. Gears turned and cranks cranked as the gate opened. Kang climbed down a ladder to meet the new arrival.

“I am glad you have come to your senses and returned,” Kang said. “There is too much turmoil in the world for members of our own clan to be fighting one another.”

“Indeed,” Bohai said.

It was difficult for Kang to see in the dark, but as he stepped closer, he noticed that Bohai was wearing a blood red robe. A hood covered Bohai’s face.

Kang embraced Bohai. “Welcome home, brother.”

“Errgh,” Bohai replied.

“Now then,” Kang said. “I must return to my post.”

“One more thing before you go,” Bohai said.

“Yes?” Kang asked.

Bohai threw back his hood to reveal his blank eyes. He turned his right hand into a tiger claw, smashed it through the gatekeeper’s skull, and twisted out his brain.

“Mmm,” Bohai said as he chomped the awful treat. “Yes.”

Once the brain was devoured, Bohai licked the blood from his fingers, stepped over Kang’s body and marched toward the temple.

A minute later, hundreds of burning torches approached the gate. Before long, the Clan of the Terrifyingly Unnatural Brain Bite was through the gate. Dragonhand led the way.

The fiend laughed maniacally. “Yes! Destroy everything!”

Dragonhand held out his arms and engulfed his hands in fire. “Burn it all to the ground!”

The zombified warriors spread out and set their torches against every structure they found, lighting them ablaze. Their leader shot a fireball out of his hand that pierced the the temple.

“Bring me the Staff of Ages!” Dragonhand barked at his warriors.

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In lighter news…

Captain America: Civil War is on Netflix if you bitches want to check that out.

I’m sorry I called you bitches.  I meant it in a playful manner like “Hey, what’s up, my bitches?”

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There is a great disturbance in the Force tonight, 3.5 readers, as Carrie Fisher, the actress who played Princess Leia, has died.

It is a sad evening for nerds everywhere.


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Zom Fu – Chapter 14

Mei-Ling sat on the temple steps and studied the stars. In her mind, she was locating various constellations when her focus was interrupted by a visitor.

“Hello,” Junjie said as he sat down on the same step Mei-Ling was sitting on. Sadly, he placed himself six feet away.

The female warrior nodded at the handsome hero, then returned her gaze to the stars.

Junjie coughed to clear his throat. “Lovely evening.”

Mei-Ling nodded.

Scooch. Junjie began closing the gap.

“Excellent weather,” Junjie said. More scooching ensued. Mei-Ling nodded some more.

“Are you looking for a constellation?” Junjie asked. Scooch. Nod.

“Any one in particular?” Junjie asked.

Mei-Ling blushed.

“Oh,” Junjie said.  “Right.”

Minutes of silence passed until finally, Junjie was sitting right next to Mei-Ling.

“I wish I knew what was going on inside your brain,” Junjie said.

Mei-ling smiled.

“I can tell there is nary a moment when you aren’t using it,” Junjie said.

The pair sat for a while longer. Junjie tried a different tactic.

“Whoever is the best at everything, say, ‘aye.’ Aye!”

Mei-Ling’s eyes widened. She gave Junjie a playful punch in the shoulder.

“Oh well, the ‘ayes’ have it,” Junjie said. “Thank you Mei. I didn’t know you thought I was the best at everything.”

Mei-Ling rolled her eyes.

Junjie sighed. “We should vote again because I’m not the best at everything, especially when it comes to decision making.”

Mei-Ling remained quiet.

“Have you ever had to make a difficult choice?” Junjie asked.

Mei-Ling nodded.

“How did you figure it out?” Junjie asked.

Mei-Ling shrugged her shoulders.

“You don’t say,” Junjie replied, earning him another punch in the shoulder.

The pair sat quietly for awhile until Junjie mustered up all of the little confidence he had in himself in order to blurt out what he needed to say.

“Please marry me because I’d rather grow old with you than live indefinitely without you.”

Mei-Ling’s eyes widened until they looked ready to pop.

“You don’t have to say, ‘yes,’” Junjie said. “An up and down nod will do.”

The handsome hero’s plea was met by a look of total confusion on the female warrior’s face.

“Right then,” Junjie said as he stood up. “Well, considering the lifespans of past Infallible Masters, I’ll have anywhere from two hundred to fifteen-hundred years to live this embarrassment down. I’m sorry to have bothered you.”

Before he could leave, a small hand was pulling him back. Junjie turned around. Mei-Ling stood on her tip toes and pressed her lips against Junjie’s. The couple remained just like that for a while, kissing passionately in the moonlight.

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