Daily Archives: December 17, 2016

Movie Review – The Nice Guys (2016)

BEST SURPRISE OF THE YEAR 2016

Don’t you love it when there’s a movie without much buzz, that you aren’t expecting much out of, then it turns out to be awesome?

The Nice Guys. It’s the 1970s and these two dudes are down on their luck losers who end up becoming a crime solving duo. I was a little disappointed by the ending but otherwise, it brought the laughs.

Bookshelf Battle

Once in awhile a movie I haven’t heard too much of surprises me and this one is it.

Comedy. Action. A little bit of history/1970’s nostalgia. Rapid fire humor.

A depressed, drunken detective teams up with a leg breaker for hire to search for a missing porn actress.

BQB here with a review of The Nice Guys.

It’s the late 1970s. Ryan Gosling is Holland March, a private detective with a penchant for booze who doesn’t mind billing his clients but doesn’t have a lot of follow through when it comes to solving crimes. He gets paid just the same.

Jackson Healey (aka Russell Crowe) beats the crap out of people for money and in his free time, gets depressed over the wife who left him.

When a porn actress goes missing, they team up to take the case.

Many jokes ensue, some going so fast if you don’t concentrate…

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Movie Review – Now You See Me 2

THE NO, REALLY, REALLY, SERIOUSLY THIS WAS THE WORST SEQUEL OF 2016 AWARD

Oh “Now You See Me 2.”

What the hell. The first film’s premise was dubious at best but I rolled with it because the special effects were fun and magicians on a heist seemed at least like an attempt to be original.

But really, the first film was a one and done. The sequel might have worked had they not just recycled the villain from the first one. The effects are still there, but…meh.

File under: Now you see me fall asleep.

Bookshelf Battle

Abracadabra!

Hollywood just made two hours of my life disappear.

If you don’t want SPOILERS to appear, look away.

BQB here with a review of Now You See Me 2.

Some critics made fun of it but I actually liked the first Now You See Me.

Sure, the plot, the “magic” and everything that happened in the movie was highly unlikely…but in a time of rebooted reboots of sequels to reboots, IT WAS *GASP* AN ORIGINAL IDEA!

If you missed the first one, check it out. Basically, a group of magicians (the Vegas performer kind of magicians, not to be confused with pointy hat wearing wizards) called “the Four Horsemen” use their magic skills in Robin Hood style, robbing from a corrupt/rich insurance company tycoon played by Michael Caine and giving to the poor.

So I was up for a second one and…meh.

Yeah. I’m sorry but “meh.”

Razzle dazzle…

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Movie Review – Eddie the Eagle (2016)

MOST INSPIRING MOVIE FOR NERDS AWARD

It’s not easy to be a nerd. People see your glasses and assume you are a loser. Eddie, who despite all sorts of health problems, dreamed of becoming an Olympian, achieves his dream with the help of a hard drinking alcoholic ski jumper coach played by Hugh Jackman.

Too bad it came out in February because IMO, it is Oscar worthy.

Bookshelf Battle

Sniff sniff.

Oh God.  They finally made a movie about my life.

I mean, I’m not British and I wouldn’t set foot near a ski jump if you paid me but still…I am a nerd who knows the harsh oppression that nerds face when they seek to make their dreams come true.

SPOILERS!

BQB here with a review of Eddie the Eagle.

Michael “Eddie” Edwards had one dream growing up – to become an Olympian.

That’s a lofty goal for anyone but especially for him.  He was in a leg brace for most of his early childhood and even had to stay at a hospital for a year.

As a youngster, he tries his hand at every sport only to fail miserably and end up with a box full of broken glasses.

Miraculously, he does make it onto the British downhill ski team only to be cut.  Eddie is poor…

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Movie Review: Independence Day: Resurgence

NO, REALLY, THE MOST UNNECESSARY SEQUEL OF 2016 AWARD

Independence Day 2. Holy shit. It was awful. I stand corrected about Bad Santa 2. Bad Santa 2 was pretty unnecessary, but Independence Day 1 itself was borderline useless and just has some fun nostalgia value but 2…just did not need to happen. 3 will be worse.

Bookshelf Battle

From the far reaches of space, aliens travel to Earth…

to remind me that I am now old as f%&kT and have accomplished very little in 20 years.

Although in my defense, neither has the world! So there’s that.

SPOILERS abound.

BQB here with a review of Independence Day: Resurgence.

The year was 1996.

Bill Clinton was in the White House, chasing interns around the Oval Office with his pants around his ankles and turning Monica Lewinsky into a human humidor (Google it, millennials. It’s too disgusting to go into further detail.)

The Beastie Boys were laying down some of their ill-est shit.

The sentence “Bill Cosby gave that lady his pudding pop” could only have been construed as “that nice comedic father figure was kind enough to give a woman the delicious frozen snack treat that he endorses.”

The Internet was in its infancy.  It was a cute toy but…

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Movie Review – The Magnificent Seven (2016)

BEST WESTERN OF 2016

It’s pretty easy to be the best movie of a year. They don’t make many new ones anymore. I loved it.

Bookshelf Battle

Guns. Horses. A town in trouble. White hats and black hats.

BQB here with a review of The Magnificent Seven.

So yesterday I railed against Hollywood reboots and now I’m going to be a hypocrite and tell you that I really enjoyed this remake of The Magnificent Seven (1960) starring Yul Brynner (dead), Charles Bronson (so dead), Steve McQueen (a badass even in death), Brad Dexter (also dead), James Coburn (totally dead), Horst Buchholz (the German James Dean who, like the American James Dean, is dead,) and Robert Vaughn (still alive, huzzah!)

Admittedly, I never saw the original, so the new version was new to me, which just goes to show that reboots are always new to someone and when the inevitable Back to the Future reboot comes out and some dumb kid asks, “There was an original BTTF?” then I will know my time has run out and it…

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Movie Review – The Girl on the Train (2016)

BEST MOVIE THAT WAS PROBABLY BETTER AS A BOOK

The Girl on the Train was a bestseller, but as one lady in the theater I went to blurted out after the film version was over, “the book was so much better.”

Usually, the phrase, “the book was so much better” comes across to me as so hipster-isn that I can’t stand it, but in this case I think that lady might have been right.

It’s an interesting mystery but there’s so much going on that it’s best to have all the info laid out there in a book for you.

Bookshelf Battle

There’s a girl.  There’s a train.

That’s it. Goodnight everybody.

Oh ok, I’ll write a review.

SPOILER ALERT.  “The Spoiler on the Blog.”

BQB here with a review of The Girl on the Train.

Rachel (Emily Blunt) is a booze fiend. Big time alcoholic. Loves the sauce. Mmm…drinky drinks get in my belly.

Every day she rides a train that passes by the homes of two couples that she’s unable to stop thinking about.

One couple is Megan (Haley Bennett) and Scott (Luke Evans).  They appear to live an idyllic life as happy lovers and remind her of the marriage she lost due to her alcoholism.

Ironically, she’s so depressed that her boozing destroyed her marriage that she can’t stop drinking.

SIDENOTE: Haley remains a Jennifer Lawrence doppleganger and has absconded with yet another part from J-Law. First The Magnificent Seven, now this.  3.5 readers, if you look like J-Law…

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Movie Review – Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (2016)

BEST EXTENDED EPISODE OF A LAW AND ORDER/NCIS-ESQUE TV SHOW TURNED INTO A MOVIE

The Jack Reacher books are great and have a legion of fans that are very loyal to them. The films? Not so much. To me, they come across as episodes of Law and Order: Military Unit, extended into two hours.

Mystery happens. Here’s a clue. Here’s another clue. Here’s a third clue. Hey it’s solved. That’s it. Meh.

Bookshelf Battle

So a hot babe and a short man walk into a bar…

BQB here with a review of Jack Reacher: Never Go Back.

Author Lee Child has a loyal following for his Jack Reacher novels which chronicle the life of an ex-Military Police officer as he wanders the earth and solves mysteries, beats up bad guys, and rattles off quips and one-liners.

I’ve never read them but people who have tell me they’re excellent.  A few told me that when the 2012 Jack Reacher film came out, their main disappointment was that Tom “Shortest Man in Hollywood” Cruise was cast to play a man who, according to the books, is nearly seven feet tall and all muscle.

And just throwing it out there – there probably aren’t a whole helluvalot of parts out there for an aspiring actor who is close to seven feet tall so the Cruise Missile probably…

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Movie Review – Bad Santa 2 (2016)

MOST UNNECESSARY REMAKE OF 2016

Bad Santa was great and something I’d never seen before. It was basically a look into what the holidays are like for people who aren’t that happy with life. All the “Ho ho ho” and mistletoe doesn’t seem fun when you’re down on your luck and perpetually angry.

Bad Santa 2? Could have done without it.

Bookshelf Battle

Ho ho holy moly.  I can’t believe they made another one.

BQB here with a review of Bad Santa 2.

OBLIGATORY SPOILER WARNING.

The year was 2003.  George W. Bush was in the White House, the clubs were playing Fifty Cent’s In Da Club on a continuous loop (which frankly, they should still be doing even today) and a little Christmas comedy movie called Bad Santa turned out to be unexpectedly hysterical.

So naturally, in this age where Hollywood hasn’t had a new idea in awhile, they had to take another dip in the Bad Santa well.

Billy Bob Thornton reprises his role as Willie Stokes aka the worst Santa ever.  His diminutive friend/elf Marcus (Tony Cox) is out on parole after double crossing Willie in the original film, but now he’s back and recruits Willie to go on a new Christmas heist.

Even worse, Willie’s foul mouthed degenerate mother…

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Movie Review – Allied (2016)

BEST OSCAR BAIT OF 2016 AWARD

Allied was great, like a modern day Casablanca, giving us a real life, in color with special effects look at what life as a spy during WWII was like. The film has its ups and downs…it wouldn’t surprise me if one of the actors/actresses or the director gets an Oscar. The film will probably be nominated but I’m not sure it will win as it will face stiff competition.

Bookshelf Battle

You must remember this, a yeti I did kiss…but it was against my will!

But I won’t bore you with the behind the scenes hullabaloo of being a Yeti hostage.

France!  Morocco!  Ooo la la!  BQB here with a review of Hollywood’s first Oscar bait movie of the season, Allied.

OBLIGATORY SPOILER WARNING.

In early 1940s French Morocco, Canadian spy Max Vatan (Brad Pitt) meets French lady spy Marianne Beauséjour (Marion Cotillard).  The duo become immersed in a whirlwind romance as they hunt Nazis together and bone in a gratuitous manner.

Alas, when they marry and head off to England, Max’s superiors begin to suspect Marianne of pulling double-duty as a spy for the Nazis.  Thus, Max is charged with the unenviable task of sniffing out the truth.

Fans of the Golden Age of Hollywood will be very impressed with this film.  With the French Morocco scenes, its almost as if we are…

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Movie Review – Casablanca (1942)

THE OLDEST MOVIE I HAVE REVIEWED AWARD GOES TO…

…Casablanca. It’s old. It’s great. It still holds up. Love or the greater good? It’s a question many people have to answer sooner or later.

Bookshelf Battle

Here’s looking at you, 3.5 readers.

I watched Casablanca a year ago with the intention of reviewing it for this glorious blog.  I’d seen it before but my mind needed a refresher.  Alas, as Rick and Ilsa’s song reminds us, “time goes by” and writing a review of this masterpiece slipped my mind.

Luckily, seeing Allied gave me a refresher.

So without further ado, BQB here with a review of Casablanca.

Do I need to give a spoiler warning?  You’ve had over seventy years to watch this flick.

And if you haven’t watched it yet, you should, because it holds up.

(In all seriousness, this is a review for people who have seen and loved the film.  If you haven’t seen it yet, stop reading, go watch it, then come back here.  Otherwise, you’ll be disappointed).

The set-up?  At one time, Morocco had been (owned, occupied, colonized, swiped, insert the…

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