Daily Archives: January 27, 2018

I’ve lowered my international prices

Hey 3.5 readers.

Further experimentation with pricing, I have no idea about foreign money value but I went through and lowered the price of my book to either Amazon’s minimum for that country or close to it.  So, if you’re one of my 3.5 readers who is somewhere far, far away, you can get this book for a pretty low amount of Euros, or lira, or rupees or um, you know, no offense,  but if there’s a country out there where y’all just barter with goats, you probably only need to shove the goat’s hoof into the computer, not the whole goat.

It’s ok that joke was politically incorrect.  I was alive in the 90s so I’m grandfathered in.

Attention English speaking countries.  Brits, you can get this fine book for 1.99…what is it, pounds?  Is that what you’re all using?  Do they have pictures of the Queen on them?  So it sounds like I’ll need one picture of the Queen and then .99th of a picture of the Queen.

Sidenote: is the Queen ever going to step aside and let Charles wear that crown for a day or two?  Holy crap, I never thought being a prince would be a thankless job but it must really suck for that guy to like be waiting to be the king your whole life and you’re in your 60s and you’re like, “Oh, yes, mumsy, so glad you’re still in good health, I guess I shall go twiddle my thumbs another decade, cheerio, ta ta!

Aussies, you can get this book for 3.99…Australian dollars?  Is that it?  What do you people use?  Just send me a friendly koala bear and we’ll call it even.  He must be trained and able to do simple tasks.  Just don’t read my book for too long because you need to be watching out for dingoes who want to eat your babies.

Americans, you still have to pay $2.99 but think of it as an investment in me as a future ambassador of America’s awesomeness and overall badassery.

Oh and don’t forget if you have kindle unlimited, you can read my fine book for FREE!

Did I mention there’s a damn flying shark on the cover?

 

 

 

 

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Daily Discussion with BQB – California to Fine and/or Jail Waiters Who Give Out Straws Without Being Asked

Hey 3.5 readers.

Your old pal BQB here.

California, that dopey state full of dopey people (unless you read this blog then I love you and you’re not included) has passed a law, the basic summary of which is if you’re a waiter and you hand out a straw without being asked for one, you could get a fine up to $1000 or 6 months in jail.

Let’s unpack this.  I assume the concern is a) all other problems in California have been solved and the legislature can now put all of its focus into the great straw catastrophe and b) straws are not really a necessity (at least for most people) and therefore if they are passed out only when asked for, there might be a reduction in straw plastic being thrown away.

First, I mean, holy shit, a fine or jail?  Look people.  Jail sucks.  The government shouldn’t be creating new ways to throw people into jail over piddily shit.  Can you imagine the conversation on the cell block?

PRISONER A: Whaddya in for?

PRISONER B: I was the chainsaw maniac serial killer on the news.  I chainsawed 50 people to death.  How about you?

PRISONER A:  I was a mob hitman.  I whacked over a thousand people.  Hey you, what are you in for?

FORMER WAITER TURNED PRISONER C:  I gave a straw to a customer even though he didn’t ask me for one.

PRISONER A: OH MY GOD!

PRISONER B:  You make me sick!

At any rate, prison time should really be reserved for major crimes so I mean, you know locking people up or fining them or putting anything on their criminal record over a straw is crazy.

You might think this won’t be rabidly enforced but I mean, all it takes is for one uppity person to run to the cops and be all like, “He gave me a straw without asking!”  And then what’s that trial going to be like?  Five days of lawyers and witnesses and a judge re-enacting an alleged straw handoff?

Second, paper straws do exist.  I’ve used them and they aren’t that bad.  If plastic straws are that concerning, they could tell restaurants they have to use paper straws.

Third, there has to be a reason why restaurant drinks always come with straws in the first place.  It’s got to be a sanitation thing.  If you have customers just putting their mouth germs on the straw and then the straw is easily flicked into the trash, maybe that lessens the spread of bacteria for say, a dishwasher who would otherwise be handling hundreds of glasses that were drunk directly from all day.

Plus, you’ve got these cups being drank from by tons of people everyday…and they’re being handled by waiters all day…I’m sure the dishwasher probably kills most germs but the straw just adds an extra little layer.  I mean, if there’s serious germs in that cup, will the straw stop it?  Probably not but still.

In theory, I do wonder about all the excess waste that restaurants and especially fast food joints produce.  Every drink you get a plastic cup, a bag or a box your food goes in, you eat for a few minutes then that all goes in the trash but unfortunately I just don’t see another way.

I just think that jail time for a straw infraction is a bit much.  The threat of jail should be used sparingly.  I have a feeling in the next year there are going to be a lot of waiters and waitresses whose disgruntled exes are going to be shouting, “He/she gave me a straw!  An unasked for straw!”

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