Daily Archives: January 31, 2018

Tom Hanks to Play Mr. Rogers in a Movie

Hey 3.5 readers.  Won’t you be my 3.5 readers?

Millennials, sit down a minute, because you’re not going to believe this shit.

For roughly 35 years, the most popular children’s television program, really, the show that essentially started the concept of educational TV for kids, featured a single (though married in real life) grown ass man, who, from middle age well into his elder years, just randomly invited neighborhood children into his home, unattended, unsupervised, just him and the kids, and they played games and learned life and educational lessons and ate cookies and snacks and shit and then he’d just send the kids home completely unscathed.

Oh and also, the man had constructed a working toy trolley that rolled on an elaborate track that moved from his house to another room where the man had constructed an entire fantasy puppet kingdom.  The puppets had been given names, intricate backstories and everything.

All kidding aside, I’m glad Mr. Rogers is getting some recognition but is there enough backstory for there to be a movie?  Was there a big drama that unfolded as that we can watch and eat popcorn to?  Was there a big bad villain who was all like, “You will never build your fantasy puppet kingdom, Mr. Rogers!  Never!!!!”

I don’t know.  I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt.  If you’ve never seen Mr. Rogers, go check him out on YouTube.  You dipshits could benefit from learning how to be nice from the man who invented niceness.

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Literary Poop with Professor Nannerpants – The True Meaning of “Do Not Go Gentle Into That Goodnight” by Dylan Thomas


Professor Horatio J. Nannerpants, Professional Literary Expert/Semi-Professional Poop Flinger

Oh, hello 3.5 students.  I didn’t see you there.  I was too busy strolling down a snow filled path on my way to spend a cozy night or two in a fine Swiss chalet.  I shall be drinking a number of fine, aromatic wines, discussing the important issues of the day with my many intelligent university colleagues and of course, I shall be flinging my poops at the wall to see what sticks.

Have you ever thrown a poop, 3.5 students?  For legal reasons, I can’t advise you to do it (though for cathartic reasons I can’t argue against it.)

As I enjoy a morning banana daiquiri (which I can drink at this time for I am on vacation and you shouldn’t assume I am drinking a banana drink just because I am a primate, you closed-minded ne’er-do-wells), I am pondering death.  Yes, death, the most terrifying of all inevitabilities.

“Do not go gentle into that good night, rage, rage against the dying of the light.”  Have you heard that oldie but goodie by Dylan Thomas?

Of course you haven’t.  You’re a product of the public education system.  Rent “Interstellar” and get back to me.

At first glance, you might think this poem includes encouragement to the dying, urging them to fight against their illness to stay in the light (life) for another day, and avoid the dying of the light (death.)

While I generally find that to be good advice, i.e., if you are sick, don’t give up because you never know, you might get better.  I know I once was very constipated and thought I’d die from an intense backup of poop but then after a laxative laced banana (only eaten for the potassium and not due to a simian stereotype) I pooped out several months’ worth of poop and had enough poop to fling for days and days.  I never felt more alive with all that poop to fling.

Note this passage:

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

I think there are a number of interpretations.  I don’t wish to put words into Thomas’ mouth and overall, the “don’t give up and fight to keep living, even if the fight just leads a little bit of extra time because that little bit is worth it” is valid.

However, an alternative meaning is that while you are young and alive, you should embrace life.  Work on your goals.  Do good deeds.  Do things that make you proud.

Live a life such that when you are old, you might say, “Well, I couldn’t have done it better.”

Alas, few, if any, live a regret free life but still, while a regret free life is impossible, it may be possible to feel like your life wasn’t wasted, that you didn’t just take up space on Earth while you were here.

Doesn’t matter how old you are, 3.5 students.  Your death bed is coming, hopefully at no time soon, and I hope that because a) I care about you and b) I want BQB to have more readers and make more money off this insipid blog so he can continue to pay me in banana bushels for these columns, again not because of your preconceived notions about simians and delicious nanners but because bananas are good for you.

What will you do so that you are feeling content when the light fades, 3.5 readers?  Start planning how to not waste your lives, today.

Don’t forget to fling your poop in the comments.  Class dismissed.